A/N Thank you for the lovely reviews! I did battle with the whole cream before jam or jam before cream, but eventually Devon won with their historical proof! ; )
The mole won't be exposed yet, but your guessing is good, Eve will be key in this with maybe a little help from Nix (Can't reveal too much!). We'll see if Eve can tackle Edie as well. I've been reading up on the rules of fanfic and I'm aware that Edie is unpopular, so dont worry.
I'm glad that Eve is liked. She appears in my own story about Fin, so I may give her more of a role now.
Your reviews really do motivate and inspire me. Eve was never meant to be in this fic as much as she has already, so it shows that your reviews have influence! Thank you.
The song is Titanium by Sia, but without any music.
Hope you enjoy.
...
"Arse! Arse! Arse!" Fin muttered annoyed "Bloody hell!"
"Morning Fin!" Winters greeted her as she walked past muttering to herself much to his confusion. He was pleased that her face was healing and she seemed almost like her normal self again.
"Morning Sir!" Fin replied briefly before continuing on her way "It's Arse!" she muttered once again shaking her head.
Winters turned to the sniggering men sat around eating breakfast "Explanation anyone?" turning his sight back to Fin who was walking towards Doc.
Luz looked up from his mess tin "Fin said 'ass' instead of 'arse' Sir!"
Winters laughed "We'll make an American out of her by the time this war ends!"
"She said we all swear too much Sir!" Shifty chuckled.
"I think her exact words were 'you buggers fucking swear too much!'" Luz laughed imitating Fin's British accent.
"She's definitely the kinda gal you can take home to meet your mom!" Tab laughed.
Fin grinned, hearing the lads talking to Winters as she approached Doc. "Did you manage to find boots for Toye?" she asked
"Yeah I did. Next time I go, you oughtta come with me" Doc replied
"Why?"
"I think you need to get off the front line, even if it's for a short while" Doc said with concern in his voice. He had noticed Fin getting 'itchy feet' as she called it. Medic duties didn't seem enough, she had started wandering again, it's like she needed action to stay sane. Taking her to Bastogne she could meet Renee and maybe have a little normality, another female to talk to.
"Maybe" Fin murmured turning her attention to another conversation she could hear.
Martin and Lieutenant Peacock were discussing a patrol to work out German positions, Fin immediately approached them, reconnaissance is what she did! Walking away from Doc, Fin's full attention was on Peacock. "Not so fast doll face" Bill said grabbing Fin's shoulder "You ain't going!"
Fin snapped her head round "Why not?"
"Winters and Nix say you're not to do anything extra until you're fully recovered from the Kraut capture"
"I am fully recovered"
"Still some marks on your face and you ain't explained your wrists to me yet, so you ain't going anywhere!" Bill said asserting his authority and rank over Fin.
"Fine, but don't think this sort of talk will sit well when we're married!" Fin replied smirking.
Bill laughed "Don't think you're getting out of telling me about your wrists either!"
Fin rolled her eyes.
...
Fin, Doc and Bill had moved forward of their line with the patrol, but held back at a safe distance. Fin had persuaded Bill to let her join Doc in case the squad needed more than one medic, it was almost guaranteed they'd come into contact with the Germans.
The patrol had gone terribly wrong. Fin knew this as soon as she saw Lieutenant Peacock returning without the rest of the men. She edged forward in their direction under the watchful eye of Bill, he wasn't letting her out of his sight.
Suddenly the rest of the squad returned, running and shouting. German shots peppering all around them, forcing Bill, Doc and Fin to take cover. Fin couldn't make out what they were saying, then Wells went down, hit. Fin released herself from Bill's grip and ran to him. Doc skidded by her side. Dirt flying up in the air all around them.
"Fin!" Babe ran up "You've got to help I know you can!"
"Take Wells" Fin instructed Doc "What's wrong Babe?"
"Julian got hit, we couldn't get to him, we had to leave him! We've got to go back!"
"Where is he?" Fin demanded
"Upfront, you can't miss him!"
"Stay here and fall back, you all need to get out of here! Help Doc with Wells!" Fin shouted over the gun fire as she ran forward withdrawing her side arm.
"We hit their line and lost Peacock!" Bull shouted over to Bill unwittingly distracting him away from Fin.
"Peacock is back!" Bill answered suddenly realising that Fin was no longer in sight, but he was pinned back down by a spraying of more bullets.
Fin ran back to where the squad had come from, actually taking cover at times, her so called luck had been playing on her mind again, if she had to stay alive for anyone, it was for the men not herself. There was a lot of gunfire, but then they had hit the German line. She could hear German voices, she crept to the side and used the trees to move forward. She didn't have to go far, they had all been so close to the Germans it was almost unbelievable. She crept to another tree and crouched down into the snow, being careful not to breathe too loudly she pulled her scarf over her mouth and nose to hide her breath from being seen in the cold air. She peeped round the tree, there was Julian, he wasn't moving and there was a pool of blood to the side of his neck that had flowed to the ground where his head lay.. There were two German soldiers walking away from him either checking he was dead or finishing him off Fin thought. Fin took a moment to decide what to do, take out the Germans or give it a minute and approach Julian when they had gone. Judging by Julian's stillness, the blood loss and the German reaction, Julian was almost certainly dead, but for Julian, Babe and herself she needed to check and make sure.
Fin for once took caution, it was too soon after her tête-à-tête with Herrick, she couldn't be captured again.
The Germans disappeared and Fin moved closer careful that her boots didn't squeak the snow underfoot too much.
Julian was in reach, not too far out in the open. Fin got down on her stomach and pulled herself over to his position. She got to him. She felt for a pulse. He was dead. He had bled out. Alone. She reached over and carefully undid his jacket sliding her hand underneath the fabric and placing her fingers between the buttons of his shirt, feeling for his dog tags. She pulled them with a sharp action, snapping them off. She then checked his pockets and found a wallet. She took that as well, she would give it to Babe. Fin briefly pulled down her scarf and kissed two of her fingers and placed them on Julian's lips and closed his eyes. Sleep well dear boy.
Fin crawled back to the trees and carefully made her way back to the American line. She wasn't looking forward to seeing Babe.
...
"Doc is going to Bastogne later, you're going Fin" Nix said with a nodding Winters next to him.
"Go on a med scrounge with Doc at the hospital and stay for a while, get a hot meal and just get off the line for a bit." Winters ordered.
Fin's little mission to Julian was appreciated but not approved of. Winters and Nix hadn't bollocked her for it, they just wanted her away for a little bit, they thought things were getting to her, they weren't, they just didn't understand that what Fin did was just what she did. If the Americans were going to have American women on the front line then they would have to learn to treat them like the men. Fin only agreed to go to Bastogne with Doc because they did actually need med supplies and Doc was going. Not that she really had a choice to stay anyway. She did have one thing to do before she went though.
...
Fin leant against a tree and waited, they hadn't seen each other for a while. The last time was in passing and they had both agreed to calm things while they were out on the front line. At least that's what Speirs thought, Fin also wanted to see what his intentions were towards her and his marriage. There would be no more repeats of the foxhole performance, although Speirs had managed to get Fin to agree to the occasional meet, just so he could check on her and maybe steal the odd kiss, which was why she was waiting for him now. She heard the crunch of boots on the frozen ground approaching her. Speirs came into view.
"Hey! You looking Führer good time?" Fin winked.
Speirs grinned.
"Well you've come to the Reich place!" she said blowing him a kiss.
He smiled shaking his head at her lame jokes, he walked straight up to her without slowing down until he was inches from her, placing one hand round the back of her head and drawing her in for a passionate, lingering kiss. He never knew how he could kiss her and just stop, his will power was better than he thought. Still ignoring England for now, he'd bide his time. No post was getting in or out still, therefore he had time to build something solid with Fin before he actioned his divorce. He thought about waiting until after the baby was born, he didn't want Edie and the baby under any stress directly caused by him.
Speirs pulled away, he looked her up and down. He was checking for any new bruises, or marks to her face, rips or blood stains to her BDU's. There was nothing much to his relief.
"Are you ok?" Fin asked looking him over as well.
"You've been up to your old tricks" Speirs stated intertwining his fingers with Fin's .
"What tricks?"
"Disobeying orders!" he said letting go of her hand.
"Have you been following me? Because I did Nazi you coming!" Fin continued to tease.
"Hell Cara! I'm being serious!" Speirs scolded, trying not to smirk.
"What orders have I disobeyed?" Fin asked
"Julian" Speirs replied.
Fin frowned "I didn't disobey any orders, I was told I couldn't go on the patrol, which I didn't" Fin replied matter of factly. "I went after" Fin finished lowering her voice.
"You know you shouldn't have gone!"
"I am a medic, if there had been any chance he was still alive...I couldn't just ignore that!"
"You could have been taken prisoner again!" Speirs turned his head and got out a packet of cigarettes offering Cara one first. She took it much to his annoyance, he didn't like that she now smoked, he didn't like that she was changing, no matter how small the changes were.
"I won't let that happen again!" Fin smirked to herself taking a drag, she was perfecting Eve's style.
"Won't let it happen! You mean you went willingly last time?" Speirs snapped his eyes down at Fin, lighting his own cigarette.
Ron was always picking up on every detail of what she said, far too clever Fin thought "Yes, you Yanks were beginning to bore the crap out of me!"
Speirs sighed, her annoying trait of never answering with a straight answer tired him. He would have straight answers from her one day, he'd make sure of that.
"I've got to get back, Doc's taking me out on the town, I think you lot call it a date" Fin said with a fake serious expression and a wink. Speirs smiled lowering his head "You're a fucking pain in the ass!" he took another kiss and this time Cara lingered much to his joy, she always had him smiling.
Fin walked away feeling Ron's eyes on her back. She had completely fallen for him, but she held back, not revealing her full feelings, there was still a very high chance of him completely shattering her heart. They hadn't discussed his pregnant wife, both ignoring the fact, but she wouldn't be ignoring it for much longer.
...
Bastogne
The jeep stopped just outside the hospital. Fin and Doc jumped out. "Come on, there's someone I want you to meet" Doc said grabbing Fin's hand and leading her into the building. Fin followed Doc into the makeshift hospital in a large Church. The place was heaving with wounded men and very little staff by the looks of it. Doc lead Fin in until he caught sight of a female nurse desperately trying to stem the bleed in the side of a soldier. Fin pushed past Doc and grabbed the gauze trying to help. Doc appeared by her side and together they did there best to stop the bleed to no avail. The nurse lifted her head and wiped her brow, transferring some of the soldiers blood to her forehead.
"Eugene!" she smiled sweetly
"Renee, I'd like you to meet Fin"
Renee turned her gaze to Fin "Good to meet you, I have heard a lot from Eugene"
"All good I hope!" Fin replied eye balling Doc "Lovely to meet you too" Fin said turning her attention back to Renee. " I think we're fighting a losing battle with this poor sod" Fin pointed out sadly at the lifeless body lying in front of the three of them.
"It is all I seem to do, mop up blood with no hope" Renee sighed
"Your touch soothes the wounded, it's a gift from God" Doc said gently to Renee.
"I wouldn't call it a gift, I must constantly be around dying people"
"Renee, can I help?" Fin asked, it was obvious the hospital most definitely did not have enough medical staff.
"I'm under strict orders to get you a hot meal Fin" Doc said turning his gaze from Renee to Fin.
"That can wait, let's collect supplies, you take them back and I'll stop here for a bit, once you've dropped them off, come back for me." Fin suggested.
Doc raised an eyebrow mulling over Fin's suggestion in his head.
"I could really do with some help" Renee asked interrupting Doc's thoughts "and I could help with your supplies, give you what I can spare"
"Ok, but Fin make sure you get a meal" Doc said wiping his hands and following Renee.
Fin looked around and jogged over to a screaming soldier who was just being brought in.
...
Doc placed a box of supplies in the jeep and headed back. He wasn't overly happy to leave Fin there but Renee was exhausted and Fin wanted to help. He wouldn't be long and would return as soon as he'd dropped the box of supplies off. Winters and Nix were keen for Fin to get off the front line, so he figured it would be ok. The jeep pulled up and Doc jumped out grabbing the box.
"Where's Fin?" Nix said strolling over.
"I left her there, thought I'd drop the supplies off and then go back for her, give her a break like ya wanted Sir"
"Good idea" Nix replied.
Doc left and went to find Spina to share out what Renee had spared him. "Hey Doc! Did ya hear!" Luz said as Doc strolled past Luz in his foxhole.
Doc stopped.
"The Krauts have asked us to surrender, General McAuliffe replied with 'Nuts!'" Luz laughed bringing a smile to Doc's face.
"Merry Christmas Krauts!" Luz laughed some more.
That's right it was Christmas Eve! Doc had completely lost track of the days. "Hey Spina, I've got supplies"
...
Bastogne
"Come on, let's take a break" Renee said grabbing Fin's bloodied hand. "You've worked non stop for the last few hours and you haven't had that meal!"
"I'm really not hungry now!" Fin replied letting Renee lead her outside.
"Not even for some chocolate?!" Renee smiled waving a large block in front of Fin.
"Well I can always make time for chocolate!" Fin smiled, she couldn't remember the last time she had eaten some.
"Well it's a nice treat for Christmas Eve!" Renee smiled turning two chairs upright so the two girls could sit down, amongst the rubble and broken furniture.
"Christmas Eve! Wow! I never even remembered!" Fin exclaimed she wouldn't be getting drunk this year that's for sure!
Renee broke off a few chunks and gave them to Fin. Fin gladly took them and popped one in her mouth. The chocolate melted, it was the best chocolate she had ever tasted.
"What's it like on the front line?" Renee asked
"It's scary, boring and I worry about the men all the time" Fin replied truthfully.
"It's not much better here, I never want to treat another wounded man again" Renee sighed
Fin could definitely see that she was weary. She was exhausted and over worked, she was a pure caring soul and probably hardly ever took a break. Fin admired her, she was a civilian, she didn't have to be here, but she did what she could to help her country. They were completely surrounded by the German Army, this must be playing on Renee's mind. Fin worried for her.
"Do you have a husband?" Renee asked
"I'm not married, how about you?"
"No, I would like to have one and a family" she replied lowering her head and breaking off another chunk of chocolate.
"The war will end, the Allies will win and you will have a normal life" Fin said smiling reaching over and squeezing Renee's hand. Renee looked up and smiled at Fin when they were interrupted by the rumble of planes approaching.
...
Doc returned to the jeep, he'd have to get going if he was to collect Fin before it got dark. He looked up at the sky, his attention drawn to the rumble of planes flying overhead.
Doc lowered his sight and looked around, seeing Nix talking to Lieutenant Speirs "Are they ours Sir?" Doc asked hopefully.
Speirs and Nix looked up, the fog had cleared, but they couldn't see the planes, they must be under cloud cover. Their thoughts were interrupted by the sound of explosions.
"They're German " Nix exclaimed his face turning white "they're bombing Bastogne!" he realised.
"Fin's there!" Doc cried as he jumped into the jeep, joined by Nix and Speirs.
"It's Christmas Eve, her family were wiped out by the Luftwaffe on Christmas Eve!" Speirs informed the two men as Nix instructed the driver to get them to Bastogne faster than a fat kid chasing an ice cream truck.
...
Bastogne
The first bomb dropped causing Fin and Renee to dive to the ground as it exploded onto the road not far from where they sat, they covered their heads from the falling debris. Fin had stupidly left her helmet in the hospital.
Fin and Renee both jumped up instinctively running back to the hospital. Go to Bastogne they said, have a break from the front line they said! Fin shook her head at the irony of it all.
She couldn't believe the Luftwaffe were bombing her on Christmas Eve... again! They had come back for her!
The girls scrambled over the falling bricks and mortar, Fin tripped as another bomb dropped, the explosion causing her to misplace her footing. She quickly got back to her feet and followed Renee into the hospital. There was panic all around, men were screaming and begging for help, Fin quickly grabbed the first soldier she got to, flinging his arm over her shoulder and grabbing his waist, she heaved him onto his feet and dragged him outside. She continued to drag him into an open space, hopefully a place where he would be safe from debris. Renee followed shortly after with a soldier draped over her. Fin ran back in, grabbing the next soldier... she ran back in grabbing the next and the next. Fin and Renee didn't stop. The Luftwaffe were bombing the shit out of Bastogne. There's going to be nothing left soon! Fin thought as she grabbed her sixth man. As Fin left the hospital with him, Renee ran back in for her seventh wounded soldier. Fin let her soldier down gently on the ground as she ran back after Renee, flinching from the explosion of another building not far from the hospital.
Fin never made it, a bomb dropped right in front of her on top of the hospital, destroying it. The blast knocked Fin back as rubble hit her, partially burying her. She battled to keep conscious as the bombing continued. At least it feels like home... she thought.
...
The jeep stopped at the edge of Bastogne, there was no clear way in, the three men jumped out and ran. The bombs were still coming down. The place was already a pile of rubble. They'd be lucky to locate the hospital let alone locate Fin. Speirs was filled with dread, if she survived the bombing, what would it do to her mentally? He couldn't think about this just yet, find her alive and worry about that later
Doc lead them to where the hospital was or what was left of it, as they got there, the bombing stopped and the planes left. Fires broke out in the partially stood buildings, heavy smoke filled the air. Nix ran over to a group of wounded soldiers lying in the road. "Have you seen a blonde medic?!" he shouted desperately.
A soldier looked up in a dazed state "She went back to the hospital" he murmured in pain.
Nix ran over to Doc and Speirs, "Fin went back to the hospital!"
"There is no hospital!" Doc quietly stated in shock pointing to the bombed out church. He slowly walked over and pulled Renee's blue hair smock out of the rubble where the entrance to the church had been. His heart sank.
Speirs ran over and desperately started to pull rubble away. Doc joined him. They pulled and grabbed, throwing what they could carry. It was an endless task, they were making no progress at all.
"Stop!" Nix shouted at them "This is pointless!"
"We can at least try!" Speirs shouted. He never wanted to give up on Cara, never
Nix grabbed Speirs' shoulders and pulled him away. Speirs stood there staring at what was once the hospital. Grief entered him and his mind started to drift somewhere dark. He would not handle this at all, crouching down he placed his head in his hands, never give up on her
...
Fin moaned as she came to, she yelped as she pushed the rubble off her body, coughing, she tried to clear her lungs of the dust. She looked at the soldiers her and Renee had evacuated out of the hospital. They seemed to have not sustained any further wounds. Renee! Fin couldn't see her, she made out two figures standing and one figure crouching over at where the hospital was. Fin winced as she climbed to her feet, brushing herself down she walked over to the hospital please, please don't let Renee be under that! As she got closer she realised the two standing figures were Nix and Doc and the crouching one was Speirs. What were they all doing here? she was only expecting Doc to pick her up. As she closed in on them Fin noticed Renee's blue hair smock hanging from Doc's hand. NO! Fin collapsed down onto her knees, her hand covering her mouth trying to prevent herself from crying out loud too much in shock. Not Renee!
Speirs turned around hearing a muffled cry.
Cara! Without thinking he ran straight over and scooped her up and held her close in his arms, he held her tightly. "I'm here, I'll always be here" he sighed in utter relief placing a kiss on her forehead as she rested her head on his chest.
...
Doc had checked Fin over and remarkably, she was fine. "A few bumps, bruises and she'll probably be coughing up for a bit, but she's gonna be ok" Doc informed Winters, Nix and Speirs.
"Bet she's going to give us shit for a while for sending her to Bastogne!" Nix said light heartedly.
"She's a bit upset about the Belgium nurse" Doc replied.
"And you" Nix had observed Doc's face when he found the blue hair smock.
"She was a good nurse" Doc replied.
Fin appeared from behind Doc and gently squeezed his arm in comfort, walking away from Winters. "I'm going back to my foxhole" she said solemnly.
Speirs looked at her and Fin gave him a smile to let him know she was ok. She would like nothing more than to lie in his arms all night, but that wasn't meant to be.
Fin turned and headed to her foxhole. She hadn't known Renee long but that was another person she knew and was with on Christmas Eve who died. Everything happens in three's, will they finally get her on their third attempt?
...
All Fin could hear was that damn same old sound a soldier's boots made on this damn frozen ground crunch, crunch, crunch as she walked back.
As she reached her foxhole, she could hear voices. Her foxhole was crowded, Bill, Toye, Tab, Shifty, Luz and Buck were all there. "Hey doll, there's still room for a little one" Bill said.
Fin smiled and climbed down.
"You ok?" Shifty asked wrapping his arms around her.
"I am now I'm back with you lads"
"What the fuck are they singing?!" Bill snapped at the sound of the Krauts
"Christmas carols" Fin replied.
"Can you sing us something?" Buck asked
Fin looked over to him, he looked even more withdrawn, she needed to take better care of him. She really didn't feel like singing though.
Buck pulled out a small picture from inside his coat, he passed it to Bill "She finished with me" he said softly.
"Just in time for Christmas hey" Bill replied handing it back.
The post was getting through, bringing bad news...
Fin began.
"You shout it out
But I can't hear a word you say
I'm talking loud not saying much
I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet
You shoot me down, but I get up
I'm bulletproof nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium
Cut me down
But it's you who has further to fall
Ghost town, haunted love
Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones
I'm talking loud not saying much
I'm bulletproof nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium, I am titanium, I am titanium
Stone-hard, machine gun
Firing at the ones who run
Stone-hard, those bulletproof guns
You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium
I am titanium"
Fin finished. Her voice had been beautiful and full of emotion. Her thoughts had been with Julian, Babe, Renee and Doc the whole time.
"Not very Christmassy Fin" Bill tried to laugh, but they were all feeling the sadness, he dropped his head down.
A round of applause got their attention. It was coming from the German line.
Then a shout came.
"Frieden heute Abend!"
"What the fuck are they shouting?" Bill exclaimed angrily, lifting his head back up.
"Peace tonight" Fin translated.
...
On his return to Dog company, Speirs received some post. Edie's handwriting on the envelope. He contemplated ignoring it until morning, but he needed a distraction from not being the one to comfort Cara tonight.
The baby is fine, but I had a scare. I'm on full bed rest for a short while, the doctor thinks I'm stressed.
Speirs sighed heavily. He'd read the rest tomorrow.
