Chapter 12
A week had passed since Roan left Polis, and Lexa prepared to march on Azgeda. She would give Nia an ultimatum—join or die. Lexa did not relish the thought of going to war, but it didn't scare her either. She would do what needed to be done for the good of her people. It would take time for her army to amass, but every clan would answer her call. Lexa felt cautiously optimistic.
It had been another long day and Lexa headed back to her room, eager to see Costia. She kept Lexa centered and it scared Lexa how much she needed her.
Her thoughts were shattered as she stepped into her room. Signs of a struggle were everywhere. Furniture was overturned, broken glass on the floor, her precious candles scattered. And no sign of Costia.
"Costia!" Lexa screamed, fear overtaking her. Where was her guard? She searched her rooms. No sign of Costia. But Lexa knew she wouldn't find her there. There was only one explanation. Nia had taken her.
Lexa screamed for her guards. Gustus appeared seconds later. He took in Lexa's distraught appearance and the state of her room and he knew instantly what happened. All color drained from his face.
"My sister…"
"We have to find her. Go now. Take your best warriors with you. If you hurry, you may still be able to find her before they cross into Azgeda."
Gustus was in a daze. Lexa shook him. "Go now!"
He snapped out of it and ran out, shouting orders to the guards as he left.
Lexa didn't sleep that night, or the next, or the one after that. She felt utterly lost. Her thoughts were consumed with Costia, of what Azgeda was doing to her. Lexa had heard the stories. Knew the torture methods they used. Costia was innocent and pure; she loved peace. How could this be happening to her? Lexa cried and cried until she had no more tears. And the rage within her grew. Nia wanted to hurt Lexa, wanted her secrets. Lexa hoped that Costia would just tell her what she wanted to know, so she would let her go. But she also knew that Nia would never let her go.
Gustus came back on the fourth day. Of the twenty warriors who set out, only three returned. Gustus and the other two were badly wounded.
"I'm sorry, Lexa," Gustus choked, "We couldn't get to her. They ambushed us. They have her. I failed my sister. Failed you."
Lexa's heart sank and her knees buckled. No! This cannot be happening.
"I am glad you have returned to me, Gustus. I will go myself and bring her home," Lexa said.
"No Heda, it's too dangerous," he replied before passing out from the pain.
Lexa resolved to set out the next morning. She only needed to meet with her council first and give them the final instructions for the impending battle. The army was nearly ready. She would ride ahead, sneak into Azgeda, free Costia, and then rejoin her army. It's what she should have done in the first place, she thought.
After the meeting, Lexa returned to her room to don her warpaint and gather her weapons. As she walked past her bed, something caught her eye. There was a strange bump in her bed. She pulled back the covers and screamed. It was Costia's head. Her dead eyes, frozen open, stared back at Lexa, her once beautiful face distorted and grotesque in death. They killed her. Killed her beloved Costia.
Lexa screamed again and fell to the floor. The pain she felt was unlike any physical pain she had ever experienced. She felt like her heart had been ripped from her chest. Her guards came running at the sound of her screams.
"Leave me alone!" She screamed as she threw a knife in their general direction. They quickly vanished.
Lexa lost all awareness of time and space. She couldn't breathe. She gasped for breath and clutched at her chest, curling up into a ball on the floor. She screamed and cried and threw things. But always, there was Costia staring back at her. She wailed over and over again. The pain was so excruciating she thought she would die. She wished she would die. Then she wouldn't have to live with this pain, live without Costia. She felt hollow, empty, like she was half the person she was before. She felt like the best parts of her had been ripped out and destroyed with Costia. Then the guilt came.
This is all my fault. Titus warned me. Anya warned me. I refused to listen. I am the reason Costia is dead. She is dead for loving me. I was selfish. Titus tried to tell me that she would be a target but I only wanted what I wanted. This is all my fault. I killed her. I killed the only person I have ever truly loved. Everyone I care about dies.
The guilt and grief were overwhelming. Lexa picked up a knife from the floor and held it over her wrist. She just wanted the pain to end. Would do anything to make it stop. She could feel Becca trying to break through to her, but she shut her out. Whatever it was she had to say, Lexa didn't want to hear it. Her thoughts were chaos.
But then, Lexa thought of Nia. No, she couldn't die while Nia still drew breath. She would see this through. She would avenge Costia, avenge her family, avenge them all.
Lexa's grief was replaced with hatred. She wiped the tears from her eyes. Love is weakness, she thought. I will never love again. I will never feel this way ever again. Never be weak again. To be commander is to be alone.
When she walked out of her room, Lexa was a changed woman. Titus came running up to her.
"I heard what happened," he said.
She cut him off. "Have the guard remove Costia's head from my bed. And tell my generals that we march immediately on Azgeda. They will all burn at my feet."
"Yes, Heda," Titus replied. As he turned to walk away, a smile spread across his face. Yes, he thought, this is the Heda I knew she could be. Ruthless. Cold. Unfeeling. I have not failed her. I have made her the leader she needs to be. Long may she reign.
