CHAPTER 34: MAN! HE REALLY IS A WOMAN
The Muses came back out from behind the curtains, no guitars in hand. As soon as the thunderous applause was quieted enough to be heard over, the blonde in green spoke.
"Welcome, Hogwarts, to the Battle of the Bands! I hope everyone is ready…" the fair-haired Muse went on about how she and her companion had noticed many people practicing during the past few weeks and the variations of music that would be played.
Meanwhile, Draco was backstage having a hissy fit. He didn't have the confidence he was used to, and was afraid his song would not suffice to win. Ready to hit his head on the nearest table, he spotted a red, silver-embroidered leather notebook. He glanced around, looking for witnesses. Finding himself safe to act, he opened the notebook to the first page to find the word 'SONGS' scribbled in a curvy writing.
His eyes went wide as he couldn't believe his luck. Hearing an ending applause for the Muses, he quickly charmed the song into his mind, along with his other band members.
"If the professors would please clear the room for a dance floor, we can begin the blood shed." the brunette joked.
Once McGonagall, Flitwick, and Lupin had obliged, the two mysterious musicians continued. "Now, please join us in welcoming our first militia group: 'MALFOY AND THE CRONIES'!"
As Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle marched up to the stage, polite, unenthusiastic applause was scattered throughout the room. As they quickly set up, Malfoy magically donned a Muggle outfit that confused everyone because of his pureblood persona. From the clothes, the crowd assumed the band would be playing a country song. And then, as if by an act of magic, the music struck up and was surprisingly kind of good.
The Muses had recognized the song immediately and had little time to prepare punishment. They had to act fast and when the brunette's eyes landed on the Weasley twins, she knew exactly what to do.
The band would have been taken seriously if not for the lyrics. The first verse wasn't so bad, but once the chorus began, the audience knew something was up.
When, finally, the perfect line came, the Muses' wands were at the ready. "Man, I feel like a woman." Malfoy didn't get halfway through the line before the Muses retaliated with a prank for stealing one of their songs. The two musical pranksters flicked their wands, unnoticed by the laughing audience.
For some unknown reason, the band found they couldn't stop playing as their lead singer's hair grew to reach his knees.
As he was forced to play on, each time he sang that hilariously fateful line, his appearance changed a bit more. When the song was coming to a close, no one could hold in their laughter. Not even Snape could mask the slight upturn of his usual scowl as he enjoyed the cheating suck-up's humiliation.
Draco Malfoy was now a full-out cross-dresser. His jean pants had transformed into a jean skirt, one that was luckily not short. His wide eyes were lined with bright make up, his lips heavily coated with coral pink lipstick.
Malfoy's shirt no longer hung loose, but stretched to a tight fit as his chest developed. His cowboy boots transfigured into pink, three-inch heeled cowgirl boots.
The instruments fell silent and the song came to an end with a final, impacting call of
'I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN!'
To top off the entire ensemble, a trashy hat appeared atop Malfoy's long blonde locks. In a last, masterful attempt at laughter, the Muses magicked a pink sequin cowgirl hat.
The last minute prank was a huge success, as the Great Hall, including much of the staff, broke out in hysterical laughter. Unable to resist, the Muses ran on stage and cracked some jokes at Draco's expense.
"Give it up for 'Draconia and the Cronies'!" the brunette in blue exclaimed over the roaring noise of the audience.
"Just for future reference, Draconia, that is not your color." the blonde added, making everyone laugh, if possible, even harder.
It was a few minutes after Malfoy had fled the stage, but was unable to leave. "We can't have you absent for the signing for the 'peace treaty'." the skillful Muses had called after him, their wands out.
