Evil in My Blood

"Shadeleaf..."

The words echoed around the dark forest. I growled. "Go away. I don't miss you."

The voice laughed. "There, there. That's the spirit, my dear. Someday, you will be as powerful as us..."

"I don't want to be like you!" My voice shook. Couldn't help it. "I said, go away."

There was a whispering of wind in the trees, and this time the voice spoke again, only clearer and louder than before. "Ignorant kits. I will make sure you understand the true meaning of power. I garrenteed."

I spun around, and the formidable figure of my parents appeared behind me. Burningmaple and Shadowcall. "You are still young. You must understand."

"No, I don't!" I growled. "Just because you're all murderous tyrants doesn't mean I'll also be that way."

Shadowcall laughed, as if this were a funny joke. "Murderous tyrants? You do have quite an imagination. No, we are only doing what we need to prove that we are the greatest of them all!"

"Shut up and leave." My blood burned in my veins. "This is already the fifth time, and I'm still not changing my mind. Why do you have to be so stubborn?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Burningmaple flicked his tail. "Why do you not see? Don't you want power? Haven't you always wanted to be leader?"

My blood turned to ice. How did they know? "Yes, but..."

"But nothing." Shadowcall leaned closer to me. "You're already a senior warrior, and the only one. If the deputy dies, then you will be the only choice."

"Get out," I insisted. "You know that I'm not agreeing."

"No, we know that you were born to rule!" Shadowcall's green eyes blazed. "Respect your elders and listen! Tomorrow, when Russetfall goes to get water from the stream, ask to go with him. When you are there, stand behind him, pounce, and drown him. No one will know." She cackled at her own evil idea. "Brilliant, huh?"

I sighed. "How many do I have to tell you that I'm not going to listen to you?"

"And how many times do I have to tellyou that you will understand it all one day?" Burningmaple questioned. His bright amber eyes burned into me. "Keep that in mind."


"Hey, Russetfall!" I shouted. "Can I come with you?"

He looked surprised. "Why, I thought I'd never see a young cat so eager to do chores. All right, grab some moss and let's go."

My body shook and trembled. I'm doing this to get water. Nothing else. But it sounded all too much like a plea. And that was what I was thinking as I bundled up the moss. Just for the water. It was what I thought on the way to the stream. Nothing else. And I was still thinking that when we finally arrived, in the middle of the day.

Remember, Shadeleaf. Just for the water, nothing else. I gulped and dipped my share of moss in the water. Don't listen to them...

"Shadeleaf?" Russetfall cocked his head. "You look strange."

I shook my head. "No, I'm fine." But I wasn't. Drown him... push him...

"Shut up!" I screamed. Russetfall stared at me. "What?"

"Nothing!" I looked up. "I... I really think it's time to go. I think that's enough."


But the nags didn't stop there. Kill him! Kill him! It rang in my head all day.

I didn't eat even once. I was too worried to. "Stop it," I whimpered. They didn't, of course. They just kept on going.

I couldn't sleep that night, and the next night, or the next night. The dreams and the memories continued. I was driven mad with desperation. This went on for quite some time, before I finally snapped.

That fateful day, I sneaked out of bed while everyone was sleeping. I went past the camp entrance, raced past the territory that I would see for the very last time, all the way to the river that began it all. I saw the raging currents and the sharp boulders rising up from the deep, but I was not afraid. It was time to end this. I closed my eyes.

Then I jumped in without fear.

Sinking to the bottom, my lungs were already bursting, but I did not feel panic. Instead, a warm, almost gentle kind of feeling washed over me. Starclan, I am ready.

Darkness swept over me, and I had time for one last thought before I saw the stars come up before me.

I am ready. Receive me...