The rain was a heavy thunderstorm by the time Sam reached Janet's house. She simply stood outside for a few moments, trying to gather her thoughts before she rang the doorbell. Janet opened the door to find Sam drenched. "Oh my gosh! Sam! How long have you been there?"

"Just a few minutes." Sam said, shivering as she entered the house.

"Take your wet things off. Cassie left some pants, and I've got a shirt you can borrow."

"Thanks."

"Get in the shower. I'll leave this stuff here on the counter. Warm yourself up a bit, and then…we'll talk."

Fifteen minutes later, Sam was sitting on the couch, a cup of coffee in one hand, a pair of dry socks, sweat pants, and a t-shirt on. Physically, she felt quite a bit better, but despite a little improvement in morale, she still ached emotionally.

"So, what's going on?" Janet asked, settling in with a cup of coffee in her own hands.

Sam played with the coffee mug in her hands, turning it over and over again. Janet took it for what it was- a sign of her nervousness.

"I don't think it was a good idea for me to be at the Colonel's today." She began.

Janet inhaled, sharply. "Is this going to be awkward for me? As your friend AND colleague?"

Sam looked up from her coffee. "Huh?"

She saw the look in Janet's eyes and suddenly, she understood the implication. "No! That's not what happened. No…he just…said some things that sent for a stroll down memory lane."

"Like?"

Her eyes took on a wistful look. "He called me Christine."

Janet just nodded in incomprehension.

"Jonathan used to call me Christine."

"So, you use full names off-base?"

The haze disappeared from Sam's eyes. "Oh gosh no! No, someone else I once knew. His name was Jonathan and he called me Christine. For some reason, Ja-the Colonel reminded me a lot of him today."

"Okay…" Janet inserted, still clearly baffled by her friend.

"We were in U.C.-Berkley's performance of "The Phantom of the Opera" together. I was Christine and he was the Phantom. The guy who played Raoul was a real creep with wandering hands, wandering eyes, and a gleam in those eyes that made every nice, little Catholic girl shudder."

"Sounds like my ex-husband." Janet said with a smirk.

Sam gave her an appreciative smile. "Well, he bothered me for the first few days of rehearsal until Jonathan caught him. I don't know what he said or did, but Raoul never touched or eyed me inappropriately again."

Janet's eyebrows shot up. "Talk about intimidation."

She smiled. "He never told me what he said, but I deduced that there was a threat of castration."

"That would get a lot of men to control their hands, eyes and thoughts." Janet acknowledged with a smile. "So…he liked you…a lot."

"Yeah. He was kind of the tall, dark handsome type, but there was a certain amount of ruggedness in his features that made him more…mysterious. He was typecast for the Phantom, but…he was so much more. The way his eyes twinkled from the light onstage, the way his lips thinned when he smiled…"

"So…I take it you liked him a lot as well."

She smiled. "I had a bit of a crush on him almost the minute I laid eyes on him, but after he stood up for me, he offered to drive me home. I accepted, and well...we started seeing each other a week later."

"So, did you...you know..."

She nodded. "Yeah. He was my first. But it wasn't until after closing night. When I asked him to stay." She smiled wistfully. "He stayed for a week and then went to Chicago. I got a few phone calls, letters and postcards, but after a while, even those stopped. I never found out why."

"Have you ever tried looking him up?"

She shook her head. "By the time I lost contact with him, he had simply signed his letters 'Phantom.' I couldn't remember his last name for the life of me."

"So, you lost contact?"

She nodded. "Yep."

"That's terrible."

"My secret desire is to find him. I guess it's stupid, but…that's all I've got." Her eyes closed in pain. "That's why I haven't…"

"That's why you're not with Jack." Janet answered, simply.

She looked back at her cup of coffee. "Actually, it's more than that. That's why I'm not with anyone. It's part of the reason I left Jonas. One of the reasons that I never really let Martouf, Narim or Orlin in, and…"

She almost choked on her tears. "Yes, it's one of the reasons I wanted to leave the za'tarc results in that room. It was more than just the frat regs, those I could have dealt with, but…it's like I always have Jonathan with me. Watching me. Haunting me with vague images of our short time together."

Janet wisely stayed silent as she watched Sam cry.

"It's been twenty years." She sobbed, pulling her knees up to her chin and wrapping her arms around them. "God, I was so stupid! I thought he loved me."