My Past and My Future Collide

Chapter 6: Feelings

It was 5:30 and Shane woke up listening to the pitter-patter of the rain against his window sill. It was the perfect weather to explain his mood. His cell phone was lying on the top of his night table as he just lay there listening to the rain. He looked at his cell phone and sighed.

He would love to send her a message, or call her even. He loved her and it was breaking his heart. He can't un-love her though for him it was close to, or impossible. He could easily pick up the phone and dial her. What would she say though? He was going to text her back until that stupid picture. He still hadn't known who sent it. He was trying to figure it out but whoever it was really hates him. He sighs, why can't his heart just accept it and realize he can't have her?

He gets out of bed slipping on a wife beater and a hooded sweater. He kept his pajamas pants on and put on his skateboarding shoes. He went downstairs dark circles under his eyes and grabbed a bottle of water and took a big sip. He put it down scribbled a note to his parents. He then walked out of the house into the rain, hood up, hands in the pockets, and started walking. He didn't know where he was going but he had to go somewhere to clear his head and he might know the perfect spot.

He soon stops at a Dunkin' Donuts. He discards his hood and runs his hand through his hair. He got out some money and went up to the counter. The teenager who was about 16 smiled as she saw him arrive in front of her.

"HI...uh can I help…you" She said nervously

"Yeah, I'll have a bagel toasted with only butter and a large coffee please" He said and handed her the money

"Here you go" she said handing back the cash

"Keep it" He says smiling and stands by the counter waiting for his stuff

"Are you here for a concert, I didn't hear anything" She asked quietly as she wasn't serving anyone else

"Nope I'm just her for a while" He said quietly

"Oh okay, so you'll come here more often? Would make work more interesting" She said slightly giggling

"Maybe, you never know. However, don't tell anyone, I don't want everyone knowing for reasons. Our little secret okay" He says and winks and she nods her head

"Definitely" she said smiling and handing him his stuff "There you go" She said

"Thanks, bye. Remember our little secret" he says and walks out of the store.

He rolled his eyes as he continued walking in the rain. He could've got a male server. Of course being his luck he would get a fan. He really didn't feel like flirty well she was. He just flirted back with a wink hoping it wouldn't get out. He needed time alone and not be horded or bothered by fans. He loved his fans but sometimes he needed his space. He also didn't need people around his parent's house. He didn't want them having to deal with it.

He sighed taking a sip of his coffee almost to his destination. He rounded his last corner and saw the other park a few blocks away from his house. It had a playground and other things on the other side of it but he liked this part. IT was closed in by gorgeous trees and he walked around the corner walking on the other side of the trees. He walked down the row for a few minutes and came to a little pond. It still had the little L.E.D lights on in the ground. He sat down on the bench and watched as the rain hit the pond making the water ripple.

He sighed contently but sadly. He loved this place. He always came here to think when he was about 14 and 15. He would think about everything. This time one trip wouldn't help anything probably he just needed some space to look at things clearly although it was hard with the rain pouring down. He needed to think about Mitchie. He was like the pond in some way that's maybe why he liked it so much.

The pond was so peaceful and content with who it was. It was all happy until storm clouds cave in on top of it. When the rain comes falling down it causes the pond hurt as it cringed and ripples out to the edge. The rain hurts the pond and he had his own storm cloud. His exception was he was in love with the storm cloud that was making him cringe and not letting the water ripple out but bottle up when he was around people. Like when the pond over flows that's his breaking point. It's been happening a lot, but he barely lets anyone see him cry. If he does he's vulnerable and can only be with people who don't care what he or who he is but loves him for him.

He opened his bagel leaving it in the bag as he didn't want it to get wet or soggy. He took a bite and let the butter goodness melt into his mouth. He ate his bagel and drank his coffee looking at the pond noticing how it did resemble him. The only way the pond could get out of the rain is if the sun came out or it was just a cloudy day. Shane needed a sun day now… he needed to see how things could get brighter. Not just the weather though his life.

He finished his bagel and coffee and sat there looking at the pond for a few minutes. He was drenched everywhere. His clothes were sticking to his skin. His tears that had slowly developed by staring at the pond were hidden bye the rain drops dancing on his cheek. He slowly sat up. He walked out of the park tossing his garbage in the trash can and heading back to his house. It was now about 7:30. He got back to the house 10 minutes later. He took off his shoes and slowly made his way up to his room.

He stripped of his wet clothes and tossed them into the bathroom shower. Needing clothes he got a pair of boxers slipping them on. He slipped on a pair of Pajama pants and a white wife beater. He sat on his bed the rain still pounding. He shook out his hair letting it rest where it fell. He sighs and then makes his way down stairs as he smells breakfast cooking.

He walks into the kitchen water droplets still resting on his skin. He sits down at the counter where his mom sees him.

"Hi Mom" he said quietly

"Oh, hi Shane, how did you sleep?" She asked

"Alright I suppose. I went for a walk earlier" he mentioned

"I saw the note" she stated and past him a glad of orange juice "Is everything okay, I mean what happened to make you leave music" she asked then regretted it as her sons face paled a little and she could tell it was a painful subject. "Never mind" she said and went back to her cooking

"It's just confusing I guess" he explained "It involves a girl, a lie, another guy and me so yeah it's just difficult" he said

"Did you lose her?" she asked and a few tears welled up in Shane's eyes and he really didn't want to cry in front of his mom

"Possibly, not sure" he said and sighed "Breakfast smells great" he said trying to change it and she got the hint.

"Here you go" She said smiling setting down a plate of eggs, bacon, hash browns, and pancakes.

"Wow, mom do you cook this everyday" he laughs taking a bite of his eggs

"Nope, once a week" she smiles "Every Friday" she states and fills up his glass

"I need to come home more often" he laughs and continues to eat his mind occupied for now

His mom laughs and gets his dad and mom a plate and sets them at the counter with Shane. On cue his dad comes down and sits himself in front of his with breakfast and coffee.

"Hey dad" Shane said

"Hey son, you have a good sleep?" He asks

"Alright" Shane replied and his father nods and eats his breakfast

"Are you doing anything today Shane" his mom asks

"I don't think so" he states sighing and continuing to eating his breakfast as the rest of his family did as well

"Okay, I'll be at work the number is on the phone and there is a house key on the shelf by the door" she said getting her purse

"Okay thank you" he said

"Bye son, dear" his dad said kissing his mom's cheek and leaving

"Bye Shane, need me call okay" his mom said and she kissed his cheek leaving and Shane sighed as he heard their vehicles drive away. So much for a distraction and Mitchie was instantly there to fill the space.

Shane cleaned off his plate not being able to eat anymore and put it in the dishwasher. He sighed grabbing a bottle of water and walking up to his bedroom. He fell onto his bed as the gray outline of the sky poured in from his window the rain making the pitter-patter sound and pattern along his window.

He was laying down when he heard his phone vibrate. Hoping it was Mitchie he desperately grabbed it and opened it then sighed. It was Nate.

Hey, I'm glad you are safe. Sorry I and Jas fell asleep last night. I know you won't tell us where we are. Have you heard from Mitchie? If you don't mind me asking what happened? We are your "brothers" can you let us know?

Shane sighed. He didn't really give them a reason. Just said he couldn't because he lost her and left they didn't know what happened.

Someone anonymous sent me a picture of the love of my life holding hands with another guy. She's moved on dude. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm here because I can't move on if you listen to gotta find you. That's what I felt okay. She's the reason I was singing. I lost her its over. I'll text you later. Shane

He sent it then shut off his phone. He didn't need anymore reminders, he was already in so much pain he didn't want anymore. He sighed when he saw something sticking out of his closet. He slowly walked over and opened it. There sticking out of it was the head of his acoustic guitar he retired this past Christmas and got a new one. He laid it on his bed and ran his fingers along it seeing scratches. Tree branch scratches to be exact. His memory on the docks singing to Mitchie brought it all back. Tears welled up as he stared at his guitar.

He slowly picked it up and started strumming. His fingers lead the way and then words. Those now poisoned words start flowing from his mouth and he couldn't help it.

Everytime I think I'm closer to the heart
Of what it means to know just who I am
I think I've finally found a better place to start
But no one ever seems to understand

I need to try to get to where you are
Could it be, your not that far

You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing
I need to find you
I gotta find you
You're the missing piece I need, the song inside of me
I need to find you
I gotta find you

Oh yeah
Yeah yeah

You're the remedy I'm searching hard to find
To fix the puzzle that I see inside
Painting all my dreams the colour of your smile
When I find you It'll be alright
I need to try to get to where you are
Could it be, your not that far

You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing
I need to find you
I gotta find you
You're the missing piece I need, the song inside of me
I need to find you
I gotta find you

Been feeling lost, can't find the words to say
Spending all my time stuck in yesterday
Where you are is where I want to be
Oh next to you... and you next to me
Oh I need to find you... yeah

You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing
I need to find you
I gotta find you (yeah)
You're the missing piece I need, the song inside of me
I need to find you
I gotta find you

You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing
I need to find you (I need to find you)
I gotta find you (I gotta find you)
You're the missing piece I need, the song inside of me
I need to find you
I gotta find you

Yeah, yeah... I gotta find you

Halfway through the song he had got choked up and could only sing really quietly. Everything was bout Mitchie. Originally he wrote about the girl with the voice but she's Mitchie and well it's all true. By the end of the song he was curled over his guitar tears running furiously down his cheek in one steady stream. He never cries this much not to the point of sobbing, but this time his breath was rattling and he started to sob heavily.

He released his grip on the guitar letting it fall to the ground. He collapsed fully onto the bed sobbing. He heard the guitar fall to the ground. It probably broke like his heart. That guitar was like his relationship with Mitchie, it started it. When he first sang to her, wrote the song to find her and wrote it to match hers. It just fell, maybe even shattered.

He couldn't handle anymore. He was sobbing hysterically. He started feeling a little dizzy lying on his bed. He was trying to breath but continued sobbing until everything went black. That last thing he felt was his body hitting the solidity of the floor.

A/N: First of all I want to thank everyone who has been reviewing it means so much especially all my loyal reviewers who review almost or all of the chapters thanks so much to all of you. So all of you are going to hate me because it ends there. I know this chapter was all about Shane. Just thought it would work this way. Next episode well its all Mitchie so you are not going to find out about Shane till chapter 8. Please don't hate me because it's all for a reason I promise. Please Read and Review and to find out what happened to him, keep reading. Ill update soon… sorry if there is spelling or grammatically errors it was read over…

~Kim