A/N: In the following story, pretend the ninja world doesn't exist. That Sasuke and Naruto are normal (use the term loosely, people) teenagers (about 19/20). Think we can do that? Please?
One-Shot #74
Therapy
Two men sat in front of the therapist, arms crossed and glaring intensely at their respective walls. They were beyond not talking to each other. In fact, they'd moved right on to ignoring the existence of each other. The woman glanced down at her file and arched an eyebrow at what she'd read.
"You two have only been dating for three months." She said, sounded more surprised than questioning.
Both men snorted.
"So," She started, not sure which man's attention to draw first. "Who wants to tell me what brings you two to couples counseling?"
A dark eyebrow arched as he glanced in the blonde's direction. The blonde, moving in much the same way, made eye contact with the other. Their glares intensified and they went back to glaring at the wall. The therapist suppressed a sigh.
"How about you," She paused to glance at the file. "Naruto?"
The man in question flickered his eyes from the wall, to the woman, than back again. "Because Sasuke is an ice princess."
Sasuke snarled.
"That's not what I'm talking about, Naruto." She stated, writing a note down on the legal pad in front of her. "How about we start from the beginning. Where did you two meet?"
"School." Naruto said.
"Elementary school, idiot." Sasuke corrected him. Naruto began grinding his teeth.
The therapist made another note. "Okay, good. So you've known each other for quite a while." She gauged the men's reactions and made a quick note. "Sasuke, did you two get along from the start?"
Sasuke snorted. "Hell no."
"Sasuke was, and still is, an asshole. A bastard asshole jerkface." Naruto said, still fuming.
Sasuke's head cocked in Naruto's direction. "If you could use intelligent comebacks hell would freeze over, moron."
"We're getting off topic!" The therapist interjected, causing both men to resume their positions of glaring at the wall. "When did you two become friends?"
"It's complicated." Sasuke said, his eyes flickering toward Naruto. "We've always had a…love hate relationship."
"Really?" She asked, taking another note. "Arguing is normal, then?"
"Yes. Very normal." Sasuke answered.
Naruto turned his head toward Sasuke. "It's because you won't compromise."
"Wow, been reading a dictionary, dobe?"
The therapist suppressed the urge to face-palm. "Naruto, how old were you when you realized you…loved Sasuke?"
Naruto smirked slightly. "Thirteen." Sasuke raised an eyebrow, but didn't move.
"That's pretty young for a revelation like that. How did you handle it?"
"I didn't." He smiled. "I just began treating him like a rival, a big competition. At least when he was yelling at me or arguing with me, he was talking to me, ya know?"
The therapist smiled. This was progress. "Sasuke, how about you?"
"Thirteen. I didn't realize it until after I left, though."
"Left?" She inquired.
"Yeah. I…tried to go to a private school. I only stayed for two semesters." Sasuke let his crossed arms drop a little and his glare lessened.
"Good, good." She smiled again and took down some more notes.
"What are you writing?" Naruto asked, leaning forward and trying to peer on her notepad. Sasuke reached over and slapped Naruto across the back of the head, causing him to jerk upright and glare at Sasuke. "Asshole!"
"Boys!" She scolded, making them both look at her and then toward the floor. She took a deep breath and tried to compose herself. Never, in her twenty years of doing couples counseling, did she meet a couple as unwilling to participate as these two. "Naruto, tell me about you and Sasuke's first date."
"Date?" Naruto asked, raising his eyebrow. "We never really had one."
"We're not the romance-type, ma'am." Sasuke said in a matter-of-fact tone. "Besides, he wouldn't sit still long enough for one anyway."
"Maybe I would if you'd try, 'suke! Besides, not every date needs to be romantic, bastard!" Naruto fumed, turning in his seat and sharking a fist at Sasuke.
"Dates are only a guys way to make sure a girl puts out. You'll give it up no matter what, so why waste the money?" Sasuke nearly dodged the fist Naruto sent his way.
The therapist slapped herself on the forehead and let her hand slowly slide down her face. This was giving her a migraine. "Hey!" She growled out. Both men froze. "Your session isn't over yet. You can fight when it's over."
Both men returned to their seats and she took a deep breath. "If there hasn't been a date, then how do you two count how long you've been together?"
They exchanged glances. "The first time we had sex?" Naruto stated, but it sounded more like a question.
"Okay…" She took another note. "It says in the file that you two live together?"
"By accident." Sasuke said quickly. Naruto shot him a glare.
The therapist thought for sure she'd regret asking her next question. "What do you mean by that?"
"We both had money issues. This way the rent is cheaper. He wasn't my ideal roommate, trust me." Sasuke said. "He snores and he sings in the shower…badly. And that's not even mentioning all the damn plants he has to keep in there."
"My plants aren't anywhere near as bad as your evil damn cat, Sasuke!" Naruto turned to the therapist, his eyes wide. "It hates me! That cat is the devil, I swear!"
"Our apartment looks like a jungle!" Sasuke countered.
Naruto glared. "Is that why your cat is evil? The apartment looks like a forest so she reverted back to her primal animal instincts?"
Sasuke just blinked. "You watch way too much Discovery Channel."
"Animal Planet." Naruto said, sticking out his tongue.
The therapist was quickly developing a migraine and they weren't getting anywhere. Glancing at the clock, she saw they only had ten minutes left. No harm in cutting this aggravating session short. She took another quick note, sat her notepad aside and folded her hands in her lap.
"Time is almost up, so let us rap up our session." Both men turned to her, actually listening. "Your homework until your next session," She suppressed a shudder at that thought, "Is to go on an actual date, no sex afterward. Just a normal date; like to the movies or dinner or something like that. What your relationship is missing is normal romance."
Sasuke grimaced at her.
"No, not the mushy romance stuff, just some alone time. Think you two can handle that?"
Although reluctant, Sasuke nodded. Naruto was more enthusiastic with his nodding, adding a smile to his.
"Okay, see you two next week."
The two men stood up and began walking toward the door. The therapist went to her desk and gathered her things together. She heard a noise and looked up, only to see them arguing over who should push the elevator button. She nearly rolled her eyes at them when she caught something else, a small act. Sasuke slid his hand in Naruto's and squeezed.
A small act of romance, the man was learning fast. Maybe the therapy would work after all.
It's kinda cute, right. This was spawned from watching "Mr. and Mrs. Smith"...go figure, huh? At least this inspirational movie was remotely relevant. lol.
