This chapter is long overdue, and probably shorter than my usual chapters, but I hope that no one will fault me for it. It was so hard to get this chapter out with everything going on in my life right now.... I'm just glad it finally came together. I hope you all will feel the same way.

Disclaimer: Nothing of Twilight's is mine


Chapter Eleven, Dabbling In Danger

Bella

I listened carefully and calmly to Edward as he told me about the conversation he had had with his family. He seemed flustered as he spoke, running his hand over his bronze curls and dropping his eyes from mine often. I don't think I had ever seen him look so vulnerable before, and I knew immediately that the things he was saying were hard for him. All the anger for him seeped out of me easily, and now I just wanted him to hold him close and stroke the top of his head, like he did for me many times.

When he opened the door at the Cullen home – about thirty minutes ago – he told me not to say anything yet, and just walk with him. I was ready to argue with him and demand that he let me see his family, but when he took my hand and gently led me away, I couldn't ignore the intimate connection I had with him, so I said nothing. We got into his car and he drove us to Starbucks, the only one being near the limits of Forks and La Push. Over a caramel frappuccino in a cozy booth at the back of the store, I listened.

Of course, Edward made perfect sense – his need to keep me alive due to his love for me, the torment he struggled with at wanting to kill me to selfishly keep me for himself, and the dispute between the vampires and the wolves that added only more distress to the situation. By the time Edward was done talking, he seemed almost exhausted. I put my hand behind his head and affectionately rubbed my fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry," I said, "for saying that you didn't love me enough."

"It's okay," Edward said in a quiet voice. "I know you didn't mean it."

I dropped my eyes momentarily. "I did mean it, at the time. I couldn't understand, I just thought this whole thing would be easy, being changed. And when you said no, I just couldn't understand why you would say no."

Edward sighed. "Well, now you do."

I managed a weak smile. "I'm glad you told me."

We sat quietly, almost awkwardly, after that. I didn't know what more to say: suddenly there were flaws in, what I thought was, my foolproof plan. I didn't want to say it out loud, but I was upset all over again. The only thing different now was that I wasn't mad at Edward. I was mad at the fact that my plan for wanting to be with Edward forever was being foiled like this.

And to be honest, all of my anger was dictated to one thing.

One person.

Jacob Black.

Yes, maybe when I would be first changed, I would have to be away from my family – from all civilization – for at least a year, due to my immense thirst as a newborn vampire. But after that year, I could assimilate back into the world much like the Cullens did now. And yes, maybe the people who knew me would notice that I wasn't getting older. But then again, maybe they wouldn't – I had already attained some form of mature physicality. So long as I kept track of what my age should be with the right people, that hurdle could easily be jumped.

And while Edward's concern for my humanity touched me more than I would let on to him – that it hurt him to consider ending my life for one of existence forever, I had already decided that I was ready to trade life for existence. I wanted to be a vampire and be with Edward forever. My humanity meant nothing to me if I was going to be separated by Edward at some point. I didn't want to seventy-five, shriveled and old while Edward stayed young and beautiful. I wanted us both to be young and exist forever together. And I have already believed that I would be able to do both – be a vampire with Edward forever, and keep some of the routines of my human life as well. My mind was made up, so Edward needed nothing to be concerned about.

All in all, there was only one thing stopping me and Edward from being together the way I way we wanted to be.

Jacob. Fucking. Black.

The agreement between the Quileutes and the Cullens was outdated and ludicrous. If Jacob was the leader of the pack now, then he could determine whether or not this pact was still valid. And certainly Edward wouldn't be killing me if I asked him to do it. There would be no need to start a war with the Cullens over something that was a consensual act.

But when I tried to imagine having that particular conversation with Jacob, all I could see was him yelling and screaming about 'bloodsuckers' and 'tradition' and whatever else he could come up with to yell and scream at.

Dumb. Fucking. Jacob. Black.

"Penny for your thoughts," Edward said in a quiet voice, touching my knee gently.

I sighed, and then leaned into his chest. "I'm just so frustrated with all of this, Edward," I told him. "I just want to be with you."

"You are with me."

"You know what I mean," I said, glancing up into his eyes.

He put his arms around me and pulled me close. "I know."

"I want this Edward," I said quietly. "I want this more than anything in the world right now. I want this for us. I love you, and I want to be with you. Forever." I sighed, and then added, "Is that so much to ask for?"

He gave me a playful squeeze. "I guess so," he said teasingly.

I laughed a little before leaning closer to Edward, my head turned to lie flat on his chest. As Edward started to stroke my shoulder affectionately with one finger, my mind went back to Jacob. I already knew that there was no way to make him understand things – I had already tried that thousands of times without any success. But he was the one coming between Edward and I. His stubbornness was ruining everything.

Maybe it doesn't have to.

I glanced up at Edward, making sure to choose my words carefully before I spoke. "How serious is this pact between you and the Quileutes?"

"Very serious," Edward said, looking down at me with a curious expression. "You heard what I said. Jacob and his entire pack are already prepared to attack should one of us break the pact. They're basically waiting for us to fuck up."

I paused, shifting out of Edward's grasp to look him directly in the eye. "What if we did it anyway?"

Edward frowned. "Bella–"

"Just hear me out Edward," I said quickly. "They said you can't kill anyone on these lands right? Well what if you changed me somewhere else? Anywhere else? We're about to graduate high school anyway, and I'm going away for college anyway. I'll just use college as the pretense to leave Forks. And if we do while we're gone, they can't attack you and your family, right?"

Edward looked hesitant. "Yeah…"

I could hear the uncertainty in his voice. "But?"

He sighed. "I would agree with this if maybe Jacob was the Alpha, and if you and he didn't have a relationship. But knowing Jacob and his heated temper, and how pressed he is to live up to his role as an Alpha, I wouldn't put it past him to come and track us down if we changed you."

"He can't do that though," I said. "You wouldn't be breaking he pact."

"But if you came back to visit Forks, and he saw that you were changed, I doubt it would go over well."

I folded my arms. "Then I won't come back here."

"And give up Charlie?"

My heart squeezed painfully a little. Charlie. "Right," I whispered.

Edward took my hand, holding it gently in his. "Bella, if I knew how to make this work, I would. But there's just so much working against us." He exhaled slowly. "Maybe we should just be content with where we're at now."

"Don't Edward," I said, taking my hand back from him. "I've already made up my mind. There has to be some way to make this work. I'm not giving up just because we have this one hurdle in our way." Especially when that hurdle's name is Jacob Black.

Edward gave me a careful look. "You're not going to do anything stupid, right Bella?"

"No!" I said quickly. By my fast response made Edward's expression become even more wary. "No Edward," I said slower. "I'm not going to do anything stupid."

I wasn't sure if Edward believed me…and I was pretty sure I didn't believe myself either.

*

I went to Jacob's house. I told Edward that I wanted to lie down and rest and that I'd call him tomorrow morning. But instead, I waited for him to drive away before preparing to leave my house again. I stopped to peak in with Charlie before I left:

"I'm going to see Jacob," I said.

Charlie, who was sitting up in his bed flipping through a sports magazine, smiled. "That's very mature of you Bella. I'm glad you're finally ready to work things out with Jacob."

I smiled back, though mine was false. "I don't know how long I'll be."

"Have Billy call if you think you might be late."

"Alrighty, Dad."

I closed his bedroom door before heading down the stairs. It was a little after six now, and the day was darkening. With my coat on to beat the night chill and sneakers on my feet, I began my trek down to La Push. It was a lengthy walk, but I used the time to mentally prepare myself for what I was walking into. I knew Jacob would probably be caught between being happy and miserable to see me. And all I was going to do was make him more miserable with what I had to say.

But it didn't matter: I had to see Jacob, and we had to talk. Or better yet, I had to talk: whether or not Jacob was going to listen was entirely up to him. At this point, I didn't care for anything he had to say anymore. He was just going to hear me out and deal, even if it killed him.

When I arrived at the Black home, it had already gotten dark. Billy answered the front door with a shocked expression: "Bella?" he said in a gasp.

"Billy," I replied nonchalantly, not really caring for one of the instigators of my plight. "I need to speak with Jacob, is he here?"

"Yes, he's–" a strange look crossed over Billy's face as his sentence broke. "Would you wait a second here? Let me just make sure he's in."

Billy turned away from me and went back into the house, closing the door behind him. I waited outside with my arms folded. It took almost fifteen minutes for Jacob to finally come to the door. His expression was hard, dark eyes piercing.

"You," he growled.

"Me," I said with an eye roll. "We need to talk, Jacob."

Jacob let out a harsh laugh. "You know, every time you say those words, I find myself even more furious with you than before."

"Well be prepared to get furious, because you're not going to like what I have to say," I told him in a hard tone.

He glared at me, but I ignored it. "Jacob, I know all about the pact between you and the Cullens. And I just wanted you to know that I think you holding onto the pact is selfish and irrational of you. You and both know that I doesn't have to be that way."

"What do you care?" Jacob challenged.

"When you first told me about the Cullens being vampires, and you talked about you and your pack being prepared should they fuck up. What exactly does 'being prepared' entail?"

"What does it matter–?"

"Because as far as I'm concerned Jacob, I think what you should be prepared to do, is to throw out this whole pact thing if you want to keep me as a friend."

"You haven't called me in–"

"You're about to lose everything Jacob, if you don't come to your fucking senses soon. I'm giving you a chance to make things right, even though Edward thinks I should just give up on your dumb ass."

"Bella, what the fuck are you talking about!" Jacob finally yelled at me.

There was a moment of silence after his outburst. I waited for his chest to stop heaving, before speaking in a calm, even voice. "I've decided to become one of them Jacob," I said. "I've decided to join their coven and become a vampire."

Jacob growled so viciously at me, before letting out a loud angry howl. I didn't even flinch. "Yell and scream all you want Jacob," I told him. "There's nothing you can do to stop me. I've already made up my mind."

"He's poisoned you!" Jacob yelled at me. "His whole family! They've all poisoned you!"

"Nobody's poisoned me. I've come to this decision all by myself, and there's no going back. I don't know what your pact has planned, but it doesn't matter, because you won't stop me anyway. There's no stopping me now, and when I become a newborn vampire: there will be no stopping me."

I turned away from him, leaving him to shake and convulse in his anger. I knew he wasn't going to listen, but I had to say what I needed to say. I was going home, and the following day I was going to start making preparations with Edward.

But I had only taken a few steps away from Jacob's house when I felt myself being lifted off the ground. I completely lost my bearings: having no idea how I was suddenly moving so fast, darting between trees in a thick forest and not hitting anything. For a moment I was transported back to times when I rode with Edward, curled against his chest while he dashed from point to point. But I wasn't moving with Edward's grace – this felt much more…animalistic.

And then it came to me.

I was flung over Jacob's shoulder, and he was running.

"Let me go!" I screamed, beating my fists on his back. "What the fuck is this Jacob! Put me the fuck down!"

"This is the only way to save you Bella," Jacob said between breaths. "I've run out of all options. This is the only way to make things better."

"What the fuck are you talking about Jacob! Put me down! Put me down!"

"I don't have any other choice," Jacob said emptily. "There are no other options."

And then it came to me a second time.

I was being kidnapped.

Fierce tears began to pour down my face instantly. "Jacob, what are you doing? Don't do this, take me home."

"We are going home."

"Stop this Jacob…please."

"Be quiet Bella. Don't make things any harder than they already are."

His voice had taken on a dangerous quality that left me silent. I didn't say anything else as Jacob continued to take us deeper in the wood, left to wonder to myself how everything could have got this wrong.

Edward

It was almost nine and I still hadn't heard from Bella. When we left Starbucks, she told me she was going to lie down and get some rest. I figured if it turned out that she was going to go to sleep for the rest of the night, she would have called me before she did so. But I had been hours since I had last heard from her, and as the minutes ticked on, there was still nothing.

Normally I would have been okay about this, and figured that maybe she had fallen into a REM cycle without realizing and therefore didn't get to call me before. But I had called her countless times for the past two hours, and Bella never kept her phone on silent, so I figured by now – if she was sleeping – she would have woken up to the ringing.

But there was still nothing.

And maybe I was just overacting to everything, but I couldn't help but get a bad feeling about this lack of communication. The last thing Bella and I spoke about was Jacob, and how he was coming between us. I could practically see the wheels in her head turning, without having to hear her thoughts. Nine times out of ten, I didn't put it past her to have gone to see Jacob.

…Which was fine and understandable in essence, her wanting to see Jacob. And I could even understand why she wouldn't want to tell me that she was going to see Jacob, because I wouldn't have been very supportive of that decision. So she probably just went off to see Jacob and told me something else to avoid an argument.

But even after all that rationalizing, I couldn't ease the racing of my mind. Even if Bella didn't want me to know that she was going to see Jacob, that doesn't make her incapable to pick up the phone and contact me. And it had been hours since I had last heard from her – she had to know that I was worrying about her.

Something was wrong. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. Something was very, very wrong.

I was lying on my bed, lost in my thought, when finally Alice came bursting into my room – her face was covered with worry.

"Bella," was all she said, and I sprung out of bed and got on my feet.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I don't know," Alice said, her voice shaking. "I keep having these visions…."

She didn't have to say much else: suddenly my mind was riddled with everything she was thinking: Bella being pulled off into indistinguishable wood, Bella sitting alone on the forest floor. There seemed to be someone with her in a few of the visions, but the blur on the person made it impossible to decide who it was.

At the same time, the blur made it all the more clearer.

"It's a wolf," Alice said quietly. "You know I can never see the wolves as clearly as I can see anyone else."

"Jacob," I growled, just before throwing an angry fist into the wall. "It only makes sense," I added in a harsh whisper. Then I turned back to Alice. "Where is he taking her?"

"I don't know Eddie," Alice said, her face contorted. "He keeps on the move: every time I think I know, something changes and then I have no idea. I can't locate her at all."

I couldn't control the rage trying to consume me. I lunged out at Alice, grabbing her shoulders and pushing her into the wall. "What do you mean you can't locate her Alice?" I bellowed.

"Eddie, stop," Alice said, trying to shift out of my grasp. "I'm sorry. I can't."

"How long have you just been lying in your room trying to locate her? Why didn't you come to me when you had your first vision? Don't you realize that Bella could be in serious dangerous right now?"

"Edward, I know! Just put me down!"

I hadn't even realized that I had been continuously handling Alice so roughly, and I had indeed lifted her three feet of the floor. I put her down slowly, and then walked away from her, kicking the books I had strewn on the floor as I did.

"Edward!"
I was walking towards the window, ignoring Alice.

"Edward, where are you going!"

"To find the love of my life obviously," I growled at Alice. "Since you've been such a big fucking help."

"Edward," Alice said, her expression crestfallen. "If I could do something about it–"

"If you really want to do something, you'd stop talking and let me go. Because all this conversation is doing to me right now is wasting my fucking time."

I looked out the window, but suddenly I couldn't move. Even with Alice's visions still fresh in my mind, I had no idea where to begin. Even as I mentally searched for a trace of Jacob's thought, I couldn't come up with anything clear then either. It seemed as if, somehow, he had successfully managed to make then damn near undetectable.

They've covered a lot of ground, I rationalized. He's taken her so far already that she's out of my hands.

I kept staring in the darkness, wishing that a shadow of Bella would appear out of my window. But I couldn't find her – not mentally, and without that aspect, not physically either.

"Edward," Alice said quietly. "We could all go look for her. We could round up the family, and have a big search for her. Jacob cares about Bella – he's not going to hurt her."

"That damn mutt doesn't give a fuck about her!" I screamed. "Who knows what the fuck he's capable of! And he has my Bella out there!"

"He's not going to hurt her," Alice said quietly.

Another vision of Alice's suddenly came to mind, where the blurry figure seemed to be trying to comfort Bella, though she showed no sign of wanting anything from it. Her expression was heartbroken, and she was gazing off into the wilderness the same way I was now.

Bella.

"You guys start tomorrow," I told Alice. "Whenever you get the chance to. But I can't just stay here without trying to find her. I have to find her. Keep me updated on anything you pick up: I'll be about."

"But if you get too far–" but I gave her a silencing look.

"You can't expect me to sit here and do nothing," I told her darkly.

She nodded at me. "No, I can't." She touched my shoulder. "Be safe, Eddie."

"I'm a vampire," I said. "I don't really have anything to worry about."

I jumped out of the window and ran, heading to Bella's house first. Charlie didn't seem the least bit fazed about Bella's absence when I arrived. In fact, he calmly told me that Billy had called the house not too long ago and had said that Jacob and Bella went on an impromptu camping trip, and should be back soon. I tried to keep my own emotions on a low as I asked to go to Bella's bedroom – to pick up a school book she had borrowed from me.

All pretense of course – I went to pick up Bella's favorite scarf. Even though I knew her scent inside and out, it wouldn't hurt to have something of hers on me. I left Charlie's as quietly as I came, before taking off running.

I didn't know where I was going.

I didn't know where to start.

Bella's scent was impossible to pick up.

Jacob's thoughts were undetectable.

But I couldn't stop running.

I had to find her, somehow.


I'm hoping to round out this story in another two or three chapters, then I might take a long (deserved) rest from fics:: it just takes a lot of time and energy and dedication, that I just don't think I have as much as I used to. At least, not right now.... but certainly at a later date or something like that =)

Reviews are always aprpeciated. Will try to update soon.

--Brin--