Notes:
Casifer spreads his hands and grins: "I'm baaack, baby!" ?ᅡᅠ
You guys are going to be happy to know I have finished both of my fics for the bangs. One is already betaed (Dadstiel bang, 13k), the second one is well on its way to be beta read too (Omegaverse Big Bang, 36k). Unfortunately, I have to wait until August to post both. But on the bright side, I am back to posting for this fic, so yay! It's only got two or three more chapters left, so bear with me.
Two weeks later found Dean reluctant to leave work and go home. Before, he used to rush to clean up after the clock struck 5PM, but now… Things were just… Different.
Worst part was, he knew Cas-tiel had been trying. There was a perfectly cooked meal on the table waiting for Dean when he got home, and a beer cooling in the fridge. The laundry was done, ironed to perfection. The house was spotless, aired out and the lawn mowed to the ideal 2.5 inches.
And he was there. Cas was always there to welcome him home, just like all the times before.
But it just wasn't the same.
Sighing deeply, Dean got out of his car and walked to the front door. He reached for the knob, but a split second later, the front door swung open, Cas awaiting on the other side. "Fucking shit, Cas! Quit doing that! You scared the bejesus out of me!"
"My apologies, Dean. Would you like to come inside?"
Dean gave him the stink eye. "Yeah, Cas, I'd like to come inside my own house, thank you very much."
"Of course, Dean." Finally, Cas stepped aside so Dean could enter. The whole house smelled of something absolutely delicious and Dean found the dinner table set, half a dozen small burgers placed in a pyramid shape on their silver platter. There were even three beers in the champagne ice bucket.
"I made dinner." Cas announced and Dean resisted the urge to say something in the lines of 'Thank you Cap't'n Obvious.'. Instead he nodded and told Cas he was going to change and wash up a bit.
Dean spent the next half an hour hiding in the bathroom, breathing hard as his chest ached so much, he felt as if it was torn open and now had a gaping hole there and nothing more.
Images of Cas singing and dancing to some silly pop song Dean was too embarrassed to admit he knew the lyrics to, as well, came flooding through his mind. His dinners could get a little charred sometimes, or undercooked, but still so incredibly delicious and so Cas. He missed it.
He missed Cas.
"Dean, are you alright?" Dean had his back to the door, leaning on it and when Castiel's voice boomed from the other side, it startled him so much, he gave a not-so-manly yelp.
"I'm fine, Cas."
"Are you sure? I can hear your rapid heartbeat, they are almost up to 100 a minute."
"Yeah, that's because you scared the shit out of me. Again."
"My apolog–" Before Cas could even finish the word, Dean yanked the door open. Glaring at his husband, he raised a threatening finger and gritted a "Don't!"
A small frown settled over Cas' face as his eyes studied Dean, probably trying to understand his actions, just like he had done so many times over the past two weeks. It was frustrating, the Cas from before would know what was bothering Dean. He would have figured it out already. He would have known.
But that Cas wasn't here anymore. That Cas was gone, and all Dean had left was this robotic, cold version with no emotions, but enough power to light up the entire street on a Christmas eve.
And best of all? It was all Dean's fault.
He pushed him, he pushed Cas away. He didn't stop to talk, to try to work it all out, no, he let his anger and his own stupid issues get in the way.
And for what?
To save the world?
It wasn't worth it.
Dean stomped past the angel towards the kitchen. He took his seat and waited impatiently for his husband to join him before he started piling up his plate with whatever was on the table. He didn't even like roasted green beans, but he still put some on his plate, wanting to get the whole ordeal over with.
The steak was perfect, the small oven baked potatoes even better and, as much as he hated to admit it, the green beans really rounded up the taste and intensified the flavors. The cold beer only added to the whole experience, instead of washing the taste away.
Every time Dean looked up, Castiel was staring at him. It was eerie. Before, Cas would either smile at him and try to cheer him up, or, if Dean was really pissed, he would just share the silence with him as they ate. Castiel, on the other hand, didn't even need to eat. He didn't even pretend to, there was no plate on his side of the table, no utensils, not even a glass of wine he would prefer with this kind of a meal.
There was no Cas on that side of the table.
Only a marble statue of an angel that would occasionally move.
Dean forced down the rest of his meal then rose to his feet. The angel followed and Dean paused for a moment, looking him over. Heaving a deep sigh, Dean let his shoulders sag. Anger was what got him into this situation in the first place, it wouldn't help now.
Together they put away the leftovers, washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. They worked in silence, and despite any lack of words, still managed to wrap it all up in twenty minutes. It was only after they had finished that Castiel spoke.
"Would you like to watch a movie?"
Dean wanted to brush it off, say he was tired and go to bed, but something in Cas' eyes drew him in. It was like a plea, as if something inside of him wanted Dean to say yes. So he did.
Dean put on the first movie he found, not caring to even register what it was. The sounds of a fight scene filled the room, but Dean's mind was elsewhere. He spent the good portion of the movie thinking, berating himself and trying to figure out if there was something he could do to fix this. The last part of the movie he spent observing Cas whose focus was entirely on the screen. Or so Dean thought.
"I understand this is difficult for you. I am not the man you remember. If you wish for me to leave, I will do so."
The words were worse than a stab to the chest, spreading numbness through the rest of Dean's body and leaving him gasping for air. Tears swelled up in his eyes and he just let them spill. His lower lip shook as he whispered "Please don't go."
Castiel turned to look at him and something in his features seemed to soften. Or maybe it was just Dean's wishful thinking. "I won't if you don't want me to."
"I don't. I don't want you to go." Dean's voice cracked, but he didn't care. Cas nodded then moved closer and Dean instantly fell into his arms, hugging him tight. Cas was so tense. He didn't relax even after they had been hugging for a few minutes. It was a harsh reminder that, no matter what Dean did, there was next to no chance of reminding Cas, Castiel who he used to be.
The ache dulled a little, but still persisted as they settled down to sleep, Dean in his boxers curled on his side, facing Castiel who had only removed his shoes and was sitting against the headboard, a book in hand.
Angels didn't need to sleep.
Castiel would watch over him, like he had done for the past two weeks. Like he said he would.
He was always there when Dean woke up in the middle of the night, plagued by nightmares, or in the morning, roused by his alarm. Yet Dean would feel like Castiel wasn't really always there. Like he snuck out during the night and returned in the morning.
Maybe he went to heaven?
Did he miss his family, the other angels?
Or was he up to something else?
"I know–" Dean started, but cut himself off with a gulp. This was hard to talk about, but he couldn't not ask, couldn't stop hoping that things might change. He looked up to Castiel that was sitting on his bed, wishing he could set his head on the angel's lap.
Wetting his lips then taking a deep breath, Dean pressed on. "I know you said you can never go back to being fully human like you were before. But, is there any chance we could, I dunno, humanize you a little? To just–"
"The only way for that to happen would be for my grace to become depleted. Cutting it out won't work the second time, as it would self-destruct, ending me and every life form in the ten mile radius. Depleting it by any other means would weaken it, and me along with it, making me sick and the only thing that could prevent me from dying would be augmenting it, which would ultimately lead us to exactly where we are now. Bounding it would have the same effect, not that there is anything on this Earth that could bind it. I am afraid there is nothing that can be done, Dean. I am sorry."
Dean knew Cas meant it, in a way. He didn't feel sorry, but he knew he was. Or would be, if he were still human.
Dean drew in one shaky breath and nodded, burning his head in the pillow. So desperately he wanted to reach out and pull Cas closer, hold him and take comfort in his presence, but he couldn't. It would only hurt more.
Despite it all, sleep overtook him easily. He must have been too tired or simply drained. There was a vague memory of a dream where Cas was being taken away from him, bound with something dark and gooey and dragged away. Dean knew he tried to hold him, grabbed his hand and pulled, but Cas slipped through his fingers as Dean kept shouting his name.
One would think he would wake up gasping, startled out of his sleep, but he only remembered this feeling of calm washing over him and then he settled back down to sleep.
Minutes or hours later, a tingling sensation rushed through his body, pooling in his gut. As he slowly came to, he could feel hands all over him, caressing his skin, kneading his muscles. One reached to his nipple, but didn't pinch it, Dean didn't like that. Instead, the wet fingertip played with it, sending a trill down Dean's spine.
There was a hot breath going down his stomach, but it wasn't until it reached his groin that Dean realized his boxers weren't there. He was naked.
Eyes remaining closed, he dazedly enjoyed all the sensations, feeling his arousal spike and his cock harden. Seconds later, it was enveloped in the most amazing wet warmth, and then there was a tongue pressing on the underside as his cock was allowed to slip in deeper. And deeper. And deeper until it entered a tight tunnel of a throat.
It stayed there for a moment and then Cas swallowed around him, leaving Dean barreling to the edge faster than–
Cas?
"Cas?" Dean croaked, throwing off the comforter and suddenly meeting the intense blue gaze. Cas' eyes flashed white blue like Dean had seen them do so many times before, and his throat constricted once again as he swallowed around Dean. His orgasm practically exploded out of him, consuming his entire body and engulfing it in pleasant, tingly heat, prolonged by Cas drinking it all up like a man with insatiable thirst. It was like nothing Dean had ever experienced before.
"Holy fuck, you–, that–, ugh!" Dean's head fell back on the pillow as Cas slowly lifted his head up, letting Dean's cock slip out of his mouth. Normally, Dean would be very pleased by the view, but now it just made him feel… Wrong.
Castiel wasn't doing it because he wanted to, because it felt good for him, but only because it was good for Dean. He did it for Dean and Dean alone.
And Dean didn't like that one bit.
Without a smile, but with the same intense stare, Castiel moved off him and stood up. He was fully dressed in his suit, probably ready to head to work. A few minutes passed in complete silence, the angel just standing there, watching Dean who slowly started to feel very dirty under his gaze.
When he couldn't take it anymore, he rolled out of bed, picked up his boxers and headed towards the bathroom. Just before he entered, he paused, turning only a bit towards the angel. "You going to work?"
"Yes."
Dean took a moment then nodded. He wasn't sure if that was such a good idea, but at least it would keep the angel occupied. "Have a good first day, Cas."
The words came out as a whisper, laced with sadness and pain. It was Cas' dream, to become a professor at the university and he had worked really hard to get there and now…
"Thank you, Dean." Grimacing at the sudden stab of pain in his chest, Dean forced himself to nod before he went into the bathroom.
By the time he was done, Castiel was gone. Dean got dressed and grabbed a steaming mug of coffee the angel left for him. The dark liquid was really hot, but Dean still drowned it, ignoring the burn, then picked up his keys and went out the door.
It was still too early for his shift at the garage, not that it mattered because that wasn't where he was going. He had taken a day off and was now headed towards Bobby's.
He found the old hunter and his brother hunched over half a dozen books. "Anything?"
Bobby gave him a deep glare as if to remind him a hello was in order first, but quickly softened, knowing how important this was to Dean. Sam heaved a deep sigh. "Nothing so far. I only managed to find a few possible leads to more information, but they all seem to lead to a dead end."
Dean felt his shoulders sag, but before he allowed the disappointment to take over, something pinged his interest. "Wait. The same dead end?"
"Yeah. Found a few references to something I couldn't really decipher, here." Sam showed him one book that had three letters scribbled on the side in curative. It was either m-o-b, n-o-b, m-o-l or n-o-l. Well, the O was a bit wonky and could maybe be interpreted as an E, but Dean was sure it wasn't.
"And this too." Sam said, showing off an old hunter journal that spoke of possible lore sources tied to a specific symbol, some weird six pointed star thingy and the initials M.O.L. "I looked it up, it's a hexagram called Aquarian Star. It's related to a bunch of stuff, but I couldn't find anything that might relate to what we are looking for."
"Couldn't find anything on it either and I checked with a few hunters. Nobody knows nothing." Bobby added.
"There is someone we could ask…" Sam commented, looking at Dean with his slightly rounded eyes. Not the full puppy dog look, but close enough.
"No. We ain't asking Cas. I don't want him involved with this. And–" Dean cut himself off as he felt his skin pringle mere seconds before there was a rustling in the air followed by the familiar crack of electricity in the air.
"Ask me what?" Castiel asked after he appeared in the doorway. Dean scoffed and crossed his hands over his chest.
"You following me now?" The angel gave him a blank look, but it still felt somewhat condescending. He turned to Sam before he responded.
"No. Sam texted me to come after my first class, but it was canceled due to a fire alarm." Dean and Sam shared a look, his brother probably thinking the same thing - some college student really didn't want to attend Cas' lecture. Dean wasn't sure he could blame them. He sighed, clicking his jaw tight. He wanted to be pissed at Sam, but as quickly as the anger arose, it deflated just as fast.
Sam looked at Dean with a raised brow, letting him decide what he wanted to do here, and Dean appreciated it. And as much as he didn't want to involve Cas-tiel, if this was a good lead, he'd take any Intel he could get. Dean nodded for Sam to continue.
"This is a symbol of an association of men that studied and collected information about the supernatural. They were called the Men of Letters and–" Cas started to explain as soon as Sam showed him what he had. It was Bobby's sudden burst that surprised them all.
"Bull! Men of Letter are a myth, an old wives tale."
"I assure you, they were real. They had many connections and the knowledge they have acquired is highly valuable. It was unfortunate that they were all terminated August 12th, 1958 by a Knight of Hell…"
Dean listened on as Cas gave them a history lesson, even if he was getting more and more tired with each passing minute. Or was it depressed? He couldn't really tell anymore. While Sam geeked out and Bobby listened attentively to what Cas was saying, Dean's thoughts drifted off.
It felt so familiar, yet so strange. They used to get together like this and talk about books or movies or anything, having some family fun. Yet as much as this seemed like a very similar setup, it was far from it. They never used to speak about the supernatural and Cas was definitely not the one to lead the conversation, especially if the topics were movies or music.
"I'm gonna go get some air," Dean said without making eye contact with any of them. Still he could feel Sam's and Bobby's gazes burning a hole in the back of his skull.
"You want me to come with you?" Cas' sudden words made him pause, but he quickly regained composure, giving him a "No, thanks.", before he slipped out the door.
It was just too much. All of it. Everywhere Dean looked, it all reminded him of Cas, his Cas, the man he fell in love with. But that Cas was long gone and it hurt so much, especially since Dean knew he was the only one to blame.
Especially since there was Castiel to remind him every day of what he had done. Of what he let happen. It made everything so much worse. It made the pain so much worse.
Dean swallowed hard, choosing to keep the tears at bay this time. He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, trying to breath through the onslaught of emotions that were hitting him hard.
"Please," the word slipped out of his mouth beckoned, surprising him. Raised his head, Dean looked up at the bright blue sky, trying to find shape in the formation of white fluffy clouds.
"Please," he repeated the word as if it was a magical one, as it alone could fix everything, the whole mess he had made.
"I know… I know I screwed up. And I know I have no right to ask for anything, but I… I need him. I need him back, p-please…"
"He's not listening, you know?" A voice startled Dean and he snapped his head in the direction from which it came. There, sitting on the only tree in the junkyard, sucking a lollipop and swinging his legs like a child was the Trickster - Loki. He popped the candy out of his mouth and glanced at it before he looked up in the sky. "I am actually not even sure He's there anymore."
"You mean God?" At Dean's question Loki huffed.
"Yeah, dear old Dad. The Creator of the Universe, Lord Almighty! One helluva God. Not such a great dad, though." Dad? How was God Loki's dad, it didn't make any sense.
"Uh… Sorry?" Dean didn't know what else to say. Yet as much as he was confused by the sudden visit, he couldn't help but hope that maybe Loki knew something that could help.
"Nah, I'm over it," the trickster said with a smile and looked down at Dean. His smile morphed into a smirk. "Oooouh. You still don't know who I am, do you?"
"Um–" Dean's eloquent reply was cut off by Loki jumping off the tree and landing as though he only came down one step. His eyes turned darker, colder as he advanced towards the hunter.
"They call me Gabriel. I am many things, a trickster God, a successful Porn star, an amazing TV producer, a great fan of anything and everything sweet. I am also a son of God, one of four originally created. An archangel if you will. But you wanna know what I am here, now?"
"W-what?" Dean's mind was reeling and he knew he shouldn't be challenging the tricks– archangel right now, but the words just slipped out.
"The big brother who's about to kick your ass for what you did to Cassie."
