Chapter 18

James stared morosely out of the window of his room and sighed heavily, "Are...are you going to stop her?" Salamander ventured after a few minutes of silence.

"No," James replied quietly, "I'm not; if this is what she wants to do then I can't stop her."

"But surely...surely if you talk to her James she...she..."

"She'll still want to go; I don't think there is anything I can say to her that will make her change her mind." He had thought about it over and over for the last couple of days and while he knew he had done the right thing, the only thing he could have done, he also knew it was still a terrible thing. He had convinced himself that even though he wanted to tell Holly the truth so she did not think that he had cheated on her purposefully, she would still be horrified by his actions and not want to be with him anyway. She was going to be the only other person in the world that would ever know but he was only doing it to clear his name. "But before she goes I'd like her to know something; can you...can you show her for me?"

"Show her what?" Sal asked curiously.

"This," he replied pointing his wand at his temple and extracting a long shimmering silver substance from his head; it swirled in the air in front of him for a moment as he conjured a small glass vial which he put the substance into before corking it and handing it to Salamander. His friend looked at the vial with an inquisitive expression but did not probe James about it's contents, "Please, tell her that she needs to see it before she goes; tell her that I know it won't change anything but I want her to know; it will just explain some things."

"Of course," Salamander said as he pocketed the bottle and turned to go back out of the door.

"Take her to my Dad's house and use his pensieve, he won't mind," his friend nodded at him, "and Sal," he added.

"Yes," he replied turning back to face his friend.

"Don't...don't watch it; tell her that no one else other than those in the memory know what it contains but I just needed her to know too."

"Okay," he answered slowly nodding his head and swinging back around to exit the room leaving his melancholy friend contemplating his life without Holly Weston, the woman who would never love him again when she learned what he had done.

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"Holly do you have to go?" Rose asked as she helped her friend to pack a few last minute items into her bags. She had made the decision only days before but had managed to get out of her lease on the flat she rented and had moved most of her belongings back to her parent's house. The whole thing at the ministry had shown her that she needed to make the most of her life and the way she had acted when James almost died had also shown her that if she stayed at home she would want to be with him, something she knew she couldn't do now she had seen him with someone else. Every day he had been in the coma had been unbearable and she could not leave his side until she knew he was alive and well; but once that moment had happened she had known the time was right to try and move on; she loved him and needed to know he was well but she couldn't be with him anymore.

"Yes, Rose, I do," she replied looking back at her friend with a mournful look. "I can't stay around here, not now. I need to get away for a while."

"But...but what about James? He's...he's really sorry," she said tentatively.

"I know he is Rose; but it's not enough; he did the one thing that he knew hurt the most; the thing that had hurt him and though I knew we were never going to last I didn't think it would be this hard to get over him. I always tried to keep my feelings in check knowing that the day would come when he would leave but I failed to do it; I let myself fall in love and believed that he loved me too. It was stupid and now I'm paying the price; my actions when he was hurt has shown me that I was so scared and worried and had to be there even though I shouldn't have been but we are never going to be together; I can't forgive him and I won't ever forget."

"I...I understand that," Rose replied knowing that she too would probably be unable to forgive Salamander if he ever cheated on her, "but do you have to go away? Isn't there another way?"

"Rose," Holly said sitting on the bed beside her, "I know I won't get over him unless I go away; I have to do this."

"If...if you're sure."

"I am; but don't worry I'll be back one day! I don't have enough money to keep me going forever!" The two girls fell into fits of giggles at this point and managed to smile at each other as they stood up and Holly zipped up the last bag she had packed to take with her. Its seams were almost bursting when she pointed her wand at it and magically decreased its size so it would fit neatly into her robes' pocket. "Well, I think that's it; I'm ready to go," she said as Rose enveloped her in a tight hug.

"I'm going to miss you so much," she sobbed into her ear as they clung furiously to each other, "make sure you owl all the time okay?"

"I promise," Holly replied as they pulled apart and Rose prepared to floo out of the house, "I'll seal the floo and apparate when you've gone," she smiled as Rose stepped into the fireplace and then looked sorrowful, she was going to miss her friend; they had never been apart for so long since they had first met. Seconds later however she burst into fits of laughter as the flames flew to life and Rose was knocked to the floor before she had time to throw her own powder in the air and her husband whirled into view and stepped out into the living room looking panicked.

"Holly?" he called looking around as if he couldn't see her, "Oh thank Merlin, Holly, you're still here; I need- what's the matter?" he asked when he realised she was cackling loudly and she gestured to the ash covered girl who was recomposing herself in the fireplace behind him. "Oh Rose, darling, I'm so sorry," he said turning to help his wife from the fireplace. "I...I was in such a rush I," he turned back to Holly once Rose was back on her feet dusting the ash from her robes, "Holly I need to show you something before...before you go."

"From James?" she guessed sighing, "Sal I've told you nothing is going to make a difference I-"

"I know that he...he doesn't want to stop you from going he just wants you to see something before you do."

"What?" she asked a little curiously.

"A...a memory, he wanted you to see it; he said it would explain things to you even though he knew it wouldn't change anything."

"Then why ask me to watch it? Are you sure Sal, it's not just another way to get around me?"

"No I swear; he told me it won't change anything he just needed you to see it; no one except the people in it know what it's about but he wanted you to know. I...I promised him I would try; please Holly, what harm can it do before you go? He said he wouldn't try to stop you going."

"I..." she stuttered as her mind tried to focus; why would he ask her to watch it if it wasn't an attempt to get her back?

"Please Holly," Salamander begged and she found herself reluctantly nodding her head; a part of her was curious about what he wanted her to see that no one else knew and what harm could it do?

"Thank you," Sal breathed with a sigh of relief. "We'll have to go to Grimmauld Place, come on," he went on tugging her by the hand and together they apparated to the front steps of the newly warded house where Salamander furiously knocked on the door and prayed there would be someone at home.

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"I just...I just fall into it?" she asked curiously after Salamander had poured the contents of the glass bottle into the pensieve; Holly had read about them before and knew what they did but this was the first time she would actually be going into someone's memory and a small part of her felt guilty for invading another person's mind. "I'm not sure if I can do this," she went on looking helplessly at him, "can't you come with me?"

"No," Salamander answered shaking his head. "I promised James it would just be you," he went on. "I'll be out here," he finished walking to the door, "just do it."

She smiled and watched him close the door before taking a deep breath and plunging her head into the swirling mass of neither gas nor liquid; a small scream escaped her mouth as she felt the sensation of falling through nothingness and then landed in an unfamiliar room where she could see James and his father, wands in hand, stood in a battle position. Quickly taking in the rest of the room she saw the Minister curled in an uncomfortable shape with a short, stocky dark robed man stood above her with his wand trained on her body. The sound of a familiar voice saying James' name made her turn her head and she gasped as the figure of Zelda came into view looking completely different to the girl who had worked with her for the last few months. Unable to tear her eyes away she listened as the cloaked man and Zelda told their wicked story and she gasped loudly when she learned the truth about why she had been writhing above James' half naked body in his office the day she had seen them together. It had all been for magic? It had all been for such a dreadful deed and not meant to hurt her? He had done it unwillingly so she could get his...his... She was horrified.

Holly continued to watch James' face seeing the internal struggle in his mind as he tried to accept and process the news she had just given him, that he was a father, of not very much yet, but still a father. She could not even begin to imagine what was going through his head as Zelda explained how she had done it and why they wanted the child and as she saw the girl taunt him by circling him and whispering in his ear she wanted to run at her, destroy her for what she had done. She heard the woman's taunts as she continued to circle him and as James eventually turned his wand to the girl and shouted, "Avada Kedavra," Holly felt her heart break for him. She watched the lifeless girl fly across the room and land with vacant staring eyes and tears started to fall from her own as the memory swirled away around her. Within seconds she found herself standing in the warm cosy office next to the pensieve where the silvery fog like substance was still moving around the bowl and she dropped into a heap on the floor.

Outside the office window it was dark and heavy rain battered the glass as a high wind roared around the building; Holly stared at her hands for a moment trying to take everything in that she had just seen. James had learned that he was a father and had then had to destroy the child to save the world from what it could one day become. How had he been able to make that decision? And how could she stay away from him now that she knew this truth? He had not slept with Zelda on purpose; he had done it as part of a bigger plan that was not his doing' he had been an unwilling participant made to act against his will.

Standing up slowly she walked toward the door and creaked it open; Salamander was still outside and he saw the tear tracks down her cheeks; he opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off immediately saying in a timid voice, "Where is he?"

"At...at the hospital," he stuttered in reply.

"I need to see him," she added walking past Salamander and down the hall in the direction of the kitchen where she could floo straight to St Mungos. She didn't know what she was going to say to him when she saw him but she knew she had to speak to him, now. In the kitchen she found Harry still sat where they had been when she and Sal had arrived asking to use the pensieve; Salamander had quickly explained what James had wanted and Harry had nodded his assent immediately and shown them up to the study. "Mr...Mr Potter," Holly said stopping in front of the fire and turning to look at the man who was an almost identical but older version of the man she knew she loved.

"Yes Dear?" he replied softly folding up the copy of the Daily Prophet he had been reading.

"James...James showed me his memory of...of the fight in the Minister's office," she saw from his reaction that he was shocked by this but then understanding came into his eyes and he realised why his son had felt the need to do it. "Is...is it all true?" she asked pleading with him to tell her the truth.

"It is," he sighed looking at the girl who almost broke down in tears again, "he didn't want anyone to ever know; but I see why he has shown it to you. He was brave in there Holly and did something that most men would have struggled to do; but it was the right thing; you know that don't you?"

"Yes, yes of course," she replied knowing instantly that this man was not lying to her to help his son, "I...I don't judge him for what he had to do but I understand how he must feel, I think. I just wanted to be sure before I see him."

"What you have seen is the truth Holly; memories can be tampered with but this one has not; if James has used what happened to help you understand what he did then he has shown you everything, I promise."

"Thank you," she said while jumping into the fireplace and whispering, "St Mungos." Salamander followed her and seconds later they were both running to the lifts which would take them to the severe spell damage ward where James was still recuperating. "Why didn't he tell me?" she asked when they were alone in the elevator.

"Whatever it is Holly you wouldn't listen to it," Sal explained quietly and she looked away instantly feeling guilty for avoiding him; he had been going through so much and she had not been there for him. "But whatever it is you couldn't have known," he went on offering her some comfort.

The bell indicated that they had reached another floor and as the door opened a voice rang out saying, "third floor, severe spell damage," Holly jumped out and ran down the corridor flying through the door to the ward and sprinting to the room she had almost lived in for two weeks while James had been unconscious. At the closed door she stopped to compose herself; she still didn't know what she was going to say but after a deep breath she opened the door wide and tried to smile as she stepped through it. Her feet stopped however when she saw the empty and unmade bed before her; the room felt freshly sterilised and for one horrific moment her stomach fell' had something happened to him?