Chapter 1

Winnie the Pooh was sitting at home on Shawsey Sanders' couch, enjoying his favorite pastime, watching the Steve Wilkos Show and eating some Buffalo Wings with some french fries, chicken tenders, and a 3 liter of Fruit Punch. Sanders was not home at the moment, as he was coaching football practice. On TV, Steve was chewing out a man who refused to take a paternity test. Pooh was enjoying the show when he heard the doorbell.

"God damnit." muttered Pooh. "Who the hell is it?" he shouted.

"It's me, Tigger. I know you're there. Get your fat ass up and open the door." said Tigger.

"Fuck you. I'm not interested." replied Pooh, not even bothering to get off the couch.

"I have tickets to the strip club for a couple of friends for Friday night. You interested?" Tigger shouted through the door.

Suddenly, Pooh's ears (and penis) perked up. He had never been to a strip club before. Strip clubs had a lot of beautiful women. But this was Tigger. The last time Tigger invited him to a strip club, half the girls were strung out on drugs, and the other half were very terrible at their jobs. Tigger had to be full of shit.

"What the hell kind of strip club is it? The crack house?" called out Pooh from the couch.

"Heavens, no. It's one of the best party spots in town. You'll like it. It's called the Shoreline Gentlemen's Club."

Pooh's ears perked up higher. The Shoreline was the hottest strip club in town and had recently opened. Word on the street is that the hottest women in the state danced at that club. It was so popular, athletes from the Detroit Tigers, Pistons, Red Wings, Lions, the Michigan Wolverines football team, hell, even the governor of Michigan, a one-time presidential nominee had stopped up there. And it would be a very popular spot for the upcoming Republican National Convention in two weeks. Anyone who was anyone went to the club.

"Hold on a second." Pooh sloppily dropped his food on the floor and went to the door to get Tigger.

"What up fat ass?" asked Tigger, as Pooh opened the door.

"Same old bullshit, homie. So what's the deal about this strip club shit? Who did you steal the tickets from?" inquired Pooh mysteriously with arms folded.

"Nobody, man. My manager just gave them to me." he replied.

Pooh frowned. "Seriously, dude. Cut the bullshit. Who the fuck did you steal them from?" asked Pooh again.

"Nobody. I'm dead serious. He just gave them to me."

"Whatever, man." Pooh looked at the tickets and the date on them was Friday night. "Isn't that night Roo's football game? You know Shawsey's gonna be all up my ass begging me to go to this dude's game."

"We're going AFTER the game. So, what do you say, buddy bear?" asked Tigger.

Pooh, despite being a bear of very little brain, could not turn down the chance to see some titties. "You bet your ass I'm down."

"So I'll see you at seven?" said Tigger.

"Yeah. Now get the fuck out of my house. You're making me miss Steve Wilkos." said Pooh, waving Tigger away.

Tigger couldn't wait to tell Eeyore the good news. He drove his old Oldsmobile to Eeyore's place, then knocked on the door.

Eeyore pulled up his pants and rushed towards the door. "Oh, it's you." he said disappointingly.

"Eeyore, guess who got strip club tickets for tonight?" said Tigger bouncing up and down on his feet.

Eeyore stared at him glumly, then proceeded to close the door. Tigger blocked the door with his foot and showed him the tickets.

"Are these real tickets?" asked Eeyore.

"Yeah. You down?" said Tigger.

"Who did you bum these off of?"

"Nobody. My boss gave them to me."

"Seriously. Who did you take them from?"

"Like I said, my boss gave them to me. Are you down or not?" replied Tigger.

Eeyore looked at him rather skeptically, and rightfully so. Tigger had been arrested at least five or six times for theft and didn't know whether or not to trust him.

"You're not gonna try to kill me and leave my body by the side of the road, are you?"

"No! I'm inviting you to look at some titties."

"But I have some on my computer." Eeyore pointed to his computer, which had at least ten tabs of porn on it.

"You can look at porn anytime. I'm taking you to see real, live titties. This is the best strip club in town." said Tigger.

"Can I jack off first?" asked Eeyore.

"You can do that later, man. We're going to Roo's game, then the strip club after."

"How long will that take?" asked Eeyore.

"About three hours."

"You want me to wait three hours to sit at this little shit's football game?" Eeyore shouted.

"That "little shit" might be playing football for Ohio State. Show some respect." said Tigger with his arms folded.

"Sure! He's gonna go play for the NFL and get to fuck every single woman that throws the pussy at him while I'm stuck in this damn trailer and have to jack off to porn. He's gonna forget about us, just like Christopher Robin. NO RESPECT!" Eeyore goes for his Jack Daniels, then Tigger smacks him in the face.

"Dude. Calm down. Breathe." he says, grabbing Eeyore by the shoulders.

"I'll be ready in five minutes." replies Eeyore. Tigger nods his head and walks to his car. The two animals drive off to the high school for that night's game.