BPOV

I stood on the ground outside Carlisle's study looking like a complete idiot. It was exactly 7:00.

"Bella!" Alice shrieked from the open window. "I missed you!"

I laughed. Emmett jumped down and landed beside me. Then, he threw me over his shoulder, caveman-style.

"Up we go" He said. I held on as much as I could and suddenly we were in the study. Emmett dumped me on the floor. "Special delivery for Ed!"

"Um, OK… That was weird" I said, standing up.

"Bella, the whole family is weird. What did you expect? Normalcy? Not here" Edward joked, giving me a hug. "Besides, this is Emmett we're talking about"

"At least I don't hear voices in my head…" Emmett began.

"… that 'tell me to do bad things to Bella'" Jazz finished. Edward growled. (Family Therapy reference)

I laughed and kissed my boyfriend.

"I'd love it if you decided to do bad things to Bella, you know?" I whispered in his ear.

Rose whooped.

"You go girl!" She yelled. "Show him who's the boss!"

Edward shook his head and acted horrorized.

"You're- you're turning into one of them" He said, his eyes wide as saucers. Biting my lip, I played along.

"No, Edward. I already am" I hissed, lunging for his throat. The rest of the Cullens laughed and sat down to watch the show.

"But, Bella, I thought I meant something to you!" Edward cried, looking heartbroken.

"You did" I said slowly. "But the dark side offered me cookies"

Our crowd cracked up, but we knew this was not over.

"Oh. Well, I guess it was a pretty good deal then" He said. "But I'll make you a better one: we have spinach"

"What kind of deal is that?" I asked, disgusted. "Spinach is gross. Everyone hates it. Unless…"

"Bella, I am your father" He said.

"Noooooo!" I cried, dropping to my knees.

"Yes, I am"

"Does this mean that what happened last night…" I trailed off.

"That was wrong Bella"

"And yet, so right" I said quietly, taking a small step towards Edward. He jumped.

"It's fun to stay at the YMCA!" He yelled, forming the shapes of the letters with his arms.

"It's fun to stay at the YMCA!" I shouted back, copying him.

"You have everything that you need to enjoy" Edward was shaking his head like a rock star and playing an invisible guitar.

"You can hang out with all the boys" I sang into a hairbrush Rose gave me.

"But not sleep with them, Bella" Edward said, suddenly serious. "That would be wrong. Those boys are evil"

I fell to the floor laughing.

"Sure thing, Dad" I choked out. Edward picked me up, sat down and placed me on his lap. Everyone was laughing and I couldn't stop giggling.

"I only have one question" Jasper said. "Are you on drugs?"

We all cracked up again.

"Touch of her skin feeling silky smooth, color of cafe au lait alright
Made the savage beast inside roar until he cried,
More-more-more!" Alice sang out of the blue.

"Now he's back home doin' 9 to 5" Rose replied.

"Sleepin' the grey flannel life.
But when he turns off to sleep memories creep,
More-more-more" I sang too. What can I say, I love Lady Marmalade.

The guys stared at us. Emmett blinked.

"Voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?" We all sang. The boys knew french, and their eyes widened.

"Definitely" Emmett purred.

"Uh-uh" Jazz said, staring at Alice.

Edward didn't have a hot and sexy reply for me. No, he just looked down at his hands and the very evident lump in his pants.

"Hey, lil' Eddie's waving the flag of surrender, Bella! Say hi!" Emmett yelled, making me blush.

This was gonna be a long night…