My eyes growing wide I slowly turned around and sure enough, just like a blast from the past, there stood Jay in real life. He had a serious expression across his features, and all I wanted to do was hug him, but I couldn't…I couldn't show my true emotions, as I suddenly turned angry "What the hell are you doing here?" He pulled off his sunglasses as he shot back "What the hell am I doing here? I'm furious, cause you didn't have the decency to call me yourself and let me know about Amelia!" I took a step closer to him "We're not together anymore, so It's none of your business" Jay threw his head back in fake laughter as he retorted "Yeah, speaking of that, next time you break up with me, why don't you tell me first!" I couldn't help but glare at him, when Jade spoke up, her voice yelling also "I can't believe you lied to me Lily! You told me he broke up with you!" I was about to fight back when AJ yelled loudly "Ok everyone cool it! Let's get in the car and we'll settle this later!"
I huffed as I got into the car, Jade got into the driver's seat as the guys got into the back seat as we pulled out of the parking garage. The car was enclosed in silence, when suddenly Jay spoke "So how are the boys holding up?" Jade looked to me as I rolled my eyes as I answered "They're doing as good as possible I guess…I don't think they really understand what's going on" We drove in silence again when Jay spoke up "Look, I got reservations on the strip, so if you can just drop me off" I listened as Jade spoke "You don't have to stay at a hotel, we have plenty of room at the apartment", a moment of silence passed before Jay spoke again "Well I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, so I'll just stay at the hotel…but I'll be by to visit the boys" I couldn't help my next reaction as I turned in my seat, glaring into the back seat, my blue eyes meeting his as I spoke with a venomous tone "Look, don't enter their lives if all you're gonna do is leave them again…they've had enough loss" and to my surprise Jay simply smiled and retorted "Just because you pushed me out of your life, doesn't mean the boys will…I love those little boys, and I love yo….well it doesn't matter…but I would never hurt those boys" I couldn't believe my ears, did he just say he loved me? How could he, after all I did to him? As I turned back in my seat facing forward.
I didn't speak again until we got home, we walked into the apartment and watched as the boys were playing guitar hero as their grandparents watched on the couch. When Jesse's face saw AJ he immediately squealed "AJ!!!" as guitar hero was soon forgotten as both boys came running into AJ's arms. After a bit of catching up, Amelia's parents had went back to their hotel, and we had got the boys fast asleep, I let the boys sleep in my bed tonight, I just felt like sleeping on the couch, plus AJ, Jade and I had some catching up to do. I sat at the table, as Jade brought over a cup of coffee as her and AJ each pulled up a chair at the table across from me. "Anything you want to talk about?" Jade asked eyeing me suspiciously as I took a deep breath and began telling my tale.
I told AJ and Jade about how Jay deserved more than me, how he deserved someone better than me. I told them about Candy, I told them about how I got too attached to Jay, and how it would never work out, when I heard AJ speak "Do you know what you did to him?" I looked into his blue eyes as AJ continued "When you didn't take his calls, he was like a zombie…He didn't talk to anyone, all he would do was mope around the studio…You had him so worried Lily" I couldn't help the tears coming to my eyes, I didn't mean to make him worry, I was doing what I thought was best. I wiped away the tears when Jade spoke up "Look sis, Who's here to decide who deserves what in their lives? I mean half the crap we went through in lives we didn't deserve but it was the hand we were dealt. Maybe, god has a reason why you and Jay are supposed to be together?" I smiled as Jade continued "I can't tell you what to do, but I know you don't like dealing with real emotions, you always have…but don't let that stop you from missing out on a great guy" I sighed as I retorted "Well, I'm sure he hates me by now, he has too, and I'm sure he's moved on, just like he should…I'm sure he's found a better girl who can be everything he wants" I said as I got up from the table and laid on the couch, leaving Jade and AJ sitting at the table.
I awoke the next morning, I got showered and dressed and soon enough it was time to get the boys up. An hour or so later everyone in apartment was up, AJ was sitting in the living room with Jacob and Jesse, helping them with their black ties for their suits for the funeral, as I sipped on my cup of coffee. I had to smile as AJ played with Jacob and Jesse, causing the little boys to giggle, it was good to see them smile, they've been so sad and confused lately, and I knew more was to come as the realization of what really happened would sink into their minds. Jade walked into the kitchen standing next to me she spoke "Have you spoke with Jay?" I nodded my head 'no' as she continued "I texted him the time and location of the service" I looked at my sister with wide eyes, but before I could protest she spoke "Look, those little boys need all the support they can get, so you and him need to put it aside and focus on those boys" she said sternly. I shook my head in agreement, Jade was right, Jacob and Jesse were the most important right now.
We drove to the service, Jacob and Jesse dressed in matching dark suits, they each clenched a wrestling action figure in their little fingers as I had each boy by their free hand and walked them into the parlor for the service. I had tried to explain to the boys the day before what was going to happen, I had explained to them that this was the time that they could say goodbye to their mother and uncle, but them being so young I don't think they quite understood it. I had each boy seated on either side of me, Jade and AJ sitting on the other side, their grandparents and other family members filling up the rest of the seats. The boys sat quietly during the service, very well behaved actually, the pastor asked for the family members to come and say goodbye. I nodded to let AJ and Jade go up before us, I gave each boy two red roses, one to lay on each casket when we went up there. I led the boys up to the caskets, as I lifted Jacob up first and let him place his rose on his uncle's casket, I then lifted Jesse and he did the same. The boys seemed to be doing well, until we got to Amelia's casket. I lifted Jacob up, and his little bottom lip quivering he spoke "Is mommy in there?" I squeezed him closer to me as I nodded my head 'yes', when I heard Jesse speak "Aunt Lily? Did mommy leave cause we were bad?" he asked, little tears squeaking out of his eyes, I was about to answer, when a deep voice spoke "Absolutely not!" as both boys turned around to see Jay walking towards us from the back of the parlor. Jay walked up to Jesse, picking him up in his arms, as Jesse laid his head on Jay's shoulder, as Jay reached over soothing Jacob's hair. "I want you boys to listen to me ok?" I watched as both boys nodded their little heads, wiping their tears with the back of their hands, Jay continued "You're mommy loved you two more than anything, I know your mommy didn't want to leave, but I'm sure she's smiling right now, you know why?" Both boys nodded their head 'no' as Jay continued "Because she knows that your Aunt Lily, and Aunt Jade, and AJ, and Me love you two as much as she did, and she knows we will take good care of you" Jacob turned to me "You think mommy is smiling Aunt Lily?" I glanced to Jay, before I answered "Yep, I bet she's looking down on you two right now, and I bet she's proud of how good you two have been" I watched as Jesse leaned forward in Jay's arms, laying his rose on Amelia's casket when I heard Jesse say "Here ya go, mommy!" as he leaned back in Jay's arms, resting his head on his shoulder. I looked at Jacob, who released a deep breath as he leaned forward and put the rose on the casket, I heard his little voice speak softly "I love you mommy", tears escaping his eyes, as he buried his head in my shoulder as I tried to soothe him. Jay and I left the parlor carrying the boys in our arms as we walked outside to the area where the procession was to begin.
