"I don't know why you have to be so stubborn all the time. It's so frustrating" he announced, dropping the large book he was holding onto the coffee table with a loud, dramatic thump. Across from him, Lily held up one finger, her lips moving as she sped read through the last few lines on the page of her own book. He sighed impatiently, fingers drumming on the arm of his chair as he watched her. A minute later she closed the large, leather bound volume and looked up at him with a small smile and narrowed emerald eyes.

"I get the feeling were not talking about the same thing anymore."

He gave another sigh. " Yes we are. Everything else is another matter entirely that we won't get into right now. It's impossible."

"I've told you already. I am one hundred percent certain" and she opened the book again pointedly. She lay it across her lap and returned to what she was doing, but James wasn't about to give up that easily.

"And there's nothing wrong with that. I just don't think it would hurt to have the backup, just in case, in the slight chance that you have no idea what you're talking about and you turn out to be wrong."

It was Lily's turn to sigh. "We've talked about this."

"Yes, and each time you've shot me down. Maybe we should try a different approach and actually hear what I have to say."

Another sigh, more drawn out and dramatic. "It's really not necessary. I promise."

"You could just humor me you know."

She glared at him. "But I assumed that you would be happy about this."

"Hey. I don't care if it's a boy or a girl!" James said, making Lily replace the glare with a smile. "As long as they can play quidditch" he added rather smuggly. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Figures. But I know it's going to be a boy. Okay?"

"Fine. But don't you think we should maybe just have a girls name picked out just in case so were not scrambling in the hospital? Just one?"

"But we haven't even thought up a boy's name yet."

"No, I know, but I thought maybe we could come up with both, to be prepared."

Lily's patronizing smile told him quite plainly that she thought they were wasting their time. "How about you pick out a girl's name you like and we'll go with that."

James grinned. "You'll be sorry" he said menacingly, but she wasn't listening. He looked up to find her with her nose buried in her book once more.

The door opened with a crash, letting in a gush of cold air and a pair of excited voices. James could hear his friends talking as they pulled off their boots and cloaks and came shuffling into the living room to huddle around the magical fire, damp and bedraggled.

"What's new?" James asked them. He had begun to hold his breath each time that he asked the question, expecting bad news. Padfoot turned and shook his head wildly like a dog, spraying everyone with droplets of melted snow. Water kit the flames, sizzling on impact and James took a step back, out of his friends way. Padfoot settled himself on the arm of that couch that Lily was occupying, leaning back against the wall, hands folded behind his head.

"Nothing major to tell." He tugged at a loose thread on his sleeve and rolled it between his fingers. "Oh. Moony and I are moving into headquarters. Were there so often there's no point living somewhere else and it's only a matter of time until the death eaters would be at our place anyway. Since you two've vacated there's just enough space available." The thread disintegrated in his hand and he leaned forward and turned his palm over the fire.

"Your in my light" Lily said shortly and a moment later James was chuckling appreciatively as his friend lay on the floor, looking dazed. "You could have just asked" he grumbled. Lily shrugged and returned to her book.

Another gust of icy air swept through the room and they all jumped as the door slammed, shaking the windows. James, Lily and Padfoot joined Moony on their feet, wands out, though it should have been clear who would enter a house in such a manner, and it certainly wasn't a death eater. Wormtail appeared in the doorway a moment later, still decked out in his winter apparel and looking immensely cold but excited, clutching an odd looking letter in his hand.

"You've gotten a letter!" he announced. James and the others glanced at each other, sharing looks of mocking incredulity and disbelief. "By muggle post!" he added. "It's got an address and a little sticker thingy and everything" he said, indicating the front of the envelope, the numbers written across it and the stamp in the top, right-hand corner.

This caught their interest as none of them, with the possible exception of Lily, had ever received a letter in such an odd way, and it was indeed Lily's name that was written in curly letters on the front of the envelope, just above the address of the house, which James hadn't known himself.

They all huddled around Lily, enthralled, as she split the envelope and pulled out a piece of perfectly folded white parchment, marred only by the perfectly straight, curly writing that matched the name and address and made up the single paragraph on the parchment. James had barely glanced over his wife's shoulder and caught a glimpse of this and of the signature at the bottom, Petunia, before Lily gave a dry sob, her knees buckled and she sank to the floor, the letter slipping from her fingers. Every hand reached for her as she went down and James knelt beside her. He could just make out the writing on the parchment in the flickering light from the fire as she buried her face against his chest.

Lily;

It is with great sadness that I write to you with the news that our dear mother has passed away on the evening of december 18th 1979. Her funeral will be held tomorrow at St. Augustine's church where she will also be laid to rest and I regret that this letter will probably not have reached you in time that you will be able to attend. I hope that it will give you some comfort to hear that I was with her when she died and that she passed away peacefully, surrounded by her family. I should also warn you that our dear father is not taking her death well. He has come to stay with Vernon and I for the time being and I am taking care of him, as a good and grateful daughter should. In time I hope that he will recover from this terrible loss that I share.

Petunia

The letter ended so abruptly that James reached out and turned it over but there was of course nothing written on the back and the signature at the end of the paragraph stated quite clearly that there was no more to say. Fury burned through him for his sister in law and the horrible letter. How dare she? He looked up at his friends and the mingled looks of anger and concern on each face told him that they too had read it. He remembered the last time that he had seen Lily's mother and how ill she had been, but he was sure that no one had expected this so soon.

Sometime later James sat on the couch, Lily's head in his lap, her eyes closed as she slept, dried tear tracks leading down her flushed cheeks. He stroked her hair gently. All eyes remained on the letter that still lay where it had fallen, no one speaking.

Moony and Padfoot both moved for the parchment at the same time but Moony reached it first, fishing it from the floor and tearing it savagely into several pieces with shaking hands, adding them to the fire. Padfoot compromised by retrieving the envelope instead, more fuel for the dazzling flames. They continued to watch in silence as the letter burned and disappeared, becoming nothing. Lily shifted her head in James' lap and he heard her mutter something in her sleep.

****

"Happy Christmas!" James found himself repeating again and again as he made the rounds of the large room, Lily at his side, accepting greetings, congratulations and condolences from their friends. Most of the order had gathered at headquarters for the holiday dinner.

Wonderful smells had greeted them upon their arrival, goose and ham and all the other various dishes that were associated with christmas, reminding him that they were expected at his mother's the next day for another dinner.

Even Dumbledore was in attendance, sitting at the head of the table, rising to greet them as they entered. "I'm so sorry about your mother" he said to Lily, and for a long moment he seemed more vulnerable and human than James had ever known him to be. He squeezed Lily's hand, giving her a long, searching look and then he pulled away and became the familiar Dumbledore again.

A minuscule christmas tree had been set up on a corner table to give the pretense of the holiday as they gathered around to eat but James knew that he wasn't the only one to notice that the atmosphere was anything but light. So many recent deaths and failures hung over them all like a cloud, making for the most subdued, serious christmas party that he had ever attended, as the members ignored all attempts at christmas spirit, conversing darkly up and down the crowded table, sharing the latest news. More dark marks, death threats and disasters up and down the country and around the world.

"I hear he attacked another child" Dedalus Diggle was saying to Lily in his high squeaky voice that carried around the table despite that fact that he was speaking in a lowered voice. Several people went still and James felt his friends arm go tense close by, his knuckles white around his goblet, but Dedalus hadn't noticed the reaction to his words and continued.

"The little girl's parents refused to join the death eaters so Fenrir Greyback was sent. I'm afraid the child didn't make it, died in the hospital."

James felt Lily's hand slide into his as she listened, her other hand folding over the bump that was barely discernible beneath her shirt. He knew exactly what was on her mind.

"It's probably better that she died."

He was shocked to hear his friend say it and turned to see the distraught, haunted look on Moony's face.

"No, Moony. And I know that you don't regret that you lived. You can't."

His friend shook his head, eyes dark. "If I had killed him then that little girl would have lived. I should have done it right."

They both knew that he was wrong. If it hadn't been death by werewolf attack it would have been something else. The girl's parents would do anything for Voldemort after that, afraid for the safety of their remaining children.

James looked up and found Dumbledore watching him, not looking away as their eyes met.

"Are the others on duty?" James asked Moody across the table, averting his gaze. He could not have been the only one to notice the absences in the group. Frank and Alice Longbottom were nowhere to seen.

Moody's normal eye turned to look at James, the other pointing into the side of his head. He nodded once in response to the question, speared a steaming potato with a fork and took a long sniff before dropping it onto his plate. His magical eye swiveled down to stare at it.

"You probably know we've been working on Voldemort's location?" he grunted. "Well, we might have a fix."

"So, surveillance?" James asked reluctantly, not in the mood to talk about anymore Voldemort related issues. It was christmas after all. Where was the mistletoe and presents and cheer? He felt Lily's head on his shoulder.

"Yup" Moody answered, taking a swallow from his hip flask.

"Fun night for it" James said sarcastically.


Oh dear;)