Let's do this!
Spencer felt foolish. Thwarted. Bamboozled. It was not so aggressive as a rug being pulled out from under her, but she still felt like she'd tripped while carrying too many precious things and had to choose one to break her fall.
"How did you all get here?!" she found herself asking her best friends between hugs from Hanna and Aria. Aria launched into the details of delayed flights and rental cars and Hanna added her own misadventures. "Why? I mean... When?" Spencer asked, still flabbergast, prompting Aria to start taking about Ezra and his disappearances to go to conferences or see distant relatives.
Spencer knew the speech patterns of her best friends well. All she had to do was plaster on the right smile and nod at the right times to buy herself a few moments to stare at the door. The door through which Paige had left. It made her gut twist; which made her feel all the more duped. By Paige? By herself? Wait. Emily isn't talking.
Spencer looked up at the girl who was standing in front of the closed door, rubbing her arm uncomfortably.
"But, you should have told me you were coming!" Spencer said to the group after Hanna went into how New York was an amazingly lonely disappointment. Spencer responded with a bigger than believable smile.
"You wouldn't have been surprised!" Hanna said, herding the group further into the apartment so they could settle into the kitchen.
"It took elaborate planning. You'd be proud," Emily chimed in, looking only a tiny bit more at ease.
"I would have spent my time being excited and cleaning up instead of..." Spencer trailed off. Having sex with my best friend's ex-girlfriend. Emily wasn't really her best friend, right? Team Sparia was a thing... Emily was just the one person she most feared disappointing. And the one she went to first with problems or discoveries or... Damn. Although Spencer was going through the motions, opening the bottle, pouring the drinks, putting out snacks and laughing at all the right times, she must have been looking at Emily a bit too closely, a bit too often.
"So, Paige... being here. That was weird," Emily finally interrupted, cutting through the chatter.
Spencer started sputtering, "Her, uh, dad had a heart attack... We ran into each other at a Noel Kahn party."
"God, that sounds awful. What was she doing there?" Emily asked.
"What was I doing there, is more like it," Spencer muttered, unable to keep up a wall. She thought about just telling Emily. Tearing off the band-aid. But Hanna took over.
"Of course she went, her parents are nutso. We were, like, her only friends by the time we finished school," she continued. "Plus, you know, if she is in town, Paige is always going to stay close," Hanna said, full of implications, nudging Emily with a smile. The girl smiled back and looked down.
Ugh, Spencer grunted under her breath. Emily's eyes shot up to her. "Ugh. I mean, like.. that is kinda puppy dog sad," Spencer added, biting into her tongue. It was a betrayal. But one for the greater good.
"Be nice, Spence," Emily chided falling into their usual interaction when it came to Paige. "I wasn't at my best when I ended things with Paige," Emily said shaking her head. "This whole Zoe fiasco put that into perspective," she added with a sigh. She seemed a bit more at ease. Spencer's gut was doing unskilled acrobatics.
"Oh, Em," Aria put an arm over the girl, "Zoe wasn't 'the one.' You knew that." Emily nodded and then looked up at Hanna. Spencer saw her pleading for a subject change.
"Enough sulking! We made it home in one piece! Lets toast: To our reunion!" Hanna said, holding up the now half empty glass she obviously hadn't been cradling.
"Yeah, to an amazing summer with your best friends," Aria added, nudging Emily fully out of her introspection. Spencer felt a wave of nostalgic sadness. This was what she'd been wishing for. She loved these girls.
She knew what needed to break for her to keep them intact. "Thank you..." she started in earnest, holding her glass up. Her eyes starting to tear when her friends beamed at her. "For coming home."
They clinked glasses and took large sips of champagne.
Driving, Paige had been thinking about sex. Climbing the steps to her house, she was still thinking about Spencer, open before her followed by flashes of the dread she felt upon seeing Emily. She wondered about song lyrics as she unlocked the front door. They used to get caught inside her, become seared in her soul - all that teenage shit that Paige hadn't felt in her years away from home. She had been convinced that Emily had lined her insides with teflon. If so, what was all this nonsense churning about tonight?
"You came home?" Paige's dad asked, surprised. Her parents were watching a movie, cuddled up on the couch. "I mean, that's great! Er, good. Fine," her mom must have shushed him, "Is everything alright?"
Paige was not alright. She was adrenaline-fueled, sex-obsessed and anxious and she didn't know if she needed to fall asleep or run laps around the house. At close to midnight, she thought her parents would be suspicious if she did the latter. She was going to need some music to process this mess.
"Yeah, fine," Paige automated, still lost. Her mom craned her head over the back of the couch.
"What's wrong, Paige?" she asked, urgently, "Did something happen with Spencer?"
"No! Really nothing. I was tired and wanted to come home," Paige said, picking up her pace to hit the stairs to avoid falling too deep into a conversation.
"Would it make you feel better to watch Star Trek with your parents?" Her dad asked, still smiling with his eyes.
"No thank you," Paige said with a chuckle, finally getting her speech to come out evenly, "I'll leave you to your weirdo date night," she mumbled, walking over and kissing her parents on their heads.
"Kaaaaaaahn!" She heard her dad yell after her as she left.
Paige closed her door and leaned against it, exhausted.
She dropped her bag on the floor and threw her phone onto her bed. Paige knew she'd been right. Holding hands would never feel as mind bogglingly good as they did the first time she was in love. And rejection would never sting as badly as even the tiniest of the many Emily doled out. Images of Emily were something she could not erase from her head. Emily smiling, Emily despondent.
But maybe there were new feelings to be discovered. When Spencer tied her wrists, something snapped into place. Spencer naked under her felt unforgettable. Paige realized that it was a something she'd eagerly anticipated, without ever knowing it existed. She'd finally something-ed!
Now Spencer was going to panic and cut her loose. That deal felt raw. She huffed and fell onto her bed just in time for her phone to beep.
Paige's breath hitched, she threw herself towards it, the thrill taking over.
Swimmers are meeting at Cathy's before the party for pool time and pregame. You in, McCullers? Unless you're occupied with a certain field hockey player, that is... ;)
It was Kim. That girl's timing is uncanny, Paige thought, grumpily. She started texted a rejection, but ended up with:
Not occupied at all. I'm in.
Paige sighed.
She was sure Spencer was going to break off their fling in the morning.
Two can play that game, she thought.
Spencer jumped out of bed in an outright panic to turn off her beeping alarm. She had to brace herself against the bed as soon as her feet hit the ground. It seemed to shift under her and the room did a little tilt. Whoa, woozy and groggy with a side of headache, she noted. The phone kept on its incessant chime. She fell to her knees to grope at the light she saw blinking in the pocket of her robe that had been hastily discarded by a much drunker version of herself.
Luckily, her ruckus didn't wake Aria, who was curled up like a cat at the foot of Spencer's bed. Emily and Hanna were passed out and cuddling on the couch in the living room.
They'd cleared that bottle of champagne in no time and then moved on to conquer Spencer's vodka. Why did we drink like that? Spencer wondered. Emily's alcohol tolerance always seemed higher when she returned from abroad and, in spite of unfortunate events in the past, where Emily led, they'd all follow.
She was going to have to shake off this hangover in the shower, though, because Spencer was not going to be late this morning. She had an awkward conversation to have with Paige, and Spencer wasn't going to wimp out of this one. She'd made her choice.
Spencer arrived at her house on time. She had to check her watch when she got there because Paige was on her hands and knees in the garden, having already filled half a trash bag with weeds.
"Hey, Paige," Spencer said, to announce her arrival. She'd been practicing.
Hey, Paige. It is good to see you this morning. I have had a great time getting to know you this summer, but I am going to request that we take a step back. I was on the rebound from Toby and this was a nice distraction. Now it is time to take responsibility for my actions. I think it will best for our future selves that we quit.
That last line really made the speech, Spencer thought.
"Hello, Paige," she repeated, as the girl had ignored her, "PAIGE!" she finally shouted jolting the girl up.
Paige pulled her headphones out of her ears and looked up at Spencer. Then she looked the girl over and gave her a smile that made her blush.
"Why are you so early?" Spencer said, or rather spat. It made her angry that Paige arrived first. That wasn't in her plan; now she was being forced to go off-script.
"We don't do sleep, remember?" Paige said, casually. "Your gloves are right there, if you want to jump in," Paige said, pointing. She noticed that Spencer looked a little green around the gills. Advantage Paige, Paige thought, having gotten a night's sleep, exercise and breakfast. Still, now that Spencer was actually present... and being so corrosive, Paige felt control slipping away. So she put her headphones back in and started pulling weeds.
Spencer joined Paige and got to work. This is weird. Paige is being weird. Spencer sulked very visibly. Ask me if I'm okay... she commanded once, then twice in her head before turning her attention to Paige. "Aren't you going to ask if I'm okay?" Spencer asked, snappy.
Paige, once again, looked surprised that she was being addressed, "You look hungover," she stated.
"I am, but-"
"You need coffee? Or a smoothie?" Paige asked, concerned.
"That would be good, but- Ugh!" Spencer grunted in frustration, letting her weight fall back on her feet.
"What?" Paige asked.
"Those headphones. Are annoying."
"Okay..." Paige said, tucking them into her pocket.
"And you could have handled last night a little better," Spencer added, accusing. Uh oh, this is not the speech, Spencer thought in panic.
"What are you talking about?" Paige asked.
"You were awkward. You should have let me handle it!"
"First of all, it was unexpected. Second, you weren't handling anything!" Paige said, exasperated. So much for keeping cool. Paige knew that she'd been doomed from the start. She came into this interaction with too many emotions, being way too defensive.
"I was thinking through a plan," Spencer explained, condescending. "If you had just stayed still long enough to let me formu-"
"You froze and I kept it together. By the time you had a plan I'd be toasting with Emily and Aria!" Paige explained.
"No, you made it totally obvious that something was happening. And decided to abandon me," Spencer started counting off, "And you had the nerve to ogle Emily on the way out!" Spencer snapped, words falling out her mouth. Yelling hurt her head. As did the sun. And everything about this conversation. But for Spencer, the only way out was always through.
Paige's mouth hung open and she shook her head in amazement, "You're crazy," Paige muttered, standing up.
"Ha!" Spencer gave a mean laugh. "Am I, Paige?"
Paige gut twisted for using to that word, but Spencer being... well, she made sense, in some ways. Hanna had to know what was going on. Emily was likely suspicious. These were not Paige's problems, she told herself.
"Paige?" All it took was the sharp edge in Spencer's voice for Paige to lose control completely.
Before Paige could even register the words, they were flying everywhere, "I knew you were crazy before. I mean, it is something that has been made clear to me repeatedly. But... you are even bat-shit crazier than I thought!"
"Pot. Kettle. Black," Spencer growled.
"What is that supposed to mean?!" Paige knew she had to outright walk away before this got worse.
"It means that you don't have a track record of stability," she shot back.
Paige groaned, "Could you stoop any lower, Spencer?" she asked as she started to stand.
"Ha!" she replied, looking Paige up and down from her place on the ground, "You're right, I can't!"
Paige stood in shock, fists formed at her side, "God." She broke their eye contact and Spencer felt instant guilt as the weight of her words fell on them both.
I'm sorry, Spencer thought, of course of course you aren't... "How about we take the rest of the weekend off?" she suggested with a sigh, hand up to her aching head.
"Whatever you say, boss," Paige mumbled with an edge of sarcasm.
"Gah!" Spencer exclaimed, throwing her shovel down as she leapt to her feet. I despise you! Spencer thought, doing herself a favor by keeping at least that to herself. She made the second mistake of looking back to see Paige roll her eyes. Paige fell back to the ground to keep filling the bag with weeds with a new, angry ferocity.
Emily tried not to think too much about Paige McCullers sitting in the corner, intensely focused on her work. Paige was drawing on a tablet and with figures appearing in boxes on her screen. Emily had never known Paige could do such a thing, nor that she'd be so damn good. She let herself stare as she idly dried a mug. Paige hadn't noticed her start her shift hours ago. They were now sitting in a lull. If it lasted three more minutes, she'd go over. There is just too much intrigue around this whole Paige and Spencer friendship, Emily justified. Someone came up to the counter at the 2 minute 45 second mark. After he left, Emily decided to go over anyway, fate be damned.
Emily walked up and took Paige's empty mug. "Can I get you anything else?" She asked in her server tone. Paige didn't look up. She was working on the hair of a girl standing in the wind.
"Uh, yeah," Paige said, erasing a strand of hair to redraw it, seeming frustrated. "Just a latte, thanks," she said.
Emily stood for a second, her eyebrow arched.
Oh!" Paige said, finally looking up to see an unamused ex girlfriend looking down at her. I've got to stop zoning out, she thought to herself.
"I didn't mean to break your concentration," Emily teased.
"Not at all," Paige said,"I didn't know you'd be here. Or working. So soon." Paige shook her head and smiled. She thought about how much she'd wanted Spencer to just talk things out with Toby and decided to skip ahead to the part where this would be amusing instead of embarrassing. "I will have that latte, though," she said with a smile instead of an apology.
Emily laughed... or maybe it was a coy giggle. Regardless, she'd noted something different about Paige. A bleaker part of her mind wondered if it had to do with Spencer. No, Emily decided. While Spencer benefitted people she liked, she only made you feel intelligent if you were willing to accept the side effects of her paranoia and grouchiness. Paige was exuding lots of 'young, clever and impractically charming.' "You look like California has been good to you," Emily said with a kind smile.
Paige didn't avert her eyes at the complement. She just leaned back in her chair, subtly accepting Emily's invitation to converse. "Thanks. Rosewood, too," Paige said.
"Yeah? I hear you party at Noel's now," Emily pushed, curiosity getting the better of her.
"Once. Didn't end well," Paige replied, unconsciously rubbing her knuckles on one hand. It was still bruised. Emily's eyes widened, but Paige didn't care to elaborate.
"Does it ever?" Emily replied. The conversation dipped into silence. Paige looked at Emily, trying to think of a subject change. Should I ask about Haiti? No fucking way. College? Paige worried that she had nothing to talk about in school other than swimming. A customer walked in the door.
"I should go. Are you going to be here for a while?" Emily asked. To Paige's surprise, she seemed genuinely curious.
"Well, I..." she looked at the wall clock. She should be heading to Spencer's around... ugh, never again, Paige remembered. "Yeah, for a bit," Paige replied with a sigh.
"Then I'll make sure that coffee comes your way," Emily replied with a smile, walking away.
Paige released a breath that she didn't realize she'd been suppressing. She rolled her neck and stretched a bit. If her strategy was: Stop. thinking. about. Spencer. It wasn't working. She kept slipping back to that sunken, defeated type of regret... the one accompanied by replaying snippets of a conversation ad infinitum. She was certain that she'd be able to conjure up that morning's fight five years from now and still feel shitty.
"We're going to be overdressed for this party," Spencer sighed.
Hanna rolled her eyes, "Since when do we dress for a party?" she asked.
"Unless it's costume," Aria specified. "Hanna is right. Parties dress for us," she added with confidence, leaning over the mirror in Spencer's bathroom to add bright red to her lips. In Spencer's opinion, Aria looked like an extra from that Heather's dream funeral. That was still par for the course.
"Why are you being such a pooper?" Hanna asked.
"Are you sure we should go to this? Does anyone know Carol?" Spencer mumbled, tugging at the dress Aria had picked for her to wear. Spencer was glad they were getting ready at her apartment... it meant that the dress, though very short, was from her own closet.
"Not sober. And Carol is a bitch," Emily cut in answering both questions. She was returning to the room with shot glasses and the remainder of the hard alcohol in Spencer's home. Every movement she made served to emphasize how hot she looked in her dress. She began to pour. Cheap tequila. Of course.
"Eh, none for me," Spencer interjected. Emily looked annoyed.
"Perfect! You can drive!" Hanna chimed in. Spencer looked sour about it, but what Hanna said was law once the other girls giggled in agreement.
"To our first Rosewood party! We're going to give them hell!" Emily announced.
A few good laps in the pool paired with as many watery beers had done wonders for Paige's weary disposition. The party was in full swing now and Paige was tipsy in a crowd of college swimmers. It was early enough for these women to be more interested in each other's company and the inside jokes of their day-long pre-game, than they were in the sea of attractive and entertaining party attendees. People were filling in the pool area and the basement of Carol's house.
Paige had just thrown on a plaid shirt and shorts over her just dry suit to counter the evening chill. Kim had taken it upon herself to drape her legs over Paige's lap and Paige was too intoxicated by the smell of chlorine and coconut sunscreen to object. The party hummed at a low, enthusiastic chatter, the sun just setting.
Suddenly the music was disruptively loud. It jolted Paige out of her haze. There were these 80s hair metal-sounding chords thrumming through the air; Paige found it infuriating. Everyone knew to look at the patio doors when they swung open to reveal four girls.
Sweet Sour! Sweet Sour / Sweeter by the minute but she's sour by the hour!
Hanna was up front. She looked at the DJ booth, where Lucas gave her a gushing smile and wave. She gave him a subtle, flirty smile that could put the poor guy in a coma.
They really are back... and Aria looks like an extra from Beetlejuice, Paige thought, still seeking out Spencer. She couldn't help but be excited when she finally found the girl in her understated navy. It was just leggy enough to make a tipsy Paige blush. Spencer must have already spotted Paige because her eyes were focused anywhere else.
It was disorienting for Paige to place Spencer back in the context of her friends.
"Holy wow," Kim muttered. Emily Fields, was the main focus of the swim group. She was dressed to kill in a shiny, strapless dress. She had her chin up, eyes like flames, looking at them through the fog coming off the heated pool. She looked like she belonged in an action movie or a Cake song, not this college party. The sun had completely set. The music settled back to a reasonable volume, still louder than before. This was their party now and everyone knew it.
"You invited them?" Kim accused Carol in disbelief.
"Of course I did," Carol responded with an air of gleeful mischief. "They're a staple at a Rosewood party and are all in town. I don't have a death wish," she said just loud enough to elicit a chorus of nervous laughter from their group. Paige bit her lip, wanting to shut the joke down, but unable to form the right words.
"Carol can be such a dick," Kim whispered to Paige as Carol went on. Paige cracked a small smile and shrugged. "But, man, your girls look good," she added, teasing, earning another blush and a small shove from Paige. Paige took a few deep breaths but they didn't take away from the excitement and nervousness of seeing Spencer. Spencer, looking like that. Spencer who wouldn't look this way meaning that Paige could just stare at her.
"They are laughing at us," Spencer mumbled to Hanna, angry that Paige seemed to be participating. The hosts of the party were, of course, placed as deep as you could get in the space. The girls had to walk downstairs to the basement and make their way through the sea of b-listers to get there.
"They are jealous of us," Emily corrected, looking outright regal.
"Paige is staring at us," Hanna added, giving Emily an odd look.
"Ignore them," Emily laughed. "Paige and I kind of talked yesterday," she said lightly to Hanna as an explanation. Emily wasn't confused by the attention, just disappointed. Paige had been so appealingly aloof earlier.
Spencer looked up at Paige quickly, for the second time that evening. Yep, she still looked sexy. She was wearing a plaid shirt open over her black bikini top. She blended in perfectly, charmingly with the other swimmers. And that Kim... was right on top of her.
Paige was looking right at Spencer, though, in an intense way that made eye contact inevitable. Once Paige caught it, she held Spencer's gaze for a second and a half before looking away. Spencer clenched her jaw and watched as Paige whispered something into Kim's ear and stood up. She disappeared into the house through a side door.
Spencer's friends had already moved on towards the drink table across their side of the pool. Emily and Hanna were talking about DJ Lucas. Spencer stopped Aria. "I'm going to the bathroom," she told the girl who nodded.
Spencer entered the basement. There were only about twenty-five people in this space. Spencer imagined it would fill up as the night progressed. She looked around, easily spotting Paige as the girl ducked through a doorway. It was segmented off by a velvet curtain rather than a door, which Spencer found tacky, but she followed. She slipped through the curtain to reveal a home movie theatre with couches. That's just excessive, Spencer thought, as she tried not to look at Paige.
"Hey," Paige said. She had her hands in her pockets. She looked timid, "I'm glad you came inside," she said, the words directed more towards her sandals than at Spencer.
"Well, if I didn't, you'd keep staring like a hyena all night," Spencer responded, trying to keep her voice void of emotion.
Paige cringed, "Yeah, I'm sorry, I..." a small smirk formed at the corner of her mouth. She really liked that Spencer chose the hyena. "I really couldn't help myself," she said, finally moving her eyes up Spencer.
Spencer felt warmth rush through her body. She wanted to touch this girl. She wanted to feel the warmth that had accumulated on her skin from a day in the sun. She wanted to find and lick every new freckle. They were there for Spencer, and only Spencer to taste and feel and... She remembered why she was so angry. And it wasn't the fight from earlier. "God, Paige, I don't know what you're trying to do, but it is embarrassing," Spencer said sighing. "What was that out there?" She asked.
"What was what?" Paige said, confused.
"Were you trying to make me jealous?" Spencer spat.
"No, no. I came in here to apol-"
"With Kim in her fucking jean skirt and her legs all on you?" she continued, pitch raising.
"Spencer," Paige whispered, sternly.
Now Spencer was getting really riled up, "I mean you just had to move your hand, what? Four inches to have your thumb u-"
"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" Paige yelled, taken aback. "Spencer, Kim is... she knows about-"
"Knows about what?" Spencer asked, her jealousy being fast replaced with a different flavor of fear. "Paige, what does she know?" she repeated when Paige just fidgeted.
"Spencer, you are the one who told her," she finally said. Paige felt... whiplash. She felt really drunk. Too drunk to know if she was making sense.
"And I thought you fixed it," Spencer replied.
Now it was Paige's turn to get angry, "You thought I fixed it? You thought, what? That I lied to the only friend I have here because you lied about something that turned true?" she asked, words drenched in sarcasm.
"Yes, Paige. Listen, if people find out about this..." Spencer began to warn.
"No. No, fuck that. You're wrong. You're pretty much always wrong," Paige going to spit together an argument about rationality and the sheer statistical significance of the number of times Spencer Hastings was wrong about... Paige's phone buzzed. She looked down. She looked worried. No, I have something to say, she thought, "You know what, Spencer!" she started. Her phone started buzzed again. Paige looked down. Twice, Paige noted, I'll call back after.
"What?!" Spencer spat.
"You are stubborn and," she seemed to lose a little steam when the phone rang a third time.
"Fucking. Answer. It!" Spencer demanded.
Paige took a breath and complied.
"Mom? What is it? Oh," Paige looked alarmed, "Is he? Are you?" Her hand moved to her mouth and she swallowed hard while she listened. After a few moments, Paige was frantically looking around, as if to find her keys. Spencer knew that they were upstairs in a fishbowl like everyone else's. "Yeah, I'm leaving right now. I... I know where it is. I'm going... I'm so sorry... Love you, too," Paige hung up and stood in silence for a few moments.
"What is it?" Spencer asked.
"I have to..." Paige trailed off and started flitting around again. She'd been drinking all day, there was no way she was getting herself anywhere.
"Is it your dad?" Paige nodded and Spencer grabbed her wrist to stop her movement, then slipping Paige's hand into her own. "Lets go," she said looking deep into the girl's eyes. Paige nodded again, tears forming.
Spencer was solid in a crisis. She'd managed to grab Paige a bottle of water and a sub sandwich on their way out the door. She hadn't even asked for directions when they got into the car, just a confirmation that she was heading to the right hospital. All the time she kept ahold of Paige's hand, their fingers interlocked. They'd never done that before, but it just worked in this strange, magical, comforting way that Paige couldn't quite peg.
Paige appreciated having this time to silently panic and process. They pulled up to the front door of the hospital and she froze.
She looked back over at Spencer.
Spencer leaned close and spoke softly. "You've got to go, I'll park the car and be right behind you." Spencer hadn't seen Paige looked so uncertain all summer.
"Thanks, Spencer. You didn't have to-"
"Yeah, I did."
"You don't have to-"
"Yes, I do," Spencer said with a small smile. Spencer felt the grip on her hand tighten and watched Paige nod and take a couple deep, shaky breaths. Spencer leaned over and kissed Paige, on the cheek then on the temple. "You got this," she whispered to the girl, putting a hand to hold her cheek. Paige let her head fall forward, resting against Spencer's neck for a second. "Your mom needs you," Spencer edged her away. Spencer kissed her one last time, at the corner of her lips, "I'll be there in a minute," and I love you, Spencer thought, caught in the heat of the moment. Paige gave a slight smile, let out her breath, straightened her back and left the car.
