Ex Intempestivo Pax
Chapter 2
Selfishness For The Good Of All
I shall be your tool and you shall be mine...
Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.
Severus walked through the entrance hall to Hogwarts slowly, reminiscing on his past there with each step; one thing he couldn't claim, in spite of how frequently painful it had been, was that his life in Hogwarts was boring. Over to his right in that abandoned classroom, he had spent most of an entire week with Lily, working on perfecting a potion, while in the alcove on his left he had, for the first time, seen her kissing Potter , midway through seventh year.
He paused as he remembered what that had made him think: that Lily had finally realized, as he had always known she would, that Potter was a better choice than him, Severus Snape, being richer, better-looking and having more friends. Because of that, as well as his great desire to see Potter on the other end of a Cruciatus or two, he had joined the Death Eaters almost as soon as term was over, feeling that this was the only way that Lily would see that he might be worth considering over Potter.
Severus then chuckled, thinking to himself as he walked up to the Headmaster's office, 'It's ironic, I always thought that Lily was being naive with her silly objections to the Death Eaters merely because they had killed some people; after all, we-they were fighting a war, so of course people would die, and it made sense that some Muggleborns would be targetted, considering how they all supported Dumbledore and the Ministry...'
Severus' attitude towards that subject had changed abruptly after his first Death Eater revel; while he believed that, in true wars, some of the niceties had to be sacrificed, and he understood that torture, blackmail, and other things like that might sometimes be necessary to win, there was a big distance between what he believed and what the Death Eaters were doing.
There was no point in torturing someone who had nothing to offer you, and why bother with taking the time to torture someone to death? If they really, truly needed to die, hit them with the killing curse; it wasn't necessary to drag it out until they begged for death. Even if that had had SOME point, somewhere, Severus couldn't even begin to understand the strategic logic of rape, which had frequently been painful and public at the Death Eater revels, with the Death Eaters gloating about Muggleborns finally being put in their proper place, something which made no sense to him considering how much they had claimed to hate the idea of Muggleborns to begin with.
'In all honesty' Severus mused, 'if it weren't for all of the friends that I had in the Death Eaters...and the cost of leaving, I don't think that, in spite of the power I had gained, I would have been able to stay in for much longer...' Severus' thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the fact that, without paying attention, he had already made it to the Headmaster's office. As much as he needed to prove to Dumbledore that he was on his side, he didn't particularly want him to know the reasons for his change, as he suspected that Dumbledore wouldn't be too impressed by 'Without joining the Order of the Phoenix, I can't keep my best friend, let alone try to steal her from the man she is engaged to!'.
As he knocked on the door, he heard Dumbledore saying with his usual air of omniscience, "Come in and sit down, Mr. Snape."
Severus swallowed, then walked inside, noticing that Dumbledore had already prepared a squashy chintz armchair for him to sit in, right in front of the man's desk. Forcibly quelling his nervousness, Severus went over to the chair, then sat down, uncomfortable as it was far different from the straight-backed chairs he normally preferred, giving him little support. After spending several minutes trying to get himself situated properly, much to the amusement of the Headmaster, based on the twinkle in his eyes, Severus finally managed to get to the point that he no longer felt like he was sitting on a waterbed.
Finally, Dumbledore said, a touch of curiosity in his voice, "Mr. Snape, what brings you to Hogwarts two months ahead of your appointment? Your Floo-call didn't say what made the change of time for the meeting so urgent."
Severus paused, thinking about how to phrase his words carefully, then said delicately, "I have recently found myself...reconsidering some of my life's decisions, and I felt that you might be able to...assist me in my new path..."
Although the twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes hadn't changed, Severus could tell that he understood what he had meant; however, Dumbledore, to his credit, didn't even bother to to waste time confirming his suspicions, clearly knowing what Severus was talking about, and merely said, "Is that so, Mr. Snape? And, how do you want me to help you?"
Severus barely managed to stop himself from taking a deep breath, symbolic of the plunge he knew he was about to take, then said with the same calmness he had been trying to keep in his voice, "Headmaster Dumbledore, I know that you are the leader of a group, the 'Order of the Phoenix', and I would like to join this group if at all possible, in addition to accepting your offering of a position as Potions Master..."
Dumbledore sat up and gave him a deep, penetrating look, then said simply, "Mr. Snape, why would you be interested in joining? I understand that you were rather...eager to join the ranks of Voldemort's followers, so what has changed to make you reconsider?"
Severus paused, thinking to himself; he had two choices: he could tell the truth, or at least a half-truth, or lie. While he had generally made it his policy to tell the truth, he didn't think that the truth would impress Dumbledore all that much. After all, telling him that the primary reason he had changed sides was because he regretted that he had lost a girl's friendship and wanted to win that, and possibly more, back while destroying her possible future marriage with Potter wasn't the best reason, and he knew that Dumbledore would be disgusted with him for telling him that. However...
In the end, Severus forced an almost-polite smile, then said frankly, relishing the widening of Dumbledore's eyes as he continued, "My reasons are utterly selfish, to gain the trust of a girl through joining her side so that I might become her best friend again, perhaps winning her heart in the process; mind you, I can't say, now that I know how bad my...current allies can be, that I am all that interested in their side, and would probably have chosen a different side in the first place had I known that from the beginning, but that isn't the reason that I am changing sides. However..."
Severus then continued, his smile growing slightly vicious as he remembered a weakness of his verbal opponent, "...You cannot deny that your position, as it is, is completely untenable, and that you have found yourself greatly in need of manpower... I might not be the best of men, nor am I interested in joining for the 'right' reasons, but I would be willing to make an Unbreakable vow as to my loyalty, and I am indeed a powerful wizard, who would be very valuable to your cause..."
Albus Dumbledore, although his aged visage didn't reveal it, was more than a little shocked; while he couldn't read the thoughts of the man sitting before him, thanks to Snape's apparent skill in Occlumency, what he had said had the ring of truth, simply due to the fact that no-one would ever bother to craft such a lie. The man was indeed right about the selfishness of his motives, but frankly, few people ever risked their lives out of completely altruistic goals; even he himself was fighting partially to redeem himself for his past mistakes, rather than completely for the 'Greater Good'...
Moreover, even though Snape's motives weren't necessarily good, they were pure, and he was clearly sincere about his intentions, given Snape's willingness to take an Unbreakable Vow, something that none of the other Order members had had to, in order to show his intentions. Lastly, he was certainly right about his value to the cause, even if it wasn't likely to be quite what he had anticipated...
Severus shifted uneasily, although he tried to mask it as discomfort due to the bloody armchair, as he waited for Dumbledore to make his response known; finally the man said calmly, "I will accept your offer to join the Order Of The Phoenix, Mr. Snape, and, as you yourself suggested, I would like you to make an Unbreakable Vow as a show of your loyalty to the cause, but I do not want you to leave the ranks Voldemort's followers..."
As Severus' eyebrows raised almost to the top of his forehead, against his own volition, Dumbledore continued with the blasted twinkle fixed back firmly into his eyes, "...I would you like to remain there as a spy on him on our behalf, obviously not telling anyone. Is this acceptable to you?"
Severus, frowning heavily, thought quickly to himself as he tried to deal with Dumbledore's little surprise, although he could understand his point of view; still, it was quite annoying for his plans, unless...Finally, Severus' frown turning into a smirk, he said, "I have two conditions of my own, prior to agreeing: firstly, I would like permission to tell Lily Evans about our agreement, which you will confirm if she asks you, and secondly, I would like you to agree not to get involved with my attempts at winning my friendship with her, and possibly more, back, whatever they might be...Do we have a deal?"
Albus frowned, looking rather coldly at the man; normally, he would draw the line at this, as he knew that Lily Evans was happy with James Potter, the man she was engaged to, at least from what he had heard, and it sounded like Snape intended to break them up in order to take the girl for himself, but...quite frankly, this was the sort of break the Order needed to fight against the Death Eaters on more even terms. In all honesty, while he hated what this might lead to for the couple, and hated being at least partially the cause, Snape's offer of joining the Order as a spy was too important to the greater good to say no.
Finally, disgust audible in his voice, Dumbledore said, "Very well, Snape; I agree to your terms. We shall let my phoenix, Fawkes serve as the binder to the ritual..."
Some time later, Severus was preparing to leave, when Dumbledore said, some anger audible, "I may have agreed to your terms, but I must say that I am appalled that you plan lying to Miss Evans in order to steal her from her future husband...Now, I believe that we are done here, Snape..."
Severus prepared to leave, but paused for a moment, saying calmly and with a slight smile of amusement, "You misunderstand me yet again, Headmaster, I have no intention of lying to Lily, not now, and not ever again..."
As he left the headmaster's office, Severus completed his thought in his own mind, grinning to himself, '...After all, Dumbledore, like you said when I asked for permission to tell Lily about Lupin's being a Werewolf, "The truth can be a beautiful and terrible things...". I have no intention of deceiving Lily in any way; why lie when the truth can be so...devastating?' He then shuddered, thinking to himself about what he had told Lily about his intentions, '...Even if it is nauseatingly...gooey, some of the time...'
Author's Note: I do hope that Severus was quite in character in this chapter; when I was writing it, I thought to myself, 'what if Severus had been the one who held all the bargaining chips', and this came to me. As both he and Dumbledore admitted, his motives are far from altruistic, but is it better to be honest about not being altruistic, or to lie in order to make oneself look better?
As a matter of fact, that is a question that leads to a major, defining theme of this fic: if one is happy living in a dream, is it better if one is never woken?
If you are wondering at Dumbledore's sudden change in attitude towards the end of the chapter, I think that it is perfectly understandable, as he hadn't realized up until that moment exactly who Severus was referring to. While this story may end up very AU-ish in the end, the beginning is most assuredly cannon, so Lily IS indeed perfectly happy with James...at least, for now...
