OK I'm back...sorry it took so long for me to update, Work's been keeping me swamped pretty good, and other personal things going on...On the positive side of things...I've been inspired to work on this story because I got to meet CHRISTIAN himself on July 3rd!! I was so nervous, but I assure he's one of the nicest and sweetest superstars I've ever met...Sorry, had to get that little information out there...I'm still giggly over that...so expect more updates in the near future!
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I couldn't help but let my insecurities get the best of me as I thought about Jay being with Candy. The girl was beautiful, I've known for so long that he deserved so much better than me, and I always knew that this relationship would end sometime, so I don't know why it was bothering me so much. I should just be glad that I had him for a little while, but on the same level I couldn't help but be angry and feeling betrayed, like I was just the rental until Jay found someone better.

The thoughts pre occupied my mind as we watched the rest of the show and before I knew it Jay and I were on our way back to his house. I hadn't spoken a word the whole trip as I watched the ocean through my window as I felt Jay's hand on my thigh as he drove. I was brought out of my thoughts when Jay spoke "Are you ok? You seem upset?" I turned to look into his blue eyes as we sat a red light, and mentally I tried to push it all back, tried to rethink everything, but unfortunately that's not what happened everything just came pouring out… "Look, let's not pretend anymore ok?" I glanced at Jay's face as a confused look crossed his face, he responded "What are you talking about baby?", that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I let it all go "Look, you deserve so much better than me, I tried to think maybe there was someway we could be together…but let's face it Jay….You're out of my league, you deserve a beautiful woman with a great body not a fat chick like me…Cause let's be honest, I'm no Candy" Jay's mouth hung open as I continued "So let's just stop this whole make believe game right now, you deserve so much better than me" I could feel the tears building in me as I did the only thing I could think of at the time. I flung my door open and ran, I could hear Jay screaming for me as I continued to run. I let the tears pour down my face, the one thing that confused me was why was I crying? Was I crying because he was with Candy? Was I crying because I'd lose a good friend, Or was it something else? No, It couldn't be…Could I be crying because the man I love deserved more than I could give him. My tears stopped for a moment as the thought sunk in to me…Love? I loved him? The tears poured down my face even faster now as I knew I would lose the man that had burrowed into my heart in only a few months time.

I looked behind me for the first time as I saw the approach of headlights coming from the street, I glanced back and sure enough I recognized the car as I ran faster down the street the car easily keeping up with me. The passenger window was rolled down, and as I quickly glanced into the car, I simply saw Jay watching me, he didn't speak a word, he just followed me with the car as he watched me. Like he was more confused than anything.

The sidewalk ended when it hit the beach, I looked out into the ocean as I began running on the sand, I wanted to just escape from the pain, but half of me just wanted to know if Jay would chase me. I ran down the beach as fast as I could, when suddenly I felt two arms grab me around the waist and pull me to the ground, I fought until I heard a familiar voice "Lily! Stop it! What's wrong?" as he used his body to hold me down, his hands cupping my face, making me look into his blue ones he spoke again as I stopped fighting against him as spoke calmly "What's wrong baby? Talk to me!" A serious expression was imprinted on his face, as the tears continued to flood out of my eyes, I couldn't even speak. I really didn't know how to explain it anymore without crying and blubbering like a baby, not to mention I never liked people seeing me cry. His hands still gently cupping my face, he let me cry, his one hand brushing my bangs out of my eyes, as I tried to calm myself before I spoke "It's just you deserve better than me… I'm ou…" I was cut off by his index finger lightly laying over my lips, as he wiped away another tear that escaped my eyes with his free hand. I could see the sympathy in his eyes as he tried to understand what I was saying "Come here" he said gently as he climbed off me and helped me to my feet and led me to a small wall that followed the beach along the coast, just on the outside of the sidewalk. He sat on the wall, and wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me between his legs, his face directly across from mine as he spoke "What do you mean I deserve more?" I rolled my eyes, as I wiped the excess tears from my eyes, he would want me to explain it, as I took a deep breath, finally calming down, as I tried to explain it "Well, look at you…you're gorgeous! You're funny, you're sweet, you're caring…you deserve much more than what a fat chick like me could give you" I said, fighting the new wave of tears that stung my eyes, when surprisingly Jay smiled…He began speaking "Lily, I could say the same about you…I mean, I'm not gonna fight you on the fact of me being gorgeous" he said with a smirk, causing me to laugh slightly, as I lightly swatted him in the arm, but he continued " I mean, sure I got some good attributes, but I'm not perfect, I drool when I sleep, I leave my dirty underwear on the floor, I'm known for my ability to fart loudly, I don't recycle and when I was 10 I shoplifted a bag of M&M's from the grocery store…Trust me, I don't deserve as much as you think I do" I couldn't help but smile at him, as he continued "And since we're on the subject, you my dear, are really selling yourself short" he said pulling me closer, his lips only inches from mine. I raised my hands to his chest holding his arms length from me as I spoke again "Are you sure you don't want someone like Candy?" His face contorting, as realization hit him. "Figures she'd be a apart of this" he muttered, as I looked confused as he explained "Look, that chick is crazy…plain and simple…I don't know what she told you but I'm gonna tell you the truth" I stayed quiet as he continued to explain "Candy's been hanging around the boys since I moved to TNA, I helped her with a flat tire one night after a taping, and she insisted on buying me dinner. I took her offer, and the next thing I know, everyone in the locker room is talking about how me and her were some sort of item. I never even kissed her, much less slept with her, and ever since then she's been saying we had a thing to anyone who would listen" His hands leaving my waist, as they cupped my face as he held my face still across from his "But listen to me, She's not my type. Even if she would of offered I would of not slept with her. Ok?" I nodded my head as he finished, he closed the gap between my lips and his as our lips danced together, I don't know why but something was different about that kiss, as the kiss broke he spoke with a smile "Let's go home" I nodded as he stood from the wall and we walked back to where he had hastily parked his car earlier, he had just opened the passenger door for me when I entered his car. He leaned against the door frame, his body pressing against mine as he spoke "You promise you won't jump out again?" I smiled as I buckled my seat belt, and turned back to him, as he leaned forward and captured my lips in a hot kiss that was over, much sooner than I wanted as he closed the door behind me. I waited as he climbed into the drivers side and started the car as he looked over to me "So you know what this means right?" I looked confused as he said with a smirk, "We get to have hot make-up sex when we get home" as he wagged his eyebrows up and down. I laughed slightly, before I spoke sarcastically "Oh if I must", he turned to me, eyeing me suspiciously as he saw the smile creep on my lips as he spoke "you know you like it…" and before I could stop it from coming out I responded "I like any thought of sex that involves you and me…", his head snapping to me as he grasped my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine, as he spoke with a whisper "Oh, we definitely deserve each other" quickly leaning over and giving me a quick kiss, as we pulled away and continued on our way home.

We pulled into the driveway, as Jay quickly hopped out of the car and opened my door for me, intertwining his fingers with mine as we walked into his house together. I did feel better about the whole situation, but deep down I still had the thoughts plague my mind. We walked into the kitchen as I saw Jay open the fridge and stare into it blankly, I sat on a barstool on the other side of the breakfast bar area, watching him stare into the fridge. He closed the fridge and walked over to me, as I turned in my seat, his hands on either side of me, pinning me between him and the breakfast bar. His face just mere inches from mine, his eyes dancing with mine as I spoke "Find something good to eat?" His lips now hovering centimeters above mine, his eyes pouring into mine as he spoke against my lips "uh huh" as his lips captured mine in an erotic kiss. His lips moving slower than I'd experienced before, but the passion was totally in control as our tongues danced together. The kiss broke before I wanted, as Jay began moving his lips down my neck as I smiled "I meant for dinner" I spoke with a shaky voice, his lips causing my mind to run wild. Jay brought his face back to mine with a smirk as he simply spoke "Oh!" I gently swatted his arm, as he smiled widely wrapping his arms around my waist pulling my body closer to his as I still sat on the stool. I watched as he seemed to think about the options when he spoke "How about a little poolside BBQ?" I smiled as I nodded my head when he spoke, grabbing my hands, pulling me off of the stool to my feet, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist, he spoke "So does this mean I get to see you in your swim suit?" wagging his eyebrows at me. I laughed lightly when I answered "Do I get to see you in yours?", Jay quickly responded "Oh didn't I tell you?" his face turning serious just for a moment as he continued " My pool is clothing optional, so I prefer to swim in the nude" his smile growing wide on his face as I simply nodded my head "What? It helps with your tan?" I responded sarcastically, only to be met with another verbal response from Jay, "Hey! Tan lines are a bitch to get rid of!" I laughed out loud with Jay as he still kept his arms around my waist, holding me tight.

Our laughter subsided for a moment, as we caught each others attention and just stared into each others eyes. I could see the lust and hunger deep in his blue eyes, but I knew there was something else in there, and at that moment I wasn't sure what it was. To say my own feelings weren't confusing alone, I couldn't help but be more confused by the emotions that his eyes held. I could feel the nerves jump in my stomach, as I cleared my throat, breaking our eye contact when I spoke "Well, I better go get ready" I said blushing, as I maneuvered my self out of his grasp and begin walking down the hallway that lead to his bedroom, I could feel his eyes burning into my back as I made my way down the hallway.