I hope you enjoy this dose of McHastings drama, you poetic, noble land-mermaid!

And thanks for the awesome reviews. Your reactions make this so fun to write.

[Also, sorry it took so darn long for me to update. Life and work have been kicking my butt around these last few months. It feels great to write, though. Thanks for your patience!]


Spencer's vision blurred as she drove. She wasn't crying, she was dewy and frantic and experiencing waves of utter wretchedness. It only took a few minutes to get to Paige's house and the girl's bike was laying in the yard. That coupled with the fact that this was the first place Spencer looked... That can't be good, Spencer thought.

Spencer knew that Paige's mom was going to be home all day preparing for her dad's return home that evening. They were all supposed to be there for dinner that evening. Spencer's stomach twisted thinking about how she was probably no longer invited.


When Paige and Emily entered the McCullers' home, they were hit with the smell of slow cooker veggies and home cooked dinner. Paige's mom had left after chatting with Emily to retrieve her father. Paige was certain that the kitchen was full of food from a day of cooking.

Mr. McCullers' couch was 'made.' It looked comfortable, but that wasn't what caught Emily's eye. She was staring at the digital picture frame on the side table. "That's new," Emily stated. The rotation of pictures had been taken in the hospital during a family card game.

Spencer looked triumphant and Paige's dad was overcome with laughter while Paige buried her face in her abundant cards. Her mom must have snapped the shot.

"Mom is obsessed with that thing," Paige responded. The memories of Spencer that day almost made her forget that she was angry and hurt. She reminded her of how it felt to watch Spencer kissing Toby and her face hardened.

Oh, you two are fighting, Emily thought, knowing Paige's stern expression well and feeling a little superior. "They don't seem to mind you're dating Spencer," Emily clarified.

Paige's parents had done everything in their power to keep her away from Emily in high school. At first, they were horrified that their daughter was gay. After Nate, they were just plain scared. "A lot has changed since high school. They're different now." Paige tried to explain.

"You were always telling me they were the problem," Emily mumbled, "I wasn't expecting your next girlfriend to be in family portraits. You've only been seeing each other for a few weeks." She shook her head and looked away.

Paige wasn't sure how to respond, so she stood awkwardly. An ability to read Emily's anger was ingrained in Paige. She was warring between understanding what she was meant to do, how she should explain that it was never Emily's fault- that Emily was perfect and polite-, and knowing that it was no longer her job to say those things. Paige was saved by the opening garage door.

Paige's mom bustled in with only one of her dad's overnight bags.

"Paige! I've been messaging you," she said. Paige had left her phone in Spencer's bag. It was for the best, since she wasn't ready for calls from the girl. Then again, it meant that Spencer would try to return it. Let her come, Paige thought. She was determined not to make the same mistakes as her previous relationships. She'd be strong this time; she wasn't going to be the one who worried more, felt more, loved mor-, Paige sighed shaking her head at the final thought, not this time.

Paige's mom was smiling at Emily, "I'm glad you managed to find her," she said as she put things away. The woman had been trying to catch her daughter's eye, but Paige seemed lost in thought. Mrs. McCullers wasn't sure if she was supposed to entertain or shoo away this ex who was standing in the living room. When she finally made contact with Paige, the girl gave her a shrug.

"Where's dad?" Paige asked, feeling a little alarmed that he'd yet to come in. "Did they need to keep him?"

"Your father insisted on coming in alone," she huffed. "Wouldn't even let me open his door. So I left him out there."

"Mom," Paige chided as she left the house to retrieve him.


Paige found her dad making his way up the steps, carrying his overnight bag, mumbling still about being a grownass man and how he can walk on his own, thank you.

"Why do you have to be so stubborn?" Paige asked him, grabbing the bag and his elbow.

"To annoy your mother," he responded and Paige rolled her eyes. "So, why is your high school ex-girlfriend's Toyota in our driveway?"

"She stopped by. She wants to be friends. Or friendly. I think I owe her that," Paige said.

"You owe her nothing, Paige."

"Dad, she never did anything to earn your grumpiness, so can drop it now," Paige argued.

"She strung my daughter along for years. And now she wants to be friends. I find this a little odd. Especially now that Spencer in the picture."

Paige snorted. Spencer. As if Spencer is going to toy with me less.

"Are you okay, kid?"

Paige nodded, trying to bury the hurt.

"Did something go wrong with Spencer?"

Paige shrugged. By now they'd reached the door. Her dad was eyeing her compassionately.

"She really likes you. I can tell," he said.

"I know," Paige said with a sigh. "I just... I get to be mad at her," she explained. Her dad seemed to ease a little.

"That's fair," he said. Then he straightened his back, "I guess now we get to find out how Emily is doing. I can be nice." He sighed, "If I'd been injured just before college, I would have been a little shit too," he mumbled the last part.

"Thank you, dad," Paige said, realizing that this was the best she was going to get at the moment.


Spencer pace back and forth in front of Paige's front door. Clouds were gathering above. It would be raining again very soon. She fought the urge to ring the doorbell again.

The door opened.

"Paige," Spencer lit up seeing her. She was ready to launch straight into her apology when she noticed Emily standing in the background. Jealousy stabbed into her sides like spikes. Her eyes narrowed in on her friend. "Emily," Spencer sneered an acknowledgement.

"Hi, Spencer," Emily replied and Paige rolled her eyes so hard she was surprised she didn't give herself a headache.

"I'm not paying to air condition our front step," Paige's dad yelled from the couch.

"Welcome," Paige mumbled, annoyed, but Spencer was already on her way into the house.

"You look dashing, Mr. McCullers," she said, walking towards their sitting area.

The man laughed, "Everyone else says that I look well... as if that is supposed to make me feel good about myself. Basically, I no longer look like I belong in a hospital."

"No way. You look like you're coming back from the spa, not a cardiac procedure," Spencer said, "Right, Mrs. M?"

Emily looked annoyed by how delighted the man seemed at the complement. Mrs. McCullers leaned over to her husband, "Well I guess he looks fine. I'll keep him," she said, after a moment of observing the man. Paige noticed that whatever tension there had been between her parents was thawing, Spencer knows how to make an entrance. "Tea, dear?" Mrs. McCullers offered.

"Yes, please," Spencer said, plopping herself strategically on the middle cushion of the couch. Both girls slowly and hesitantly joined her.

Emily felt redundant, which was exactly what Spencer wanted. She couldn't muster up the will to participate in the conversation, even as Paige's mom made every effort to include her. Spencer asked about every detail of Mr. McCullers' hospital stay. They even had inside jokes about the nurses. Emily finally understood why Spencer was in that photo and it made her want to gag. Spencer charming someone's parents was the most hateful bullshit Emily had ever encountered.

All the while, Paige was maintaining a steely silence. Emily hoped the girl would stick to her guns and not be charmed by all the obvious Hastings-maneuvering taking place.

As for Spencer, she was genuinely happy to be back in this company. She was glad that Paige's dad was out of hospital and she'd been eager to get updates on all the drama from his stay. Just like Paige, he had a dry sense of humor and was shameless with his commentary and teasing. Spencer had no trouble falling into delight with this trait.

Paige was lost to this whole conversation. She was deep in thoughts- about her anger and her frustration. She'd been through this before and 'being cool' and 'letting it go' didn't work then and Paige wasn't up for it now. She was never good at keeping her feelings bottled up. So when she felt Spencer's pinky brush her hand, she snapped. "Spencer," Paige spat sharp abrupt, right in the middle of their conversation. The room went quiet and all eyes were on Paige. "We should talk," she said standing up.

Spencer looked up a bit fearfully, and then over to Emily, "Paige?" Spencer asked, as if to say but we have guests.

"I actually need to leave," Emily interjected, gathering her book. "Thanks for the tea," she said to Mrs. McCullers. "And for seeing me," she said to Paige before walking to the door.

Emily had considered reaching out and touching Paige's arm to drive the point home, but stopped herself. Spencer looked like she'd have an aneurysm if she touched Paige in front of her. Serves you right, Emily tried to say with her eyes on her way out.

"Well, we're going to get started on dinner," Paige's mom said looking concerned and a bit stern at her daughter after Emily left.

Paige gestured to the stairs, "I'm sorry about that, mom. Please don't wait on us to eat," Paige said, her tone apologetic and hurt enough that her mom immediately softened her look and nodded.

"We'll save some for you girls," she said with a pleasant smile. Spencer appreciated it as she followed Paige up the stares to near-certain doom.


Paige and Spencer made their way to her room in silence. Paige closed the door behind them and stood in front of it as Spencer fidgeted. "I have your phone," Spencer said, tossing it onto the bed and then continuing to look everywhere except for at Paige.

"Is that why you're here?" Paige asked.

"No," Spencer responded.

"Are you back together with Toby?" She asked sharply.

"No," Spencer answered, aghast.

"Well?" Paige asked, expectantly.

"I came here to... to talk about regret. I wanted to talk about... You should know that-"

"You did it your way? I was there. It wasn't sportsmanlike."

"You don't understand."

"Actually, I do. I had just told you that I like you exclusively. But, you never said it back. I shouldn't be assuming things like that are reciprocated. So, fine. You win on semantics. That doesn't mean I have to-"

"Paige, I'm not trying to win! Kissing Toby was wrong. It was and felt even worse than wrong. And the whole way over I was hashing out the perfect apology and I had quote about regret and the way to say that I'm sorry and all the stuff about wanting and needing you that I can't remember now," Spencer's voice rose steadily in panic, "Because I'm here and I can't think when I look at you because I'm in love with you and it makes my brain dissolve in my skull! Now I'm wracking my mind for quotes and I've totally fucked it all-"

"Wait. What?" Paige interrupted as Spencer's words tumbled everywhere.

"I can't think clearly. Not with you looking at me." Spencer stated, hanging her head. "I could go in the other room and write an outline. Or maybe I can pull myself together if I turn around."

"No," Paige replied.

"Oh?" Spencer replied in defeat. She was finished before she even got a chance to start.

"Close your eyes," Paige said, surprising her. "So you don't have to look at me," she explained, "I'm... I want to hear the full explanation you formulated. I'm okay with you not looking at me; but I still need you here." Paige wanted to hear Spencer out. Plus, she couldn't keep that one thing Spencer said from rattling around in her head.

Spencer's hands shot up over her eyes. She took a few seconds to compose herself and began, "Remember in 6th grade when I broke my arm during field hockey?"

"Of course. I swear, Spencer, I was no where near you. You know it and I know it and-"

"Yeah," Spencer winced, "that wasn't my point." Maybe even her plan was not very well thought out afterall... "I mean I did it on purpose. You fouled me earlier and it didn't get called, and I wanted to get even, so I slid and fell while we were both after the ball. I remember feeling like it worked because coach was railing on you and then there was that moment when I realized... that I was broken and the fear set in and I knew that nothing would be the same, that this was really bad. And I had no one to blame but myself."

Paige nodded, Spencer's eyes were still closed, but her hands had fallen to her sides. She was frowning, reliving that moment completely. Paige should have been angry remembering this- It always upset her. In the actual moment, just for a few seconds, she'd actually thought she'd done it. It wasn't so far out of the risks she'd taken while playing.

In the aftermath she'd been so angry; she'd let herself linger under the weight of the injustice. Her mom called Spencer's mom who said something along the lines of there being "more than reasonable doubt" that it was Paige's fault. Both women had laughed and that was that.

"Spencer," Paige reached out, her anger dissipating now; she let her fingers hover over the girl's cheek, "You looked at me back then. You looked totally freaked out." Just like you do now.

Spencer kept her eyes closed.

Paige wondered if she'd fallen for Spencer, just a little, in that moment years ago. "So... kissing Toby felt as bad as breaking your arm?" Paige asked in summary.

"Maybe worse. Less adrenaline." Spencer replied with a pout and shrug that made Paige smile. "I'm really sorry, Paige. You mean so much to me and that meant less than nothing."

"Okay," Paige said with a sigh.

"Okay?"

"Yeah. I forgive you." Paige stepped closer. Spencer, stood with her hands by her sides, breathing Paige in, feeling her so warm and so close. She kept her eyes closed, letting herself feel the ache of almost touching Paige. She felt Paige's breath on her cheek followed by the softest kiss. Spencer was filled with relief and followed by disbelief. She realized she was just going to keep falling further for Paige.

After a second, Paige stepped back slightly and Spencer missed her closeness. Paige had been mulling over a detail and decided to be brave and ask, "So that thing... That you said at the beginning of your apology. Was that true?" Spencer opened her eyes to see Paige looking at her sincerely. "The, um, reason you couldn't look at me." Paige clarified and Spencer realized that she'd said it. She'd been working so hard not to... She bit into her lip.

"Is it okay? I know it's too soon. But... yeah," Spencer replied.

Paige smiled a big goofy smile. "Good to know," she said with a little chuckle before kissing Spencer. Spencer looked mortified. Paige ran her hands up the girl's arms, over her neck and she let her fingers twist into her hair and held her tight as she kissed her again. She kept kissing her deeper and deeper until Spencer was smiling too.