So, 7Levin showed me that this fic was on AutoStraddle's Fan Fiction Friday last week! That is so freaking rad. Thank you all for reading and getting me on their radar. You are the most beautiful, glowing, sun goddesses ever.


"This isn't what it looks like!" Spencer exclaimed. Paige snorted from her place laying on her back in the grass.

"It isn't?" Hanna asked. Spencer resented all the accusing eyebrows happening at the moment. Instead of backtracking, she decided to 'tear of the bandaid' as best she could under both girl's scrutiny.

"I'm assuming everyone knows now," Spencer didn't ask.

"Every else has known for weeks," Hanna said, sharply. "People saw you leave two parties together. Bridget Wu placed you on her top of her '5 couples to watch' list," Hanna said with an incredulous laugh. "Do you know how out of touch I felt not knowing? Even worse is Emily... her and Toby are floating down that river in Africa."

"Don't talk about Toby," Spencer rasped, ignoring the context. She'd developed the ability to filter out most of the unintelligible things Hanna would say.

"You mean the Toby you were madly in love with last time you talked to your best friends? The one who still tells people that he is your boyfriend?"

"What?!" Paige exclaimed, finally standing up.

"Hanna doesn't know what she's talking about." Spencer's stomach was in knots. She looked over at Paige, who was gripping her shovel like a weapon.

"Caleb sleeps on his couch. Toby didn't mention a break up," Hanna responded to Paige who gritted her teeth. "Whatever. That isn't the point. I'm here to talk about Emily."

"You talk. I don't have to answer to you," Spencer seethed. She dropped her tools and started walking towards the house.

"I take it you and I aren't going to talk about Emily either!" Paige yelled after her.

Spencer waved a hand without looking back. "I'm certain that Hanna has all the details."

Spencer could feel both girls' stares bearing into the back of her head. She knew she had to stop doing this- running when things got too complicated. But there was only so much confrontation Spencer could handle in a 24-hour period and she'd hit her limit last night. She hoped Paige would see it that way even though she had no idea how she'd explain.


Paige was beyond flustered. Hanna was staring at her strangely and she realized she was gripping the shovel, hard. She released a little just in time for Hanna to swat it out of her hand. Paige let out a small "Oh," as it fell to the dirt.

"So, communication isn't a strong suit in your new relationship."

"Are you all on Emily's side?" Paige said, rubbing her face with her hand in frustration.

Hanna rolled her eyes. "Aria and Ezra definitely are. I decided to be fair and come talk to you first. My initial reaction is that she is a shitty person to choose for a summer fling."

It's more than that! Paige wanted to yell, but realized that she had no clue what it actually was. "Emily left me. Over three years ago," Paige said with no shortage of snark.

"Emily thinks Spencer is just with you until you feel better about your dad. But that is probably just Em floating in-"

"Denial? Yeah, I got the joke." The idea of Emily talking about her like she was pitiable stung.

"If Spencer started dating Caleb, I'd be more than angry."

"It's not the same," Paige said. Caleb broke up with Hanna, "It would be like... like..." like if I dated you. Caleb would hate me. "Ugh," Paige abandoned that thought. "Emily didn't want me. Am I supposed to just stay unhappy after that?" Paige asked.

"You're not supposed to date her best friend! Is it some plot to get her back? Are you trying to hurt her?" Hanna asked fiercely. "You still had a chance. I was rooting for you, Paige," Hanna said, exasperated.

"Listen, Hanna. I didn't mean to fall for Spencer. It wasn't on purpose," Paige explained very seriously, "It just... happened. And it is has been great. Better than I'd ever expect. But it still happened without either of us really directing it." Paige plopped down on the grass again. Hanna stayed standing in the sun and Paige had to squint to keep looking at her.

"Yeah." Hanna sighed. Paige

"Are you okay?" Paige asked, noticing how uneasy Hanna had become.

"I started seeing Travis again," she responded.

Paige was glad she was sitting down for the news. Her gut really couldn't handle more punches standing up. Hanna put her arms around herself protectively.

"When?"

"He was in New York. And we spent a few days together. It just..."

"Happened?" Paige sighed. Caleb was an idiot. She'd been telling him for years.

"Hanna?" Paige tried to think of a better way of saying what she wanted to say, but couldn't, "I'm rooting for you too... for whatever makes you happy."

"Thanks, Paige," Hanna sighed. "I guess I got what I came for," she said, motioning to Paige and her explanation. "Keep in mind that Spencer isn't the easiest person to be with."

"Nor am I," Paige replied.

"And it is a lot of damage to cause over something meaningless," Hanna warned, perhaps to herself as well as Paige. "I don't want anyone getting hurt. Or more hurt."

Paige nodded in agreement.

"Alright. Go get your girl or whatever," Hanna said weakly.

"Okay," Paige mumbled to herself standing to make her way to the house as Hanna went to her car.


"Hi," Paige said gruffly as she walked into the kitchen.

"I made you coffee," Spencer said. She was carefully composed. Paige was slumped over the counter fidgeting with her phone.

"You made yourself coffee, I just happen to be here," Paige grumbled.

"Fine." Spencer said, placing the cup next to her. "Lucky you."

"Spencer, I'm tired..." Paige said, biting her lip.

"I hear coffee helps," Spencer replied. Paige noticed that the girl had added copious sugar, cream and chocolate to her usual potent blend, just to bring it up to Paige's tastes.

"I mean, I'm tired of drama," Paige said, picking up the massive cup and taking a sip. It was good. Like, really really good. Paige felt the caffeine-sugar endorphin-surge hit her brain.

"Me too, and this is me saying that I'm sorry," Spencer said, wrapping an arm around Paige's from behind waist.

"You're making it hard to be mad."

Spencer pressed against her and placed a kiss on the back of her neck.

"And I really was angry that you left," Paige continued.

"I know," Spencer said. "I don't like talking about Emily. I..." Spencer didn't know how to explain that her time with Paige was becoming essential... that this string of bliss felt even more tenuous with Emily around.

Paige let the silence linger focused on watching the cream rise and fall in the cup before her. This is really a glorified bowl with a handle, she thought, wondering if the Hastings were biologically evolved to handle such high levels of caffeine in their systems.

"I feel threatened. I know that you two were something special."

Paige gulped another sip of coffee.

"And the other night, she might have also given me a literal threat to be worried about," Spencer stepped back and Paige missed the contact. Spencer couldn't be touching Paige for this. She didn't want to feel Paige's reaction any more than she knew she would. "She wants you back, Paige. She's practically gunning for you."

"That's what you're freaked out about?"

Spencer looked away, embarrassed. She didn't see Paige move until she was swiftly pressed against the counter. Paige's lips were her on her neck, kissing and sucking. She felt her knees grow weak, "Paige..." Spencer whispered, trying to clear her head as Paige's fingertips ghosted up her thigh lifting the back of her shorts.

When Paige pulled back she was smiling. "I want you exclusively," Paige whispered. Spencer felt her self doubt dissolve under the scrutiny of Paige's clear brown eyes.

"Oh?" Spencer responded. Paige smiled again and kissed her soundly. Her mouth tasted like sweet coffee and Spencer couldn't get enough.

"The drama isn't going to stop, is it?" Paige asked after a few more kisses.

Spencer took a breath. She wanted to explain how the hits always keep coming for her. Looking at Paige, though, she knew the other girl knew. So, she shook her head instead, "We occupy a very unfortunate corner of the universe, you and I."

"I guess we kind of make it worse," Paige responded.

"Together we increase our social misfortunes exponentially," Spencer agreed.

Paige didn't seem as phased by this reality as Spencer was expecting. Instead she pulled Spencer roughly against herself.

"Worth it," she murmured arrogantly, letting her hands wander shamelessly as she continued kissing Spencer's neck. Spencer's hands landed behind Paige's neck, her fingers always seemed to find themselves tangled the girl's braid.


They arrived at the hardware store around two, just as it started to drizzle outside. Spencer, ever the micromanager, created the list and insisted on selecting the best of each item. Within the hour they had been through half the store and their cart was overflowing with soil, brick and wood.

Paige was feeling useless and annoyed until she realized the joy of Spencer trying to grab a piece of lumber off the bottom shelf by herself. Afforded a very nice view of the girl's ass, she'd forgotten to assist.

"Paige," Spencer demanded before turning around to see McCullers with a pencil hanging out of her the corner of her mouth, staring. "Paige!"

"Huh?"

"Being part of your hardware store fantasy is a new level of gay for me," Spencer huffed, grabbing the pencil and pulling Paige's arm to get her to help.

"Every level of gay is new for you," Paige responded, as they worked to get the next piece of their barn restoration in place on the bottom section of the cart. On their way to standing back up, Paige grazed Spencer's ass, determined to break more records.

Spencer almost falling over in surprise was not the reaction that Paige was expecting. Spencer's mouth fell open, "Oh no no, not here not now..."

"What's wrong-" Paige was asking, but then she was the one yelping. Before she knew it, Paige had hit the deck, hard, with Spencer pulling her down. "Ow," Paige yelled. She wasn't expecting that either. "this is a little public, don't you think?"

Spencer shushed her with a pointed look. She was caught up in watching something across the way. Paige slowly leaned over the girl to get a look at the lamps and light. She half expected to find a hooded figure spray painting a large "-A" onto the aisle when she spotted a man and a woman discussing light fixtures.

"Shit," Paige said. She'd been hoping that she could go the rest of the summer, hell the rest of her life, without ever seeing him again. "Is that... Is that her?" Paige asked.

Spencer growled.

"Wow, she's," Paige squinted. She didn't know what she was expecting from Toby's 'nurse on the side,' but it wasn't a cut off shirt and toned abs. Spencer sneered at Paige who was staring. Paige chose her words carefully. "She's wearing leggings as pants..."

"You're drooling," Spencer said, dry and sharp.

"No. She's hideous," Paige smiled nervously.

"It isn't right. They aren't supposed to be here," Spencer said.

"What do we do?" They were stuck in the middle of the store, way too close to the couple. Spencer was too busy seething to answer. "Do we wait it out?" Paige asked again, hoping to God that wasn't the answer. Her knees were already starting to hurt against the concrete floor. Plus, she thought looking over her shoulder, the whole other half of the place could still see them clearly hiding.

"It's unacceptable," Spencer said sitting on the ground, clearly resolved to wait until the couple left.

Toby kept picking up new lights to explain what had to be profoundly boring things to the woman. Paige sighed, in this mess for the long haul.


It didn't take long for Paige to grow antsy; Spencer could practically feel restlessness radiating off of her. To think she'd been endeared by Paige's high entropy. Now all she wanted was to slam her hand on Paige's shaking knee. Spencer craned her neck over their cart instead. It was brimful of lumber, the perfect barricade. Choose. A fucking. Lamp, she willed them. She scowled. She knew she was scowling. She knew that Paige knew she was scowling and that her scowling was making Paige even more uncomfortable.

Before she could alter her expression she got tugged back from her vantage point and landing on the wood-dusty floor. Paige was hovering over her, rightfully concerned by the thud that her action had caused. "That hurt," Spencer whispered, her eyes flashed with anger.

"Sorry." Paige mumbled, "But this is ridiculous. They're not leaving." Spencer was ready to argue. She knew that Paige wanted her to clear things up and away with Toby, but she didn't feel prepared. She didn't want to do it in public and especially not in the middle of a rough day. "I'll go out there," Paige said, surprising her. "I'll be loud and distracting and you can bolt. We'll come back again tomorrow for the stuff."

Paige stared at her urgently. Spencer nodded, "Thank you," she managed to just barely breathe to the girl who'd taken off.


"Tony Cavanaugh?!" Paige yelled, bounding across the store.

Toby's eyes darted to her; she could see that he was nervous. He did a sweep of the store to see that she was alone, "Paige!" he said cordially with a little smile.

"It's been so long!" she continued, enthusiastically making a half-circle around the couple in an attempt to move their focal point far away from Spencer. In any other circumstance, Paige would probably have ducked into an aisle to avoid small talk with a former schoolmate. Today she tried to channel her best Hanna.

"Yeah, you and Emily don't seem to be around much during the summers. Aren't you at Stanford now?" Toby asked. He must have known that Emily was in town and seemed to be sussing out her proximity to Spencer's friends. He didn't bother to introduce the girl standing next to him.

"Yeah. It's been incredible," Paige answered. She waited another awkward second, watching the girl look from Toby to her.

"Stanford, that is impressive," she finally said, smiling sweetly, "I'm Trish, I'm Toby's-"

"Cousin!" He interjected just as she finished saying "Girlfriend."

Paige frowned, pleased to milk this situation for its maximum discomfort. "Your cousin-girlfriend?"

"Sorry, she isn't my cousin," Toby explained, "You know how it is... I get a little possessive of my personal life when I'm in Rosewood."

"Oh okay," she played along, "I guess you two haven't come out to the town yet," she said.

"No, Toby keeps me all to himself. But I've been desperate to meet his old friends. You might be able to tell me which his crazy high school stories are actually true," Trish touched her arm lightly.

"I bet he undersold the stories. High school was a war zone," Paige said. Toby's eyes darted behind her. Dammit, Spencer, Paige thought. She should have been out of the store by now.

"What brings you here?" Toby asked, maintaining their conversation while most of his energy was focused behind her. You don't get chased by 'A' for four years without gaining a healthy dose of paranoia, Paige thought.

"I'm back home for the summer. Helping with some landscaping. How about you? I was sorry to hear about the police academy." She was trying be detailed and hoping to grab his attention.

"I'm doing contract construction work," Toby answered absentmindedly, "It feels good to work with my hands again."

"This work ethic doesn't apply to his apartment, though. Toby lives in a dark man cave," Trish added, far more attentive. "I told him that if I was going to move in with him, he'd better make an effort. So we're redecorating!" she practically chirped her words just loud enough.

Paige couldn't do much to distort the cringe that covered her face, even before she heard the clatter of things from their cart falling to the ground. "We were so close," she mumbled to Trish, since Toby was already lost in a deep panic. We could have gotten out of here.


MOVING IN TOGETHER was all that Spencer could think, the words streaked in red in front of her eyes as she stormed up to the group. She felt like a coiled cobra, but she kept her voice down. "You two moving in together?" she asked, grim.

"Spencer! Hey! Did I mention that I was working for Spencer?" Paige mumbled weakly with all the faux-enthusiasm she could muster. It was lost on all but Trish, who had just registered the name.

"Spencer, this is not what it looks like." Toby said and Paige rolled her eyes.

"Why are you here?" Spencer asked, "I mean, in Rosewood. You shouldn't be here."

"Spencer, I'm really sorry about all of this... Can we please talk outside?" This grim look from Paige, but Toby was oblivious. Spencer nodded, unsure if she could keep herself from causing a scene and deciding that outside would be less embarrassing. She tried to look to Paige apologetically, but the girl didn't make eye contact.


"When were you going to tell me? After you got married? Maybe we'd break up between your first and second kid!" Spencer yelled once they were outside.

"Spence, I'm sorry. I was being stupid. It was so weird between us. I wanted to do it in person, but you stopped returning my calls."

"Only because you never seemed happy to hear from me," Spencer said, but she knew it was more than a misunderstanding or even a battle of pride. She took a breath, "Toby, we started falling apart when A and Ali disappeared."

He just looked at his shoes. "She ruined my future, Spence. And we let her walk away."

"She ruined things for all of us. I almost didn't get into Penn. Emily lost scholarships. We were better off with it done!"

"Yeah, well you did get into Penn. And even if you didn't, you could have transferred in from Hollis," he spat.

"And you could have reapplied to the police academy after your suspension!" Spencer replied. She was all for blaming "A" for her problems, but this was an old argument. There was nothing else they could have done except enjoy the fact that it was over.

"I'm not angry at you," Toby said after a silence.

"And I'm not mad that you're with her. I've known for a while," Spencer replied.

"I kind of figured," Toby admitted. Trish told him that she thought she was being followed a couple months ago and all he could think was Who but Spencer would do that?

"I'm seeing someone too now," Spencer said, "I guess that means you're free. I don't need to pretend we're us anymore."

"You are?" Toby asked. "He's a lucky guy."

"Yeah. Right." Spencer responded with a sardonic laugh. "I'm sorry for being a coward. Just, after all we've been through, it was hard to face you leaving."

"I was the coward," Toby admitted.

Spencer was relieved to finally hear him say it. She wasn't done being angry, but she'd shed the dread that had accompanied it.


"I guess we have a lot in common," Paige mumbled to Trish as they watch the couple from their vantage point in the middle of the store.

Trish didn't answer. She just continued looking at lights, "Don't you like this design?" She asked Paige.

Paige shrugged. "What do you think they're talking about?"

"Toby made Spencer sound like an intense person. I'm sure they have a lot to work out," Trish explained.

"Aren't you worried?" Paige asked.

"No. Toby keeps things simple. That is one of the reasons I like him so much."


"I guess this is it?" Toby asked after an awkward silence. "I loved you so much, Spence. I really want you to remember that. You kept me sane and alive through the hardest years of my life." She could see his eyes getting dewy.

"Well you too. You kept me alive, at least," Spencer joked giving him a little push. Toby chucked and stepped forward to hug her. For the first time she didn't feel like she was a piece missing from his arms. Spencer felt glad and whole.

As they were hugging, it dawned on Toby that this was it. She was already seeing some other guy. He was going to lose her forever. He held her tighter and she sunk into him. When the hug ended, he didn't fully let go. He looked down to see Spencer smiling at him. She looked content. He remembered what a reward her first real smile was. He thought of all the times he'd rested his chin on her head as she'd laid on his chest. He leaned down and kissed her. It was tender, sweet and so natural to Toby until the split-second later when Spencer was pushing him away.

"No," she said, it came out a whisper. She looked confused and hurt.

Spencer put her hands over her head, "Toby, no. That isn't what I wanted."

Toby felt like the air had been knocked out of his lungs. He must have looked surprised, because she kept explaining.

"I'm happy with someone else. You and I are over. Really really over," she explained taking more steps back.

"I'm sorry," Toby said, regaining composure.

"I know," Spencer said tears welling in her eyes as she looked through the window. Paige was nowhere in sight.


"No, no," They were hugging now and it had gone for longer than Paige wanted. And then he kissed her. Paige felt a snap in her hand and she knew she'd broken the pencil. She let it fall to the ground. "Screw this," she started walking towards them when she felt a hand on her arm.

"Don't. I don't know you very well, but don't go out there."

Paige looked down at the hand in disbelief.

"They were in love with each other," Trish explained.

"And I want to kick the shit out of something," Paige said, too enraged to follow her reasoning.

"Then just leave," she said. Paige could tell that she was also hurt, but her composure was incredible. Paige shook her head in disbelief.

"You don't understand," Paige said, "You're looking for simple, and this isn't it." It was actually too embarrassing to explain. Twice, twice, she'd watched a girl she loved kiss some guy. And just this morning she'd declared her exclusivity with Spencer. Well, Spencer never said it back, the mean voice in her head said.

Paige let the breath she'd been inadvertently holding escape through clenched teeth. She took Trish's advice and left. She picked the farthest exit and walked out. She relieved her bike from the back of Spencer's car and was out of the parking lot in minutes. If Spencer saw her, Paige wouldn't have known; Paige learned long ago that she tended to be the more desperate person a relationship, so this time she neither looked up nor back.


"Shit." Spencer said, she couldn't see Paige and Toby kept on talking and explaining himself. She managed not to see Paige until the girl was halfway across the parking lot.

"Spencer, just tell me what is going on!" Toby demanded, ready to leap in and be the hero.

"Paige!" Spencer started towards her, but had to stop for traffic. The girl was swift with her bike lock and as soon as the wheels hit the pavement, she was gone. Spencer quickly grabbed her phone and dialed, just to hear Paige's phone ring in her bag. "Fuck."

Toby still looked confused and concerned, he tried gripping her arm to support her and she ripped it away.

"Fuck, I fucked up." Spencer repeated.

"I've never seen you this inarticulate," Toby joked lightly.

Spencer gave him a withering stare.

"Spence, it's just Paige. She probably just had someplace to be and didn't want to interrupt us..." He started following her as she jogged into the building. She started dialing Paige again, only to once again realize that it was a stupid thing to do. "It is just Paige right? I mean you're not..."

"Not what?!" Spencer spun around to face him. Toby stood silent. "Not fucking Paige?" she yelled.

"Spencer," Toby warned, shocked. He looked like he'd been punched in the nuts. Spencer simply kept walking to find their cart. Paige would appreciate it if she at least put all their hard work on hold before leaving. And then she'd go get her. She'd drive all day if she had to.

"Spencer, wait!" Toby yelled, once again trying to catch up.

"Why the hell are you following me?!" Spencer yelled, "Go find your nurse and don't... don't call me or touch me. I am not yours."

Toby stopped, flabbergast. "You're her's then?!" Toby yelled and then corrected himself, "Ugh, I get it Spencer, you don't belong to anyone. I didn't mean to offen-"

"Toby, listen to me very carefully," Spencer spoke, her voice low and dangerous. "Paige is going to be furious with me right now and I want her. Desperately. So, please, please just fuck off."

Toby sighed and backed off. He realized that she was right and he needed to go find his girlfriend and see if she miraculously still wanted him.


Paige pedaled hard for the miles home. By the time she arrived, her thighs burned and she was sweating. As she pulled into her driveway, she noticed someone sitting on her front steps. Someone very familiar with legs that went on for days and ended in painted toe nails and gold slippers. She was sipping tea and reading a book.

Paige let her bike drop into the lawn and took a few reluctant steps forward.

"Emily, you know this isn't your house, right?" Paige asked, tucking her hands into the pockets of her shorts, suddenly conscious of her own disheveled, sweaty muddy look.

"I came by and your mom made me tea. She didn't think you'd be back, but now I'm glad I stuck around," Emily's smile was so bright and perfect that Paige wished she'd remembered her own overpriced sunglasses; they looked a lot like the ones Emily was wearing.

"Nice shades," Paige commented.

"They're prescription," Emily responded, quirking an eyebrow, "I'm getting old."

Paige laughed, certain that Emily could never actually 'get old.'

"You wanna take a seat?" Emily asked and Paige felt herself cringe.

"Um, it's getting kinda late..." Paige said, trying to segue her way into the house.

"It's four in the afternoon," Emily replied.

"I have a headache and I wasn't planning to be around... people," Paige said.

"I'm not people," Emily responded, taking a sip of her tea. Paige's face must have said yes, you are, because Emily sighed, "Just for a second? I've been waiting for a while."

Paige still stood, moving her weight from foot to foot.

"Listen Paige, I'm sorry I overreacted the other night. I know that I have no right to be upset about you and Spencer. I came here to make amends."

"Okay," Paige said, biting her lip. "That's good. Amends." She decreed, still trying really hard to make this conversation end.

"I mean it. The other day in the coffee shop, I really thought that you and I had a chance at being friends again and-"

"We weren't friends," Paige interjected.

"Ouch," Emily said, "I guess I deserve that."

"I didn't mean it as a jab. I just mean that there was never a time that I wasn't in love with you."

"Until now?" Emily whispered. If that was a punch to the ego for Emily, Paige really didn't care.

"Yeah." Paige responded. Everything smarted from Spencer kissing Toby. There was no place in all that hurt for Paige to feel even remotely in love with Emily right now.

"Well, when you told me you'd be there for me as a friend at that masque ball... back before everything started..."

"I was lying," Paige said flatly.

"It worked," Emily responded. "And I got used to having you in my life. I want that, not just you on the sidelines hating me." Emily's voice cracked a little and, despite of the stylish prescription sunglasses, Paige could tell she was hurting.

"I don't hate you," Paige said, sighing and finally taking a seat.

"Thanks," Emily replied, "that means a lot," she added with a small laugh.

"Glad to help," Paige responded with a small smile of her own.

They sat in silence, neither one knowing what to say or do in their new not-quite-friends space. Paige found it comforting, or at least distracting enough.

"You want another cup of tea?" Paige asked after a few moments had passed. Emily smiled and nodded.