Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Edward and Bella. I own this tragedy.
Sorry for the delay in updating, my internet was broke for a week. Forgive me? I love you all!
Ok here we go.
EPOV
Fire is a beautiful sound. It flickers and fades before my eyes. It dances in the darkness, until it burns through the night. The ashes turn cold and grey, as they fall the floor. It just dies. But within every furnace, oven, matchbox, and fireplace, there is a chance to reignite the flames that once lit up a room…a life. With the strike of a match, it could be saved, so easily…
I thought back to the scene. It was never me she was screaming at to stop. It was never me she wanted to run away from. It was them. The doctors, the ambulance, the paramedics. She was calling out for me the entire time. I wish I would have known. The thought slowly churned the ache in my chest as I sat in the waiting room of the ER. I hugged my knees tighter, and tried to suppress a sob.
It's all you fault, Edward.
I couldn't stop blaming myself. I should've gone with her to get coffee. I should've stopped her. If I only knew what her fate was. I could've held her back from crossing the street at the wrong time. I was about to pull my hair out of my head when my phone vibrated in my pocket, startling me.
"Hello?" I answered frantically.
"Edward, I'm on my way with your mother. Our flight should land at one o'clock in the morning," my father informed.
I had called him on the way to New York Presbyterian almost incapable of speaking. My heart was racing to see Bella, to hold her, to kiss her, to tell her it's all going to be alright. I managed to give my father the details of the accident between heavy inhales. I didn't recognize my voice as I spoke to him, fragile and guilty. I sounded monotone and mechanic. My mind was focused on one thing and one thing only. Bella.
"Okay, dad, I'll be here. Just call," I whispered, still hugging my knees.
"Son, are you okay?"
"I'm fine dad." I choked back a sob. "I'm just scared."
"Edward, I'm sure she'll be okay. Just keep your head above for now. You need to be there for her. Tell her she'll be fine. She needs to here it. From you especially." His voice was stern and true. He was right. As soon as the medical team got Bella stabilized and in her own room, we were going to pull through this, together.
"I know, dad. Call me when you arrive," I said.
"Will do." When I clicked my phone shut, I returned to my cocoon between my knees.
Even though hours had passed, I still counted each minute.
"Mr. Cullen?" A man's loud voice called.
My head shot up as my heart skipped a beat.
I shuffled to my feet and walked over to him.
"Dr. Anderson," he said, holding out his hand to shake mine.
After our greeting, he put his arm around my shoulders and walked down the hallway to a large window. When I looked inside, I saw Bella. She was lying on a table, hooked up to wires and IV's and oxygen. A team of doctors monitored her heart beat, breathing, brain activity, and physical wounds. I felt my eyes well up with tears but I couldn't cry. I had to stay strong for my Bella. My Bella. I palmed my stomach and realized my suspenders were missing. The memory seared through me like a knife.
In my last furious attempts to keep Bella and me together and safe, the paramedics pulled the stretcher completely into the ambulance, and my suspenders snapped off my pants and dropped from Bella's hands to the ground.
The image of Bella's tiny hands gripping my suspenders for dear life flashed in front of my eyes. I heard the shrilling scream that came from deep in her lungs. She was scared. She was in pain. I felt the same sharp stabs I did when I was there even just thinking about it. Her arms being stretched to hold on. Trying to reach for her, but being pushed out of the way by the ambulance team. Not being able to console her. The realization that her dreams weren't about running away from me. But trying to stay. It was so loud. The sirens rang through my ears like gun shots, deafening and wounding me. I replayed those seconds over and over in my mind until finally, the doctor shook me.
"Mr. Cullen!"
I abruptly stopped rubbing my temples, trying to rid the memories, when I looked up again. She wasn't moving.
"I'm sorry, doctor," I said softly.
"I understand, boy."
"So, what can you tell me?" I needed to know what was wrong with her. I wasn't sure what I was ready to hear, but I needed the truth.
"Well she took a pretty hard blow to the head. She was bleeding profusely a little above her left ear. We're going to do an MRI and an fMRI if need be. She seems to be hesitant in responding to us."
"Maybe she's in shock," I mentioned, sounding a bit desperate.
"We are taking everything into consideration. She also has a broken rib, a fractured ankle, and some minor abrasions on her legs and arms. The left side of her face is bruised and swollen, but ice will clear that up. Right now, we are focusing on the broken rib and head injury. We have a TBI specialist here-"
I interrupted. "TBI?"
"Traumatic Brain Injury specialist. She will be taking a look at your wife once we stabilize her. That won't take long. Her breathing and heart beat are almost normal. Her pulse was a bit low, about 92/60, but that's from the bleeding. She lost a lot."
I nodded my head without ever taking my eyes off of Bella's limp body. I saw her bruises and scrapes. I saw her hair in disarray hanging over the table. I saw her hand lying motionless next to her hip. I beamed at the sight of her wedding ring wrapped around her little finger, shimmering from the bright lights above her. She looked so fragile.
Come on, Bella, fight. I clenched my stomach tighter.
"Mr. Cullen, I don't want to lead you in the wrong direction. As of now, Bella's condition is on the fence. We are doing everything we can to get answers. I got a call from a Dr. Cullen out in Washington who will be arriving here shortly. His orders are my command." There was a hint of a smile on his face. My father called for Bella. Suddenly, I was washed over with relief. Knowing Carlisle would be here watching over Bella gave me a sense of hope.
"That's my father," I said. Dr. Anderson chuckled.
"Bella will be under the most caring and persistent team of doctors in the hospital," he assured.
"Thanks, doc." I put my hands in my pockets to hide the shaking. "I know she's just another patient in the hospital, but…" I choked back another sob. "That's my life in there."
"I know-"
"And if you don't do everything in your fucking power to save-" This time, I couldn't hold back anymore. I felt the tears stream down my cheeks. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I said through a nasally cry. "I'm so sorry, doctor. I'm just scared." I held my face in my hands. I couldn't look at him. But then I felt his hand on my shoulder.
"Mr. Cullen," Dr. Anderson began.
"Edward," I said, sniffling.. "Call me Edward."
"Edward, Bella is one of our patients. But she's also your wife, someone's daughter, a friend. I teach my doctors to think of everyone that way. Not just as another patient. But as someone who is loved, who loves, who has a family that needs them, and friends who care." He patted my back. "Bella is in great hands."
I whispered 'thank you' so softly I'm not even sure he heard.
Dr. Anderson had to return to the ER to help with Bella.
"Edward...STOP!" The memories were vivid now. I couldn't control them. I fought to concentrate on being strong.
"Let go!" The guilt started running through my veins again.
The world spun around my head, thousands of revolutions that crept into the pit of my stomach, burning like the core of the Earth. There it was again. The churning ache deep within me. I wiped my eyes and looked through the glass again. Placing my hand on the cold, clear surface, I watched as the doctors ran from machine to Bella in a frantic pursuit, pressed for time to bring her back to me.
**
One-thirty AM came with the wakening vibrations of my phone. Carlisle.
"Dad," I said urgently.
"Edward, we're in the cab on our way. How's Bella?" His voice was composed as always. I envied his ability to do so. I was gradually breaking through my pride with every escaped sob and trickling tear.
"She's been stable for about an hour. They're about to wheel her into a room where we can stay with her," I said. The information was as helpful to me as it was for Carlisle. The words reminded me that I would be beside her, holding her hand in mine tightly as I said them. "The doctors gave her morphine for the pain and she needed stitches on her head injury. Her other bruises should heal normally."
"That's good news. She's on her way to a perfect recovery. I'll call you when we get there."
"Okay, I'll let you know her room number before you get here," I said, suddenly wondering how Bella is going to react to all of this once she could speak and remember it all.
I, for one, did not want to remember this. I wished I could just erase it and have my Bella back in the hotel room, warm and perfect, placing hot kisses along her collarbone.
It killed me to see her cry.
"Love, what's wrong?" I said alarmed when I heard soft a soft sob from her.
"Edward. . .hold me." So I did. I fused us together once again and brushed her hair back.
"Don't cry, love," I cooed, brushing my lips against her neck.
"I'm just so happy, Edward," she said, balling up into my lap. "I never thought I'd love anyone as much as I love you."
She had to know I felt the same. But I still reminded her.
"Bella, no one will ever love anyone as much as I love you. Never forget that."
**
I must have fallen asleep again on the very uncomfortable waiting room chairs because I was shaken awake by Dr. Anderson.
"Boy, wake up! We're moving Bella," he said.
I leaped out of my chair, leaving my head a bit dizzy and confused. Dr. Anderson held my shoulders. "Easy now. Follow me."
"Where is she?"
"She's in her own room now. Her levels were all normal and she seemed to respond coherently to us when we asked her questions."
Seemed to respond coherently?
"Did you tell her I am here?" Bella would want to know I was here for her. I needed to be here for her.
Dr. Anderson continued walking to the elevators. "She's on the 10th floor. She may be sleeping."
"I asked you a question, sir."
He pressed the "up" button and turned to me. I wouldn't call his expression assuring, but rather blank and sorry.
"We did tell her you were here, son…" The elevator door opened and he disconnected our stare. "Ah, let's go!"
I knew he wasn't finished answering my question. There was something else he wasn't telling me. As I walked into the elevator I felt a sharp sting in my heart from the thoughts stabbing my mind. What's wrong with Bella? Why is the doctor avoiding my direct question? And… where the hell was Carlisle?
"Dr. Anderson, Bella is my whole world. I swear to God if you are lying to me…" I was standing close to him, with my finger pointed in complete authority towards his face until he placed his hand over mine.
"Edward, Bella's health is fine, you will see for yourself," he said calmly. With that, the elevator emitted a "ding" and the door opened. "Room 1022 is this way. Follow me."
The long hallway walls were covered with light pink and green wallpaper. The tiles were white and the lights above me were a soft yellow. It made the hospital seem like happy place. Inside, I was a raging animal begging to have my Bella back to normal.
I followed Dr. Anderson to room 1022 and he motioned for me to enter first. I swallowed hard and walked in slowly. I wasn't sure what I was going to see. Would she be badly bruised? Would she be sleeping? I hope she dreams of something soothing.
I just wished I could trade places with her. I wished to be the one who got hurt, not her. I would dreaming of our moments together. Our moments in the meadow, in our bedroom, in the shower. Where we joined our bodies together with passion, love, and built-up need for one another. I wished to hold her in my arms, lay her on my lap and sweep the hair from her face to place kisses on her forehead.
Then I saw her. She lay in the hospital bed, hooked up to one IV. Her ankle was wrapped in a soft cast and her eyes were closed. She looked pale, but beautiful like a milky moonlight. Her head was wrapped with gauze and as far as her cuts and scrapes, they must have been covered by the gown.
"Bella…" I ran to her side, collapsing to my knees on the chair next to the bed as I hugged her torso. She was so fragile. "Bella, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault…"
I pressed a kiss on her wrist and felt her pulse panic under her veins. I wiped away a tear that fell from my eye and looked up at her. To my surprise, her eyes were open, and she was looking into mine.
"Bella! Bella, I'm here, love," I soothed, moving my hands up to cup her face. Our noses were touching and I closed my eyes to take in the smell of her, the feel of her cheeks under my fingertips, the sounds of her heartbeat.
Dr. Anderson finally spoke from behind me. "Edward I…"
"Is she okay?" I snapped.
Then the sounds of the angels sang through my ears. "Edward?" It was Bella. I flung my head around to her again, holding her face and willing her come back to reality.
"It's me love."
She squeezed her eyes shut then opened them again. Her lips were pouted and I wanted to kiss them. But right now, I needed to look into her eyes. They were trying to tell me something. Her expression was one I was not familiar with.
"I don't…" But before she could say another word she screamed in pain and her hands flew to her head.
Dr. Anderson ran to her side and held her down from shaking and falling off the bed. "Bella! Bella! Calm down!"
My body stilled in horror.
I watched Dr. Anderson extract a long needle from the drawer and inject the fluids into Bella's upper arm. She sank down into the bed within seconds.
"Edward, come with me." His tone was the furthest thing from comforting. The sting in my heart burned deeper.
"What's. Wrong. With her." My lips were pressed into a flat line and every muscle in my body tensed up with fear.
"Please, son, not in here…"
"I need to know. NOW."
He stared at me and sighed, defeated.
I spoke again. "It's nothing Bella and I can't handle together."
He continued to stare at me, trying to find some piece of sanity to rely on when he delivered the news.
"We're not sure but-"
"Just. Tell me."
"She may not… remember you."
His words fell like ashes, burnt out from the fire that once lit up a life, cold and empty.
"Bella, no one will ever love anyone as much as I love you. Never forget that."
Never forget that, Bella.
Never…
Few things.
I'm addicted to cliff hangers. I apologize in advance.
I won't be overly medical when writing. I'm a psych major, I'm not in pre-med.
& Reviews are lifesavers.
