Chapter 11

Lexa awoke before the sun. She quietly rolled out of bed, careful not to wake Costia. She moved to the end of the bed and sat on the floor, legs criss crossed, eyes closed. Under Titus' guidance, she was learning to communicate with the spirit of the commanders. Today was an important day and she wanted their blessing. Of all the commanders, Lexa listened to Becca's voice most. She was the one least insistent upon clan loyalties and instead focused on the best outcome for all people. Her beliefs most closely aligned with Lexa's own. Today was the day Lexa's coalition would rise or fall. If Lexa couldn't solidify this coalition, she knew it would destabilize her own power and likely lead to her death. This had to work. Lexa knew she must be careful to respect their traditions. Jus drein jus daun had always been the way of their people and it must continue to be their basis of their justice. However, Lexa also knew that there was something coming that would pay no regard to clan or beliefs. Becca showed her praimfaya. She knew that in six years time, a death wave would rip across the surface of the Earth, killing everything in its path. If Lexa didn't unite the people now, it would be chaos then. In Lexa's mind, Becca had shown her a bunker beneath the crypt. It would protect its occupants from praimfaya. It was Lexa's intention to save an equal number from every clan. This coalition was the first step towards that plan. They had to learn to live together. As Becca warned, Lexa was careful to never mention any of this to another living soul. It was the commander's burden to bear, and her's alone.

Lexa finished her meditations and went to the throne room early. She stood on the balcony. From up here, she could see all the way across Polis. Everyone in every direction was her responsibility, a responsibility that weighed heavily on her small shoulders. She heard Titus approach from behind.

"Yes, Titus?"

"Lexa, we need to speak," he said solemnly. Lexa was surprised that he referred to her by her name, not Heda. Something was amiss.

"Go on," she prompted, a sense of dread building.

"Do you not remember my teachings?"

"Titus, I don't have time for this. Say what you came here to say and get on with it," Lexa said, already irritated. She didn't need distractions today and she did not want to play games with him.

"I saw you!" He spat. "With her!" Lexa was taken aback by his anger.

"Whatever it is you think you saw is of no concern to you," she replied defensively.

"But it is! Everything you do concerns me, concerns all of your people. Love is weakness, Lexa. To be commander is to be alone. You must end this."

"I will do no such thing."

"If you don't, you are killing her. Your enemies are circling, looking for a weakness. If you care about her, you will send her home!"

Lexa was incensed. Her careful, measured way of speaking was gone. She yelled at Titus with a level of passion he didn't know she possessed. Her eyes burned with anger.

"You forget your place, Titus! You are my subject! They are all my subjects! I will not hear this from you again! Get out! Now."

Titus was shook. He had not expected her to so throughly dismiss him, dismiss his wisdom. He loved her and respected her. He felt more for her than any other commander he had served. But, she was wrong, and he had to save her from herself. But he also knew he would not get through to her today, so he bowed respectfully and left her alone to her thoughts.

Lexa turned back to look out at the city again. Her heart was somersaulting in her chest, her blood felt like it was boiling. How dare he? He was wrong. Anya was wrong. They were all wrong. Why couldn't she have it all? She didn't ask to be the commander and she did not accept a life of solitude, without love. Surely she didn't owe her entire life to her people. Lexa steadied her breathing. She had to push this out of her mind. She had work to do today and she could not be distracted by Titus and his ill timed lecture. She knew he cared about her, but this transgression was not something she would easily forgive. If he had been anyone else, she would have already thrown him off her balcony to his death.

An hour later, Lexa was seated on her throne with ambassadors from eleven of the clans seated around her in a circle. The chair for Azgeda was empty, a fact which did not go unnoticed by anyone. This would be the true test of Lexa's leadership.

"Thank you all for coming today," Lexa began in a strong voice. "We are here to talk peace. I have met with each of you individually and have heard your concerns and conditions. For this to work, everyone must make compromises. But we are stronger together. In my coalition, your people will be safe. An attack against one clan will be an attack against every clan. Together we will possess an army unlike any the world has ever seen."

Lexa was pleased when she noticed heads nodding in agreement. She had their attention. For the next several hours, they discussed the terms of the coalition. Things became heated at times, but Lexa expertly mediated every conflict. Then, without warning, the doors to the throne room swung open and in strode Queen Nia and her Ice Nation delegation.

Lexa stood and walked down the aisle to meet Nia. Nia towered over her, but Lexa held her stare, refusing to give her an inch of ground.

"Nia, are you here to join my coalition or are you here to die? I'd be happy to oblige either way." Lexa got right to the point. The other ambassadors watched intently.

"I will never follow you, girl," Nia sneered, looking down at Lexa with disgust.

Gustus was there in an instant, sword drawn. He pointed his sword at Nia's neck. She looked unconcerned.

"Heda?" He asked, awaiting her orders.

Lexa never lost her composure. She stared at Nia, studied her.

"You may not, but your people will. You can be the first to take my brand, as a symbol of your membership in my coalition."

Lexa kicked Nia behind the knees, forcing her to kneel in front of her. Lexa then ripped the sleeve of Nia's shirt, exposing her forearm. Without breaking eye contact with Nia, Lexa reached her hand out to grab the iron brand her guarded handed her; it was glowing orange with the heat from the fire it had been resting in. Nia's eyes went wide as Lexa plunged the brand into her skin. Nia didn't give Lexa the satisfaction of a scream and kept her eyes fixed on Lexa in defiance. Lexa relished the thought of making Nia suffer, making her burn like her people burned.

"You will leave an ambassador here to participate in our peace talks. Is that clear?" Lexa asked.

"Crystal," Nia spat. "Roan!" She called.

A warrior stepped out from the Ice Nation delegation. "Yes, mother."

"Stay here and keep an eye on this child who presumes to lead us."

Lexa's fist connected with Nia's face before she could get another word out. It was a solid hit; she didn't pull back. Nia was knocked unconscious. The other ambassadors were clearly impressed. The Ice Queen was not popular among them.

"Take your queen home to lick her wounds," Lexa said to the Azgeda guards. They complied without question. Titus was standing outside the throne room when they left. He slipped a note into one of the guard's hands and walked away without saying a word.

Prince Roan was the last Azgeda warrior still standing in the throne room. A look passed between him and Lexa. He was ruggedly handsome, a seasoned warrior, yet his eyes did not share the hatred for Lexa that his mother's did. Roan, Lexa thought. Her mind flashed back to that night, the night she lost everything, to the boy who spared her. Could it be?

"Prince Roan. Thank you for joining us. Please take your seat." Lexa motioned to the empty chair. He looked at her curiously and sat down.

Over the next several weeks, the terms of Lexa's coalition were solidified. In turn, each ambassador volunteered to take the brand, a sign of their clan's commitment to the coalition. For most, they did it for security. For others, they did it out of fear of Lexa. Her confrontation with the Ice Queen only made her more powerful. Lexa didn't care what their motivations were; what she cared about was the outcome. She still worried about Azgeda. While Prince Roan seemed reasonable enough, Lexa knew he did not have the authority to enforce peace. Nia would continue to be a problem, especially after Lexa had so publicly humiliated her. In the end, Azgeda did not join the coalition.

On his last night in Polis, Roan was summoned to Lexa's room. Gustus escorted him to her.

"Roan, come in," she said.

"Heda, if this is about the coalition, you know I support it, but the queen is adamantly opposed. I do not know that there is anything I can do to convince her," Roan said.

"I know. It's not about that. I have to know something."

"It's about that night, isn't it?" Roan asked.

"So it was you?"

"Yes."

"Why did you spare me?"

"Honestly, I don't know. I defied my mother and my queen, lied to my own people. I just couldn't kill you. It was something in your eyes. I just knew in my gut that your fight was not over yet."

"Yet you saw fit to murder everyone I knew?" Lexa asked.

"It was war, Heda. We all do things we are not proud of. We do what we must for our people. I know you understand that."

"I will never understand what your people do. But I do owe you my life."

"I was right about you," Roan said. "Regardless of what happens next, I don't regret sparing you. You were born for this."

"I'm not going to kill you," Lexa said. "Our people may be at odds, but you and I are not. One day I will repay the debt I owe you."

Roan looked at her in awe. He had never known a leader like her.

"I will grant you and your delegation safe passage home to your lands," Lexa continued. "Tell your mother that I will meet her on the battlefield."

Roan gave one quick nod and turned and left. Lexa would not see him again for many years.

Costia had been listening from the next room. She came out and joined Lexa, throwing an arm around her.

"You did the right thing. Not killing him," she said.

"I hope that's true," Lexa said. She was so tired of Azgeda. "Why must Nia be so stubborn? I should destroy them all!"

"Maybe that's what she deserves, but it's not what her people deserve. You know that, Lexa. No matter what, you have to let Azgeda into your coalition. You have to find a way. Otherwise, all of this is for naught and the fighting will just continue," Costia said. "Promise me you'll use your head on this one and not your sword, ok?"

"I will do my best," Lexa conceded with a smile. "Let's just go to bed. I'm ready for this day to be over."

She began to blow all of the candles out in her room. There were so many of them.

"I've been meaning to ask you," Costia said, "why so many candles?"

Lexa sighed. "It may be silly, but they are all reminders. For each triumph, each regret, each mistake, each person I love, each person I lose, I light a new candle. They tell my story. I know what each one means."

"I think that's beautiful," Costia said, as she drifted off to sleep.

Lexa smiled sadly and let sleep take her, as well.