J-Bomb: I saw a squirrel that reminded me of you.
E: That's nice?
J-Bomb: It looked like a little bitch.
E: Dude.
J-Bomb: Not my fault you and the squirrel are built the same!
E: I can't wait to be back on campus so I can kick your ass.
J-Bomb: I'd like to see you try.
/
Cat: Seth is certified insane.
Cat: I'm serious. I'm gonna call the guys in the jackets to come and take him away.
E: What's he done now?
Cat: He's just promoted Manny.
E: Manny who spends most of the shift stoned and hitting on women?
Cat: The very same.
Cat: Also on an unrelated note, I no longer work there.
Cat: It was a very dramatic exit.
Cat: I'm proud of myself.
E: You just handed in your two weeks didn't you?
Cat: Yeah. And I thanked him for the opportunity.
Cat: LIKE A NERD.
Cat: I'm basically you.
E: Rude! You're also a nerd.
Cat: Yeah but I'm a cool nerd. I'm a tattoo artist. You're just…
Cat: Well you get it.
E: I'm going to ignore you now.
Cat: Okay, I'll text you later!
/
E: Hey D. Hope your break's going well.
/
Ellie was bored.
No not bored, as such. But the novelty of being back home in Boston with Joel was starting to wear off.
It was weird being in each others space again, but it was nice Joel hadn't touch anything in her old room. The same wallpaper, the same faded carpet, same second hand bed frame and lumpy mattress. The wallpaper had faded where her old posters used to be, before she took them down to bring with her, leaving brighter patches across the walls. Some old stuffed toys she'd been given when she first moved in sat on a dresser in the corner, gazing at her with soulless eyes. Despite all that was weird and janky, it was still her room. The bed was comfy, despite its lumps and bumps, the carpet may not be as soft as it once used to be, the walls not decorated the way they used to be, but it was still her home.
They quickly found themselves falling into their old routine, Ellie would sleep in till late, being woken up with a soft knock and Joel telling her to get cleaned up and join him for breakfast. He'd sit and drink a coffee, reading a paper while she scarfed down whatever he'd made, they wouldn't speak, Ellie knowing Joel needed caffeine before she speaks to him, and Joel knowing Ellie needs at least an hour from waking up before she was fully awake and ready to go. He'd go to work and she'd go for a run. After which she'd shower and some days she'd chill at home, catching up on any summer studying, or practicing guitar, and other days she'd meet him on site and help out.
That was fun, being on site with the guys, she was deceptively strong for her frame and that came from the many years hard graft Joel put her through, she'd always had thick skin but going through puberty on a construction site surrounded by men? Ellie learnt very quickly the benefit of a sharp tongue and proved to Joel that she didn't need him to stand up for her or come to her rescue, before long Joels crew took her in as their own, and any sub-contractors or guys from outside their circle were shut down quicker than they could say hello.
Joels crew was a tight knit group of guys, Henry and recently his younger brother Sam, Nathan, Jack and Bill.
Fuckin' Bill.
Bill was actually pretty cool, but their whole relationship was built on the fact she was a snot nosed little punk and he was a grumpy old asshole. There was a mutual respect there and she would never admit it, but one time Joel hosted a Christmas party for the guys and Bill brought his husband Frank along, seeing how open and happy they were, despite Bill never smiling, made Ellie feel at ease in how she was feeling about Riley and it was that, that gave her the confidence to be open with her about her feelings. Didn't mean she actually enjoyed his company though.
Sam was nice though, she'd met him a few times, and they shared some common interests, but he'd only recently started working with them, and it was nice to have someone closer to her own age to work with. It made the days go quicker, they'd talk about Savage Starlight and music and video games and before long the shift would be over and they'd be going their separate ways.
Today as Ellie was grabbing her pack and changing back into her converse from her work boots she heard Sam call over to her, and looking up saw him jogging across the yard towards her.
'Hey dude, I'm going out with a couple of friends tonight, there's a new-ish club that's opened. Plays more alternative stuff and less dance tracks. Thought it might be more your scene?' He buried his hands in his pockets and scuffed his feet against the ground like he was nervous. Which Ellie thought was really sweet, and she stifled the chuckle that bubbled up.
'Are you even old enough to go clubbing?' she jokes, looking up at him from where she was tying her laces.
'Don't be lame. I got a fake ID… obviously?'
'Does Henry know?' She asks, adjusting the bottom of her jeans, before standing to her full height, and looking down at the younger guy.
'What? You gonna snitch? Do I need to uninvite you?' He frowned.
'No dude, I just need to make sure I don't say the wrong thing to Joel and drop you in it.' She laughed softly and saw Sams shoulders relax, 'It sound like it could be fun, it'll be nice to spend a night not around Joel and Tess.'
'They all lovey dovey and shit?'
'No, and that's the weird part. They just kind of sit quietly and smile at each other. I'd rather they were all over each other I think.'
'Gross.' He screws his face up and then shakes his head, like he's trying to shake away whatever image infected his brain. 'Anyway, if you're cool we're meeting there at 10, I'll text you the address?'
'Sounds good. I'll see you later?'
'Later Ellie.' Sam grins and they high five before he runs back to Henrys car.
She heads up towards the office to meet with Joel, softly buzzing with excitement for the night ahead.
/
She bounced up and down in the chill air, checking her phone for any kind of message from anyone.
She'd told her friends she was out tonight, Cat said to have fun and let her hair down, and Jesse strongly implied she needed to get laid, as she was 'extra grumpy with him lately, and it can't be anything he did because he's a gem', or so he said.
Nothing from Dina still.
She tried not to think about that and as she turned she saw Sam coming round the corner, waving as he and the two guys he was trailed by, came closer.
'Hey!'
'Hey Ellie, this is Daxter and Lev. Guys this is Ellie.'
'So… you're the girl Sam won't shut up about, nice to meet you.' One of them, Daxter said, shaking Ellies hand with a smug grin on his face. A smile that was quickly broken by a sharp elbow in the side from Sam who was blushing.
'It is true, Sam talks about you all the time. We thought you were made up.' Lev says matter of fact, the hint of a smirk on the edge of his mouth, which again is stopped by Sam gently shoving him.
'Fuck, guys come on!' Sam groaned, trying not to meet Ellies eyes.
Ellie felt weird, like this whole invite had an ulterior motive, which she knew it didn't, but it was also kind of sweet, she'd never hidden who she was from Sam, so he knew she'd dated Riley and was strictly into women, but she knows better than anyone, sometimes you can't help a crush.
'I'm 100% real, and Sam and I are good friends, he's a lifesaver on the site! I'd go nuts without him. Now, can we go check out this club?' she asks, trying to steer the conversation away from anything that might embarrass Sam more.
'Yeah, sounds like a good idea, let's go. Ignore these guys.' Sam pushed his way past his friends, shooting daggers as he leads the way down the block to 'The Rat King'.
Alternative was right, Ellie can hear loud guitar and banging drums before they even see the place. The queue outside filled with every font of alternative style you can think of, goths, indie, metal heads, cyberpunk, normal punk, cottagecore and there's more tattoos and piercings than Ellie has seen in her life. It was so cool.
/
After about 40 minutes they were inside and while the guys made a beeline for the bar, Ellie made a beeline for the dancefloor.
She can't dance. Let her make that clear, but this wasn't dancing, this was vibing to music with likeminded people, jumping and head banging was different to dancing and it was fun. She closed her eyes and just moved with it, paying attention to all of the musical intricacies and writing counter-melodies and harmonies in her head.
Before long Sam came back and handed her a beer, and a shot which she definitely should have smelt first because it was tequila and it was painful.
'Jesus dude, you trying to kill me?!'
'Lighten up dude, it's just tequila, thought you were the tough college student!'
'I can drink! I just wasn't expecting that!' She laughed.
After a while of not dancing dancing, Sam explained there's 4 floors, each with different musical genres playing, and he was gonna check some others out, while Ellie wanted another drink and a smoke, agreeing to come find him after.
She regretted not eating before coming out, because as soon as the cold air hit her, the tequila, including the 2 extra shots she did alone at the bar, hit her and her head began to spin a little. She stumbled her way over to a bench and pulled a pre-roll out of her tin, flicking her zippo against her leg, not thinking about Dina, and lighting it, closing her eyes as she took the first deep pull.
With her eyes closed, she felt the weight of the bench change as someone shuffled opposite her, upon opening her eyes she wasn't expecting to see a familiar face looking back.
'Hey stranger.'
'Riley?'
She shouldn't be surprised, Riley lives here too, and she was bound to see her again eventually, but there was the small hope that in this big city she would be able to come home and not bump into her, least of all on the one night she decides to go out and relax a little. She was suddenly very aware of the alcohol in her system, and she was also very aware of the hole in her shirt, the fact her hair was a bit of a mess and that she hadn't let her ex know she was back in town. It didn't help that in the corner of her eye she could see Sam and his friends on the balcony above, watching this surely awkward interaction take place.
'Long time no see. Why didn't you tell me you were home?'
'I erm. I wasn't sure if you wanted to hear from me.' Not a lie. They'd ended on amicable terms but she also wasn't dying to see her ex.
'Of course I do! We're friends now, it's all good! Here.' Riley handed her a beer, like it was completely normal for her to be carrying two around to begin with.
'Thanks… how've you been?' Ellie quickly took a sip, a rather large sip, rather too quickly.
'Pretty good. Schools kicking my ass as expected but it's nice to be on break. What about you?'
'Yeah, same really.' Ellie suddenly remembered her forgotten cig, and relit it, relishing having something to do that wasn't just sit here.
'Who you here with?'
'Just some friends.'
'Yeah same, you remember Sara and Jord?'
'Yeah course.' How could she forget the only people she spent the last few years with, Rileys friends were her friends and her friends were… well Riley and her friends.
There was an awkward silence, why did it have to be awkward?
'So…'
'So…'
'You seeing anyone?' Riley asked, pulling her own cigarette from behind her ear and lighting it with Ellies zippo from the table.
'What are you doing?' Ellie responded, avoiding the question completely.
'I haven't heard from you, just wondered if anyone has snapped you up yet.'
'No. I'm erm, I'm not seeing anyone.' Ellie mumbled.
'Same.'
'What happened with-'
'Didn't work out.' Riley interrupted, blowing thick smoke directly into Ellies face, almost breaking the intensity of her gaze.
'Cool.'
'Cool?' Her eyebrow twitches in questioning.
'Just as in like that's okay, that's-' Ellie sighs. 'I'm sorry?'
'You and that Dina not?'
'No. We're just friends. Like I told you.'
Silence again. Ellie drinks, and her eyes drift up to the balcony where she can see Sam and his friends openly watching, he mimes to his phone and Ellie checks hers.
Sammy: Need us to come save you?
E: It's all good. I'll text if I need you.
Sammy: I'll be watching.
E: Don't be weird.
With that he salutes, and the boys make their way back inside. Riley flicks the butt of her cig away and smirks at Ellie.
'What?' Ellie asks, finishing the last of her drink and finding her own mouth creeping into a smile to match Rileys.
'Nothing. You're still cute.'
She blushes at that and immediately breaks the suddenly intense eye contact.
'Come on, you're dancing with me.' With that, Riley grabbed her hand and dragged her back inside.
/
She should feel guilty that she's basically abandoned Sam, but after her 2nd…3rd? Double vodka she's feeling hard pressed to feel anything but the music flowing through her and the heat in her gut as Riley gives her that look.
It would be wrong. Wouldn't it?
But it had been so long and she knew what she wanted, and right now that was her.
They were moving together as one, they'd found themselves on the top floor, which was playing some kind of pulsing hyperpop that brought them close and had them falling into the same position that they'd found themselves in a million and one times before, and it was easy and natural when Rileys hands crept up her sides, rubbing up and down her arms, before finding their way behind her head and pulling her in for a familiar kiss.
She found her hands gripping Rileys sides and pulling her in closer, tighter.
Next thing she knew they were outside in the cold, her back slamming into the brick wall as Riley pins her there, peppering her neck with hot breaths and quick kisses, and she closes her eyes relishing everything she's feeling right now.
'God I've missed you.' Riley breathes before locking their lips together, and pinning Ellie again.
With the force of the kiss, and coldness of the night air and the brick wall behind her, she suddenly felt quite sober.
She suddenly realised where she was and what she was doing.
This was wrong.
They were broken up, and that doesn't mean they couldn't have fun, but this wasn't what she wanted or needed. She didn't need to do this right now, she needed to clear her head and she needs space to breathe.
She tries to push Riley away, but the other girl just readjusted her head and carried on her ministrations on Ellies neck.
'Riley wait-'
'C'mon babe.'
'Stop! This isn't what I want.' Ellie said, raising her voice a little, and Riley jumped back, hurt and confusion crossing her face.
'What's wrong? I thought…'
'No. I'm sorry. We shouldn't do this.'
'I just thought, you're hot. I'm hot. It's been a while and we both know what the other one likes. I just thought it'd be fun…'
'I don't want to do this. We agreed to be friends, and I want that. We're past all this.' Ellie tried to be stern, hoping the crack in her voice wouldn't betray her. She felt a little guilty as Riley seemed to shrink in front of her, clearly a little embarrassed at whole situation.
'I'm sorry. I got carried away.'
'It's fine.'
It was awkward again, and Ellie found herself shoving her hands deep into her pockets as she tried to find the right words to say. 'I'm tired. I'm gonna go home. Maybe we can hang out before I go back to school?'
There was a pause, a moment of quiet where all she could hear was the dull thumping of music from the building behind them, and their soft breaths in the air.
'I'd like that.' Riley said eventually, finally meeting Ellies eyes and exchanging a warm smile. Ellie was distantly aware of the noise of people growing louder, as the club doors open and people begin to spill out, their nights coming to an end.
'See you later Riley.'
'See you later.' The tone bittersweet, as if they both know there's minimal chance of actually seeing each other again anytime soon, the formality enforcing a promise neither of them will keep.
Riley pulled her in for a quick hug, before turning on her heels and heading down the road, pushing her way through the drunken crowd of people, who were all clearly trying to find the nearest place to get some greasy food.
Ellie sighs, pulling out her phone to shoot Sam a text apologising for going AWOL and letting him know she was going home.
Her fingers drifted over another contact, looking for an excuse to say hi, check in and try and get a response, but she couldn't. So with another sigh, she texts Joel to let him know she's on her way back, locks her phone and starts walking.
/
J-Bomb: You're still being grumpy, assume you didn't pork the beef?
E: I have literally no idea what you are even trying to say to me right now.
J-Bomb: Pork the beef? Bite the snake? Ride the bull? Y'know. Sexy things.
E: You are the grossest person I've ever met.
J-Bomb: See? Grumpy.
/
Cat: You kissed her?
E: Well, she kissed me.
Cat: Dude.
E: I know, I know. It was a mistake.
Cat: You can say that again.
E: What do I do? Do I meet up with her again before I come back?
Cat: You gotta do what you gotta do. If you're serious about being friends then clear the air, otherwise I'd say wide berth my guy.
E: I hate this.
Cat: We'll have a drink when you get back and talk about it.
E: Sounds good, talk soon.
/
E: What's a crocodiles favourite card game?
E: Snap!
/
Ellie finds herself with nothing to do, she lacks the motivation to study, she isn't feeling creative enough to write something, and she can't be bothered to cross the room to grab her guitar and practice something, so she does what anyone would do. She scrolls through social media.
She starts with twitter, but when it's clear there's nothing interesting going on, she switches to Instagram, double tapping and scrolling on a picture of Jesse and his mom, of some YouTube gaming celebrity posting about his GFuel sponsorship the same shit over and over again when a familiar face catches her eye and she stops for a moment, frowning at the drunken smile on her own face staring back at her.
Always a great time when we're together. Missed you babe.
Ellie read that caption over and over again, she doesn't recognise anyone else around them, and doesn't actually remember taking any pictures at all throughout the night. She realises she has two options, message Riley and ask what the fuck that's all about, or ignore it and just leave it as a drunken post that won't affect anything. It's been nearly a week and she's only just seen it, why bring it up now?
She thinks about who might see it, and wonders what they'd think. Would they think that she's back together with Riley? Would they ask her about it? Would they feel the same lump in their throat and stone in their gut as she does whenever she sees them with someone else? Not that Ellie is thinking about anyone in particular of course, there's no one to think about.
A knock at her door draws her out of the mental spiral she was about to fall in, and she calls to whoever to come in.
'Hey kiddo.' Joel says, peering his head around her door and grinning at her.
'Hey Joel, what's up?' She offers, not fully looking up at him.
'You got any plans tomorrow?' he asks, taking the response as an invite to enter.
Ellie rolled her eyes and thought about all the nothing she's got going on. 'Oh yeah, I'm going fishing with all of my many friends, then out for a lovely dinner with my new girlfriend before taking a relaxing drive in my Ferrari and watching films with Snoop Dogg.'
'You got another girlfriend? Someone else actually likes your amazing charm and wit?' he chuckles and sits on the end of her bed.
'And my incredible good looks.' She poses and grins, the smile which Joel naturally mirrors.
'I don't see it…'
'Haha Joel. You don't have to be a dick.' She rolls her eyes and focuses back on her phone.
'Well you started it. I don't know if you made plans with that Sam kid or Riley or somethin'. I was just gonna invite you out for a little day trip with me 'n Tess.'
'Yeah no plans with Riley that's for sure.' Ellie scoffs, and buried herself deeper into her bed, still mindlessly scrolling through her phone. She didn't even have to look at him to know he was squirming with awkwardness at how to broach the subject of her ex.
'You… wanna talk about it?' he offers.
'Ew. No. I get you want to be supportive, but the last thing I want right now is to talk about Riley.'
'If you're sure…'
'Positive.' She replies and can feel him relax.
'So… tomorrow?' He asks again after a brief pause.
'Oh yeah, sounds fun.' Ellie shrugs.
'You don't even know where we're going.'
'Anything that isn't just here sounds great.' Ellie chuckles. 'It's been nice being home again, but my god am I bored.'
'I'll try not to take that as an insult to my company, but fine. Bright and early tomorrow. I'll make breakfast and we'll head out.' He pats her shin as he gets up, as a weird sort of goodbye contact and heads towards the door.
'Hey Joel.' Ellie calls before he can fully make it out of the room. 'Can I have a clue?'
Joel froze in place for a minute and Ellie could almost hear the cogs whirring in his head as he worked out what to say. Finally he asked, 'What do you get when you cross an animal and a boat?
'What?
'A girr-aft!'
Ellie smiled as Joels laughter echoed down the hallway.
/
Ellie was like a little kid all over again, she couldn't remember ever going to the zoo before and now here she was, it stunk more than she expected, but she didn't hate it. It just proved that this was real.
'Then we can cut through Africa and still see the lions while taking a shortcut to the reptile enclosure on the south side.' Tess said, map spread out on a picnic bench, sharpie in her hand and drawing out the optimal path for them to take to see the best animals and get round in a good amount of time.
'There's at least 2 coffee stalls and a bathroom on that route so we should be fine if we need to top up' Joel said, pointing to the little cup symbols and checking his own flask to see how full he was.
'Ideally I don't want any pit stops, they're feeding the tigers at 1500 hours and that's the best time, so if we find ourselves any further out than Northern Europe we're going to struggle to make it.'
'I agree, but there'll be major traffic-'
Ellie also really enjoyed how seriously Joel and Tess were taking this, between the packed lunch Joel had made, this whole interaction, and the fact he'd brought a little disposable camera, Ellie wasn't sure who was more excited for this trip, her or him.
After another 10 minutes of planning they were off, the speed with which they were walking was unmatched, the three of them weaving expertly in and out of groups of people. Well Tess and Joel were, Ellie probably walked into more people than she didn't, and everytime she apologised, Tess would look back and smile at her, encouraging her to keep up.
They saw monkeys, and elephants, and sloths, and boars, and red pandas, (don't think about her Ellie.) and birds, and meerkats, and crocodiles and you name it. Ellie particularly liked the monkeys, with Joel stopping off at the coffee stall next to the enclosure she uses the breather as a chance to take a small reprieve from power walking all around the place to sit and try and sketch some out, only rough outlines of faces and shapes, sketches of fur and how it sits and moves in the breeze.
'You're pretty talented aren't you?' Tess' voice made her jump, snapping her out of her daze.
'I erm, I just like sketching. It's nothing great, I have a lot to learn.'
'Don't put yourself down. We're all learning all the time, you're just a bit further along than some. Mind if I see?' She offers her hand out for Ellies journal.
She wants to shy away, hide it, tuck it far from sight and not let this somewhat stranger look through her personal stuff, but there's a little voice in her head that's telling her this woman can be trusted, that if Joel trusts her, then she can too. She keeps her eyes trained on the floor as she sheepishly hands it over. Tess murmurs a quiet thanks and begins to trace her fingers along the lines.
'I'm impressed kid.'
Ellie wants to know everything she's thinking, wonders if she's just being polite cos she's Joels kid, but there's a truthfulness to her words that stops Ellie wondering and lets her relax just a little bit.
'Thank you.' She says finally and Tess hands the journal back, and they share a quiet smile before simultaneously looking back at the monkeys in front of them.
'What you ladies gossiping about?'
'Jesus Joel!' Ellie says, once again Joel making her jump, for an old man he's surprisingly light on his feet.
'We were just talking about how that one looks like you.' Tess says, pointing to the one that clearly the oldest, its fur shaggy and matted, with white patches breaking through the natural brown and a weird scowl on its face making it seem like the grumpiest monkey in the zoo. Ellie bursts out laughing.
'Holy shit, it really is you! Look at how grumpy he looks!'
'Now now ladies, that's not nice.' Joel scolds, but it's harmless, he clearly appreciates the joke.
'Sorry babe, it's true.' Tess chuckles. 'Now, enough dilly dallying, we're behind schedule. We'll have to make a shortcut if we're ever going to get to the tigers on time.' She says, military energy reappearing at the forefront of her being as she jumps up and begins to march down a side pathway.
Ellie barely had time to finish putting her stuff away before she was jogging to catch up. The path was a plant path, as in there were signs about what each flower and leaf was, and where they were from. Not exactly what they'd come to the zoo to see, but still. It was long and windy with a sharp turn at the end, with Ellie losing sight of the two adults as they went around the corner. 'Wait up!' She called, picking up her pace and following them. As she took the sharp turn Ellie stopped in her tracks.
'Holy Shit.' She whispered.
The most majestic Giraffe was right by the fence they were at, it's enclosure low enough that the top of its head was leaning over the edge, cutting into the pathway they were taking. Joel began to creep towards it.
'Shhh. Don't scare it!' Ellie whispered, her whole body buzzing with excitement. She didn't know what to do with herself.
'I won't, I won't.' Joel replied, inching closer and closer, slowly raising his hand to the creature.
'What are you doing?!' Ellie and Tess asked in unison, shocked to see the man doing what he was doing.
'It's alright. C'mere.' He grinned and gestured at them, 'Hey, fella.' He chuckled, as his hand connected and he began to pet the giraffe.
Ellie felt frozen in place, but somehow her legs moved her forward without her brain telling them to, and before she knew it, she was face to face with the animal.
'Hey there.' She said, and immediately questioned why she said that. The giraffe doesn't speak English, he's not gonna know what's happening, does he even like being pet? Will he bite? Do giraffes even bite? They have tongues, what if it bites her?
'Ellie breathe.' Tess whispers and Ellie finds herself calming down, well as much as she can when she's petting a real life giraffe! She hears a soft click, and looks round to see Joel and his little disposable camera with a big old grin on his face, matching hers and Tess'.
'so fucking cool.' She whispers to herself.
Before long Harold, that's what she's decided he's called, Harold wanders off, in search of other humans or food Ellie doesn't know, and she doesn't care. She can't quite believe that happened.
'That's worth missing the tiger talk for.' Tess sighs, still smiling as the three of them watch Harold disappear around a corner.
Ellie feels a fire burn inside of her, she's had such a nice time and she'll be damned if Tess misses the one thing she came here to see. With a flash she's got the map, laid it out on the floor and is replanning the route.
'What are you doing kiddo?' Joel chuckles.
'Shhhh planning.'
'We got the route, we just won't make it in the next 10 minutes.' Tess says, defeated.
She scans the map, recalculates and with a snap of her fingers she jumps up.
'Right. Follow me, we're going to dip through the back half of the aquarium, past the peacocks and if we time it just right we'll miss the rush coming out of the bat cave.'
'Ellie that's madness, the foot traffic will be a nightmare-' Joel tries to argue, but she cuts him off.
'Not if we hurry, the next bat tour is in 4 minutes time, we get over there as everyone's gone inside then the path should be clear enough for a dead sprint to the tigers. No more time for questions let's go!'
With that she runs, a full sprint straight towards the building next to them, a huge octopus mural offering 8 tentacles up in support of her insane plan.
/
It was tight but aside from nearly taking out that pram, they made it with 0 casualties just as the keeper began the talk. The three of them stood at the back of the group, hands on knees and panting as they caught their breath.
'Good shout kiddo…. We made it!' Joel grins, suddenly grabbing his side in pain 'ouch, that's a stitch. Hoo boy I am too old for this.' He chuckles, still wincing.
'Thank you… Ellie. I fuckin love tigers.' Tess laughs and turns around fully to watch the show.
Ellie smiles, a warmth growing across her chest and she feels proud of herself. As the show goes on she watches Tess and Joel link arms, with Tess resting her head on his shoulder as they watch a tiger rip apart a chunk of meat.
Ellies smile fades a little as she scans the crowd, a mixture of families and couples all mingling together to watch the show. She wishes she had a special someone to share it with. Not the whole this is how a tiger kills thing, but the day as a whole. Tess and Joel were great, but there's something about the idea of being here with someone you love that wounds her a little. She spots a couple right down near the front and there's a pang in her chest. A dark haired Latina woman, and her blonde pale girlfriend share a small kiss, their pinkies intertwined to keep them connected, it's only a tiny thing and unless you were looking at them you wouldn't have even seen it, but Ellie caught it and she's sure that whatever higher power exists put them there to torture her, show her exactly what she's missing.
She pulls out her phone for the first time all day and opens up a familiar message thread. She expects to see the same thing she's seen for the past few weeks, message after message from her, with no response at all. She thinks it's probably time to give up when something catches her eye.
There's a small laughing emoji next to her last message, the simple rubbish joke of snap earning the only response she's had in forever. A laugh react.
It's nothing, it's less than nothing it's not even an actual reply, but it's hope. It's an indication that the girl who she is trying so hard to not think about is still there and still cares, even just a tiny bit.
E: I went to the zoo with Joel and his new girlfriend today. Saw this and thought of you. Her name was Mei!
Ellie attached the photo of a red panda she'd taken and immediately locked her phone tucking it into her pocket. She knew she wasn't going to get a response, but she realised she was content with the idea that the simple act of sending the photo might bring a smile to its recipient's face.
/
The day soon came to a close with a last trip to the gift shop to get some little memories. There wasn't an 'I pet a giraffe' t-shirt so a little gold giraffe pin for her bag would have to do. Joel purchased a 'Boston Zoo Explorer' hat, it was awful, safari style with little corks hanging from the brim. He looked so stupid, but it was funnier seeing him blush when Tess said he looked cute in it. Tess bought a little stuffed tiger to put on the dash in her car, as a reminder of the wonderful day they spent together, and Ellie grabbed a couple of trinkets for her friends.
The drive back was uneventful, the three of them sharing stupid facts they'd learnt throughout the day, and singing along to the old stuttering CD in Joels car. They'd even stopped off the get ice cream on the way back.
It was nice, and it felt so normal. A normal kid with a normal family on a normal day out.
/
She shot awake, the loud ringing of her phone, permeating her subconscious and forcing her out of her dreams. She fumbled around in the dark, and turned it over, squinting immediately as she turns it around, blinded by the bright screen. As she focuses in the first thing she sees is that it is 1am, before she doubles takes at the caller ID.
She considers her options for a second, she could and probably should, ignore it. Roll over, go back to sleep and call them back in the morning. She goes for the second option, knowing that if she did ignore it, she wouldn't sleep anyway.
She licks her lips, takes a deep breath and answers it.
'Dina?'
'Hey El.'
'What's up? It's like 1 am.'
'I need you to just listen for a minute and not say anything until I'm done… is that okay?
'Sure… are you okay?'
'I'm fine. I will be fine. Listen. First of all I'm sorry for being AWOL… again. I've just, things are crazy right now.'
'Din-' Ellie tries but is cut off.
'Please just wait Ellie. I've had my head up my ass for the last few weeks and it's time I was honest with you. So… shit.' Ellie can hear her taking a deep breath down the phone. 'This is hard. I loved your performance, it put a lot of things into perspective for me, it forced me to think about a lot of things I've been avoiding thinking about and fuck you for that but also thank you? I guess? No, yeah thank you. I was gonna stick around and talk to you about it but I chickened out and ran away for the millionth time, and then some stuff happened here and instead of doing what I wanted to, which was call you, I tried to stay away again. I tried to ignore your texts, your innocent, sweet, honest texts, and I tried to not stalk your Instagram and tried to ignore the pit in my stomach when she tagged you in that post cos it's none of my fucking business who you hang out with, and it's not fair on you or her that I'm sitting and boiling instead of just talking to you about it. Anyway the point is, is I don't want to stay away any longer. I want to tell you everything that's going on in my head and all of the shit I've dealt with this summer cos I need a fucking friend right now, and I could call Sienna, or Jesse or anyone, but I don't want just anyone I want you. I know that was a lot and I don't know what else I can say to make any of that make sense but I think I'm just asking if when we get back to Jackson, can we meet up? Go to some lame coffee shop somewhere and catch up? I miss you and I have so much to apologise for, but please be my friend.'
There was a moment of quiet, where Ellie tried to replay all that information over again to try and understand it. She'd forgotten how melodic Dinas voice was, even when she's rambling, and while her chest was tight with hurt, she still felt a smile tugging at her lips at hearing Dina again.
'Ellie? Are you there?'
'Yeah… I'm here. Wasn't sure if I was allowed to speak…'
'Sorry, yeah, is that okay? That we meet up?'
'I'd love that.'
She heard Dina breathe again, a sigh of relief she assumes, and they fall into quiet as Ellie tries to work out what to say next.
'I am sorry Ellie. I think I'm always just gonna be sorry for everything I ever do.'
'I'm sorry for my song. I shouldn't have blindsided you with it. It was pretty clea-' Ellie began.
'Ellie Williams you shut your mouth right now.' Dina's tone was stern. Very stern.
'I'm sorry?'
'Look, we'll talk about it properly when I see you, but I wasn't lying when I said I loved your performance. You worked so hard on it, and you're so talented, and like I said, it made me think about some stuff I've been avoiding, but you should never be sorry for doing what you're good at.' There she was again, stern, honest but still Ellies heart fluttered.
'Thanks D.'
'So, I should go. It's kinda late, sorry about that, but I'll text you tomorrow? And I'll see you in a couple of weeks?' Dina asked, lacking the usual confidence that seemed to be a part of her very being.
'Sounds good.' Ellie said, fighting back the smile on her face.
'Good.'
'Hey before you go, why couldn't the pony sing?'
'Oh god. Why?'
'Cos he was a little horse!' Ellie grinned at the groan that echoed down the phone, but also at the prospect of the meeting ahead. Something's changed, and she's not sure what it is, but it feels like it's for the better.
'You're the worst. I've missed you. Night El.
'I missed you too. G'night D.'
/
A/N So it's been a hectic few weeks and I'm sorry for the lack of update. They will unfortunately come as they come now, but I hope you enjoy this new chapter and I'll get another one out for you soon!
Thank again for all the support!
Gx
