Chapter 33

Question..?

The sound reverberated through the silence, resonating in my ears and piercing through the numbness that enveloped me. I shifted my gaze towards Ryusui, his eyes filled with concern and desperation, as he tried to comfort me with his words.

"Ryusui…. Why?" I questioned, my voice filled with a mixture of confusion and vulnerability. In response, I felt his embrace tighten around me, providing a sense of comfort and security.

"Minami told me you went to talk to Chrome, and hadn't returned yet. Senku's getting suspicious so we had Gen give us enough time to stall him while me and her search everywhere for you. So I followed the route to my family's garden and… if I hadn't arrive you would've been drowning yourself and it's already too late.."

I believed that taking that leap would offer an escape, but then hearing his words struck a chord deep within me. "Do you think this is the only way out?" he continued, his voice softer now, though the undercurrent of anger still lingered. "I know you're hurting, but you have friends, who want to help, why didn't you tell us you've been suffering all this time?"

Tears streamed down my face as I broke off his hug. "I… didn't want you to worry about me."

"Kohaku!" Minami's voice made us turn both our head in her direction. She's gasping for air as if she's run a few miles just to get here. "Well done Ryusui. You know this place better than I do, so of course you'll cover more grounds."

My mind were still clouded with despair as she stood in front of me, my heart still heavy with my actions. I could see the worry etched on Minami's face.

Before I could utter a single word, Minami's hand lashed out, connecting with my cheek in a resounding slap. The sharp sting radiated through my face, leaving behind a throbbing pain that mirrored the turmoil in my soul. Eyes widened in shock, as I struggled to process her sudden outburst.

"Minami what are yo—" She slap away Ryusui's hand and hold both of my shoulders.

"You fool! I already warned you before you go didn't I? Why?" Minami's voice quivered with a mixture of anguish and desperation. "I don't regret slapping you. I have no other choice, you need to wake up Kohaku. You still have people who care about you!"

As the weight of my pain hung heavy in the air, Minami's eyes softened with understanding. She took a hesitant step forward, her arms outstretched, without a word, she enveloped me in a tight hug, bodies pressed together, like creating a shield against the darkness that had threatened to consume me.

Honestly, it didn't get better. I just got used to it. I just learned to settle with it. I just feel like the pain is here, and it became a huge part of my being. Somehow, I didn't tackle it. I never succeeded in draining it out of my system. It still runs on my code. It's still the first thing I draw from my deck of cards. It's the first thing I remember when I wanted to revamp my courage.

I was too weak to fight back the pain. I was too fragile to accommodate the weight. Maybe I just learned to accept that there are throbbing that never subside. And so it didn't get better, I just learned to numb the parts of me that ached. Perhaps this pain was always destined to be mine.

I am always emotionally distraught. Always overwrought. And just because I learned to be resistant to the pain doesn't mean I don't have it. In every battle I win, there's always a new one ahead of me.

I never got the chance to rest. I never got the chance to breathe.

The moon was high in the sky, and the stars sparkled like diamonds. A fire crackled and popped in the stone fireplace where all of the rest of our friends are, sending orange and yellow flames leaping into the darkness. The heat from the fire kept everyone cozy, despite the chilly air.

On the table, there were plates piled high with sandwiches, some tasty dishes courtesy of Francois, fruits, and cheeses, as well as a variety of hot beverages in thermoses. The sweet aroma of roasted marshmallows wafted through the air, tempting everyone to toast them to perfection.

I quickly retreated to one of the bathrooms, taking a moment to fix myself up and apply makeup to conceal the evidence of my tear-stained eyes. It was crucial that Senku didn't notice I had just finished crying, let alone the fact that I had attempted to take my own life. It was better for him not to know.

As we arrived, the sound of business discussions filled the room. I scanned the area, searching for a familiar face amidst the crowd. Just then, Ryusui leaned in close to me and whispered in my ear, relaying the news he had received from one of his butlers. "Chrome is no longer here," he murmured, his voice barely audible. "They saw him leave and drive away."

A pang of guilt settled in my heart as I contemplated Chrome's absence, realizing that it might take him a while to process everything I had shared with him. With a heavy sigh, I tried to push those thoughts aside.

My attention was momentarily diverted when one of Ryusui's servants offered me a glass of wine. I accepted the offer and eagerly drank it down, finding solace in the numbing effect it had on my emotions. Without hesitation, I reached for another glass, savoring the taste as I set it down with a contented sigh.

However, amidst the haze of the room, I felt a familiar gaze fixated upon me. My heart skipped a beat as I met Senku's intense stare. His eyes conveyed a mixture of concern and curiosity, as if he was trying to decipher the depths of my innermost thoughts. The weight of his gaze compelled me to make a decision. With determination, I walked towards him and took a seat beside him.

I observed Gen visibly release a sigh of relief and subtly wink at me, as if to convey that he had successfully fulfilled his task of keeping my husband occupied.

"Who would have known Senku would be the most successful out of all of us?" Taiju remarked. "I'm genuinely proud of you, buddy."

"I can't help but be amazed at you Senku," Yuzuriha admitted. "I still remember it like it was yesterday not only did you graduate with top honors, but you also pursued further studies abroad for your master's degree a few years ago." He did? I wonder where?

"Oh really? I always knew he had a thirst for knowledge, but pursuing further studies in a foreign country? That takes true ambition." Gen said.

I look at Senku, he seems to be enjoying his meal with serene countenance.

"I mean, he truly stood out during his undergrad years. His high honors were well-deserved. I'm not surprised when he told us he wants to continue studying abroad." Francois said.

"What do you expect? He's brainy alright.." Minami said.

"That's incredible. It takes a special kind of person to step out of their comfort zone like that. I admire you for that Senku." Tsukasa said.

""Exactly!" Yuzuriha exclaimed. "Senku never fails to keep in touch with us, even while pursuing his academic endeavors. He was actually the first person we told when Taiju and I got engaged. And what's truly inspiring is that his motivation for studying abroad goes beyond just the achievements. Senku truly values the transformative experience it offers—immersing himself in a different culture, embracing new perspectives, and broadening his horizons."

"You're exaggerating, Yuzuriha." Senku remarked as he finished the remainder of his meal.

"He's a true inspiration to everyone around him, reminding us to dream big and pursue our goals with unwavering determination." Taiju said chiming in a knowing smile.

"You graduated Summa Cum Laude right?" Yuzuriha asks. The atmosphere changed, buzzing with anticipation.

I looked at him, upon hearing that my eyes widen in shocked. I was caught off guard, feeling a blend of surprise and letdown, all while wrestling with a nagging feeling of having let an opportunity slip through me… I can't help but wonder, if circumstances were different, would I have been by his side on that momentous day of his life?

Senku look at me and to Yuzuriha who asks. "Uhh… yes." My eyes widen with surprise. I feel a mix of pride and regret for not being there.

"So where did you study abroad, Senku?" Ryusui asks, casually twirling the glass of wine in his hand as the vibrant red liquid swirled within.

"At the University of California, Los Angeles."

"Hmmm… wait..what?"

Ryusui's astonishment was evident in his tone, unable to conceal his shock. Minami shot him a sidelong glance, while Gen and I exchanged knowing looks, our eyes communicating without words. In that fleeting shared moment, my thoughts raced, trying to comprehend the revelation that he had studied at the same institution where I had graduated. Could it be possible that we... No, I couldn't recall any encounters or interactions with him during my time there. Our gazes met, a fusion of surprise, curiosity, and a touch of ambiguity lingering in the air.

"Did you marry Kohaku right after she returned for the same reason? Going all the way to America to be with her? It's quite unusual for you, Senku." Tsukasa said.

"Yes, I did go there for her."

His gaze locked onto mine, an intensity that sent my heart racing. In one swift and elegant movement, he reached out and gently took hold of my hand, his touch both comforting and reassuring. Our fingers intertwined, forging an immediate bond that sent a delightful shiver down my spine. Time seemed to suspend as his eyes remained fixed on mine, never wavering. With a tender gesture, he brought my hand to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss against my skin. The softness of his lips against my hand enveloped me in a wave of warmth, rendering me speechless.

Was it also still a part of our act? I don't know… I guess its fine till you make it, till its true… How I wish it to be true…

Without a conscious thought, my hand instinctively recoiled, severing the fleeting connection that had been established. It was an involuntary reaction, triggered by a surge of surprise and unease that washed over me.

My eyes widened in disbelief, mirroring the shock that reverberated within me. The unexpectedness of the act had caught me off guard, and my swift reaction was a physical declaration of my need for personal space. I wanted to create a barrier, to establish a distance.

I saw him clenched his jaw. It's better like this, I don't want to invest more feelings.

"Senku," Ukyo began, his voice held a tinge of curiosity as he addressed him, "I'm genuinely intrigued by your decision to acquire the flower farms, considering your remarkable success in the aerospace industry."

Senku responded with a warm smile, fully aware that his choice might appear puzzling to others, including myself. Taking a sip of his drink, he paused briefly to gather his thoughts before answering.

"Well," Senku began, his voice laced with enthusiasm, "while my rocket company, StellarX, allows me to explore the wonders of outer space, I also wanted to establish a connection with the beauty and serenity of our own planet, Earth."

His eyes sparkled with passion as he continued, "The flower farm represents a unique adventure for me—one that celebrates nature, promotes sustainability, and offers people the opportunity to find joy in life's simplest pleasures. It's about bringing a sense of wonder and delight into people's lives through the enchanting beauty and captivating fragrance of flowers."

"And in the end you bought it?" Ryusui asks.

"Yes, I never really thought her father would sell it.." Senku replied.

"We had to sell it because no one is watching over our properties anymore, Senku. We never really thought of going back." I said

"Well then, I'm glad you're back," Senku responded coldly.

"All this time, I had actually believed that Luna was your girlfriend back then, Senku..."

As I diced the pork steak, Taiju posed a question to Senku that momentarily caught my attention. However, I quickly resumed eating, concealing any trace of the effect it had on me from the others at the table.

"No," Senku responded, his words reaching my ears as I attentively listened "Her father offered me scholarship but I declined. I'm not really one to owe someone a favor to someone I'm not familiar with." I was intently listening to every word Senku said while eating.

"We're just thrilled that you and Kohaku reconciled. There's no denying she's more beautiful than her!" Minami's comment made me blush, and I shot her an annoyed glance, silently urging her to stop.

"What? I mean it. Kohaku possesses such angelic features that shine through even her fiercest moments. If I were a guy, I'd undoubtedly fall in love with her too,"

She said as she reached out fro another glass of wine. Tsukasa interjected, attempting to grab Minami's wine glass. She stubbornly took another sip, refusing to let go, while giving him a defiant side-eye filled with annoyance.

Amidst the ongoing business discussion, with Taiju seeking advice from Senku, I excused myself, feigning the need to visit the bathroom. In truth, my intention was to discreetly follow Minami, who had excused herself a minute earlier.

As I discreetly observed the unfolding scene, a wave of concern and disgust washed over me. Minami's face contorted in agony as she doubled over, succumbing to the overwhelming effects of the excessive wine she had consumed. Empathy and repulsion mingled within me as I witnessed her struggle to contain the intense nausea. I gently massaged her back, hoping to offer some relief.

Opting to remain in the kitchen, Minami offered me a sip of wine she had pilfered from a kitchen cabinet, assuring me that Ryusui wouldn't mind because they're already wealthy.

"Aren't you already drunk?"

"You haven't seen me drunk. How do you know?" she casually remarked. Ugh. What an excuse…

As she poured the wine and we settled at the island table, she placed a glass in front of me before swiftly finishing her own. However, my reaction was one of shock and worry as I witnessed an unexpected outburst of anger unfolding right before my eyes, causing my eyes to widen in surprise and concern. Startled, my body tensed as Minami forcefully slammed the glass onto the table, the sharp sound reverberating throughout the room. Her face contorted with a mix of frustration and rage, her hands following suit as she slumped them heavily on the table's surface.

"He's so arrogant! So full of himself!" Minami raised her voice full of outrage.

"I made him famous and qualified him for an international tournament abroad by consistently publishing a compelling narrative that showcased his martial arts genius, but what did he do? He now has a girlfriend!"

Observing her furious outburst, I discerned a subtle undercurrent of sadness concealed within her eyes. It was a fleeting glimpse of vulnerability, revealing the inner turmoil she carried. In an instant, her eyes became brimming with tears, streaming down her flushed cheeks, as if a dam had burst, unleashing a torrent of pent-up emotions.

"I just... I can't believe he chose her over me. It hurts so much." Her eyes now filled with despair, she swiftly poured herself another glass of wine and consumed it in one go. As she wiped her lips, she uttered her next words, her expression conveying a mix of anguish and resignation.

"I just feel so betrayed. We spent so much time together, shared so many memories. It's just so hard to accept. I can't help but wonder if there's something I could have done differently. Maybe I wasn't enough for him."

"And here I thought you were carefree person because you always portrayed yourself as strong and tough..." I told her. Realizing the depth of her emotions, I found myself compelled to stay longer than initially planned, eager to hear her side of the story.

"I'm not 'kay! I trust you so its okay to be vulnerable in front of you right?" I nod at her. "Now here's what happened we met on a club that night on the coast of Hokkaido, after I caught my ex-boyfriend cheating. I decide to drank the night away after that, he offered to stay with with me , and can you believe it? I was so drunk that time, he suddenly kissed me!"

"What the hell, Minami! For real?"

"After completely disappearing on me and not bothering to answer my calls for a whole year, he suddenly popped back into my life. That very night, he acted all responsible, making sure I got back to my room in one piece. I was so drunk, I didn't even remember everything and the next thing I know I woke up naked beside him. I lost my fucking virginity to him!"

"What! Are you for real?! Wait, wait, wait… you still haven't told me his name? Do I know him? If not I swear you are really screw—"

"It's Tsukasa, okay…" She responded in a nonchalant manner, even as fresh tears streamed down her face, smudging the mascara she had just applied. She continued to drink, finishing yet another glass of wine, as if seeking solace or a temporary escape.

"What? What the fuck, Minami? The Shishio Tsukasa?" I said, my hand instinctively shot up to cover my mouth. As my initial shock subsided, I was about to refrain her from drinking when she said,

"Shh! I was drunk! He did it on purpose! I'm just a little too late to know he already has a girlfriend that time. He's a user! Damn him!" she slumped her fist on the table again

"What's suppose to happen with you two just being best friends? Is that for show?"

I felt my question to be a bit foolish, as if what I had with my husband wasn't like that. I had never suspected that there could be something more between them. In my mind, it had always appeared as innocent admiration or perhaps a simple case of puppy love.

Throughout all those years we spent apart, and even during the times we were together, wandering the streets of Shibuya, I suddenly came to the realization that she had never truly opened up to me about herself. It was only now, in this moment, that she seemed willing to reveal her innermost thoughts and emotions.

"He's not like Senku, you know? If only you weren't oblivious, you would see that your husband truly loves you. But in my case, it's different. We're just using each other."

"So you mean that wasn't the first time you did it?"

"W–what? I–I mean yes, last night would be the last time I'll allow him to—"

"What the hell?! That means you've been doing it with him for… Oh my God! How many days? Months? What the?"

There's still a lingering sadness in her eyes as she gradually drank wine after another, its like she'll never stop unless its empty. Thoughts whirled in my head, I couldn't help but wonder if she was losing her mind or if Minami had gone off to the deep end. Maybe, if I had the chance and he's free, I should talk to Tsukasa.

I quickly finished the glass of wine that had been offered to me earlier, and as I did, I felt a pair of hands suddenly covering my eyes.

"So you're already off the market, huh?" I gently removed his hands and was greeted by a smiling Ryusui. Despite the passing years, he still had that familiar look that I remembered. Our relationship had evolved into that of siblings, but at times, I couldn't help but wonder who was the older one between us.

"There's no point in me telling you, since I know you'll hear the news soon enough anyway, thanks to Gen," I stated dismissively.

"You shattered my heart, Kohaku," he confessed, his voice filled with a mix of pain and curiosity. I just roll my eyes at him. "Humor me for a moment. Senku, as skilled a liar as he is, managed to surprise me with the truth about his studies abroad for his master's degree. But setting that aside, indulge my curiosity, beautiful, why did you choose to marry him?"

As Minami focused on finishing the remaining wine, my gaze remained fixed on Ryusui. Minami, him and Gen are the only people I trust to telling everything. I know I can trust him. He can protect secrets like it's his own.

"The reason is still the same as to why I returned to Japan," I explained. "I made a deal with Senku, a contract of sorts. Once it's fulfilled, he will return the estate to me."

I laid out all the details for him. Senku's motive was to prove to his father that he was prepared to commit. By fulfilling his father's desires, he would eventually inherit his father's company.

"I find it quite unusual for Senku to go to such lengths, unless he genuinely has feelings for you," He said to which I scoffed in disbelief.

"You hit that one in the nail, Ryusui! Slow clap!" Minami slurred, clapping her hands. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her drunken antics.

"But let's not dwell on him anymore. Are you truly happy with this arrangement, Kohaku?" Ryusui's tone shifted to a more serious note. I chuckled softly, pondering how my life would have turned out if I hadn't made the decision to return.

"Of course." showing him a fake smile so he wouldn't worry is the least I can do for now.

Am I happy? When was the last time I felt happy? Would being with them today counts? I guess I can say I am.

"Are you sure?" Ryusui retrieved a new bottle of wine from the cabinets and poured us both a glass. "I've seen you sad in the nicest places, Kohaku. Your happiness means a lot to me."

"If being with all of my friends today counts, then I can say I am," I responded, and he showed me a smile. Though Ryusui's charm could easily captivate others, I saw him as a genuine friend. Meanwhile, Minami had already succumbed to her drunken slumber.

Our conversation flowed effortlessly as we shared anecdotes, laughed together, and explored various topics. With each joke and witty remark, a glimmer of happiness grew within me, soothing my soul. I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming gratitude towards Ryusui for making me feel this way, even after he had caught me in the midst of a suicide attempt just hours earlier.

"Can I ask you a question, Kohaku?" Ryusui inquired, observing as I took a sip from my glass and then looked at him expectantly.

"Of course, go ahead," I responded.

"Do you still have feelings for Senku?" he asked, swirling the remaining wine in his glass.

My mind raced, scrambling to process the implications of his question. Why did he have to bring that up? Isn't it obvious that I've had feelings for Senku since our high school days? Surely they must have assumed that the reason I agreed to Senku's contract offer was because of my lingering affection for him, right? But deep down, I know it's all one-sided. Should I be honest and tell him the truth? After all this is over, we'll go our separate ways anyway...

Feeling slightly lightheaded, in contrast to Minami who had succumbed to a deep slumber with her head resting on the table. In that momentary pause, I took a deep breath, gathering my composure and summoning my courage.

Just as I was about to respond, a hand smoothly slid onto my waist, sending a jolt of surprise through me. I turned my head, only to be met with a smirking Senku, leaving me utterly stunned.

"There you are. I've been waiting for you for ages, lioness."

"How did you—" Caught off guard by his sudden appearance and actions, I found myself in a state of surprise as he swiftly grabbed the glass from my hand and effortlessly finished the remaining wine. His eyes locked onto Ryusui with a smug expression, creating an intriguing dynamic before me.

"How shameless Nanami. So you're not afraid of competition?" Ryusui stood firm, his gaze fixed on Senku, who positioned himself at an angle, leaning against the island table, all while maintaining unwavering eye contact. "Go ahead." He smirk at him to which Ryusui arched his brow. "May the best man win."

As I found myself caught in the midst of their unspoken conflict, a wave of shock and unease coursed through me. The atmosphere grew tense, and I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of discomfort. It was as if I had unintentionally become a witness to the brewing tension between these two men, and being caught in the crossfire made me acutely aware of the uncomfortable position I was in. The weight of their unspoken battle hung heavy in the air, further adding to my unease.

"I'm not someone who backs down easily, Senku," Ryusui declared, his gaze fixated on the swirling red liquid in the glass before turning his attention to Senku, whose jaw was tightly clenched. "Consider yourself lucky that I respect Kohaku's decision."