Chapter 12
The lift stopped where it was and then started to move back towards him slowly and he watched her anguished face through the grille as it came closer and closer, "Holly," he whispered when it had stopped and he slowly pushed the grille to the left and looked at her deflated and forlorn looking body. He had missed her so much over the last few months and wanted to do nothing more than hold her and kiss her deeply and longingly; but he knew he couldn't; he could see hurt in her eyes and though he couldn't understand why he had done it he knew he was the one causing the pain. "Holly," he repeated taking a tentative step towards her but she backed deeper into the lift and he stopped moving. "I...I don't know what...what I was doing," he said honestly realising that he didn't. He had no idea why he had just slept with the annoying girl who he didn't even find the least bit attractive, "She...she had some sort of-"
"James," Holly interrupted finding her voice at last; it sounded stronger than he had expected it to, "we never made any promises to each other. We are both free agents and-"
"No, Holly I did want to make a promise to you, I...I was going to tell Sal and Rose tonight; I love you and...I want to be with you," he pleaded through doleful looking eyes.
"That's not quite what it looked like James."
"I know, Holly; but I don't know what that was; she...she bewitched me somehow and...and," he had no other excuse at all for what he had done but he could tell she didn't believe him.
"James, she bewitched you because she is an attractive woman with plenty of assets and you..." she swallowed hard trying not to break down in front of him, "you did what you do, James," she smiled slightly before carrying on, "I knew this day would come; we were never going to last forever."
"But-"
"No buts James," she interrupted looking him straight in the eye, "I waited for this day to come; we had fun while it lasted but it ran its course; that's all it was ever going to do and I knew it. You were the unobtainable boy from school who looked my way for a brief moment but I always knew it would be brief and now it's over. Goodbye James," she finished smiling resolutely as she closed the grille again making him step back.
"Holly, I love you," he whispered as it closed and she smiled at him sadly as his hand touched the metal bars which separated them. He pressed the call bell again to stop it but this time she turned on the spot and apparated away while he whispered her name over and over again feeling his heart plummet within him as he realised what it meant.
A minute later a cough from behind him disturbed James and he turned around to see Salamander and Rose looking at him in complete confusion, "James," Sal said tentatively, "what is going on?"
He turned to face them completely with a defeated body; he was still wearing only his trousers as he headed back down to his office gesturing for them to follow; they did so quickly and when they were safely inside Sal closed the door and looked at his friend who was sat at his desk with his head in his hands. James dragged his shirt back on and fastened the buttons slowly before rubbing his face vigorously and looking at his friends with a remorseful look, "What have I done?" he whispered.
"I...I don't understand what's going on James," Sal said honestly.
"I've been seeing Holly," he explained resting his head in his hands.
"Holly?" Rose gasped and James nodded confirmation at her, "For how long?"
"Since a few weeks after your wedding," he admitted feeling guilty again that he had kept it quiet for so long.
"What?" she blurted loudly.
"We started seeing each other not long after, well sleeping with each other to start with but then it turned into something more. But I...I wasn't ready to tell everyone; I wasn't ready to put my trust in someone again and Holly knew that; she understood. She was so patient about it for such a long time and...and I decided before I went away that it was time to tell you all; to show her that I did trust her. I was going to tell you tonight; that's why I asked you to come here first; I was going to tell you that..." he paused and swallowed over the lump in his throat, "that I love her." Rose gasped again and Salamander sat up straight in his seat.
"You love her?" Rose asked.
"Yes," he whispered in response, "I love her more than anything; more than I ever loved Annemarie and more than I ever thought I would be able to love again; but now...now I've..." he drifted off and dropped his head into his hands again.
"But...but then why were you..." Rose said tentatively referring to the situation they had found him in, "...with...her?"
"I don't know; that's what I don't know!" he yelled. "I was here waiting for you and she came in and before I knew it we were...and then you all...and..." he stuttered rubbing his face again and dragging his fingers through his long hair. "She did something to me; I don't know what but Holly doesn't believe me and...and I didn't do it because I wanted to; I just can't explain why I did. And I know what it looked like," he went on well aware that his cousin and friend knew what his reputation was like, "but...I can't explain it." He looked imploringly at his cousin then before asking tentatively, "Rose, will...will you talk to her? Try to explain that..." he stopped knowing he couldn't actually explain his actions at all and therefore she wouldn't be able to either.
"I'm not sure what I can say," she whispered quietly in reply still completely shell shocked by the whole revelation; she'd had a feeling that her best friend was seeing someone on the side but thought it was only a fling thing and that she was keeping it on the sly for a reason; she had no idea it was her cousin, "I'll...I'll try."
"Thank you," he whispered looking gratefully at her. He didn't know if it would do any good or not; if he couldn't explain what had happened with Zelda then how could she? But maybe if she told him how cut up he was Holly might at least talk to him; give him a chance to try and show her what she meant to him. He was gutted; more gutted than when he had found out Annemarie was sleeping with someone else and a realisation suddenly dawned on him. That was how Holly had felt just then; the same way he had felt when he had discovered the truth; betrayed, devastated and unable to ever forgive her or trust her again. "What have I done?" he asked once more and his two companions looked back at him clueless. He knew why she had walked away; knew why she had said what she had said; and he also knew it would not be easy to convince her of his innocence, if he was innocent. "I...I need to go home," he went on standing up and walking to the door, "I...I need to be alone for a while."
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It had to have worked this time; she would never get another chance now that they had been interrupted. Why had she not had the sense to lock the door behind her? What would it have taken? A simple flick of the wand and no one would have known; muffliato would have kept the knocking away from his ears and she could have apparated out of there once he had drifted into his post coital sleep and nobody would have been any the wiser. But he had not fallen into the all important sleep which would erase it all from his memory; he had stayed awake and now it would be etched there forever like any other sexual encounter. Of course he didn't know why he had done it but there was no way she would be able to get him to do it again if it hadn't worked this time.
She had apparated away as soon as he had gone chasing after the annoying woman from work who looked at her as if she was above everyone else, even though she was just a simple clerical worker like her. There had obviously been something between her and James but what did it matter to Zelda? Nothing as long as this time it had worked. She knew he had come inside of her; had released what she needed from him and she was desperately hoping that it was enough this time because if it didn't work her Lord would be angry; and she knew it. Laying down on her bed she closed the door to shut out the noise of the other young ministry workers from other countries of the world who could seek accommodation in a shared house. Placing her hands across her stomach she prayed that her plan would succeed; that soon she would be able to go to him and tell him that they had what they wanted, the seed of James Potter, son of the most powerful wizard still alive.
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James spent the whole night wandering around the flat; he was restless and angry with himself over what he had done to Holly and no matter how much he tried to rationalise it he still could not understand why he had done it. Playing it over in his head he remembered Zelda walking in, closing the door and walking towards him with a determined look on her face. He had been about to ask her what she wanted when he felt the sudden urge to kiss her, not passionately or even with any feeling, but he had needed to do it and had then gone on to do the other thing he had suddenly needed to do too. All reason and thought had left his mind as it focused on only the sex and it wasn't until Rose, Sal and Holly had disturbed them that it had all come flooding back and he had realised what he had done. Had the girl done something to him or was it simply his own urges? Had he been that desperate for a shag that he had done it with the first female who had suddenly offered it to him on a plate? Surely not, he loved Holly; he could have waited for her. At midnight he tried to get to her flat desperate to talk to her and tell her it had meant nothing; but she had closed her floo network and when he tried to send his owl to her the letter came back unopened; she was hurt and he knew he would have to let her grieve for a while.
In the early hours of the morning he finally made it into bed and as he entered the room he noticed some of the things she had left in his flat when he had offered her a drawer. There was an almost empty bottle of her perfume on the dresser and he found himself picking it up and smelling it, just so he could imagine her being there with him. He opened the middle drawer and saw some of her clothes, just a few vests and changes of underwear, but he had to touch it as if it would bring her closer to him; before he knew what was happening he felt tears slide from the corners of his eyes. He had lost her and he couldn't explain why even though he knew the reason.
When he woke the next morning, still clinging to one of her soft pink tops, he felt lonely; the flat seemed empty without her now, somehow cold and uninviting. James had hoped this time the previous day to be waking up with her ready to face a new day with everyone knowing how in love he was. Instead he was alone and miserable knowing that the woman he loved probably hated him; and knowing that everyone would soon know that he had been in love with her and had ruined everything over a blonde bimbo that would have been just his type a couple of years ago. He had seen the slightly wary look in his cousin's eye when he had tried to explain himself; she had known what he was like before and as Holly was her best friend she would have been looking out for her as well, something James wanted to do but now couldn't.
It took him a while to get up and moving; he didn't think he had ever felt so low, even when Annemarie had cheated on him, and he knew that this time it was real love that he wasn't going to get over; he had to talk to Holly somehow but he would need to give her time first.
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Holly had locked him out, locked everyone out by closing the floo network so she could be alone and wallow in her pity. While she was stood there in front of him she had remained stout and strong telling him that it was all okay, that she had always seen it coming. However the truth was that in the last few months of their strange relationship she had finally started to see a glimmer of hope, a small chance that maybe there was a longer future for them. That had all come crumbling down though when she had walked into his office with her best friend and seen him laid on his desk half naked with the horrible and tacky Zelda writhing above him. She had never expected it to end quite like that, even when she was adamant that it wouldn't last forever; she always thought he would tire of her and pass her over politely before moving, probably quite swiftly, onto someone else. This had been a severe blow and she knew he not expected her to see him like that; but, despite his protests, she knew it was obviously what he really wanted. That was the real James; the one she had always known was inside him even when she had seen the softer, more romantic side of him. It had hurt; there was no denying that and he had seen just how much it had hurt her which was something she supposed he hadn't meant to do; yet he had still done it.
Rose had owled her earlier in the day to say she would meet her at the office as they were meeting James there too. So she had waited for her friends to arrive and joined them as they called in on her secret lover, the man who had another secret lover of his own. She wasn't sure if she was angrier at him for doing it or for who he had done it with; Zelda was such a cheap and tacky girl who was always so obvious with James. Holly had seen a different side to him in the last few months and was upset that he had actually gone back to the empty headed girls he so obviously still lusted for.
She was in bed when his owl arrived but she sent it back unopened; she didn't want to hear his words, or read them; he had done what she expected and she just wanted to grieve and then get on with her life. Even if he had spoken the truth about loving her she would never be able to forgive him or trust him again and he would know that after experiencing the same thing himself. It wouldn't be easy working in the same department and being friends with his family but she would put on a brave face and see it through; she would not let him beat her down; Holly Weston was stronger than that.
