Three things occurred that morning to change the course of Hawke's day.
The first was a nagging pang in her abdomen as she got out of bed. Still hazy from night of deep and dreamless sleep, this only registered as a reminder to choose her smallclothes carefully for the next few days.
The second came as she strode down the hall of the Keep to her office. One of the clerks who helped manage the city's coin paused to wish her a good morning as she passed. The young woman was all smiles, despite the assured discomfort of being heavily pregnant.
The final occurrence was Hawke's eye catching on a letter from her sister as she unlocked her desk drawer to search for a document. She smiled softly, hoping Bethany was well and wondering what the mage would think of her new relationship with Fenris…
That thought hung in her mind, tugging on the other things that had happened that morning, absorbing them to form a new thought. Maker, she had been stupid.
Hawke hadn't worried about falling pregnant since she was a girl, kissing that farmer's boy behind the barn. Nothing had come of that… and the barn and the boy were both lost to the Blight. Even before the Blight, her father had died and so much had depended on her. Not until Anders had she found space and time to juggle a relationship with her family's needs.
She worried little with Anders, even outside of the fact that he was a Grey Warden. She did a poor job of counting days or taking herbs, but she always suspected that Anders knew. There were several times he turned her romantic advances down, seemingly without reason until Hawke considered the timing. He was a mage and a skilled healer… perhaps he had a sense for those things. Hawke would have welcomed a child, before, and it had frustrated her that Anders was so cautious. Now, Hawke wondered if it was just one more pain Anders had tried to shield her from… shield a child from. It was hard enough being the daughter of an apostate, Hawke knew, but to be the child of the man who razed the Chantry and started the Rebellion…
Since the Rebellion, such thoughts hadn't even crossed Hawke's mind. Nature marched on as but a mere inconvenience, dealt with but forgotten.
Now there was Fenris… It was true, fertility between humans and elves was reduced, but not gone. She had met a few elf-blooded just in Kirkwall, not to mention those who hid their parentage. It was also true that Hawke could hardly call herself young anymore, but she was still young enough. She obviously wasn't pregnant now, but Maker, she should pay more attention. She needed to count the damn days or take the damn herbs or…
Or what?
Oh tongues would wag if the Viscount of Kirkwall was suddenly knocked up, by an elf no less. Rather than bothering Hawke, it amused her. Of course, having a child was so much more than a reason to have the biddies in Hightown clutching their pearls. If she was going to be in a relationship with Fenris, she would have to talk to him, understand his thoughts.
Though, it was his thoughts that worried her...
...
Hawke looked up from her papers as Fenris walked in, ready to join her for dinner as planned.
There was a certain spring in his step, a certain brightness in his eyes that warmed Hawke's heart. He was happy, and she was bold enough to assume that their new relationship might have played a role. She loved seeing him happy, so it hurt to watch his expression shift, suddenly marred by suspicion.
Did her concerns show on her face that clearly?
"Hawke, is something wrong…?" he began, cautiously.
"No," she explained quickly. "There's just something I realized we have to discuss. Is it alright if we talk about it over dinner?"
Fenris nodded, following her down the hall to a private dining room. It was often used for the Viscount to discuss matters of city business over an intimate meal. Hawke had asked the staff to leave the food and drink, but otherwise not disturb them. Unlike the previous Viscounts, she valued her privacy, and she was perfectly fine pouring her own wine.
They sat down, starting to eat before Hawke sighed. "Forgive me, but you know what little tact I have is used up by my duties as Viscount. I've been fretting all day, and I don't know how to say this except to be blunt. We need to discuss children."
Hawke half expected Fenris to spit out his wine, but instead he just froze. She didn't like that she couldn't read his expression, but decided to forge on.
"My father was a mage, my sister is a mage, your sister is a mage… It follows that any child we have could be a mage. I need to know if you would accept that. Not tolerate it, not ignore it, but accept it."
Fenris stayed quiet, his face oddly calm.
"Hawke," he finally began, "are you pregnant?"
"No," she answered quickly. "I'm quite sure I am not."
He looked confused. "If you aren't pregnant, then why bring this up? Are you looking to have a child right now?"
Hawke sighed. "Maker knows that's the last thing on my mind, Fenris. I'm busy enough as Viscount, I don't need to add motherly duties to that right now."
Fenris nodded. "Then what brought you to think of this? Remember, I haven't been with you in your head fretting all day."
Hawke took a deep breath and explained how the events of the morning had led her to an uncomfortable realization. "There… Now, you haven't answered my question."
"I don't know," Fenris admitted. "I never thought about children before."
Hawke was shocked. "Never? Not at all?"
"Remember, I have no memories of my childhood, and I was a slave. Slaves are not permitted to procreate as they please. Even if they were, Danarius kept me on too short a leash. I mean that both figuratively and literally," Fenris explained.
"Fenris… I didn't mean to…"
He held up his hand to quiet her. "This is the only way I can answer your question."
Hawke nodded. His voice was surprisingly free of the usual bitterness that came with any talk of his past.
"It's true that I could not bring myself to trust your sister, even though I trusted you as much as I was able to trust anyone. I'm sure you've noticed, however, that my opinion on mages has… softened. At the same time, my opinion of you…"
Fenris leaned forward, taking her hand. "Hawke, I love you. I still can't even process the idea of fathering a child, but I know… I know that I couldn't help but love any child of yours." His response was so uncharacteristically unguarded, it didn't fully sink in.
"Even a mage?"
Fenris nodded. "Even a mage."
...
Fenris looked down at his cards and resisted the urge to sigh. He would lose this hand, but perhaps he could still bluff Varric out of a victory.
Varric hid the contents of his hand behind a laugh. "You know, Hawke, the new setup between you and Broody over there is the talk of the town."
Hawke raised an eyebrow. "Why do you think I snuck into Fenris's mansion under cover of darkness to play cards instead of just inviting you all to the Viscount's Keep? I don't care to give them more reason to whisper and giggle. If anyone would just ask me, I would answer them honestly and put this nonsense to rest."
Fenris hid a smirk behind his cards. Hawke could be cute when she was frustrated.
Donnic scratched his head. "Well some people aren't sure if Fenris is your love interest or your bodyguard."
Hawke sighed. "Again, they should ask me, if they're so curious."
"Hawke, Hawke, Hawke. Asking you would take away all the mystery. It's only fun for them because they don't know," Varric explained.
"It's still rude to gossip like that," Hawke grumbled. "It's bothersome to the subjects of the gossip."
"It bothers you," Fenris clarified. In truth, he could not have cared less. His occupancy of the abandoned mansion had been a staple of Hightown chatter for years, after all.
Varric grinned. "You know, Hawke, if you let me write a sequel to Tale of the Champion, I could put the word out there."
Fenris merely growled. He would not consent to be part of another one of Varric's projects.
Hawke laughed. "I'll have to agree with Fenris on that one. The original publication has caused me trouble enough. Also, I do believe I win this round." Hawke laid her cards out, earning a groan from Varric.
"One more! I feel like I can turn this around," Varric announced, dealing the cards once more. "By the way, Guardsman, did your better half get a chance to talk to Curly?"
"Yeah…" Donnic sighed.
"Well? How's he holding up with all the extra guests he has?" Varric asked.
Donnic looked from Varric to Hawke. "It's not ideal by any means. Knight Commander Cullen has tried to tell his order that we have things in hand, that no more Templars need come here. The Templars… they aren't listening."
Fenris watched Hawke's reaction, trying to gauge how much of a problem this actually was. She wasn't smirking at Varric's nicknames as usual. She also wasn't raising her eyebrows just a hair in surprise at the talk of extra Templars. No… her face was blank, better than any round of cards she'd ever played. Fenris knew, then, that not only did she already know about the Templars, but they weren't welcome.
As topics shifted and Varric finally won a hand, Hawke's smile returned. The issue of the Templars, however, stayed on Fenris's mind.
"I think I'll have to call it quits," Hawke insisted. "Some of us have work to do in the morning."
"Would you like me to walk you back to the Keep?" Donnic offered.
Hawke waved him off. "I'll go back in the morning."
Varric snorted a laugh. "Broody, she must love you, spending the night in this dump."
Hawke rolled her eyes and sat down on the bed. "The Hanged Man isn't exactly a palace Varric."
Fenris smiled at her. "I'll see them out." When Hawke stayed with him, Fenris did make the rare effort to lock his front door. Tonight, however, Fenris had an ulterior motive.
"Varric…" Fenris caught the dwarf's attention once they were out of Hawke's hearing. "How much of a problem are these Templars?"
"Oh? Worried about Curly too?" Varric snickered.
Fenris merely crossed his arms and glared.
Varric sighed. "I don't know if they'll give Hawke trouble or not. She sided with them during the Rebellion, they should see loyalty in that. Still… lately they've been… off."
None of this was news to Fenris.
"Look," Varric continued, "I have some suspicions, and some leads. If I ever need some muscle to follow up on any of them, I'll let you in. Just… don't worry Hawke with this. It's mostly just my own paranoia, but I can't leave it alone."
"I understand," Fenris replied with a nod. He waved a silent goodbye, closing and locking the door. With a heavy sigh, he headed back to his room. He would keep Varric's information quiet, as requested, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to ask Hawke about her own troubles.
"Tell me about the Templars," Fenris said bluntly, sitting on the bed beside her.
She looked at him in disbelief. "What? What about them?"
"You're a poor bluff at cards, Hawke, and you can't hide your happiness or your fretting. I've found, though, that when something is truly wrong, you wear a mask of steel," Fenris explained softly. A small part of him regretting giving this advantage away, but he didn't want to dance around the issue any longer.
Hawke sighed. "So the one time I can hide my feelings, it only makes them more obvious?"
"Only to me," Fenris assured her. "I'm sure it's still useful in your duties as Viscount."
"It won't keep us from being overrun by Templars," Hawke muttered. "I know most of the citizens are happy to see an increased Templar presence in the wake of the Rebellion, but it's not that simple. The talks in Denerim made that terribly clear."
Fenris frowned. "What do you mean?"
Hawke flopped backwards, lying across the bed. "There is infighting in the Chantry. It's not as if the Divine and Lord Seeker were present in Denerim, they sent intermediaries… but the discord was clear enough. It worries me that the Templars and Seekers may not share the same desire for a peaceful solution that the Divine and many of the Clerics do. I'm worried that the new Templars are merely focused on extermination. That's not what I want… not for the mages, not for Kirkwall."
Fenris understood her trepidation, at least partially. Yes, he held his prejudices against mages, and with good reason. Magic was dangerous. The Circles were necessary. But extermination seemed… extreme. Fenris lay down beside Hawke, pulling her close. "You shouldn't worry about these things alone."
Hawke sighed, running her fingers idly through his hair. "I know. I'd feel the same if our roles were reversed. I just didn't want to bother you when it's not even something I can fix. For now, I'll just have to be patient and keep pushing for compromise."
