Ex Intempestivo Pax
Chapter 6
A Dance of Truth And Lies
I doubt that he even knows what love means...
Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.
Severus rolled his eyes again as he stood off to the side, pretending to be interested in watching everyone dancing; Minister of Magic Millicent Bagnold had played up the Ministry's Fall ball for weeks, hoping that it would build up morale and help her to keep her job, and even Severus had to admit that it was spectacular, and the Ministry had clearly spared no expense. More importantly though, most of the Ministry workers were required to attend, something which would help Severus with all three of his jobs.
The Dark Lord had assigned him, as well as Regulus Black and Justin Avery, to attend and see what they might be able to dig up, merely by listening to the oft-wagging tongues of the many gossiping Ministry workers. Conveniently, Dumbledore had also wanted him in attendance, for much the same reason, as well as to try and gather evidence that would prove his current partners to be Death Eaters. It was really too bad that one of the Death Eaters was Justin, as the two of them had been very good friends in school, especially after the incident by the lake...
Still, orders were orders, and if he failed to follow them, they would have very lethal consequences indeed; still, he had mainly focused on watching Regulus Black until he and Justin had left, three women following them, in order to...enjoy their evening. Right now however, Severus was busy listening to Sirius Black and James Potter talking, pretending that their inanity didn't bore him out of his skull, but glad as he could be almost certain that whatever they revealed would be trivial.
Ever since he had joined the Death Eaters, Severus hadn't exactly been the best at his job, which was generally information gathering and espionage, not because he couldn't, but because, while he hadn't changed sides until recently, that didn't mean that he was wildly supportive of the Dark Lord's maniacal objectives. As such, his performance was generally a bit...lackluster, although he had nabbed whatever opportunities he could find to move up in the ranks, as he figured that it might give him the ability to protect Lily if he were high enough ranked, just in case she were captured or something...
Speaking of Lily, he could see her off to the side, appearing to be having fun talking to some other women, now that she and Potter had danced; Severus used the word 'appearing' however because he could tell by the fact that Lily's hand was all but caressing the notebook she had in her left hand, and her smile was one of the fake ones that she had always used when she was bored out of her skull, but pretending otherwise.
In spite of her boredom, Severus couldn't help but admire her beauty, which was visible even from across the hall; she had let her hair down, hanging to her shoulders, and was dressed in forest green robes, which did a great deal to emphasize the best of all her beautiful attributes: her perfect, creamy legs. Although rarely touched, at least by Severus, they were so smooth that Severus wouldn't be surprised if, one day, the expression 'smooth as a baby's bottom' was replaced by 'smooth as Lily Evans' thighs'.
He would have gone over to give her some company, rescuing her from her boredom, but, even though he had concealed his face with a mild glamor, his voice was unchanged. As such, his being recognized by her wasn't likely to turn out well, considering the fact that Potter was in the room. Speaking of whom, Severus stiffened as he heard his most hated rivals' topic change suddenly and Black started whispering, in a tone that was low enough that Severus himself was surprised he could hear them.
"...James, I think that you are making a huge mistake; I mean, you really should tell Lily about, you know..."
"Don't worry, I'll tell her eventually; it's just that now isn't the right time. After all, we're getting married in a month's time..."
"James, even Remus gave you permission months-" Unfortunately, the rest of what Black was saying was inaudible to him, as Potter had apparently used Severus' own Muffliato spell, recognizable by the tell-tale buzzing noise, to give them some privacy, leaving Severus to his own thoughts. Almost snarling, he walked away as quickly as he could, wanting to leave the presence of those...beasts.
Eventually reaching a point that he was within earshot of Lily's table, if not in her line of sight, Severus watched her, remembering anew why he felt only a little bit of guilt for his attempt to break up the 'Golden Couple'. He knew that a large part of his reasons were selfish, like when he had chosen to change sides, but he also was CERTAIN that he was doing the right thing, as proven by the memory he had witnessed yesterday and what he had just heard over at Potter's table.
If it had been anyone else, save perhaps for Black, Severus probably wouldn't have even seriously considered breaking up that person and Lily, as he would have figured that Lily would truly love that person, and that person would be worthy of her. However, Potter was a different story, as he knew that there was no way that Lily could truly love him, if she knew the truth about him, because all that he was was a lying slimeball...
'Hmmph! Potter wouldn't know what 'true love' is if it bit him on his bloody belt-and-tackle! He just knows how to act and lie well, but I'm the only one who can see the truth... From beginning to end, his so-called love for Lily is nothing more than lies! The only person that Potter truly loves is himself...' Severus then sighed as he slipped back into remembrance of what he had seen yesterday. 'Lily was certainly right about those flowers being a truly beautiful gift...'
Severus then snarled, glaring back in Potter's direction and causing one of the couples nearby to move away quickly in surprise and fear, before roaring mentally, '...That's why I PICKED them for her!'
In hindsight it was mildly humorous, if one could get past the fury that it induced in Severus; back when the incident had occured in fourth year, he had been about to tell Lily where Potter had gotten the flowers, finally getting over his sheer apoplectic fury which had prevented him from speaking any more than gibberish. However, she had then started coughing and had quickly taken a major turn for the worse. After that, he had been so busy brewing potion after potion after potion, that he had, quite simply, forgotten the incident.
The only reason that he hadn't revealed the truth immediately after seeing the memory was because he felt that it would be better done by showing her when he revealed his own set of memories, as it would make a wonderful startoff point. Lost in reminiscing, Severus didn't notice that Potter had sat down by Lily until after he had started talking to her privately, the other people at the table having left some time ago...
"...Lil', are you doing alright over here? You've been doodling in that notebook for at least ten minutes..."
"James" Lily said patiently, although with a smirk on her face, "It's not 'doodling'; I'm working on improving the recipe for Blood-Replenishing Potions. If I can do that, then I stand a good chance at being able to sell my products to all of St. Mungo's rather than just the Spell Damage Ward. Besides, everyone here is just chatting about stupid stuff like boyfriends and clothes; don't they know that there's a war going on?"
Potter frowned, seeming to think for a moment, then said quietly, barely audible to Severus even though he had moved slightly closer to the two of them, "They all know, Lily; they are just trying to enjoy themselves for one night, before going back to the fighting and the dying, knowing that any moment might be their last..."
Lily replied, but Severus was too busy thinking about what Potter had said; it was surprisingly deep for an arrogant prat like him, and Severus had to, for once, admit that he approved of the sentiment. 'Of course, even a stopped clock is right twice a day, so perhaps he is due...'
Suddenly, his musing was interrupted by Potter saying apologetically, "...Sorry, Lil', but I promised that I would go out with the guys tonight and have a bit of a drink, before we all crash at Sirius' place; I'll see you again tomorrow though, don't worry, and we can go out then, after your bint of a sister's party..."
Lily, mildly annoyed, said as she pointed out one of the windows, "James, it isn't even dark yet! Couldn't you stay for just a little bit longer?" She then frowned, even though Severus could see the corner of her mouth twitching, "And my sister's not a BINT!"
Potter chuckled, then said with a smirk, "Sorry Lil', but she is what she is, and the guys are already leaving, with or without me, so..."
Lily then said, pecking him on the lips as she sighed melodramatically, "I really hate you sometimes, James, you know that? I'll see you tomorrow then...and I hope for YOUR sake that you get your clothes right this time! My sister will KILL me if you come again with your TIE hanging out of your suit's POCKET!"
Potter laughed in response, then walked over to the rest of the Marauders, his purple dress robes flowing behind him, before they all disapparated with a quick pop, causing Severus to feel that his evening had brightened considerably, simply because he didn't have to worry about dealing with him.
Severus considered taking the opportunity to spend time with Lily, and he would very much enjoy doing so. However, his assignment had been to watch the partygoers during the afternoon, then report back to Dumbledore, finding out what he wanted Severus to say to the Dark Lord, then, after collecting his fellow party-watchers from whatever hovel they had decided to spend their evening in, tell him what Dumbledore wanted him to hear.
As such, he didn't have much time, so he settled for tapping Lily on the shoulder and saying, "Hello, Lily, how have you been?"
She turned around and looked at him in surprise, before saying hesitantly, "Severus? Is that you?"
He simply nodded, then asked quietly, "Yes it is, Lily, I've actually been standing over there" he paused while pointing lazily at where he had been standing prior to then, "for quite some time now; I would have stopped by to chat earlier, but it was necessary for me to remain incognito, and your fiance's breaking my nose for the eighth time would have made that rather challenging.
Lily chuckled for a moment, then said with a slight smile, "Now, Sev, I highly doubt that James would have broken your nose if he saw you in public..."
She then paused, before pulling out her wand from where she had been hiding it, in what could be described as a holster she always wore when she was wearing a dress, attached to her knees. Lily then cast a quick nonverbal Muffliato, beforesaying quietly, "...However, that reminds me, I've been meaning to ask you something, Severus; you told me why you changed sides, but never said why you joined the Death Eaters in the first place. Why was that?"
Severus looked away from her for nearly a minute, before responding in a voice that, for him, was strangely subdued, "Lily, I'll tell you, but not right now; I have to report to Dumbledore about what I saw, then to the Dark Lord..." He then paused, before saying, "...Just know that I wasn't doing it because I actually expected it to be that way..."
Severus then swallowed, before saying in a quiet voice, giving a slight, hollow smile, "You'd better get home; it's a full moon tonight and it can get very dangerous in the dark..."
Lily laughed, only for Severus to say quietly "I'm serious...", then quickly apparate away, worried because he knew of at least one danger that was outside in the dark, and he hoped that Lily wouldn't run into it...
Author's Note: I hope that this chapter explains why Severus is, in his own words, being so selfish; he knows that his motives are selfish, but he really, truely believes that James doesn't REALLY love her, nor does he think that James is worthy of her, especially now that his memory has been jogged. In simple terms, he believes that he is doing the right thing, if for the wrong reasons, and that is why he seems to feel no guilt. His attitude might change however, as the fic goes on and he sees James' better qualities...
