Chapter 17
He felt heavy headed and groggy as he tried to open his eyelids which seemed glued together and the effort he needed to open them was almost enough to put him off trying. He could feel an ache across his chest, it wasn't painful but felt as if it had been and he was confused about what it meant. As his heavy eyelids finally flickered open he saw only blurred outlines of a clinically white room and a person hovering over his bed; he could feel something rubbing his hand gently and he turned his head slowly towards it and saw another blurred figure with dark hair. The figure gasped and then whispered his name and he opened his mouth to reply instantly recognising the voice which spoke; he tried to say her name back but his throat was hoarse and dry and he managed only a weak moan as his eyes came into focus and he saw the pretty face of Holly Weston looking back at him.
"James," she repeated as he smiled weakly and then she was ushered out of the way as a healer rushed to the bedside. He tried to peer around her to see the brilliant blue eyes which he loved but the healer was checking him over and as he watched he saw Holly move out of the room.
"Welcome back Mr Potter," the healer said jovially and he managed a small smile. "We thought we might have lost you for a while there," she added.
"H...ow-"
"Shh, Mr Potter," the healer went on, "save your strength I think there are a few people who want to see you!" He smiled again and she turned to leave the room but as she reached the door he heard her warn sternly, "Do not over exert him; he will be tired for while," and then his room was suddenly filled almost to capacity with smiling happy faces.
"James," his mother said walking to the bed and stroking his forehead, "it is good to see your eyes again," and she smiled serenely as his father came into view beside her.
"You gave us quite a scare there son; do you remember what happened?" Harry asked looking down on his oldest child. James nodded; for a moment he had been confused but after a few seconds everything had come back to him, the battle, the sectumpsempra curse, Zelda; and what he had done. He remembered his father killing Lestrange and he remembered going back to Grimmauld Place somehow where he saw Holly and knew that she was safe; but after that there was nothing. Holly, where was she? He scanned the room lifting his head a little from his pillow and saw his brothers and sister, his Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron, his cousins and Salamander who he smiled at weakly before he spotted her at the back of the room on her own; he stared at her and gave another smile which she returned briefly as his father continued to speak. "You did well son," he went on.
"Thank you," James croaked as his sister launched herself at him dropping straight across his chest and making him wince, "Li..ly," he went on and she jumped back apologising as she realised she had crushed his wounds. "How...long?" he asked turning back to look at his father.
"Two weeks," he replied swallowing and looking at his wife who gazed back at her son, "like I said you gave us all quite a scare; didn't know if you were ever going to wake up! I mean we know you like to sleep in but this was pushing it," he chuckled and James gave another weak smile.
"I...still...feel tired," he whispered and his mother leaned over to stroke his forehead again.
"You will," she explained, "you lost a lot of blood and went into a deep unconscious state; you'll still feel tired for a for a few days but it will pass," she continued, "and then you'll be back to your old self!" The room started to chuckle before she turned to it's occupants and said, "We should let him rest; you've seen that he's okay now and you can visit later," she sounded like a healer and James tried to chuckle as he imagined what she had been like with him as her patient for the last fourteen days.
One by one they all gave him a quick hug or a squeeze of the hand before leaving the room; his brothers and sister first followed by his Aunt and Uncle then Rose, Dom and Salamander and then Holly approached him and smiled; she didn't say anything but she touched his finger and then turned to leave. He thought he saw a flicker of sadness in her eyes but he knew she had been there for him; perhaps there was some hope for them after all but he knew now was not the time to talk about. Though he desperately wanted her to stay she left the room with everyone else and he found himself alone with his father who stayed behind for a few more minutes.
"What...what happened after..." he croaked out and his dad took a seat beside him as his mother returned with a small glass of water which she held at his lips and he accepted gratefully. She continued to busy herself around the room as Harry leaned over to explain everything to his brave child.
"The aurors were heavily guarded but when Martika and Jordan arrived with their team we managed to duel them down and freed them all. They moved down the Ministry duelling and freeing the others, getting out who they could through the floo in the department of mysteries while we were in the Minister's room," he dropped his voice at this point and Ginny left the room quietly closing the door securely behind her. "You did well in there son," Harry went on in a low voice, "I am proud of you; you had a difficult decision to make; but it was the right one," he saw a tinge of sadness cross James' eyes at his words and knew he had hit a still raw nerve.
"I...I don't ever want anyone to know what...what I did," James whispered to his father who nodded in understanding. "Even Mum," he added.
"Of course," Harry replied; he had said nothing to his wife about the events and revelations in the Minister's room and though he usually shared everything with her he would respect his son's wishes where this was concerned. "When they knew their Lord was dead they all started to flee; they were losing the battle anyway and their losses were as big as our own; the aurors captured many, some who have evaded us for years, but the rest left, scuttled away with their tails between their legs. The Minister was hurt but safe and she has highly commended everyone who took part in the battle, especially those who were not trained to fight but who gave themselves anyway. We lost some," he said gravely, "a few of the aurors went down but our family are safe; some have cuts and bruises but you came off the worst," he chuckled as James managed a smile. "You have a good girl out there," he went on nodding his head in the direction of the door, "barely left your side since we brought you here; every day sat holding your hand and talking to you; willing you to wake up!" He smiled down and James felt another slight lift in his heart; she had waited with him; tried to help him come back to the world; did this mean there was hope for them now? "Oh and this letter came for you," Harry went on, "apparently it was on your desk at work when Zabini went in last week; he brought it along for you."
"Thanks," James said as he took the rolled up parchment from his hand and slowly started to unravel it; all his movements seemed to zap his strength and it felt like an age before he could read the short scribbled note which was penned by his friend in the potions department.
James, that potion you brought me was very potent; when I finally managed to separate all its contents I found a concoction of strong love potion ingredients which made a sort of perfume which would intoxicate anyone immediately. The key appears to be when it touches the skin; smelling it straight from the bottle does not have a particularly strong effect but when the wearer is near you they effectively have control over you and you would be powerless to fight them off. I also found traces of a sleeping draught within it which would send you to sleep when the wearer wanted you to; something which would likely wipe your mind of whatever they did. It's a strong potion made by a powerful person; if you know who it belongs to I suggest you keep your guard up. I could probably make an antidote for you if you think you'll need it; let me know.
"What is it?" Harry asked when James let the paper fall onto his bed linen.
"Nothing important," he explained realising that all it did was show how Zelda had managed to seduce him and why he had lost the first encounter from his memory. "It doesn't matter now," he added screwing it up and passing it back to his father, "will you burn it?"
"Yes son," Harry answered standing up, "I suppose I'd better let you get some rest before I have your Mother's wrath!" James tried to laugh again at the thought of his mother in full healer mode but it made his sides ache so he turned it to a smile which his father returned.
"Will...will you ask Holly to come in?" James croaked quietly and his father nodded before leaving the room and closing the door softly behind him. Staring around the room he began to think again about what he had done in the Minister's room; what he had learned; and what he would now have to live with for the rest of his life. He had destroyed a child, his own child, however almost non existent it had been at the time; he had destroyed a life that had been unknowingly created by him. He never wanted anyone to know what a terrible thing he had done, even though he knew he had had no choice. A stray tear trickled from the corner of his eye and he closed them for a moment, trying hard not to envision a young version of himself. The sound of the door opening again disturbed him and he looked over at it with a half smile expecting to see the beautiful deep blue eyes of Holly Weston; instead he saw his best friend framed in the doorway with a hesitant look on his face. "Sal?" he whispered, "Where's Holly?"
Tentatively moving towards the bed Salamander tried to smile sympathetically at the weak and injured man within it; what he had to say would be disappointing but he could not hide it from him, "She's...she's gone," he replied sitting in the chair by the bedside.
"What?" James asked.
"I'm sorry mate but she went after we left the room."
"But why? Dad said she was here every day while I was unconscious."
"She was," Sal explained, "we could barely get her to go home to shower and change and she sat here holding your hand the whole time but...but when you woke she said she had to go; she had only needed to know that you were safe and alive and then she could move on." James was struck dumb; she had left him and that tiny ray of hope he had found disappeared into darkness leaving him feeling numb and unhappy as he had the day she had walked in on him and Zelda.
"But I..." could explain he added in his head; but could I? He continued to think. What would she think if she knew what he had done to a living being? A part of him; would she understand or would she think even less of him than she already did? Would she see that he had had no choice or would she hate him for what he had had to do?
"But what?" Salamander asked.
"I can explain it all to her; I know now what happened; I..." he could explain; but only to her; he never wanted another living soul to know.
"I don't think she'll come and listen," Sal said hoarsely. "She was quite adamant about that," he finished looking sorrowful again.
"Ask her; please," James pleaded and his friend nodded back at him; he would do what he could though he was sure it would make no difference; Holly had sworn that she only wanted to know that he was alive then she was gone.
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Three days later James felt brighter and was able to get out of the bed to move around which he was grateful for as he felt that his muscles had seized up completely. His wounds had healed but would leave scars across his chest which could not be removed; they were still sore and red but much less achy than they had been when he first woke up. Salamander had still not managed to persuade Holly to visit him and he was desperate to leave the hospital so he could try and explain himself. He knew it was the only way but he had also convinced himself that when she knew the truth she would hate him still; however he would rather she hate him because of that and not because she thought he had cheated on her.
His family had visited on a daily basis bringing him sweets and gifts, playing games of chess and gobstones and his Uncle Gerorge had arrived with a few Weasley's wizard wheezes products for him to joke around with which made the healers laugh if no one else. They had tried to keep him occupied and he was grateful for it but the only person he was desperate to see was the only one who wouldn't come. Some of the aurors visited and told him the full story of what had happened to the wizards who were caught; before they were sent to Azkaban they had extracted lots of information and James knew his work would be cut out for him when he finally returned to work. The healers had insisted that he have at least a month off and he thoroughly agreed with them all which his head of department did not find surprising. He was commended on his actions during the battle and was mentioned for getting one of the clerical workers to safety; something which he glossed over quickly as he knew he might not have been as insistent that he alone attend to her if it had been anyone else.
On Thursday afternoon Salamander came to visit him looking very grave and James knew immediately that something was wrong, "What is it?" he asked after his friend had closed the door to the room.
"It's Holly," he replied looking at his feet.
"What about her?" James said feeling his stomach plummet; had something happened to her? Was she hurt? Had somebody done something to her?
"She's leaving," he answered.
"What?" James shouted.
"Tonight," Salamander went on, "she's quit her job and is going to travel the world she says; I tried to tell her to come here first and see you but she wouldn't; she said that's there's nothing more to say. Rose is saying her goodbyes now and then she's...she's going."
"For how long?" James asked insistently.
"Indefinately," Sal answered.
