BPOV

"My turn! My turn! My turn!" Emmett roared happily. "I choose Jasper! Jasper, Jasper, Jasper. You will suffer"

And I wonder whether vampires can be high because

"Truth or dare, man?" Jasper groaned.

"Truth" He chose. Alice blanked out for a minute and then smacked herself on the forehead. I smiled. Ooh, this was gonna be good.

"Wait here! I have to get dressed…" Emmett muttered, running up the stairs to his room. Alice giggled and started to open her mouth.

"No!" Emmett roared, appearing next to Alice, his pants halfway on. "You'll ruin the suspense"

"Fine" Alice said. "Be that way"

We waited for a few more seconds until Emmett finally finished and came downstairs. As soon as I saw him, I gasped.

Jasper groaned. The guy was dressed in a pink dress-shirt, some really, really tight pants and had his hair gelled up in little spikes. In short, Emmett looked utterly gay.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have nothing against gays. I actually respect them- but guys don't. You can call a guy anything, except gay. So it was really no wonder that, while we all laughed, poor Jasper was having a brief panic-attack.

"Jasper" Emmett said in a little high-pitched voice. "We all know your wife dresses you with women's clothes. We do. What we are wondering is…"

We all waited while Emmett faked hesitation, trying to choose his next words.

"How far has she actually gone? When? And why, why why do you let her do this? Is it because she's a lesbian?" Alice smacked her brother's head and Jasper sighed.

"Well… Alright. Here it goes:

A couple of years ago- I think it was during the 70s- Alice and I stayed home alone while the rest of you guys went hunting. I wanted to enjoy our time to the fullest, but Alice had other ideas…" Jasper sighed. We all waited expectantly for him to go on.

"She thought she could beat Victoria's Secret, OK? There, I said it. My wife made me model lingerie! Are you happy now?" Jasper crossed his arms and started to sulk.

Now, I don't know whether we were happy, nut I could certainly see everyone laughing- myself included, of course.

"And no, Alice is not a lesbian, she just likes designing. And for the record, I let her do this because I don't particularly enjoy being castrated, Emmett" Jasper snapped.

Emmett's laughter ceased immediately, but Rose apparently couldn't stop.

"Castrated? God, Rosalie, what did you do to him?" I asked.

"The question is what did he do to me. Bella, dear, remember that when you cut something off a vamp, it sticks back on anyway. So I just tore my husband's balls off and took them away to Italy for a month" She answered.

"That was fun" Alice said, giggling.

"Yeah. We watched every single movie ever filmed. But I think you should know what Emmett did…

It was our 25th wedding, I think. Yeah, the 25th. Anyway, Alice, Esme and I were going to throw a bachelorette party at our house and told the guys to get out. We were planning on modeling some underwear we'd designed; we were having our very own runway show! We'd even invited some guests to watch!

But the guys didn't listen. They snuck back in and hid above the lights and stuff. So, right when I was modeling my beautiful snow-themed set, the guys' weight was too much and they fell on top of me!" Rose covered her face with her hands "They ruined everything! I've never been so humiliated in my life! And then Jasper ran to a corner and started muttering and yelling like a madman while he shook because of all the emotions in the room! And then he made Carlisle go bonkers and he grabbed an uncooked chicken from the kitchen, put it on his head, and started running around. Running, Bella, running!"

Alice gave Rose a hug as we all tried not to laugh.

"Ssh, honey. It's OK, Rose. You're here, you're safe" She said.

"No, I'm not! If freaking scarred for life! For eternity!" Rose ran out of the room and Emmett followed hot on her heels, probably wanting to apologize.

"That was… interesting" Jasper said. Edward was laughing too much to answer- he had seen it all. Lucky bastard.

The phone rang, startling me.

"Don't bother answering, guys. Esme's got it" Alice said before anyone could move an inch. The guys nodded and let it go.

We've regretted that ever since.


Ooooooh, cliffie!! Yay!! R and R now or I'll send Jasper after you!

sorry i took so long. I was punished, LOL