Ted tried to get undressed but he was having a little trouble.
"Wifey I can't get my pants off! Little help please?"
"Junior you're drunk again!" Amy laughed.
"God Amy. You're a jackass" Ted slurred.
"If I am, it's your fault. I hang out with YOU all the time" she slurred back.
Ted stood there and sighed. He then gave her a sad puppy dog look.
"Oh for the love of god. Fine Junior. What's the matter?"
"My zipper is stuck wifey."
"Junior you're full of shit."
"See for yourself wifey."
Amy stumbled over to Ted and tried to unzip his pants. He was right…it WAS stuck. And here she thought he was just trying to get her to touch him…down there.
"Get your damn shirt off so I can see better Junior."
Ted tried to take his shirt off and that's when he realized his shirt was stuck in his zipper!
"Oh geez. The shirt is causing the problem, wifeycakes."
"Damn Junior. Don't you know how to get dressed?"
"Not funny, wifey."
A few minutes later Ted had managed to get the shirt out of his zipper. Amy sat there and stared as he took his shirt off. It was now…or never. She sauntered over (rather drunk) and looked up at Ted.
"Still need help getting your pants off Junior?"
Ted was not at all prepared for that line. He had no comeback at all. He just looked at her with a blank stare. He may have been plowed out of his mind, but he knew she was DAMN hot. Ted had stared at her all night thinking how about how he wanted to nail her and here she was, pretty much throwing herself at him.
"I think I got it, wifeycakes."
"You sure Junior?" All he could do was stare at her…and then she growled in his ear again. Oh my fucking god Junior thought. I want my wifey so fucking bad right now. Apparently the rest of his anatomy agreed with him. He started to sweat and his heart started racing a million miles a minute, amongst other things.
Before he could say anything else, Amy slowly (and rather erotically) unzipped his pants. Ted was about to pass out as his pants hit the floor. Am I really about to actually nail Amy he thought. Oh man can we say best night ever? Amy stood there smiling up at Ted.
"Excuse me Junior. I need to get ready for bed."
Wait what?
Amy backed up a few feet and took off her shirt first. Ted could have sworn he heard angels singing because he actually saw….HER BOOBS. Apparently Amy hadn't worn a bra. DAMN WHAT A RACK he thought. I wouldn't mind grabbing those things! Amy put on a very small wifebeater a few seconds later, though. Damn I guess the show is over he thought.
Amy then took off her pants in an extremely provocative manner. Damn I've never seen her get undressed like this Ted thought. Amy was wearing those boy short things today, black of course, and Ted (and his anatomy) were DAMN thankful. Those things clung to her fine ass like saran wrap!!
Ted quickly went over, got in bed, and covered up. He did not want Amy to see what she was doing to him.
She looked over at Ted and smirked. Boy did she have plans for Mr. Priceless tonight.
Amy walked over to the bed in what seemed like slow motion to Ted. His heart raced faster and faster the closer she got.
It raced even faster when she got in bed and straddled him.
His heart almost jumped out of his chest when Amy growled in his ear and started kissing his neck. All Ted could do was lean back and close his eyes. This felt damn good and damn right!
"Junior I think it's time we consummated the marriage" she whispered in his ear.
Ted felt like he had just won the lottery when she said that. Yes I really am about to nail my wifeycakes he thought to himself.
"You're a smart girl. You're really gonna find out why I'm so priceless now" he smiled.
"And you're going to find out why I'm so very ravishing" she told him.
Before Ted could say anything else, Amy cupped his face in her hands and kissed him. They both scooted down the bed, not breaking their extremely passionate lip lock.
"Are you sure about this wifeycakes?"
"Shut up and kiss me Junior."
They immediately went back to kissing each other. Ted was sure as hell enjoying this and so was Amy. She pulled back from the kiss, took off her wifebeater, and threw it down on the floor next to the bed. YES. BOOBIES. Ted thought. I'm going to town on those sons of bitches! Ted kept glancing up at Amy and the look on her face told him he was doing a good job.
Without warning, Amy forcefully shoved Ted back down on the bed and started kissing his neck again…right before she bit into it. Ted bit his lips together to contain the scream he so desperately wanted to let out. Amy then started sucking on his neck. Apparently she had been a vampire in her past life.
"Holy shit wifey. Don't stop" Ted whispered.
"I don't plan on it" she whispered before she growled in his ear.
Amy kept on sucking on his neck. Oh my god this is amazing Ted thought. He didn't even care that his 'wifey' was going to leave a hickey on his neck.
Amy made her way down Ted's body, kissing him everywhere. Ted had officially had enough. He grabbed her, flipped her over, and got on top of her.
"You're in for it now wifeycakes" he grunted. He ripped off both his and her underwear and threw them down on the floor next to the bed. Amy looked up at Ted and bit her lip. How the hell did she not notice he was so sexy before this?
Oh yeah. She'd never seen him naked.
Ted leaned his head back when they finally began. God I hope I can last long enough for the wifey he told himself. Amy quickly dug her nails into Ted's back. He smirked when she did that. He was damn sure enjoying this.
"Oh my god wifey" Ted whispered.
"Shit yeah Junior" she whispered back.
Ted was passionate and caring. He took his sweet time satisfying her and it was extremely hot to say the least.
"Ted you're the best I've ever had" she growled.
This just excited Ted even more. He grabbed a fistful of Amy's blonde hair and kissed her passionately. I'm the best she's ever had he repeated to himself. Junior rolled over, laid on his side, and pulled Amy to him.
"I love side sex" she whispered.
"Me too" he whispered back.
They started kissing each other passionately again while they went at it. Ted could tell the end was almost near for him.
"Wifey I'm about to…"
"Me too Junior…."
Amy and Ted looked into each others eyes at they reached their peak together. They both bit their lips to try and contain themselves. It was damn amazing. Afterwards Amy and Ted just laid there, trying to catch their breath.
"Wow" they said in unison.
"You really are priceless Junior" Amy snickered.
"And you really are ravishing" Ted told her as he pulled her close, kissing her neck.
"Night Junior."
"Night wifey."
Summary: I threw in quite a monkey wrench didn't I? Oh yes! EPIC WIN! This is like Jerry Springer…only way cooler and not staged! Trust me…it's going to get better!
