Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, just the story.
Chapter 4: Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia
"So, this all happened because of Frenzy and Rumble's pranks?" Optimus finished up.
"Yeah," everyone else agreed.
"Well," Optimus said, scratching his ear with a rear foot. "That's different!"
"Optimus," Elita One scolded, "Don't scratch behind your ear like that; it's impolite!"
"Sorry, Elita," Optimus replied, his head and ears drooping as he dropped his foot.
"Why does Elita seem to be busting Optimus' aft suddenly?" Sunstreaker whispered to his comrades.
"Female foxes tend to get all the male fox's territory, so they're kind of the alpha in relationships," Hound informed.
Everyone looked at him.
"What?" the dog asked, tilting his head in a sort of shrug. "You all know I like this planet; I do my research!"
"Right, so how do we get turned back to our real forms?" Optimus asked.
"With this handy dandy doo-hickey here," Ironhide said, holding up Wheeljack's box-like invention.
"Trans-Molecular Organic and Mechanical Atom Transmittor," Wheeljack informed.
"That's what I said. Let's get a volunteer to see if this'll work—"
Everyone, organic-made-mech and mech alike, hid, except Ironhide and Wheeljack. Wheeljack rolled his eyes and shook his head, his enormous ears smacking him in the face gently.
"Oh, come on, guys!" Wheeljack yelled, looking around the empty lobby. "It's not that painful—"
Before Wheeljack could finish his sentence, the ground began to shake as a familiar loud, deep, voice called out to them.
"Me Grimlock home from patrol!" a yellow, silver and black mech called as he entered the ark. A black face mask and red visor prevented any one from seeing his face, but his head turned as he looked around the empty lobby.
"Where are Grimlock's Autobot friends?" he asked. Then he spotted kitty Wheeljack and kneeled down in front of the cat. He nudged Wheeljack hard enough to knock the feline onto his side.
"What is puny little organic doing in Autobot base?" Grimlock asked. "Ark is no place for puny, weak fluffy things!"
"It's me, Grimlock; Wheeljack," Wheeljack informed, getting to his feet and shaking himself off. "There has been a mishap concerning true forms around here and, long story short, several of us have become organics due to a device Cassetticons Frenzy and Rumble turned on us. I believe I have made an invention to reverse the effects, but no one seems to want to test it on themselves."
"You are organic now, Daddy Wheeljack; why not test thingy on yourself?" Grimlock asked.
Wheeljack's ears lied back as his fur puffed up in agitation at the title of "daddy" and Ironhide chuckled, nudging him gently with a boot. Being called "daddy" was Grimlock's way of acknowledging that Wheeljack had created him and the other Dinobots.
"Yeah, daddy," Ironhide snickered. "Why not test it on yourself?"
"Shut up, Ironhide, before I rig that thing to turn you into a rodent so that I may eat you," Wheeljack growled. "And plus, it's a Trans-Molecular Organic and Mechanical Atom Transmittor, not a 'thingy'."
"Can thingy turn Grimlock into organic, too?" Grimlock asked.
"Trans-Molecular Organic and Mechanical Atom Transmittor," Wheeljack corrected. "And yes; it's done it to me,"
"Turn me organic, and then turn me back!" Grimlock suggested. "Then you know thingy works!"
"Trans-Molecular Organic and Mechanical Atom Transmittor," Wheeljack corrected with a growl.
"Well, alright, big guy, your funeral," Ironhide began, tapping something into the device's keyboard.
"WAIT!!!" Wheeljack screamed, jumping clear up to Ironhide's hip (curtsey of super feline abilities). He scrambled on top of the box device as he spoke. "Don't do it!"
"Sheesh, dramatic, much, Wheeljack?" Ironhide asked, looking at the cat.
"Ironhide, what is Grimlock's alt form?"
"A T-Rex."
"And what are T-Rexes known for?"
"Eating stuff."
"And what is Grimlock known for?"
"Eating Decepticons!" Grimlock cheered, pronouncing Decepticon as "dee-sep-tee-cons".
"So what'll he start do if he becomes a living, organic T-Rex?" Wheeljack finished.
"Oh," Ironhide said, his optics widening in surprise. "Slag; you're right. Um, hey, Grimlock, we're just gonna find another test subject for this doo-hickey, see you later."
"Trans-Molecular Organic and Mechanical Atom Transmittor!" Wheeljack yelled. "It's a Trans-Molecular Organic and Mechanical Atom Transmittor!"
"Let's test it on Starscream; he's an organic," Ironhide said, looking around. "Now where is that fuzz puff..."
"Starscream?" Grimlock demanded. He shape-shifted into T-Rex form and looked around, snarling, "Where is Starscream? I eat him! I eat him fast!"
Starscream, hidden under a table with Moonracer, Bumblebee, and Firestar, pressed himself to the floor and whimpered quietly.
"No, no, Grimlock," Wheeljack told the Dinobot, "We turn Starscream back into a mech to test my invention then you can eat him."
Grimlock looked at Wheeljack, then blinked and grin happily, "Okay. "
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Frenzy and Rumble, mean while, were just outside the base, struggling to keep Ravage from charging on into the Ark.
"No, Ravage!" Frenzy exclaimed. "We're here only to make sure that Starscream's position is a negative, secure one for him and then we have to get back to base!"
"Merowe!"
"I know you want a kitten, Ravage," Rumble replied. "But now is not the time! When the war is over, maybe, or at least next time a cyborg kitten finds its way into the energon storage units—"
"Meow!"
"Huh? You're going to do what to my face if I don't let go?"
But at that moment, Ravage jumped from the Cassetticons' grip and bounded into the Ark. He skidded to a halt, how ever, when he saw T-Rex form Grimlock standing with a bawling Starscream held in one claw over his open maw. Kitty Bumblebee, Wheeljack, and Ratchet, hound-form Hound, and foxes Optimus Prime and Elita One, as well as Ironhide, Jazz, and Prowl were all standing around him, screaming for him to stop but none of them had the guts (or the height) to snatch the doomed Seeker horse-sized kitty from his toothy doom. Rumble and Frenzy stopped behind Ravage, also caught off guard by the scene. Ravage tilted his head to the side, peering closer at one of the people there. Rumble coughed to get attention. Everyone fell silent and looked at him.
"Are we interrupting something?" Rumble asked.
"Cons in the base; target practice!" Ironhide roared, dropping Wheeljack's Trans-Molecular Organic and Mechanical Atom Transmittor (Wheeljack standing on it, still), and drew his gun out. Wheeljack and the invention it the floor with a crash and a surprised meow.
"Woha!" Rumble yelled as he and Frenzy ducked the first shots from the Autobots. Ravage bounded forward, but rather than attack one of the mech-formed Autobots, he picked up Bumblebee…
And ate him.
Okay, well, not eat him, but all you could see was his little yellow tail poking out of the panthar's mouth.
"Bumblebee!!" all the Autobots screamed.
"Spit him out! Spit him out! Spit him out!" Wheeljack yelled, scrambling over his invention to get to Ravage. But his paws slipped and he fell down hard on his chin as the invention jumped and beeped, shooting Ravage. A bright light lit up the scene and a moment later it was not Ravage who stood there but…
A human?
Yeap, a human; dark skin with black hair to match his black suit, the human was dark, sleek, and powerful; just like Ravage, with ruby eyes. He quickly spat out Bumblebee and stuffed the tiny kitten in the breast pocket of his suit before he stood up and brushed himself off, looking down at himself. Everyone stared at him with dropped jaws; Grimlock and Starscream had not moved a muscle from their predicament, but they were clearly in shock as well.
"Well," the humanized Ravage grunted, running his hands through his smooth black hair. "This is certainly a situation of most unusual consequences. I assume that you will not automatically see me to eat your friend yes? All I've ever wanted is a kit of my own to raise," he purred, patting a tiny, slightly damp, Bumblebee's head. "And now I have him.
"Now, while I still have the ability to properly articulate my vocabulary well, may I speak my thoughts as to my personal theory of the relationship between pet and owner? Rumble, take notes, I have a thing or two to feed Soundwave. And while we're on the subject of peace, may I suggest ways the organic and mechanical population may find peace without continuing this inane war, using examples of Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia and Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg—
"Monster!" Frenzy screamed, running over to pick up Wheeljack's invention and shooting him with it.
"Hippoptomonstrosesquippedaliophobic," Ravage snorted before he was once more shot by the invention, reverting to Ravage robot form. Bumblebee fell away from Ravage, but Ravage caught the kitten in his mouth and ran off with the animal Formers and Cassetticons chasing after him. The femmes and Jazz went back to try keeping Grimlock from eating Starscream as Sideswipe's optics flicked as he searched the internet for what the hell those long words meant. Finally, Google managed to answer him.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia; the fear of long words.
Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg; the official name of Lake Webster in Webster, Massachusetts in the USA. It means "Fishing place at the boundaries" or, "You fish on your side of the river, I'll fish on my side, and no one fishes in the middle."
Now, how Ravage could pronounce, know, or even connect such words together was beyond Sideswipe, but if Ravage accused Frenzy of being terrified of long words…
Sideswipe smirked and strode after the party. He found Ravage standing on a table, Bumblebee pinned under one paw as he snarled at the assembled animal Autobots and Cassetticons. Grinning, Sideswipe grabbed Frenzy as he looked up the longest place name on Earth; pre-note, it's basically a town in Thai and its entire history. He turned Frenzy around, looked the shorter Cassetticon straight in the eye, and began pronouncing the name.
"Krungthepmahanakonbowornratanakosinmahintarayudyayamahadiloponoparatanarajthaniburiromudomrajniw-esmahasataranamornpimarnavatarsatitsakattiyavusanukamphrasit."
There was a small explosion and Frenzy went limp in his hands as his mind got blown trying to wrap his head around the long word. Sideswipe grin fell as he stared at the unconscious Cassetticon then looked up to see everyone staring at him with a confused "what did you just do?" look. Bumblebee was included in this look, even though you could only see his head from beneath Ravage's paw.
"What was that?" Hound asked.
"Just something that just made me realize why you like this planet so much, Hound," Sideswipe replied, tossing Frenzy over his shoulder carelessly. He smacked his hands together in a dusting off gesture. "So, you guys go low, I go high?"
"Yes," the Autobots replied.
"Alright. BANZAI!!"
Thus screaming, Sideswipe tackled Ravage and the animals all swarmed them in an attempt to rescue Bumblebee.
Author's Note: I added Ravage's humanizing in because of what badgerwolf said about wondering what would happen to Ravage if he was made an organic. Everyone, thank badgerwolf.
