"No, it isn't okay," Jack said, his voice rough with emotion. He needed to get this out now, because if he didn't, he didn't know if he would ever be able to do it again. "Ianto, I want you to understand what you mean to me." He paused, trying to gather the words he wanted to say. "Ianto Jones, you are one of the most amazing men I have ever met. Ever. You are smart, witty, amazingly organized and one of the best things that has ever happened to me." He put a finger up to Ianto's lips to forestall the comment the younger man had been about to say. "Wait, I'm not finished.
"Ianto, I know we don't speak about a lot of things. In the past we haven't needed to. We haven't been able to say things. But today I need to say it. I need to tell you what you mean to me. You have made my life so much better. You've given it meaning and taught me how to love again. And I do love you, Ianto. I love the way you look at me when you think no one else is watching. I love the way you are so protective of me when you think I need it. You are my rock; my anchor. You keep me tethered to the here and now, when I could so easily forget why I'm here.
"Last night…" he hesitated, trying to put into words what he had felt. "Last night when we got to that warehouse and I saw you in that thing's clutches, I thought my heart would stop. You were so pale, I thought I was too late, and the Vore had already started draining you. And when it started to make threats I started to say anything to get it to not go ahead with killing you. It thought it had me helpless because it had you hostage. And it did, Ianto. I was frozen. I couldn't move if I wanted to, because I thought that one false move would mean that I would threaten your life. I was scared to make the wrong move. Thank god for Gwen. She was able to move, to do what I should have been able to do. When she shot it, I wanted that to be me. To be the hero, to protect you from harm. But I couldn't. I couldn't move. I could only talk, and distract the Plasmavore from acting.
"I said some things I don't even remember. And I'm sorry for that, Ianto. I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you." Tears formed and started to run down each cheek. "I'm sorry," he said again, this last a whisper.
"Jack," Ianto said, speaking volumes with just that one syllable. It was also the first time he had referred to him by name in the conversation. He lifted his hands and brushed the tears off of Jack's cheeks. "I know." He leaned forward and rested his forehead against Jack's. "It's okay."
"No, it isn't. I don't want you to ever think I don't care about you. About what you are feeling, and what you are thinking. Ianto, you've made such a difference in my life. I don't count many things as being important, but the one day I will always cherish is that day we caught Myfanwy. The day you made me change my mind about you coming here. Do you know why I fought you off so long?" Jack asked. Ianto shook his head. "Because I knew that if I let you come here, if I let you work with me, that I would fall for you. And I fought it, because I was scared. Scared of what would happen. Scared of the future. Scared of you." Jack smiled and he caressed Ianto's cheek. "And when I finally stopped being scared, that's when I knew I was lost. That even if we had never been together, our lives would always be entwined in some way. Ianto, you are the other half of my soul. My conscience; my compass and the reason why I go on. Thank you for being in my life."
"Jack," Ianto said, his throat tight. He couldn't speak. Never had he expected Jack to come out and say what he did. For so long they had had that unspoken agreement to not talk about how they felt. To just show one another with actions, not words. As if the words would somehow put things into concrete between them. They stared at one another for a long moment before Ianto leaned forward and kissed Jack. He put everything he couldn't put into words into that kiss. When he pulled back, Jack's eyes were closed, his lips parted. "I love you, too." He didn't think he could put the rest into words at this moment.
Jack opened his eyes and smiled at the man before him. "I know. I've always known." He stroked Ianto's cheek again and let his fingers stroke through the other man's hair before cupping the back of his head. "Do you forgive me?" Ianto nodded. "Thank you. Still not hungry?"
Ianto found he finally had an appetite, now that his stomach wasn't tied into knots. He nodded.
"Good. Let's leave this stuff for another day and go find something to eat," Jack suggested. Ianto looked down at the artifact in front of him. He had forgotten all about it. Smiling, he nodded.
"Let me just put this away. Don't know when I'm going to get back down here, so I don't want to leave things in a mess." He turned away from Jack and picked up the item. Giving it a cursory glance he put it back into the box in front of him and put the cover back on. He made one last note in the folder before closing it and putting it on top of the box so that he would remember where he was. Dusting off his hands he turned back to Jack. Jack had moved away slightly and had picked up Ianto's waistcoat and jacket. "I'm ready."
"Good," Jack said and held out his hand. Ianto clasped it and he pulled the younger man into his embrace for another kiss. "I'm hungry and have a craving for Italian. What do you think?"
"Italian works for me," Ianto said with a nod. "Let's go find some." He pulled back and smiled. They left the room, Jack moving his arm so that it circled Ianto's waist as they walked down the hallway and back up to the main Hub.
Jack relaxed. All was right with his world again. At least for now.
*
