Title: Starting over, yet again
Author: Chloe Fluer
Category: Hurt/Comfort/Romance
Rating: M
Summary: This story deals with Bella's depression after Edward left her in chapter "The End" in second book of Twilight series: New Moon. Bella realizes that her life before Edward was . . . Well, not memorable. Not even to herself. She makes a decision to pull herself together & find a way to live.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight series and all the characters. I am just messing around and having fun.
"They say they don't know when, but a day is gonna come, when there won't be a moon and there won't be a sun, It will just go black, to the way it was before."
It was very difficult.
Getting up from the bed. I could literally feel the force of my own weight times three thousand sixty five pressing me down. René had to use one of those wet paper tissues to remove stickiness off the skin of my limbs&face One of the hardest things I had to go: I honestly had to leave the bed that after all the time still smelled like HIM. Beside smell of weeks of my own smell.
My mind mixed days and nights. The sent of him was woven into the mattress&sheets, it was all making me woozy and . . . dazzled. His breath could do that to me, his presence was always too much for my needy, mortal heart.
But, enough. This has to end. How did I end up here? Maybe, just maybe my mind would not let me sleep, let me release him - the memories of him spending the nights beside me, watching me, loving me . . . At least - I believed he loved me all of those nights. Was I that interesting to watch or was he learning something from the time he was with me? Training himself - his thirst, his power over himself? ENOUGH! This has to stop.
I cannot do this to myself again! Have I been blinded by my own shallow view of life?
How have I ended up here? Back in this place I do not belong, with my father, who knows how to be a parent just as I know how to be a human. Why am I torturing him? Making him feel useless and frustrated. My mother could not help me. My existence was linked to her by my conception, pregnancy, birth and brief period of nursing. Apart from that - René had no idea what to do with me. She would observe and give Zen like analyses, of me and pretty much everyone who would stick long enough to listen. Phil does not mind . . .
As for her child - her only child. Well, supernatural failed, so I guess . . . However, I try; however I occupy my mind - sooner or later it comes back to January 18th 2005. The day that have changed my predictable short life for good. I managed to leave warm, sunny Phoenix for cold, rainy Forks, realizing that no matter how good it felt on the sunshine, feeling the warmth. I was not to spend my life there. That is why it was easy to leave. Yes, I missed it - but not for a long time- René was acting restless. I actually envied her. She and Phil were completed and all the worries and hopes, for me were now sifted to Charlie, my summer dad.
Is this really necessary? Recalling my life story in order to put things in place, to set the record straight and manage to pull myself out of the bed, out of this … mood? More like-this life I've built myself with my supernatural acquaintances and abilities that gradually, but firmly would lead me to certain death. That Tyler van thing was only one in Forks, but now that I think of it-I escaped death many times in Phoenix, but managed to repress most of the freaky incidents in school, on the streets, even in ER . . .
At this time I am not competent enough to make an overview of my life. That day in cafeteria in Forks High School I met five inhumanly beautiful creatures, one of them almost took my life that day and days after, he saved my life from wild truck on one icy morning.
Edward was a man, but not a human. He said that to me once. The first night he stayed beside me. Well, first time I was aware of it anyway. I never seemed to understand his fascination with watching me sleep, eat, read, even prepare food. He would scan me, like that MRI machine-memorizing every little spot on my face, on my skin. Memorizing every movement of my eyes while consuming me with his golden-butterscotch eyes that would get darker day by day. The depth of them, how warm, would hypnotize me and gentle they would be.
Yes, I could recall perfectly that moment and the liquid texture of his mesmerizing eyes. How golden they were that day he announced to me that he was leaving me, fulfilling his promise from spring, never to put me through the experience of being put in danger by a vampire, even his own brother. The final struck was when he finally told me the truth.
That I was not good for him.
*** *** ***
"Shouldn't we do something more about it?"
"We must not disturb her . . . I don't agree with doctor Gerandy, but we are not communicating with her in any way."
"We can not just hand her into a care of a person we never-"
"She is not getting up, René . We cannot feed her that soup."
"She is falling apart"
Silence
She is already broken. That boy. Edward. Whatever he said to her, whatever happened in the woods that dat the Cullens left the town -"
"You cannot say that Edward did anything, I saw the adornment he had for her in Phoenix, I am sure he loves her."
"That's how I know he was the one who did this to her, only he could do this to her. There was no one else with that kind of influence over her."
"Charlie, she told me in Phoenix that it was just a crush-"
"Just a crush? Crush left her like this in the woods! I know that look, that empty look in her eyes. There must be more we could do. It has been weeks …"
A/N- does the quote fit?
