Next day Buck was back at the station again with Eddie, after their talk that night Eddie was sure they had been making progress, that it had been a turning point in Bucks recovery, but at breakfast Buck again didn't eat anything. Buck had asked Eddie if he could come to the station with him, and Eddie had agreed. Buck stood a long time outside the firehouse, contemplating what he was about to do, thoughts screaming in his head
You're pathetic, why would they help you?
You never could do anything right
Why don't you just kill yourself so they can be free from you
But then Christophers words rang through his head
I don't want Bucky to die
The kids words was what he needed, he headed straight into the firehouse and up the stairs, he didn't stop before standing in front of Hen, who was in the kitchen doing dishes
"I need to get better. I need you to help me" Buck said before losing all courage
"What do you need" Hen asked all seriously and professional
"I don't know, but I can't do this alone anymore" Buck said
"Okay, that's a good first step, you admitted you need help" Hen said
"I want to die, but I don't" Buck said and tears started to fall down his cheeks
"It's okay, I'm going to help you" Hen said, taking Bucks hands in hers. "We're going to figure out together how to help you. First step is getting you checked out, knowing the full extent of how bad your condition has become"
"Please Hen, no hospital" Buck said looking small and fragile
"No need, we have everything needed in the ambo" Hen declared, and Buck nodded thankful and followed Hen over to the ambulance, just for privacy and Bucks comfort Hen closed the ambulance doors. Hen did a complete physical check up, Bucks condition wasn't as bad as she had feared, but not great either; "I won't lie you ain't great, but it's better than I feared" Hen said
"Do you think I'll be better?" Buck asked
"Of course, we'll have you back, but I won't lie it's going to be a long road to fully recover" Hen answered
"Thank you Hen" Buck said
"Anything for you Buckaroo" Hen smiled at him
At lunchtime Buck decided he had to eat, he needed to start rebuilding his body, but deciding that he needed it and actually eating something were two hugely different things. Buck looked at Hen, then at the food in front of him, and then at the rest of the team, then remembering Chris crying he took the first forkful of lunch. For each forkful he hesitated, but slowly he got through a meal. He was aware of the glares from the team that he was receiving, but he tried to ignore it, just like he was ignoring the thoughts in his head, screaming at him to stop. He finished the meal, eating everything on his plate, and when he was done he felt pleasantly surprised and proud by himself.
Buck didn't stay long after lunch, though he wouldn't have minded staying a little longer, Maddie came and picked him up for a Buckley afternoon out. They went to Maddie's place, Buck not wanting his sister to see just how little there actually was in his fridge, in his kitchen in general, he knew he needed to change that if he was truly to start be on the mend, but he didn't want to worry Maddie further by her seeing just how bad it was. They spent the afternoon watching movies and hanging out at Maddie's place. It was starting to get late, and Buck was exhausted. Maddie wanted for Buck to stay for dinner, but Buck excused himself that he needed to get home and rest.
Buck was sitting in his car on his way home when he made a decision to drive by the minimarked and by stuff to refill his fridge, which was a bit more expensive than he remembered, but he felt proud of himself for doing it when he was driving the last bit home.
