Don't forget that I'm still looking for a better name for this story so think about it while your reading this next chapter.
"Oh shit!"
"You can say that again."
James opened his eyes to the dark room, the white beds, and his friend. In fact, everything seemed to be white, so different from the comfort and warmth of the familiar hospital wing at Hogwarts. He had spent a great deal of time there in his seven years of school.
He was stiff and sore, his heartbeat pounding in his head, creating a killer migraine. The last thing he could remember was leaving Lily to go on a job with his friends.
"Oh shit!"
Padfoot laughed from across the room, filling the pressing silence. "It's a figure of speech."
"What the hell happened?"
He didn't want to move. He didn't want to feel the effects of a battle he could barely recall, it just wasn't worth it.
"Oh, you were just mangled beyond recognition, but you're all better now" Padfoot told him casually, sounding as if he was enjoying himself. He glanced across the room and saw his friend digging into a child sized cup of pudding. "They tried to fix your face too, but unfortunately there was nothing they could do about it." He laughed. "They figured since you'd got along like that for so long, they didn't need to try too hard." He held up the pudding cup. Chocolate. "There's this hot nurse, keeps bringing me this stuff, I thing she likes me, if you know what I mean."
James ignored him.
"Does Lily know?"
Padfoot's smile disappeared. "Yup. It was frightening. She's gonna kill you, I swear" he said, shuddering and glancing around as if he expected Lily to appear out of thin air which wasn't an impossibility.
He had a moment to consider this before the door swung in. Light flooded into the dark room and by the time the door had closed and he had opened his eyes again, dreaming of a cure for his headache or at least a stiff drink, Lily was standing over him, her expression surprisingly blank as she looked him over, not making eye contact.
"I'm awake" he said, trying for some enthusiasm, but she didn't cave and she didn't smile. Padfoot was right, he was in trouble.
"So I see" was her reply. She glanced at the other occupied bed but their friend was thoughtfully feigning sleep.
"Do you remember what happened?" she asked, sinking down onto the edge of the bed. He was sure that she had heard the story more than once from Frank, Moony and Padfoot but she would hear it again, from him. He owed her.
"I remember leaving you..." he tried vaguely.
"And so do I." She wasn't amused.
"But after that, it's fuzzy." No response.
Pain shot through his upper body, making him flinch. He was always the one who got hurt. He still had the scar from the last time.
Ice cold hands pressed against his bare chest, raising goosebumps. Lily wanted to help him but she didn't know how, he could see something in her eyes that was close to helplessness, as if she had forgotten what being in control of her life was like.
"How bad is it?" he asked her.
"Your fine. Ribs and a lung, nothing permanent." Her words were clipped and frustrated, not covering the extent of what she was thinking and feeling, her eyes betraying her.
James couldn't raise his head for the pain but he reached up and stroked her arm, running his hands through her long hair that had fallen forward over her shoulder. There was nothing he liked doing more. He had once had a dream about her silky red hair, back when he hadn't been allowed within ten feet of her, a dream that she would never hear about.
"I'm sorry."
She gave no answer and he took it to mean that he was not forgiven. He couldn't smile and make her forget, he couldn't kiss her and make her give in, it was too big. Time was all that could make it better, erase the memory of the shock, the panic and of course the pain.
"Remus and Frank came. I thought... I thought..."
Her teeth worried her lower lip, her eyes over bright. Her nails dug into his arm, portraying what she must have felt. She took a deep steadying breath as he continued to rub her arm, her own chill fading. He knew exactly what she had thought. He had experienced the same more than once.
"I can't do this on my own James" she told him firmly. She had had time to think about it, likely time when he had been unconscious. He waited.
"I could never raise a child on my own." Her hand moved to her own body. "Especially this one."
She was referring to the prophecy. What challenges would they face with their child that regular parents wouldn't? She was watching him, waiting for a response, hoping for some reassurance. Once again, he had none to give.
His hand pressed against the warm spot at the back of her neck. She bent forward and let him kiss her but he could taste the reluctance on her lips, disappointment, mingled with an ever present fear.
"I'm too young for this bullshit" she announced as she pulled away, making him laugh. She joined in, but he could hear a new bitterness to the sound.
"The others are waiting to see you, I should let them in or they'll think you've died."
She unfolded herself from the bed, pulling away from him. He caught her hand as she did and his eyes held hers.
"I love you, Lils."
She sighed and rolled her eyes, not eager for more corny moments."I love you too."
"Ya?"
"I keep coming back don't I?"
"Sometimes you wish you didn't?"
She stopped resisting, reaching down to touch his face. He let his eyes close.
"Never"
She moved away, her footsteps echoing on the unfriendly tile.
"I know your awake Sirius!" she called as she left the room. "You suck at faking."
When he opened his eyes again she was gone and Padfoot was watching him again, looking slightly awed.
"What?" he demanded under his friends gaze.
"I don't know how you do it, I really don't. She wasn't even mad at you or anything by the end. Your a god, seriously."
James laughed and folded his hands behind his head with a grimace as his body stretched. He stared up at the white ceiling. There were no windows in the room.
"You know, I've never really liked hospitals."
****
"I thought someone would throw me a welcome home party or something now we've gotten our own place" he said, pretending offence. Moony laughed, dropped James' bag and clapped him on the shoulder, ignoring his grimace of pain. "I don't think anyone actually noticed you were in hospital, sorry to say" his friend told him.
The place was spotless without him there and he had to wonder if that was how it would have looked if Lily had married Moony, who had been sleeping on the couch to keep her company so that she wouldn't have to stay with James' mother or at headquarters. He had to admit that they might have made a better couple because of various personal qualities that they shared. It was a shame really. He smirked across the room at his friend who raised an eyebrow and returned to his study of the books on the shelf.
James scolded himself for being such a horrible person.
"Earth to James" Lily called from the doorway, causing them both to look around.
"What?" he asked.
"Are you okay?"
"Don't I look okay?"
Lily pulled a face. "You look kinda constipated. You need something?"
Moony coughed behind him. He knew him well enough to hear the concealed laughter beneath.
He was saved from forming a reply by the sound of the door opening, voices floating into the living room. Alice and Frank appeared, followed by Padfoot and Wormtail, Mad Eye, his mother and Padfoot's cousin Andromeda who was watching her nephew with mingled pride and worry, the way Padfoot's mother might have done if she had been half human.
Alice danced forward and hugged him, her bulging belly pressing into his hip. "You're alright!" she cried, bubbily and excited. He guessed that there wasn't much excitement to her life when she was forced to sit on the couch all day, waiting for her husband to come home, not when she had become so accustomed to her job, chasing down and battling death eaters and various other criminals. That kind of lifestyle was hard to beat excitement wise.
James stuck his tongue out at his friend over Alice's shoulder. "You see, people noticed" he told him in a smug voice. Moony laughed and stepped forward to shake Mad Eye's hand. Andromeda was exclaiming over Lily's bump and he could see his mother fussing over Padfoot, her adopted son while Wormtail stood close by, watching and listening.
How much longer would these people have to live? Would one of those closest to him be next to die?
Review. That is all that ask. Except for the name thing, so do that too. Love y'all.
