Chapter Two
As light filtered into the sparsely furnished room a pained whimper echoed. It had been a couple of hours since Sam had left but Castiel had not yet moved from the silver table. It felt as though it had only been a few minutes. Castiel exhaled shakily as he moved off the silver slab. He picked up the tattered remains of his clothing, glancing at the table as he straightened, against his better judgement.
The evidence of what had happened during the night was still there, reminding him of his guilty sins and the feelings of humiliation. The harsh feelings clamped at his chest like a vice, making it hard to breathe. He slowly mended his clothing, stitching them back together flawlessly, not showing that anything unsavoury had just occurred.
Castiel suddenly jumped in terror as the door to the room creaked open noisily. His blue eyes shot to the source of the unwelcome intrusion, fearfully thinking that it was Sam returning but it wasn't. He was relieved but it quickly turned to embarrassment as he was not yet fully dressed. He quickly mended his shirt and trench coat before placing both of them on along with his tie.
Dean Winchester looked at the angel before him. For a moment he thought it had been Jimmy since the angel's normal composure and calm demeanour was gone. He frowned heavily in confusion and watched as Castiel hastily dressed in front of him, making Dean instantly wonder why the angel wasn't wearing anything in the first place. He felt his heart sink.
'What the hell, Cas...' Dean spluttered, almost lost for words. 'What happened? Why aren't you dressed? What happened to your clothes?' he asked, all his words unable to stop falling from his lips.
Castiel remained silent and once he was back to his normal composed self he turned to face Dean but he said nothing so Dean closed some of the distance between them. Castiel's eyes were casted downwards, towards the dusty floor. Dean bent his head, trying to get Castiel to look at him before he spoke more, to get more answers.
'Cas, look at me,' he said quietly.
Castiel reached for the bottom of his tie and fiddled with it silently. Dean couldn't understand. 'Look at me, Cas,' he said, trying again.
Again, nothing changed. Dean licked his lips and took a step forward in frustration. 'Castiel!' he half shouted.
The tone of Dean's firm voice shook Castiel from his thoughts and he locked eyes with Dean. The green eyes were full of concern and for some reason, it made Castiel feel worse about everything.
'I must be going,' said Castiel stiffly. 'There are things that I must attend to.'
He carefully stepped around Dean and walked towards the door. Dean quickly turned around. 'Cas, what's wrong?' he asked quickly.
'There is still work to be done,' Castiel said coldly as he left the room.
Dean's head momentarily spun. What the hell just happened? He ran from the room to follow but the angel was already gone. He sighed loudly and cursed under his breath. He just wished the angel's were more open about things.
The motel door creaked open and Dean scanned the empty room. It was odd to come back and not find Sam here. Dean knew he should have killed Ruby the first time they met, and when she returned for the second time. It would have solved a lot of the problems he had now.
When Dean closed the door a thud came from the bathroom, as though something had hit the floor. Dean's head snapped towards it as he slowly pulled a gun from his jacket. Cautiously he stepped towards the bathroom door. He couldn't hear anything else within making Dean wonder if he had imagined it.
He kicked the door open and pointed his gun at the person he saw but quickly lowered it. His head tilted to the side and he frowned in a mixture of anger and confusion.
'Sam! What the hell are you doing here and how did you get in?'
'I picked the lock,' said Sam simply.
'And what are you doing here?'
'What? Can't I come and see my big brother?' asked Sam innocently.
'Sam,' said Dean, trying to keep himself calm. 'Do you remember what happened the last time we were in the same room?'
'Yes,' said Sam unconcernedly. 'I'm not here about all of ... that... stuff. I'm here for something more personal.'
'More personal? Are you serious?' Dean asked sceptically.
Sam walked past Dean out of the bathroom and Dean instantly followed, still holding his gun in his hands. Dean was surprised at how calm and unconcerned his brother seemed. The person standing before him couldn't be his brother. It was unlike Sam to just let things go.
'Yes, I'm serious,' Sam said calmly. 'A lot of the things I said to you and... did to you, I really didn't mean. It's just lately I've been feeling confused and I'm not really sure how I feel about this coming war. I mean, before it always felt so far away and now it's right on our doorstep and there's no stopping it...'
'Where is this going, Sam?' asked Dean impatiently.
Sam sighed lightly. 'Dean, I'm trying to say that I want us fighting together.'
'Together?' Dean asked sceptically. 'Along with Ruby and a few of her demonic friends, I suppose?'
'Dean...'
'No, Sammy, I'm not about to trust my life to a bunch of demons!' said Dean firmly. 'I can sometimes hardly believe that you do it. You've changed so much, you know?' he added sadly.
'I haven't changed, Dean,' said Sam confidently. 'I've been awakened.'
'What the hell are you talking about? You're not making much sense,' said Dean impatiently.
'You're just not listening,' snapped Sam. 'I want us to fight the evil together...'
'You want us to fight evil with evil? No, Sam, no, I won't do that,' interrupted Dean. 'We have Castiel and the other angels on our side.'
'Yes... Castiel...' Sam whispered.
Dean's eyes narrowed sharply at his brother's tone of voice. 'What's that supposed to mean...? Do you know what happened to him?'
'No,' Sam said instantly. 'I was just wondering if you should really trust him.'
'I thought you were always the one that believed in angels and all that other heavenly stuff and yet you're not going to choose their side when this apocalypse comes,' Dean said loudly.
'Why do we need to choose sides?' asked Sam instantly.
The room went silent momentarily as Dean finally lowered his gun and took a step closer to his little brother, confusion etched into his face. 'What do you mean?'
'I mean, we can all fight against the evil,' said Sam quickly. 'The angels, you, me, Ruby and yes, a few selected people of her choice.'
'No, Sam,' Dean said firmly.
'No?' Sam questioned.
'That's right, no,' Dean repeated. 'Good and evil fighting evil? That's not how it works Sam, besides, the angels will destroy any demon around, it won't matter who they are.' He paused. 'Sam... look, I want you fighting alongside me. I doubt dad would have wanted us to be against each other, even though it's happened before. Even you admit that what's coming is going to be big. Please, Sam...'
'No,' Sam finally said sternly, turning and walking towards the door. He grasped the knob and turned it carefully before taking one step out. He stopped and turned his head half way towards Dean. 'I think you should talk to Castiel... while he' still on this Earth.'
When all of the possible meanings of Sam's words hit him, Dean ran towards the open door and frantically glanced around for Sam but he's brother was gone. Dean went back inside and slammed the door behind him. He walked towards the small fridge and took out a cold beer. As he opened it he sat down on his bed and drank it slowly.
Sam's words echoed around his head several times. He was still unsure of what he meant. He remembered how embarrassed Castiel was when he had walked in. Dean wondered if there was a person around that could give him a straight answer for all the questions in his head.
Why was Castiel getting dressed? Since when did he take off his clothes anyway? Why was Sam suddenly being nice and passive? Why did Sam suddenly want them fighting on the same side for the same thing?
It is what Dean wanted though and he was sure what his father would want; them, together, fighting on the same side but Dean didn't want it like this. He wanted Ruby and her demon friends to go back to hell and stay there. They didn't belong here and they didn't deserve to live among them even if the angels won.
Dean ran a hand through his short hair and sighed heavily. He was frustrated, annoyed that he couldn't just slap Sam in the back of the head and make everything go back to the way it used to be. If he could go back and do things different, Dean knew that there were many things he would change.
He finished his beer quickly and he lay down onto his back still fully dressed. He sighed again when he looked up at the crack, white ceiling. Eventually, he closed his eyes but it took a while for sleep to take him.
As Dean slowly woke up, he glanced around the room, his eyes momentarily blurry. He slowly sat up and took in the motel room. It still looked the same. He looked at his watch and saw that it was just after four in the morning. He exhaled lightly at the time. At least he had gotten some sleep.
Dean quickly got up and went to the bathroom and as he washed his hands all the feelings and memories of the previous day came back to him. Anger took over his emotions and he stormed back into the main room, standing near his bed and he looked up at the ceiling.
'Cas!' he yelled.
He checked the room but the angel did not appear. 'Castiel!' he shouted.
'Yes, Dean, I am here,' came the familiar gruff voice.
Dean spun around and looked towards the other side of the room. Castiel, in his usual attire, was standing on the far side of the other bed. This time though he gave Dean eye contact but Dean knew something was still wrong.
'What happened before?' Dean asked immediately, hardly taking a moment to breathe. 'You haven't been that cold towards me since you re-entered Jimmy's body.'
'I am sorry, Dean,' said Castiel quietly.
'I don't want your apologies. I want you to explain.'
'I... cannot,' Castiel stammered.
'You can't?' Dean questioned. 'Don't give me that crap, Cas,' he said harshly. 'You should know me better and despite all your preaching and speeches, I care about you. I want to know you're safe and well.'
'I am safe and well.'
'You didn't seem it in that abandoned building the other night,' Dean stated.
Castiel's head tilted lightly. 'How did you even know I was there?'
'Sam told me,' Dean said quickly. 'He called me saying that someone had captured you. He said he knew where they were keeping you and that I was closer so I raced over there but I found you alone.'
'Dean...' Castiel spoke fearfully.
Dean closed the distance between them quickly, making Castiel look away and flinch in fear. Dean frowned. 'What are you so afraid of? This isn't like you.'
'I... I have been, touched... disgraced...' he stammered once again, his voice eventually failing him.
Dean moved closer to Castiel, making the distance between them minimal. Castiel's cheek turned a deep pink in his admission. Dean licked his lips lightly. 'You're saying that someone... touched you... as in raped you?'
The words made Castiel flinch uncontrollably and he walked away from Dean, placing the space of the entire room between them again. Dean turned slowly, facing the shaken angel. 'I just want to know what happened. Who hurt you, Cas?'
Castiel exhaled shakily. Dean suddenly felt unsure of himself, unsure if he wanted to know the answer of this particular question. It seemed to agitate him at seeing the angel before him scared and shaken, deeply fearful of something.
Finally, Castiel turned and Dean saw the tears that filled his eyes large blue eyes. He wondered if Castiel knew they were there. 'It was Sam,' he said quietly.
Dean stepped towards Castiel again slowly, a deep frown forming on his face as he took in the angel's words. 'Sam?' he questioned almost angrily. 'You're saying he told me about you being hurt after he did it?'
'Yes,' Castiel said weakly.
'What exactly did he do?'
'Dean...'
'No,' said Dean firmly, shortening the distance between them again swiftly. He tightly took hold of Castiel's arm and made sure he looked him in the eye. 'Tell me exactly what he did.'
Castiel made no attempt to move away from Dean, which he was thankful for. He blinked and two tears fell from his eyes. Gently, Dean wiped them away as he continued to wait for the answer.
'I don't know how I got there,' Castiel started slowly. 'When I woke up I remembered that I had been watching you, keeping an eye on you, making sure that you were safe and suddenly something had changed. It took me by surprise and caught me off guard. I believe I was in shock.
'I woke up in the same room you found me in and I was sitting in a chair. My hand and legs were shackled. I was unable to remove them as they contained inscriptions on them necessary to entrap an angel. I knew something was dreadfully wrong. I couldn't see the other person in the room straight away but I knew I wasn't alone.'
Castiel paused and Dean gave the angel an encouraging look. Castiel licked his bottom lip languidly and eventually he continued. 'I learned that the other person was Sam. I questioned him on what he wanted and about you but he was vague. He stabbed me in the shoulder with a silver knife that had similar inscriptions before beating me. I was bruised but I felt too weak to heal myself. I needed time and Sam wouldn't allow it. He questioned me on what the angels had planned for him but I told him nothing.'
'You told him nothing as he was torturing you?' Dean asked in amazement.
Castiel shrugged ever so lightly. 'I have endured much worse before and besides, there was nothing to tell him. We have not yet received any orders about Sam, only about you. I tried to tell Sam to back down, to get him to stop several times, but no matter what I said, it changed nothing. He wasn't his normal self. He appeared agitated and darkened by something, tainted.'
Castiel took a deep breath before continuing. 'I soon realised what he had planned next. He brought out a large silver table and shackled me to it. He ripped off my clothes. I felt cold and embarrassed. Both of them were new experiences for me. I didn't appreciate either of them. Sam said he wanted me to know how it felt to be human. I was sure I didn't want to know and I'm sure the following experiences agreed with me.
'He touched me ... he touched my body and I felt confused. He spoke about you. As his touches continued I asked him to stop many times, saying that it was wrong and unwanted but my words never seemed to reach his ears. I feared for the safety of Jimmy's body. I felt guilty about him having been exposed to that. Though it only added to my feelings of guilt which I already carried for wanted pleasures of my own but I didn't want it to happen at Sam's hands.
'Sam continued what he was doing. He entered Jimmy's body. It was painful and felt very unnatural. I felt tears and the feelings of embarrassment increased greatly. When it was over, Sam left, not saying much and leaving me on the table, naked.
'A couple hours later you walked in and I was getting dressed. There's nothing else to say. I think Sam took what he wanted since quickly realising that he would get nothing out of me, even though there wasn't much for him to learn...'
Castiel's voice trailed off and he moved his eyes off Dean and glanced back down at the floor. Dean released his grip on Castiel's arm, lowering it to his side. His green eyes were large and his mouth hung open in surprise. Dean didn't know what to say or if there really was anything for him to say that could help or comfort Castiel in any way.
'Cas... I'm sorry...' Dean whispered.
Castiel could no longer speak or look at Dean. The hunter sighed in hidden anger. 'Do you know where Sam is now?' he asked eventually.
'Dean...' the angel whispered.
'Where is he?'
'Confronting him over this will solve nothing,' said Castiel, his gruff voice returning. 'You will only widen the divide between you both.'
'Cas,' said Dean warningly. 'Where is he?'
'Hiding,' Castiel said with a small sigh. 'If you have a map, I'll show you.'
Dean nodded his head rapidly and from the draw beside his bed and took out the map of the city they were in. He laid it across the table and eventually Castiel walked over and joined him, keeping a little bit of space between them. Dean noticed but said nothing.
Castiel ran his right hand over the large piece of paper and closed his eyes. Eventually, his hand came to a stop and he reopened his eyes. He removed his hand and Dean stared at the spot that Castiel had given him. He looked at Castiel with a confused look.
'Cas, there's nothing there.'
'Go there and you will find what you seek,' Castiel said instantly before the distinct sound of wings filled the room. Castiel had left. Dean looked back at the spot on the map. The decision was already made for him. He couldn't let Sam do this to his angel and get away with it.
Dean quickly pulled folded the map and placed it in his jacket before grabbing his keys and heading out. The door of the Impala creaked as it opened and Dean quickly hoped into the front seat. As the engine started and rumbled Dean stopped for a moment, realising what he had just told himself.
Castiel was his angel. Dean felt his heart skip a beat as he repeated it to himself again. He licked his lips slowly, attempting to think of something else but it was difficult. And it was true, Castiel was his angel. As he left the parking lot and drove down the long, deserted road the windshield seemed to become fuzzy, little prisms of the surrounding glowing lights in the dark, brightening right up against his pupils. Dean shook his head imperceptibly, willing his tears back from whence they came.
He took the map out from his jacket roughly and opened it out onto the seat beside him. The place he had to go was closer than it seemed. Dean's jaw clenched tightly as he thought of what to say when he got there. He knew all the things he would like to say but Dean knew he had to tread carefully. Last time, he and Dean had almost killed each other and he didn't want a repeat of that. He just wanted some answers.
When Dean finally reached his destination he promptly jumped out of his car and glanced at his surroundings. He was near the middle of nowhere and the closest thing to him seemed to be a large barn. As Dean approached it he looked it over carefully. It didn't look like anything special. The thick wood was made from almost looked ancient. Dean was a little surprised that it was even standing.
He walked around to the front and instantly noticed that the double doors were already open, allowing him to see the entire inside. He could only see one person there and he immediately knew that it was the figure of his brother. He was sitting on a thick white mattress with his head turned towards the empty back wall. Before entering though, Dean checked the rest of the room subtly.
Though there wasn't much to see. A wonky table with one leg missing sat in the opposite corner to Sam though its matching chairs were missing. Boxes filled the space along the walls. What they contained, Dean could only guess. Much of the space left was littered with bits hay although Dean could see no bundles of them around. Someone must have cleared them out.
He cautiously stepped into the large space. He walked to the middle but Sam still did not move. Dean stopped in the centre and as he clenched his fists he cleared his throat. His brother jumped at the sound, leaping to his feet and rapidly looked around for the unexpected intrusion. His hazel eyes went large as they focused on Dean.
'W-what are you doing here?' he said quietly.
Dean shrugged nonchalantly. 'Just thought I'd come to see you.'
'Why?' asked Sam, irritable at his brother's tone.
'I know what you did, Sam,' said Dean, his voice thick with confidence and anger.
'You'll have to be more specific, Dean,' said Sam coolly. 'I'm sure there are many things I've done that you don't approve of.'
'I'm talking about Castiel, Sam!' said Dean loudly. 'He told me everything.'
'Everything? Really? Are you sure?'
'You ... gutless, spineless son of bitch,' said Dean, his jaw clenched tight.
'Careful...' said Sam, a small smile playing across his lips. 'That's our mother you're talking about...'
'You're the one that needs to be careful,' Dean grounded out, his voice harsh. 'You tortured and raped an angel.'
'Hmm,' Sam hummed uninterestedly. 'If you want to call it that.'
'What?!' Dean shouted angrily. 'You've hurt him; he's... he's...'
'Damaged and going to fall,' said Sam, finishing his sentence although it was not what Dean was going to say.
'You want him to fall?' Dean asked incredulously. 'You want this to happen.'
'Yes,' Sam said unemotionally.
'B-but... why?' asked Dean, shocked.
'Why? You want to know why?' asked Sam, bewildered. 'Fine. I'll tell you why. It's because Castiel has consumed you Dean.' Dean looked taken aback and Sam continued. 'Haven't you noticed how he's always around you? I know that the two of you talk all the time and I'm not in any of these conversations and I know that some of the conversations have been about me.
'Dean... I'm sick of it. I'm sick and tired of you putting Castiel before me. Don't think I haven't noticed all the looks that go on between you. I do see it and I'm sure many others do to.'
'There is nothing between me and Cas, and how dare you even think that I put him first,' said Dean heatedly. 'After everything I've done for you, Sammy. I looked after you when we were young, I've looked out for you growing up, I always protected you without even having been told, God Sam, I made a deal to go to hell for you and you're going to stand there and openly say that I'm putting an angel before my own flesh and blood?'
Dean approached his little brother, leaving little space between them. 'Come on, Sam,' Dean continued harshly. 'Tell me again how I haven't done anything for you.'
Sam's face hardened and slowly he shook his head. Dean felt the anger within him boil and he drew back his arm and punched Sam squarely in the face. Sam slowly turned back to face Dean and he wiped the blood from his bottom lip.
'Make you feel better?'
'No,' said Dean through gritted teeth. He swung again punching Sam in the eye. Sam's head spun and he rocked backwards. Dean moved forwards swiftly and pushed him backwards onto the ground. Sam groaned loudly.
Dean didn't pause in his attack. He kicked Sam in the side, his ears filling with his brother's agonising groans again. Dean's face contorted into heavy anger as he kicked him several more times.
'You violated an angel!' Dean screamed at him. 'Don't you feel any shame at all? Don't you feel anything!?'
He received no answer and Dean pulled his brother onto his back and he knelt down on top of him. 'Look at me, Sam! Do you really feel nothing?'
Sam spat out some blood from the corner of his mouth and he looked up at Dean, his face impassive and blank. 'Screw you,' he muttered.
Dean let his anger get the better of him again and he punched Sam in nose, attempted to knock at least some sense into him. Suddenly Dean yelped loudly as he was pulled off Sam and dragged backwards. Sam slowly got to his feet and the person dragging Dean let go and walked around him. He looked up and sneered as he looked into the face of Ruby. He quickly got to his feet.
'Leave,' Ruby said firmly.
'And if I don't?' Dean asked defiantly.
Ruby slowly pulled a silver gun from the back of her pants and pointed it at him. To Dean's surprise, Sam didn't say or do anything to stop her. Dean held his hands up and backed up towards the double doors. 'Fine, I'm leaving,' he grunted.
As soon as Dean was out of range from the gun he ran to his Impala and jumped into the front seat. He raced back towards the hotel as though something were chasing him. Dean could feel his heart thumping in his chest profoundly. He took several deep breaths to try and calm down but it didn't work. Dean was sure he just needed to see Castiel again and know that he really was safe.
When Dean returned to the motel room he bolted into the bathroom as warm vomited quickly filled his mouth. He spat into the sink and washed it down the drain along with the remains from his mouth. He stopped as he went to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand. It was covered with Sam's blood. He quickly washed his hand, getting rid of the evidence of what he just did.
Slowly, he turned the water off and looked at his reflection in the grimy mirror. His green eyes looked dull and there were puffy black circles under his eyes. His sleeping pattern had been shot to hell recently. He always wondered if he would ever have a good night sleep again.
Dean walked back in the main room and he swore loudly as Castiel stood beside his bed. 'Fuck Cas, you startled me!'
'I'm sorry, Dean,' the angel said quietly.
Dean exhaled heavily and sat down on his bed as he took his shoes off. 'What are you doing back here?'
'I know what you did, Dean,' Castiel stated in the same quiet tone. 'I fear things will only get worse between you.'
'Well, I couldn't let him get away with what he did to you,' Dean stated immediately.
'Why?' Castiel asked curiously.
'Because...' Dean said slowly, his mind suddenly going blank. 'Because... I care about you. I've told you that before.'
Dean kicked his shoes aside and glanced up at Castiel. His eyes were directed at the carpet floor and he appeared sad. Dean rubbed his hands on his jeans and stood up. 'Cas, I have wanted to ask but... you mentioned before that you carried wanted pleasures of your own... what were they?'
'Dean...' the angel whispered his voice barely audible.
Dean licked his lips roughly and stepped forwards uncertainly. He knew he was about to take a massive dive and guess at something, something that he himself wanted. He lifted his arm and touched Castiel's pale cheek. The angel sharply looked up at him, his eyes wide and his mouth open.
He closed the distance between them, pressing his body against Castiel's, making sure that there was no space for him to move and he gently pressed his lips to Castiel's. The angel paused hesitatingly, wondering if he should give in. Dean slowly began to pull away, disheartened at it not being returned, but Castiel grabbed him, keeping him close.
'The feelings are mutual then?' Dean asked with a smug smile.
Castiel said nothing but gave the hunter a small smile. Dean titled his head and crushed his lips against Castiel's again. They moaned together as their tongues danced for domination. Castiel was first to break the kiss and he took stepped around Dean to put space between them. Dean turned but waited patiently.
'I must go back to heaven,' Castiel stated sadly.
'What? Why?' asked Dean quickly.
'They know what happened with Sam and I've been ordered back.'
There was a small silent pause.
'Will you come back?'
'Yes,' said Castiel quietly.
Dean walked over to Castiel again. 'When do you have to leave?'
'Soon,' was Castiel's only answer. 'Promise you will look after Jimmy until I return.'
'I promise,' said Dean firmly. 'But I do think Heaven can wait for a few moments...'
Dean took Castiel's hand and led him back over to his bed. He didn't want to wait for him to return so he touch his angel.
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