James felt the solid ground beneath his feet and straightened up, adjusting his glasses and running his hand through his hair. From where he stood he could see the dawn light coming up over the mountains in the distance, birds were waking high above him and the hush that lay over the village would soon be broken by the inhabitants of the houses below. Winter had begun to show itself here as well. A familiar chill hung in the air around him and frost had covered the trees and grass.

He had apparated on the hill above Godric's Hollow, the spot from which he had once frequently kept an eye out, the spot on which the marauders had sat on the morning of his wedding. It seemed so long ago to him.

Lily had been missing for more than seven hours. Would it be like with Caradoc's disappearance? Would they just never see or hear from her again? They wouldn't know if she was dead or alive, if she was being tortured. She would just be gone.

He bit into his lower lip and tasted blood. He knew where she was. She had to be here, it was too soon to give in to useless emotions. He turned and looked down on the house where he had grown up. His mother would be waking soon and it would be a new day. The lights were still out and it was obvious that Lily wasn't there just as he had expected though it left him with only one last option before he would have to assume the worst.

He glanced back at the woods behind him and set off down the steep hill, away from his mother's house, towards the town. They would have their own house there, the house that he had promised her, shown her. She had been delighted. They would raise their family there and they could still do work for the order. SImple.

He entered the familiar town square, across from the church and the small, cozy graveyard where most of his ancestors were buried, where his own father had been layed to rest. The muggle war memorial was at the center of the square, surrounded by the small shops and homes that were custom in such a small town. Several empty glass bottles stood next to the door of the dingy pub.

James turned and made his way down the street, out of the village in the opposite direction from his old home. He could just make out the point ahead where the town ended, giving way to open countryside. He passed the other cottages quickly, glancing for only a moment at Bathilda's dark home and beyond that the cottage that he now knew to be the place where Dumbledore had grown up. He finally reached the house at the very end, the one that he himself had chosen when Lily had told him she wanted to leave headquarters. It was an attractive little house, surrounded by low hedges and a small gate. Ivy grew up the side of the far wall, curling over the kitchen window and climbing towards the sky.

His heart sank as he took in the house even as he pushed through the gate and made his way up the path and the steps to the front landing. The windows were dark and the door was locked. He tapped his wand against the door and it swung open, revealing the dusty interior as he had last seen it. No footsteps broke the grit on the long untouched floor. He waved his wand and the dust was obliterated, leaving the floors shining, the walls clean and homey looking. He stepped inside and made his way silently up the stairs and through the house, checking every room but not calling out. There was little doubt that Lily was not there.

There was nothing left. He found himself in what would have been their living room, but was empty of furniture. There were no photos on the wall and no toys on the floor. They would have had a child, perhaps more than one, a real family. Everything that he would have had, everything that he had been working for from the moment that he had first asked Lily Evans out on a date, back when he had been cocky and arrogant, back when she had hated him. It was all gone, replaced with a pain and sorrow beyond what he had ever experienced. He would never see his wife again, he would never meet his child.

He fell to his knees in front of the empty fireplace and buried his face in his hands. He was shaking uncontrollably, from anger and anguish and fear. Hatred burned through him. He was rocking back and forth. There was no longer any meaning to his life.

And so he didn't hear the door open and close. He didn't hear the footsteps on the floor behind him or the light gasp that escaped from the woman's lips when she saw him there.

It wasn't until he felt an arm go around his shoulders and a soft hand gripping his arm that he realized that he wasn't alone.

He took a long moment to collect himself before he looked up. He felt heat on his face and the sound of flames crackling in the fireplace reached him through the cloud that was gathering in his thoughts.

The first thing he saw when he raised his head was a sheet of dark red hair over a pale face as she kneeled on the ground beside him and his breath caught in his throat. Could it be?

"James? James, I'm sorry!" It was. He could smell her hair, he could feel the chill from her bare skin. The hand disappeared from his arm and her hair was pushed back from her face, behind her ear, revealing her flushed cheeks. She looked up and her eyes met his, gleaming with tears, the bright emerald eyes that he thought he would never see again.

He couldn't believe it. "Lily?! Are you alright?"

"Ya. James."

He pulled her to him and buried his face in her silky red hair, clinging to her for a long moment until he felt her hands on his face and she pulled away very slightly so that they were still so close that he could feel her breath on his face and see every fleck in her luminous eyes. Her hands cupped his face as she gazed at him.

"James?"

"Don't ever do that again!" he replied sharply, leaning his forehead against her's, staring into her green eyes. "I thought you were dead."

****

"You were right. This is a great house" Lily said, shifting her head on his shoulder. James pushed his back up against the wall and leaned his head against it, closing his eyes and adjusting his arm around Lily's shoulders. "Uh huh." He could barely remember the last time he had slept, two nights before, the day before Lily had run away.

"Where did you go yesterday after you left your parents?"he asked.

He felt her stiffen under his arm and he opened his eyes to watch her expression. She looked apprehensive.

"Nowhere important." He didn't press her.

"Why did you go? We should have talked more, at least after we calmed down. You scared the hell out of everybody."

She grimaced."I know, I'm so sorry, I needed a break. I can't just do nothing James, I get restless."

"I didn't notice" he replied sarcastically.

"I needed a minute to remind myself why I was doing this. And that I was capable of doing this."

"Do you have what you want Lily?" he asked softly, surprised by her answer and gaging her reaction to the question. She turned to look at him, to understand just what he meant.

"Yes! I swear, this is what I want. I love you. I love what we do and I love this!" She swept her hand around the room and settled the hand on her belly. Something lifted inside of him, something that had settled when he had found out that Lily had chosen to run away.

"I just need a minute to remember that sometimes. Things change really fast and I just need to process it."

"Like you and me?"

Lily chuckled."Sort of. Remember when I didn't like you?"

"You mean remember when you thought I was an arrogant, stuck up show off, right?"

"No, I never thought that. I knew it."

"Nice one."

"Did you know that my sister is pregnant too? Two months ahead of me. My parents told me last night." She looked down at her stomach and sighed, folding her hands together in her lap.

"Well gee, I bet our kids are going to be best friends" James said, gaining a smile.

"Just curious, If I wasn't happy would you let me go?" Lily asked. He noticed that she clutched at his arm tightly as she asked the question.

He smiled. "Sorry. I'm not selfless enough. I would just hope you got over it. I worked too long and too hard, I can't give you up now."

"Huh."

He heard the door open and Padfoot and Moony appeared around the corner, carrying a couch between them with several boxes balanced on top, both of them with their wands out, luggage floating in the air alongside them.

"You two having fun then?" Padfoot asked sarcastically, kicking James in the foot with a dragon scale toed boot as they passed by and shoved the couch up against the far wall. James grimaced.

" Get the bed next, would you? It goes upstairs, room on the left" Lily said deadpan, with a gleam in her eye. Padfoot rolled his eyes and reached out a hand. James took it and allowed his friend to drag him to his feet.

"I'll help Lily put this stuff in the kitchen if you two get the rest" Moony suggested, gesturing to the boxes that had fallen to the floor.

James pulled on his coat and followed Padfoot out the door and down the steps into the yard. The sun was low in the sky and he felt the first snowflakes fall on his head as they dragged the rest of the first load into the house.

"How did Wormtail get out of this?" Padfoot grumbled as they worked. James shrugged. "He made himself scarce. Haven't seen him all day." They dropped the last item at the bottom of the stairs and turned to go.

"Lily, were going to get the rest of it" he called.

A barely audible response came from the vicinity of the kitchen and James followed Padfoot's dissaparation, appearing a moment later in the lane in front of headquarters. They stopped in at the kitchen briefly, where several members of the order sat around the table in light conversation, having just woken up from their recovery of the long search the night before. He knew that Lily was feeling guilty about the disruption she had caused for the order, though he didn't know what else she had expected. The others greeted them heartily but refused their invitations to help with the move.

Twenty minutes later James was back in his own front yard with his old Hogwarts trunk stuffed with books. Sirius appeared beside him with more boxes and they lugged the lot between them up to the house and into the front room which was steadily filling up with the crap that they didn't yet have a location for.

"Lily, were back!"

" Lily? Moony?!"

He pushed his way through the door into the kitchen and found himself walking on broken glass and kicking aside overturned boxes. He spun from the room and collided with Padfoot, coming from the other direction, a look of panic on his friends face to match his own.

"Their not here Padfoot!" he said desperately as they crashed into each other and the door frame. A strange sense of deja vu was settling over him and he was getting really tired of it.

"Prongs, we forgot because Lily was gone. It's full moon!"