Five minutes later Bill came tromping down the stairs, looking far more upset than Fred thought some good-natured ribbing warranted.

"I know," Bill said, "that the two of you enjoy taking the mickey out of Percy, and pushing limits, and generally trying to make people laugh, but you've got to learn that some things just aren't funny."

"Look, if you've got a problem with Percy having a boyfriend you should probably take it up with him," Fred said. "We don't know anything. We only saw them together."

"Which is the problem," Bill said. "If you were repeating stuff you'd heard from other people it wouldn't be such an issue, but where you're making up nasty rumors-"

"What rumors?" Fred demanded. "We told Charlie that Percy had a boyfriend. It's true. We saw him. How is that a rumor?"

Bill paused, looking rather confused, and George took the opportunity to blunt Fred's idiocy. "Well, we didn't actually see them doing anything, but they were sitting suspiciously close together."

"Way closer than they needed to be to practice stirring potions," Fred said, catching on to the idea.

"And it's not like Percy needs to practice stirring potions," George added. "Even we don't need to practice stirring potions, so there's no way a couple of third years would. If Peter was a third year. The attempt at a mustache made him look older."

Bill blinked. "Peter?"

"Was that what you got out of all this?" George asked. "Yeah, Peter was the name on his books, so we assume he's Peter."

"It's that or he stole Peter Pettigrew's books," Fred said. "Which I haven't ruled out."

"Nah, I think Percy has more class than to go out with a book thief," George said. "And who would steal a potions book with someone else's name written on the back cover? They'd get caught right quick."

"Wouldn't be worth the trouble," Fred added.

"Right," Bill said, sounding a bit strained. "So that's all there is to it. You saw Percy with a boy, assumed they were together, and eagerly shared the juicy gossip with Charlie."

"Yeah," Fred said. "What did you think there was to it?"

"That's not any-" Bill began, but he stopped and gave the twins a look that suggested he was peering into their souls, weighing the contents, and finding them wanting. "Look, you two are not exactly the most trustworthy people around-"

"Come on, Bill," Fred said. "We can keep secrets."

"Keep secrets, yes," Bill said, "but I'm not concerned that you're going to shout this out during the middle of dinner or anything like that. It's-" Bill broke off and took a deep breath. "If I tell you this, I need the pair of you not to bother Percy about it."

Neither George nor Fred could keep the hint of a smile from crossing their face. Even if they couldn't bother Percy about this per se, they were sure to find a use for it somehow. Especially if they could get Percy to let his secret slip.

Bill glared at them. "And by bother I mean, if Percy so much as finds out that you know about this I will write Mum and tell her that you've been skiving off homework to torment Percy."

Fred gulped.

"We'll be very careful," George said. "We won't tease Percy about this or set up pranks around or anything. Promise."

"Cross our hearts and hope to die," Fred added.

Bill looked at them as though he was tempted to make another threat, but instead he said, "Percy asked a girl to go out with him during the Valentine's Hogsmeade visit. No, I won't tell you who, Perce didn't want you to know this much-"

"I can't imagine why," Fred said quite seriously.

Bill raised an eyebrow.

"Right," Fred said. "Percy doesn't find out we know about his girlfriend. Carry on."

"Percy was afraid you'd tease him mercilessly about it, especially as this girl is not terribly feminine. So when you told Charlie about Percy's 'boyfriend' he naturally assumed that you were making fun of his choice in girls."

"She doesn't actually have a mustache though," George said. "She could just jinx it off if one started growing." And if it didn't stay jinxed off then she could always shave it.

"I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you're asking out of curiosity about hygiene charms," Bill said. "Back onto our actual subject, I expect the pair of you to be polite to Percy and any girls he dates."

"What about Peter?" Fred asked. "Because if Percy has been two-timing on his girlfriend-"

"It was one date," Bill said. "And I don't know if anything came of it. Besides, Percy's not all that good with emotions. What you two saw could just as easily be a boy with a crush on Percy trying to cozy up to him."

"Speaking of Peter," George said. "Do you know if he's the kind of person who would try that? Just so that we can tell Percy about it."

"Despite what you might think, I don't know everyone in this school," Bill said. "And I would rather-"

"But you've got to know Peter, he's one of Percy's roommates," Fred said.

"That's Peter Pickering," Bill said. "And it's rude to interrupt people, Fred, so let me finish: I'll tell Percy about this Peter fellow coming on to him. You keep your mouths shut and don't go making up jokes about it, even between yourselves. All right?"

"Actually," George said. "Do you really need to mention Peter to Percy specifically. I mean, he might have noticed himself, turned Peter down, and not want to dwell on it."

"Yeah, he seemed pretty annoyed when we brought it a couple of days ago," Fred added helpfully. "It might be better if you dropped it."

Bill sighed. "I suppose it was too much to expect you not to tease Percy about it the first chance you got. Fine, I won't mention it to Percy, but I want you two to lay off of him for the rest of the year."

"That's a whole three months," Fred complained.

"I'm sure you can find something else to occupy your time," Bill said. "You might try studying for your exams."

"Sure," George said. "Night, Bill. I'm sure you've got other stuff to do."

Bill nodded. "Night." He turned and disappeared into the dormitories.


A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, or followed! Also, because people have mentioned it: I am not following the all the ages Rowling gave for the Weasley boys. I wanted Bill in this story and there is nothing in the books that contradicts him being in seventh year for Fred and George's first year, so I decided to have that be the case for this fic.