A/N - Thank you to all the readers, reviewers and favourites and follows. I really appreciate you all still sticking with me.
Thank you for the lovely comments, especially about the wedding; those were the bits I wasn't too happy with. St Michael's Church in Aldbourne doesn't have grating down both sides of a carpet down the aisle, that is quite right. I wanted Fin to maybe have some 'normal' and daft nerves before getting married. The grating worry was actually mine at my own wedding (yes grating, not the fact that I was 45 minutes late!). The church I was married in had grating down both sides of the aisle carpet, all the way down to the altar! I'm so clumsy; I was certain I'd step on it and get my heel stuck. If you're curious, Google All Saints Church in Baschurch, there's an image of the interior with my nemesis (the grating) on Google images.
ljvs – Thank you for your review and especially your view about Fin at her wedding, I was hoping for this for her character.
kimberleymearns – Thank you for your review and I'm so pleased you've enjoyed the story. I'm glad you agree with the way Edie was in the end.
LolaJGreen – Thank you for your review and I'm glad you got a picture of Fin's wedding, I really wasn't sure if I wrote enough or too much about the wedding.
Here's the next chapter, it's not a long one, but I didn't want to drag it out.
...
Captain Speirs rolled over and woke himself from his hungover state. He had no idea how long he had drifted back off for. He rolled himself out of bed and pulled his pants on; he smiled as he looked at Cara's wedding dress hanging on the wardrobe door. It was beautiful, she was beautiful and she had well and truly taken his breath away walking down that aisle towards him. He knew from the moment he first saw her that he'd love her forever and having her feel the same way and marry him was all he could ever wish for from her. The fact that she was now going to make him a dad was just the icing on the cake.
He tentatively descended the stairs rubbing his poor achy head and ruffling his hair, he couldn't hear anything, he wondered if she may have popped out for breakfast. He actually had no idea how domesticated she was, not that it would matter, he would never want her to fit into a role expected of a woman, not his Cara. The kitchen was empty, not even a sign of breakfast being attempted. He bent down and picked up a chair that was lying on its back on the floor.
Ron sat down and eyed the kitchen. Then... out of the corner of his eye he saw some broken pieces of china. He got up and walked over, Ron crouched down and picked up several small shards off the floor, he recognised it immediately, it was from the china tea set he used for their first date! As he fiddled with the broken china in his hand, disappointed that it had been damaged, he suddenly felt very uneasy. No Cara, a chair on the floor and their broken tea set. Ron shot up to his feet in a sudden and ferocious anger EDIE!
...
"I wish your daddy was here to hold my hand while I hold yours" Eve spoke softly to her daughter as the nurse prepped the needle. Eve felt horrible for inflicting pain but necessary pain on her daughter, unfortunately Lew was on duty and unable to accompany them both.
Rebecca let out a cry, which quickly went as Eve consoled her daughter "it's ok darling, all over now!" she spoke softly as she rocked the baby in her arms. Eve's ears pricked up as her daughter's calming silence was replaced with the sound of a woman screaming and shouting out in the corridor. The nurse smiled at Eve and went to investigate with Eve following quickly after. The nurse jogged over to help a colleague struggling with an erratic red head waving her arms in all directions, accidently swiping at the nurses. Eve watched in shock as Edie experienced what could only be described as a mental breakdown, a doctor quickly approached, finally restraining her. Eve marched over as Edie screamed "CHARLES!"
"Who is Charles?" Eve asked plainly, but calmly, holding Rebecca tightly to her protective body.
"Is that your baby?" Edie seemed to suddenly change, becoming limp in the doctors arms.
Eve took a preventative step away from Edie, she was making her wary to say the least "who is Charles?" she repeated
"My baby!"
"Where is he?"
"At the house, I killed them!" Edie wailed as she began to struggle underneath the doctor's arms again.
Eve dreaded her next question, she took another step back "You killed your baby?"
"No of course not, I love Charles, he's my Ron's son!"
Eve sighed at Edie's delusional state, she turned her attention to the doctor and nurses. "She's not well, Ron isn't the father of her baby"
"He is and he'll want to be now, especially because I killed them!"
Eve looked back at Edie. She was dreading her next question, nervously she proceeded "Who have you killed?"
"My Uncle and that whore, Cara Finney!" Edie smirked upon saying Cara's name, now getting used to her actions, although she regretted killing her Uncle, his own fault though! Stupid man should have just got on with it!
Eve's face dropped, it wasn't true! There's absolutely no way she could have hurt Fin, none!
"What's going on?" Luz asked approaching after seeing a commotion involving Captain Nixon's wife as he was leaving Shifty's ward.
"This is Captain Speirs' unstable ex, she is claiming to have killed Fin!" Eve replied, shaking and trying not to believe what was coming out of her own mouth.
"What!? Where is Fin?!" Luz shouted at Edie."She's pregnant! If you've laid one fucking finger on her…"
"I know she's pregnant, well was!" Edie started to laugh hysterically, once again going limp in the doctor's arms. The crazed look on her face was sending shivers up Luz's spine.
"I'm going to have to get her to a bed and sedate her" The doctor informed them.
"Where is Fin?" Luz shouted again, making himself heard over Edie's cackles.
"At my Uncle's safehouse near the woods!" Edie replied no longer laughing. Her face regaining some slight normality.
"Where is that?"
"Just outside Aldbourne, to the East!" Edie shouted before breaking out in uncontrollable sobs.
"Go find Fin, I'll get Speirs!" Eve instructed as Luz was joined by three more men from Easy Company. Eve shot off back to her car, she held back the tears, Fin wasn't dead, Fin doesn't die! She tried to convince herself. Get her husband, he had saved her once, he can save her again
...
Speirs raced round to Nix and Eve's place, but neither were home, he punched the seat in the jeep out of frustration before getting back in. He shoved the stick into gear and was about to speed off when Eve pulled up.
...
"Catch him!" Fin shouted as she let go of the baby boy. He fell.
The men nervously waited as the boy dropped into the quilt, a collective sigh of relief escaped them all. They carefully lowered the baby and Tab scooped him up.
"Come on Fin! Your turn!" Luz shouted up as Fin started to climb out of the window. Fin can jump this, she's done higher! Luz thought equally confident and nervous.
Fin coughed violently again as the bedroom filled with black smoke, escaping through the window and evidently choking her as it did so. She climbed through and crouched down on the outside, her hand on the rapidly warming window frame to balance her. She looked down, it wasn't that high was it? Some of her jumps had been higher hadn't they? She wasn't pregnant then, what if she didn't land correctly? What if her balance was off due to the pregnancy? She thought for only a matter of seconds, offsetting the negatives and positives, she prepared to jump.
Speirs ran through the field, shocked was an understatement as he approached the burning house, he neared and watched the nightmare unfold. His expectant wife climbed out of an upstairs window completely engulfed in black smoke. The flames spreading across the roof, creeping ever closer to her. He sprinted forward, he got to where the Easy Company men stood, they could do nothing but watch helplessly as Fin made her escape. Speirs ran to the house as Tab followed grabbing his shoulder "Sir, there's no way in, she's gonna have to jump!"
Ron backtracked and looked up at the window "Come on baby! You can do it!" he called up desperately searching for her in the thick smoke.
Fin started to struggle against the intense heat. She stumbled as the roof weakened all around her. She shuffled forward, losing her balance as the tiles slipped from under her feet, she swung back and grabbed the hot window frame, she battled to establish a footing as the roof became increasingly unstable. She moved to the edge and saw her husband, looking desperately up at her. Don't worry darling, this is a piece of cake she thought.
But it wasn't.
Ron watched in horror as his wife and unborn child disappeared, the roof collapsing before she made the jump. He didn't know what happened next, all he felt were several arms around him preventing him from entering that burning house.
...
Four months later
"Is the company ready to move back home?" Winters asked Captain Speirs gently.
Captain Speirs replied with a simple nod, barely making eye contact. Winters softly closed the door to the office. They all felt the sadness and he felt deeply for him. Winters wished things could have been different.
Speirs lay his head in his hands. How long would it take him to come to terms with it all? He needed to shake it off, but he just couldn't get what happened out of his mind.
*tick tock, tick tock, tick tock...*
That damn clock!
Speirs picked up the glass paper weight on his desk and threw it at the clock on the fireplace mantel.
*smash*
The clock splintered and fell in pieces down to the tiled floor.
The flashbacks!
If only he didn't have the flashbacks.
He wanted to be with her all the time, every hour, every minute and every second and all that damn clock did was tell him that time was running out and tomorrow was creeping ever closer.
He should have been there sooner, he should have been in that house, saving her…but he wasn't, he stood outside, safe and pathetically useless, watching his expectant wife fall through that roof. Her face, the fear… the first time he had seen true fear in her, her blue eyes instantly turned grey, her twinkling eyes lost to the heat of the fire, the flames consuming her…
Speirs buried his face in his hands. If he could turn back time… protected her. He shook his head, no, turn back time and never need to protect her. He would go back to that day she walked past Dog and Fox Company's calling her out, he would turn his back on her, refuse to look at her and refuse to be drawn in by her charm. He wouldn't have gone to the pub that night; he would have refused to fall for her. That would have been the only way to keep her safe. It wasn't Edie's fault it was his; he brought the two women into his life.
He can't hear her scream any more, only his own voice shouting her name over and over as he violently shook the men off who had restrained him from running into that burning house.
"I'm sorry baby" Speirs whispered as he folded his arms on his desk and laid his head down on them I'm sorry baby he'd lost count of the number of times he had said those words. He had always wanted her to be the death of him.
*Knock knock*
"Enter" Speirs called as he sat up straight and composed himself.
Luz and Tab entered, their eyes immediately darting over to the smashed clock on the floor.
"Yes?"
"We're on our way to visit Fin Sir"
Speirs nodded, he was grateful that the men would all take it in turns to visit her, talk to her. He didn't want her alone, not ever again, but he couldn't even do that. They were shipping back to America tomorrow.
The two Easy Company men, sympathetic, nodded back and saluted as they left.
Speirs didn't want their sympathetic looks, they had hurt too, not as much as him though, noone could hurt as much as him. He wasn't coping and he knew that, he just couldn't, he couldn't get over it or move on. She had been so close, so close!
Speirs stood up and walked over to the clock. He kicked the bits against the skirting board damn clock, he didn't need reminding.
…
"He still ain't coping is he?" Tab stated, not really expecting confirmation off Luz.
"Jeez, I wouldn't either if she had been my wife, I mean, we all love her, but she's not married to any of us lot." Luz sighed, none of them could quite believe what had happened "Let's go pick up some more flowers for her"
Tab nodded.
…
Speirs had sat back down again, he lifted his head and dragged his hands down his face. Now was the time to be strong, to get the men home, concentrate on finalising everything without Cara and his baby. He dropped his head back into his hands returning to America without her he had so wished everything was different, he didn't want to leave her and his baby, he couldn't leave her alone. He had the men, not that any of them had to be ordered, visit her every day and they all took shifts. He never wanted her to be alone again, but she would be soon. It was coming round too quickly and then an ocean would divide them.
Speirs stood up, pushing his chair out. He had to try and concentrate on the task at hand. It wouldn't be easy though, the men didn't make it easy. At some point today he'd have to return to the cottage he had been billeted with Cara and do his final packing. He didn't want to do it. How could he do it?
Speirs opened his office door, walking past his orderly, he ignored the Private, left and walked outside. The men were milling around, Speirs was greeted with their forlorn expressions. No words were needed, they all felt the same way. It just wasn't meant to be, returning to America with her. "Are you all packed? We move out tomorrow 1600hrs" Speirs half-heartedly informed the men.
The men replied with some mumbled "Yes Sir" Speirs was surprised at their reaction, she had grown close to them all, but they were returning to families, wives, girlfriends, but he wasn't. They had something to look forward to at the end of their journey home. It was the journey, though wasn't it? None of them wanted to do it without her. He hung his head again. He couldn't believe he was making the journey alone.
No one had spoken much on the subject. The reality sinking in as the date of return came ever closer. They admired how well Speirs was doing, ever the soldier and ever the leader, few of them wouldn't be coping as well in his position. The men spoke about Speirs behind his back. He was a man of few words, whatever he was feeling; he was bottling it up well. Some worried that he may just erupt and none of them would blame him. No husband should ever have to watch helplessly as he did. That image would be etched into his brain.
Speirs nodded and stood in front of them all as they continued the final checks before they would be heading to the docks the next day for the ship home. It was supposed to be a joyous occasion, the men would all be met in New York by their loved ones...but they would be leaving a loved one behind.
"Who is up after Luz and Tab?" Speirs enquired, making sure that Cara had as many visitors as possible while he couldn't sit with her every second of the day.
"Me and Malarkey Sir" Christenson replied.
"Good" Speirs turned and headed back to his office.
…
Luz and Tab were always apprehensive about visiting her. It was always sad, but even more so today as neither of them were sure if they would be able to squeeze one more visit in before they shipped home. They would have to say their good-byes today. Luz and Tab dreaded going, it meant leaving her alone again. She wouldn't be completely alone though, she'd always have her baby. Luz shuddered, he didn't know how Speirs was going to get on that ship without her.
Eve's tears had torn them all apart. Every day she came desperately upset to Captain Nixon, she had even refused to leave England at one point. Nix had calmed her down and insisted that she had to, they had a new life to start and he needed to see his son. Luz knew Speirs would be battling with himself, although she was safe now, he didn't want to leave her alone. Luz and Tab looked at each other as they reached the grocers. They scanned the fresh flowers placed in buckets below the window, they would carefully and thoughtfully choose another bunch for her.
"Which ones this time?" Luz asked
"I don't know, we got the red ones last time"
"How about the yellow ones? Keep it colourful?"
"Good idea" Tab replied picking up a large bunch of pretty yellow flowers, having no clue what type they were.
…
His world faded away,
The image rested in his brain.
She fell through the roof into the flames, he couldn't stop thinking about it. She burnt, his baby burnt, he didn't see it, of course he didn't, so why was the thought so vivid, so clear?
Speirs lovingly stroked Cara's wedding and engagement rings, he had placed them safely onto the chain that held his dog tags.
Her twinkling eyes burning, her beautiful blonde hair, he was certain he could smell the distinctive odour of burnt hair. Her perfectly flushed skin, melting, peeling back from her skull... he dropped his head in his hands again, why was he thinking like this? Guilt.
He had put her through all this. It was his fault. His fault she had been there. His fault she was abducted. It was his entire fault.
She would have been burnt alive, she would have been so scared, alone. He hadn't even begun to tell her everything he had ever wanted to say to her, he had so much more.
He shook his head again, he needed to get a grip, he needed to function properly.
He had tried to rid himself of that day. He turned positively psychotic and violent, throwing the men off, lunging at that house. Scrambling for… what for? He couldn't stop her falling through the roof and he couldn't pull her out. He felt useless. How could he have thought he could protect her and their baby? He should never have married her, Edie had warned him not to.
Why couldn't he get over all this? Four months! It had been four fucking months. They were due to sail back to America and she wouldn't be going with him. It went round and round his head she wouldn't be going with him He didn't want to leave her, they were making him leave her. The men didn't want to leave her. Who would visit her every day? Who would take care of her when they were all gone?
He let her down and would still be letting her down when he would leave for that fucking ship. Did he deserve his place in heaven alongside her one day?
All his thoughts were dark. He had been told the medical term and that it would take time for him to be able to focus on a more positive future. Being at the birth of his baby was his future, but that was now not meant to be.
He couldn't even be with her every second of the day, this damn job! To sit with her to tell how much he loved her, to continue to tell her he was sorry. He'd take her flowers later and he'd pick up that knitted bear he saw in the village shop window. For his wife and baby.
God he loved them so much.
…
Both men came out of the grocers, flowers in hand wrapped in brown paper, they hesitated. They looked at each other… they stepped off and headed towards the church. The journey wasn't far, but the walk always seemed so long, but probably because they would stall and stop. Tab looked up, he was pleased for the sunshine, it made things brighter, but this sunshine should make them feel brighter, the subtle heat felt on their faces, but the nip in the air and the sadness that surrounded them, over clouded all that.
They reached the fence, Tab pushed opened the gate and they walked slowly in, it swung back, squeaking slightly with the hinges needing a little oil. Tab immediately noticed the grim darkness; the sun's rays were not penetrating through the leafy branches of the many trees that scattered the graveyard. The gate gently clicked as it shut behind them, but slightly startling them nonetheless. They both stood on the gravel path which wound its way through the graves. Luz noticed some more fresh plots, he didn't like to look for too long, it only made him sadder. As they walked down the path, Tab noticed they hadn't been the only ones early that morning, with fresh flowers adorning the front of a few of the headstones.
"Come on" Tab sighed "Let's go" he crumpled the paper in his hand that held the flowers for their Fin.
Tab looked down noticing his boot lace had untied, he stopped and bent down, placing the flowers on the path next to him.
Luz carried on, not realising Tab had stopped, he looked at the last headstone. He hung his head low. He stopped.
Luz looked down at the headstone and placed his hand respectively on the top, he read the words carved into the stone, the same words, every day. The name... the relation... the loving words...
He looked up at the bit of sky he could see through the trees, he sighed and looked at the carved words again ... Cara
Luz snapped his head up as Tab unexpectedly tapped him on the shoulder making him jump, they both looked at each other blankly. Luz returned his attention to the headstone again.
Tab blew out a deep breath and stared at the flowers, he pulled one free and placed it on the top of the headstone.
"Why do we read it? It's upsets us both every time" Tab sighed wistfully.
Luz patted Tab on the back "because it's too close for comfort, that's why" Luz read the words out loud.
Cara Marie Donnelly
1917 ~ 1945
Much loved wife, mother and sister
Her absence is a silent grief, her life a beautiful memory
"We could easily be reading Fin's headstone right now, this is too similar and I feel kinda connected to this Cara lying under here." Luz added
"Well, we won't be taking this shortcut through here anymore after today" Tab mumbled to Luz.
"I know" Luz sighed.
The two men left the graveyard and walked towards Captain Speirs and Fin's billeted cottage. As they approached the door they could hear moaning. Panicking, they both burst through the door.
They were met with the sight of Fin bent over the kitchen table.
"Oh thank God! The baby's coming!" she smiled through gritted teeth "Just in time lads! This baby and I are getting on that bloody ship with you tomorrow!"
"What!" they both exclaimed as Fin let out another groan.
"That's fucking fantastic! We're all going back to America together!" Tab whooped
Smiling Luz suddenly paled, Shit a baby was going to be born, Shit! On the kitchen floor? Shit! He didn't know how to fucking deliver a baby! "Why us Fin? It had to be on our shift to visit you! Fuck Fin! Could you not have held it in for Speirs?!"
"WHAT!?" Fin shouted in a squeaky high pitched tone "What did you say?"
Errr...Nothing!" Luz scolded himself don't upset Fin when she's in pain! Stupid, stupid!
"Well stop dithering then and get me to the hospital!"
"We didn't bring a jeep!"
"Fuck!"
"Tab, run go get a jeep and Captain Speirs!" Luz shouted as Tab shoved the flowers at Luz and shot off back through the front door.
"I can't believe it! Fin! I fucking can't believe it; you're coming to America with us all!"
"I fucking well am! Me and this baby…ooooooohhhhh!" Fin groaned and panted "Ron's going to be so relieved!" Fin gritted her teeth again, turning her head to look at Luz "He hasn't been coping too well with it all. He's still having trouble accepting how lucky I was"
"No, he's not coping… Shit, Fin what can I do?"
"Hold my hand!"
Luz darted over dropping the flowers in the sink, he grabbed her hand and with the other rubbed her lower back.
"Don't touch my back!" Fin growled
"Sorry" Luz immediately withdrew his hand
"Surely it's not going to get more painful than this?" Fin screeched.
