Note: Something a little racy in this chapter, though nothing too serious, just givein you all the heads up =)
Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine, neither are the characters, nor are the components
Chapter Ten, Talk Of The Irreversible
Bella
"Bella?"
I was on my way out the door when I heard Charlie's voice. He was watching me uncertainly. I waited for a moment for him to say something, but instead, he just stood uncomfortably stroking his chin. I raised an eyebrow at him.
"What is it, Dad?" I asked.
Charlie scratched the side of his face, and then said in a quiet voice, "Are you off to see Jacob?"
I frowned at the sound of Jacob's name. "No, I'm meeting up with Edward."
"Oh, yes, Edward, of course." Charlie nodded, and then bit his bottom lip anxiously. I knew there was more he wanted to say, so I waited patiently. Finally, he said, "Listen Bells, I can't really say I know what's going on between you and Jake, but I've heard enough from Billy, that Jake is really distraught over this fight you two had."
I can imagine, I thought with an eye roll. But I kept pleasant with Charlie, because there was no need to get angry at him over it all – he didn't know the full extent of things. "I'm handling it, Dad," I told him. "Don't worry about it."
"I'm just passing along a message from Billy, dear," Charlie said quickly. "I'm sure you've got everything under control. I just wanted you to know, well, remind you, that Jake is a good guy. I mean, you know he's a good guy. And I wouldn't want this fight of yours to come between you two." Charlie paused, then said, "Won't you just give Jake a call or something, okay?"
I smiled understandingly at Charlie – I knew he was just trying to be 'the good father' right now, and I certainly couldn't get angry at him for that, even if he was suggesting something I wasn't planning to do for a while.
"Okay, Dad," was all I said.
"Okay." Charlie started smiling brightly, clearly comfortable and pleased with himself. I laughed at his sudden change in demeanor. "Well, I don't want to keep you from Edward much longer," he added.
"I won't be too late, Dad."
I turned away, and put my hand on the doorknob, but Charlie's voice stopped me again. I faced Charlie again. "What's up Dad?"
Charlie looked slightly uncomfortable again, but was still smiling, albeit nervously. "You really like this Edward boy, don't you Bells?"
I blushed, but I answered honestly. "Yeah, Dad. I really do."
He scratched the back of his head, and nodded, still smiling. "You just seem so happy when you're with him. And you've been so much happier on a whole lately. It reminds me of when me and your mother…" he voice trailed off, and then he shook his head. "That doesn't matter. Anyway, I'm really happy that you're happy Bells."
I smiled brightly. "Thanks Dad."
"I hope the two of you are being safe," he said in a sudden hard tone. "Don't think I haven't forgotten that little show of yours out on our doorstep way back when."
I blushed again, this time out of embarrassment. "Oh no, Dad. Please do not go there."
Charlie started blushing too, probably just as embarrassed as I was. Still he pressed on: "I'm your father young lady. It's only right that I be concerned about your safety."
I laughed. "Yes sir. And you don't have to worry, I'm being very safe. Can I go now?"
Charlie grinned. "Okay. Give me a call if you're going to be late."
I gave Charlie a nod and left the house.
Outside, the day was bright – an unusual thing for Forks. I embraced the rare sun, lifting my head up into its rays to warm my face. It certainly wasn't Phoenix, but at least I didn't need a coat. Maybe the warmth of spring would come in early this year – it was already mid February. I shrugged out of my jacket and folded it over my arm as I walked off towards the meadow.
The walk was a long one, almost forty minutes, but I took my time. I still needed to formulate my thoughts properly before having the conversation with Edward. I already prepared myself for the worse – for yelling, for immediate denial, and for maybe more yelling – but I had already made up my mind.
There was no turning back now.
Edward was already in the meadow once I reached the clearing. I could only stare at him when I saw him though: he was standing up shirtless in the sunlight as well, like I had been back at my house. But everywhere the sunlight touched his skin, it glistened: as if embedded with thousands and thousands of tiny diamonds. He looked like art – a statue of perfect beauty that shone evenly and wonderfully in the morning light.
I sighed aloud, unable to believe that Edward had gotten more beautiful to me than he had been before – I didn't even think it was possible.
His eyes had been closed as he was soaking up the sun, but at the sound of my sigh, they opened and his head turned towards me. The light on his eyes made them appear to be a transparent gold hue, and I blushed when they met mine.
"I forget how peaceful you are for me Bella," he said as he came towards me, stepping out of the sun. "Not being able to hear your thoughts keeps this place tranquil for me."
"Wait," I said quickly, just as he was about to take his last step out of the sun. "Stay there." I hurried towards him and placed my hands on his cool marble chest, urging him gently back into the sunlight. I took in his glittering skin again and murmured, mystified, "I've never seen you like this."
"Really?" Edward sounded genuinely surprised. "All the time we've spent together?"
"You're beautiful," I whispered.
"You're beautiful," he replied with a grin, before leaning down and pressing a light kiss on my lips.
I smiled at the contact, then I asked, "Do you always sparkle like this in the sunlight?"
"In any light," he told me. "It's one of the reasons we live in places like Forks, were its usually dark and/or rainy. Not everyone would look at us and simply think 'beautiful' like you. Others might actually find it weird."
He chuckled softly, but I barely heard him, too busy running my fingers over his smooth bare skin, still spellbound by the sparkles. I could get used to this. Then I tried to picture myself covered in the same glistening skin: it wasn't easy, mainly because I couldn't picture myself this beautiful ever.
"Bella?"
I looked up at the sound of my name. Edward was looking at me cautiously, but affectionately. "What are you thinking?" he asked me softly.
I was thinking a lot of things at that moment, but I knew some of them I shouldn't share just yet. So instead I said "I just didn't know you could get more beautiful."
"Aw, you'd have made me blush right there," Edward said teasingly.
I laughed, and then leaned up to receive another kiss from him. This time, it wasn't as innocent, and our tongues met in a passionate dance. Edward's hands found my waist and he drew me as close to him as possible. I could feel him hardening against my leg. I brought my hands to his jeans zipper, undoing the button and pulling the zipper down slowly. As I begun to pull down his pants and boxers, I broke away from his kiss, allowing my lips to travel down his hard body as I came down to my knees. By the time I found myself on the ground, Edward's clothes were at his ankles, and I was head-on with his large, throbbing member. It stood glorious in the light, lengthy, hard and strong.
"Bella, you don't–"
But I cut him off, plunging forward and taking as much of his shaft into my mouth as I could. It was cold at first, but immediately changed into the warmth I now felt when it came to Edward. A soft but audible groan left Edward's throat at my touch, one that allowed me to think that I wasn't about to be stopped anytime soon.
I inhaled through my nose deeply before I tightened my mouth around his member, moving my head back and forth slowly. Edward began taking hard, heavy breaths, his hands resting atop my head and fingers becoming tangled in my hair. I pushed forward, keeping my actions consistent and slow, swirling my tongue around his shaft as I moved. I placed my hand on the part of his rod that I couldn't take in, and began to stroke it slowly in time with my mouth motions. I could feel Edward pulsing slowly inside me, and breathed my name over and over, his voice music to my ears and strokes to my ego.
I went faster, bobbing back and forth with more effort, pursing my lips further to give him the tightest fit I could. The harder I worked, the easier it seemed to move further and further down his rod. I dropped my hand as I took him in deeper. Edward hissed and groaned, I even felt his body shaking, and his hands grabbed fistfuls of my hair tightly.
"God, Bella," he said in a gruff exhale.
His knees buckled once, and then I felt his muscles tense. I could feel him holding back, so I sucked him hard, trying to get him to break free of his inhibitions. Soon I could feel his hips moving in me, thrusting into my mouth to match meet me head movements. I sucked harder, encouraging him, until I felt him take complete control – grabbing hold of my head firmly as he began pumping into me. It almost made me gag – him pushing the full length of his member into my mouth – but I held my own, relax every muscle in my jaw to allow him the deepest access possible. He growled with every thrust, calling my name in harsh erotic whispers, until suddenly, my mouth was filled with his warm seed.
I swallowed it all, just as Edward pulled out of me slowly. To my surprise, he stumbled back a bit, before dropping gracefully to the ground, his hand on his chest. He seemed to be trying to catch his breath.
I glanced over at him and said teasingly, "You don't have any breath to catch you know."
"That was wow," he said quietly, sounding deeply satisfied.
I felt proud. "That was my first time, you know."
"Mine too," Edward admitted with a smile.
*
Edward and I laid together in the sunlight: he was still shirtless, and I traced my finger over his glistening chest. Under my breath, I was counting the many diamonds embedded in his skin. Every time I got close to the hundreds, Edward did something to make me lose count – shifted his body, pulled me in for a kiss, or counted loudly over me with the wrong numbers. By the time he started on that last method, I knew he was doing it on purpose.
"I realize that there are way too many for me to ever get them all, but do you mind letting me at least try?" I said in a mock-annoyed tone, glancing up at him.
Edward chuckled and looked down to meet my eyes. "You know, Alice had a vision about this. You counting my," he paused, his expression thoughtful for a moment, "freckles," he came up with finally.
I frowned at him. "Freckles? More like diamonds."
"Freckles, diamonds, same thing," Edward said with a grin.
I gave him a light kiss, but then he held me close for a deeper one. Immediately, I got tingles between my legs. I could have mounted him right then and there, but Edward broke away from me before things could escalade. I pretended to be upset, but Edward only smiled at my pouting.
"You're adorable," he murmured, pulling his fingers through my hair.
Now, Bella, right now.
I had been putting it off long enough. We had been lying here for over an hour now, and the thought continued to circle my head. I knew I had to bring it up, and I knew there was no right way to do it.
But I couldn't help but fish for an easier way to say it. "Guess what I'm thinking?" I said playfully.
Edward's smile grew. "Tell me."
"Guess," I urged, giving him a soft one-handed shove.
He groaned. "I've never had to guess: I've always known. I don't even know how to play this game correctly."
"Try," I said with a grin.
Edward looked thoughtful. "You're thinking about food," he said suddenly.
I laughed. "No."
"Uh, school?"
"Why would I be thinking about school?"
"Well that's two guesses," Edward said as he gently pulled me closer to him again. "I think I've earned the right to know."
He gave me a tender but passionate kiss that brought back the tingles. When he pulled back, I fought back the giddy smile working its way to my face. "Fine, I suppose that kiss will do." I took a deep breath, and then said, "I'm thinking about us, and being together always and forever."
He smiled. "You're cute."
I took another deep breath. "I'm serious."
"Well, I think about us being together forever too. All the time. So I'm glad to know it's on your mind as well."
He didn't get it – he wouldn't be talking so casually if he had got it. I sat up straight, coming out of our lover's embrace, hoping to shed some seriousness physically. It worked, because Edward sat up too.
"I'm serious as in–" Say it, say it, say it! "I want to be with you forever, and I want to do whatever it takes to be with you forever. And I know that there's one surefire method for it to work out that way."
Edward looked at me intensely, his eyes smoldering. He didn't say anything, but his expression reflected knowing and understanding. And he wasn't yelling yet, so I pressed on slowly. "You could change me," I said. "You could make me just like you, and then we'd be able to be together for always."
Edward turned his head away from me, keeping up his intense silence. I waited for him to say something – anything. I touched my hair anxiously, feeling exposed. I suddenly wished I hadn't said anything at all, but I knew that it was better this way.
"You want me," Edward said slowly. "To make you, just like me." He paused – and time lurched on – and then he added, "A vampire."
"Yes," I said quietly, but with certainty. "I want you to make me into a vampire."
Edward went silent again, and now I was getting the urge to yell at him. But then he suddenly turned to face me, gold eyes blazing, and he said, "No."
My heart dropped. "No."
"Absolutely not, Bella, are you crazy?" He asked me in a hard tone. "There's no way you could become a vampire."
He was angry. I had expected him to be angry, but I hadn't expected to be so afraid of it. This controlled anger was scarier than kicking and screaming. "It's not that hard, is it?" I asked him quickly. "Just bite and–"
"Spare me, don't bother trying to act like you understand," he said, in a harsh, almost insulting tone. "You don't have a fucking clue what becoming a vampire would mean for you, or your family for god sake's." He stood up suddenly, shirt in hand as he pulled it back on to his body. "Jesus Bella, that's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard you say."
It was just like the Edward I had met the first time around – mean, cold, and distant. I stood up quickly, fighting back tears of frustration. "It's not that dumb, Edward," I said. "It's a way for us to be together forever. I didn't think that would be dumb at all."
He turned around to face me, his expression sympathetic. "Don't misunderstand me, Bella. It's wonderful that you'd want us to be together forever. I want us to live that way as well. But I would never subject you to way I have to exist, ever."
"Even if it meant that we could be together forever?" I said, folding my arms.
"I love you too much to kill you," he said darkly.
"It wouldn't kill me, it–"
"Bella, I'm dead," Edward said gruffly. "There's no blood running through my veins, no heart pumping in my chest. Nothing. I'm dead. For you to become like me, I would have to kill you."
His words were harsh, and cut through me like knives. But even with the weight of her words on my shoulder, I had already made up my mind. "Then I'm willing to die, Edward," I said quietly. "I love you more than I will ever love anyone else."
"More than your own family?" he asked me.
"I wouldn't necessarily have to give up my family," I explained. "I mean, you guys interact with humans every day don't you? I could see my family periodically, couldn't I?"
"Newborn vampires are different from aged ones Bella. When you first become a vampire, the only thing you're going to care about is quenching your thirst. And your thirst will be insatiable, and it will not matter to you where it comes from. It's going to be that way for at least a year. If you ever saw your family – or anyone for that matter – you'd probably kill them instantly."
"I could never kill the people I care about."
"And yet, you're asking me to do that very thing."
I stopped, feeling caught. "You must understand it's for the best," I said finally.
"It's not for the best. I can't do that to you." Edward came closer to me, cupping my face in his hands. "Don't you know some of the things I love about you are your human traits? The way the blood rushes to your face when you blush? The soft sound of your breathing when you sleep?"
"Don't you know that at one point I'm going to die, and then you'll spend the rest of your existence without me?" I cried at him. "Don't you get that if we don't do something, time will separate us? Do you want that for us?"
"Bella, I want to–"
"–be with me forever," I finished for him. "So let's be together forever."
Edward shook his head. "I can't Bella. I just can't."
I dropped my eyes from his, feeling tears roll down my cheeks. "I thought you loved me."
"I do love you, Bella. It's because I love you why I can't do this."
I looked up at him as the tears continued to fall. "If you really loved me, you'd want to do this. You'd want to do whatever it takes."
"Bella–"
"So do you love me?"
"Stop asking me that," Edward said gruffly. "You know that I do."
"But you won't change me.
"I can't–"
"Then I'll ask Alice to do it," I said quickly. "Or Carlisle. If you're just afraid to do it, then someone else can take care of it."
"I'm not afraid. I just don't want you–"
"Well I want to!" I yelled. "I've already made up my mind. I want to become a vampire. I want to be with you forever, and I'm going to whatever lengths possible to be with you forever. Even if you, suddenly, don't want to be with me forever–"
"BELLA!"
"–I still want to be with you, and I want that opportunity to be available to me always." I ripped myself from Edward's grasp. "I'm going to talk to Alice. You can't stop me."
I knew he could as I walked speedily away from him: he could easily grab me right now and rush me towards my house. Or he could lap me and reach his family before I do, and then turn them all against me.
But instead, he stood mutedly in the meadow. So I took to my head start as fast as I could.
Edward
I took to the treetops, keeping my eye on Bella as I did. Sure enough, she was heading towards my house. She was serious: I should have known – Bella had been stubborn once she made up her mind. It just seemed so outrageous what she was saying – becoming a vampire at all – that I almost didn't believe that the words were actually leaving her mouth. But she was dead serious: and now she was off to confront my family.
I had to get to them first.
Once I had successfully passed Bella, I dropped from the trees and moved at my fastest speed towards my house. As I got closer, the thoughts of my family began flooding me. Only Alice was thinking directly of me though: I wanted to tell you – warn you – but I couldn't.
So she had known all along that Bella was going to ask me to change her into a vampire?
I tried not to get angry – the last thing I needed was to get upset at my family when I needed them the most right now.
When I got to my front door, Alice opened it before I could place my hand on the knob. "Bella is pretty far back," she said to me. "She's starting to wander, rethinking things. She wants to make sure when she talks to us that she's completely coherent and straightforward, so that things don't go wrong the way she thinks they went wrong with you." Alice paused to let me in the house, then added, "We have close to an hour to talk things out."
"Is everyone here?" I asked her.
"Carlisle is leaving the office. Ten minutes, and he'll be here."
"You knew she was going to ask me to change her?"
Alice nodded. "But when I found out, you were already at the meadow with Bella. There was no way to reach you."
I walked over to the living room and collapsed on one of the sofas. "What am I going to do Al?" I asked her.
Alice sat down on the coffee table in front of my sofa. "Trust me Eddie, if I knew all the answers, I would give them to you right now. But I can only see the future, and not even that is always certain."
"Do you see me changing Bella?" I asked her softly.
Alice's temporarily become focused elsewhere, and a few minutes of silence passed, but then she shook her head. "It isn't clear, you haven't made up your mind. I just keep shifting back and forth between you changing her, her remaining unchanged, or Carlisle changing her."
I was surprised at that last one. "Carlisle?"
Alice nodded. "She's going to ask him out of all of us to change her, if you don't agree to it."
"And he's going to agree?" I almost yelled.
"I don't know!" Alice yelled back. "Please Eddie, don't take these things to heart. Nothing is clear to me right now."
"Right," I murmured softly as I closed my eyes. "Right."
I felt a hand on my shoulder. "I know this has to be hard for you," Alice was saying. "But you know that we're all going to support you a hundred percent, no matter what the circumstances. We're your family." She gave my shoulder a squeeze, then said, "I'm going to get everyone else, Carlisle will be coming through that door in fifteen seconds."
I opened my eyes just in time to catch Alice getting up from the coffee table, and seeing Carlisle coming in through the door. "Carlisle," I called to him, as he came out of his jacket. "I need a family meeting."
"What's wrong son?" Carlisle asked as he came over to me.
"Bella," I said. Carlisle nodded with understanding: I knew this moment would come eventually. I had only hoped that more time would pass before it actually came to pass. "Alice is getting everyone else," I added.
"Good," Carlisle said slowly as he came over to where I was lying. I sat up straight to give him room to sit. "We're going to need to consult everyone on this."
"There's one other thing," I said in a lowered tone. "She's coming here, to ask the family. But she's going to want you to do it. Alice thinks she saw you…." I couldn't finish: it was still too much to imagine.
Again, Carlisle understood: I would never do that without your consent, son. I hope you know that. Even if I agreed to Bella's wishes, I would never carry them out without your approval.
I nodded in relief. Alice returned to the living room, with the rest of the family following behind her. Rosalie already looked irritated, but I tried not to let it unnerve me. Emmett pulled Rosalie into his lap as he took a seat in a large armchair. Esme sat next to Carlisle on the sofa with me and Jasper and Alice took refuge in the loveseat.
"What's going on sweetheart?" Esme asked kindly.
I composed myself, knowing that it would be better to just say it than dance around the situation. "Bella wants to be part of the family."
Esme's gasp interrupted me. "Eddie, that's wonderful," she cooed. "When's the wedding?"
The question genuinely surprised me. I hadn't even thought about marrying Bella. Yet, that was so much easier to picture in my mind: Bella in full white, a beautiful blushing bride, while I waited for her at the altar.
"It's not a wedding," I said slowly, though now that particular idea was starting to cement itself in my mind. "She wants to be part of the family, as in, she wants to be one of us. She wants to be changed–"
"–into a vampire!" Rosalie finished for me a in a shrill.
"Yes," I said calmly.
"You told her no, didn't you?" Rose asked, though it sounded more like a demand. "You have to have told her no. There's no way to change her."
"Rose, baby," Emmett said, trying to soothe her.
But she ignored him: "We're not allowed to bite anyone Edward, or else we'll have to leave this place and never come back. The wolves won't allow it, or have you forgotten in all your punch-drunk love?"
"I haven't forgotten Rosalie," I growled at her. "And you'd think you'd be happy for me that I finally found someone who makes me happy."
Rosalie fell silent, which pleased me greatly. Instead, Jasper spoke to me next. "Did you tell her about the pact with the wolves?"
I shook my head. "Didn't have the chance. When she brought it up, the whole situation turned messy afterwards. She's actually on her way here right now, to talk to everyone. I just wanted to make sure to get here before her."
Rosalie let out a frustrated groan, but didn't follow up on it. "What are you thinking Edward?" Esme asked me quietly.
"I honestly don't know," I replied softly. "Part of me knows and understands all the complications that come with having a newborn vampire: we'd have to move from here, and then we wouldn't ever be able to return. I know that this would possibly take Bella away from her family forever. And well, this takes Bella away from humanity forever." I stopped and ran a hand over my hair. "But then this other part of me, does want to be with Bella forever."
Alice grinned at me. "I knew you'd like her Eddie."
"I do," I replied. "I love her, and I can't imagine having to continue existing without her. She made her point: this would solve everything." I sighed. "If only it was that easy."
"Edward, son–" Carlisle was speaking now "–I must say that over the past few months, I've never seen you happier, and I know that that has everything to do with Bella. I, like you, can't imagine you existing the same way without her. She makes you happy, you make her happy."
"You're a perfect match," Esme added with a smile.
"And we're you're family man," Emmett said. "We're happy when you're happy. And we stand behind whatever you decide." He put his arm around Rosalie as he added, "All of us."
Rosalie looked slightly uncomfortable as she tuck a lock of long blond hair behind her ears. "I know I haven't been the best to Bella," she whispered. "But I am happy that you found someone who makes you happy." She paused. "But you can't take her humanity from her Eddie."
"I don't want to Rose," I said, happy that she had finally been honest with me. "But Bella has already made up her mind. When I told her that I didn't want to do it, she accused me of not wanting to be with her anymore. And would never be the case. This is just hard."
"You should tell her that," Carlisle said. "She'll understand if you guys really sit down and have a heart-to-heart about this whole thing – the same way you sat down with all of us. I can imagine that when she first brought it up to you, you guys didn't have a calm conversation like the one we're all having now."
"No, not quite," I admitted.
"So just try talking to her again, and tell her the whole situation – the pact with the wolves, the complications, and the confusion you're feeling about it all," Alice said. "She'll understand, Edward."
"And ultimately, we cannot decide whether or not you should change her," Carlisle said. "If you felt that it would be too much for you to do, that you couldn't be sure if you could stop, you know that I would step in to help you if necessary. But the decision to change her or not remains solely up to you and Bella. Our duty as a family is to stand behind you a hundred percent."
"Thank you," I said. I looked at Rosalie, who smiled slightly. "I really appreciate all the support."
I heard Alice's thoughts: she's here, Eddie.
I nodded in Alice's direction and stood up. I was ready to talk, really talk to her. I walked to the front door, and after another glance back at my entire family, I opened the door.
I'm going to work on the next chapter as soon as I find the time, but right now, I need a nap:: its been such a long week!
I hope you all enjoyed this, leave me a review to say so! It would be very much appreciated, thank you!
Until my next update!
--Brin--
