Ch 10
I walked down the hall in a daze. The seniors were gone. But they weren't. Ponyboy and Cherry weren't walking in the graduating class. They were somewhere else-Maybe at a convention, or a skip day, or work. I'd walk to whatever lunch they have this year and see them. They aren't gone, I said to myself. They aren't gone. And this time my dreaming worked. I convinced myself that they weren't gone.
I must have wandered around the hall for a while. I might have wandered around all night except for a teacher who stopped me in the hall.
"Where are you supposed to be"
"Mrs. Johnson's class"
"Are you alright kid?"
"I'm alright"
"Hate to tell you this kiddo but you got to go back to class."
"Gosh, mister, I'm sorry"
"Don't worry about it, I've seen worse. I'll walk you to Mrs. Johnson's class."
He walked me back to class "Thanks a lot"
What was left of our class was there. Everyone looked chill But when I walked in, they all suddenly looked up.
Where's the party? I thought dully. Wasn't everyone planning a party? They all looked up when I walked in. Mrs. Johnson leaped to her feet.
"Where have you been?"
"Randy, What's the matter?"
I looked up at all of them, a little frightened. "Ponyboy and Cherry…they're gone" my voice sounded strange even to me. But they weren't gone a voice in my head said. "I told them about how much I would miss them and…they left." I remembered how much fun we had together.
There was a stricken silence. I don't think any of us realized how soon it really was. I suddenly remembered Johnny…how Johnny didn't have many friends and had a hard time making friends.
"Johnny is gone." I said "She didn't make many friends. But she got into an honors college. She couldn't take it."
How can I take this? I wondered. Johnny was dumber than I am. Why can I take it but some of my greaser friends can't. And then I knew. Cherry and Ponyboy were my best buddies and now they were gone.
"So even they have an ending point" Sodapop said.
School seemed funny to me without them. Sometimes, things slided in and out of focus.
It was only yesterday that we were in class together. But yesterday was yeas ago. A lifetime ago.
And even as they left school looking sad, I knew that's what they wanted. They had a look of triumph on their faces. They were gone but I knew that's what they wanted. And they always got what they wanted.
Everyone would praise them. Two friends of mine graduated that day. I remembered Cherry buying snacks for us to share, being my lane buddy. Ponyboy dealing with all my problems in parenthood. They both graduated just like we all knew they would someday. But everyone was right, they left gallant.
"Easy buddy, easy" I heard Sodapop say softly "there's nothing we can do now."
Nothing we can do….not for Cherry or Ponyboy to Johnny or any of us.
The next day was awfully quiet. Too quiet. I mean our class just isn't naturally quiet. People are always talking to each other. Something was wrong, but I couldn't quite figure it out. Something had happened….I couldn't remember what.
When I went back next, I was thinking a lot more clearly. Sodapop asked "Randy you okay?"
"Yeah" I said, "I think so"
"You were pretty torn up that night. We all were."
And then I remembered. Cherry and Ponyboy were gone. Don't think of them, I thought. (Don't remember how Ponyboy was your buddy, don't remember that you felt like you hadn't done enough with them, try to think that they are better off now, that they would have ended up like that sooner or later. Best of all, don't think. Blank your mind. Don't remember. Don't remember.)
"How long has it been"
"Today's Saturday and you've been in denial since Thursday. Don't you remember?"
"No." I said slowly. I wasn't trying to remember.
"You kept asking for them."
I looked at my yearbook lying on the table. I didn't want to finish looking at it. I'd never get past the part on the swim page, where Cherry and Ponyboy were. Don't remember. Don't try to decide who was better. Don't remember.
My other friends had asked if I felt okay now.
"I'm okay."
"You kept on saying you didn't mean everything you said when you were lashing out."
"I meant what I said when I said I didn't mean everything I said. It's the truth, I was just mad."
