Chapter 9
Elain
I never expected he would turn me away. It wasn't betrayal with my lips against Azriel's. Lucien knew through the bond, better than anyone, that some piece of my heart had melded to his. My love grew as steady as his roses and it reached towards that light he gave. He had healed what I hadn't realized was broken. But many flowers still bloom beautifully in the shadows of the night. Poinsettias blush a more furious red than any lover's rose when taken into the dark.
Lucien didn't visit the night court as he once had, and Azriel couldn't be found coming and going from the townhouse. I sat in front of his door for hours. Either he took his leave by window, or he was never home in the first place.
This went on for a month.
Then one night Rhysand uncorked a bottle of liquor that was older than he was.
He cleared his throat to toast, "To my mate's sister, now my sister. To my friend, always my brother. And to this great blessing that we toast to with love. Congratulations, Nesta – Cassian."
Nesta's usual stoic expression broke and gave way to a soft smile. We all clinked our glasses together. The contents of Nesta's shown darker then the rest of ours, a savory grape juice in place of alcohol.
Cassian was the living breathing embodiment of a smile. He had a firm arm around my sister's shoulder's and they barely took their eyes off of one another save to soak in the congratulations being given from the others – Azriel included.
This was the second time I had seen him since I had been back, the first being Cassian and Nesta's wedding ceremony. They had shocked everyone with the traditional Fae and mortal customs. First the modest ceremony where the bond was verified. She had acted so aloof in her feelings that I could hardly believe it when she became teary reading her marriage vows. Cassian had held tight to her, his hands cupping her face and urging her forward. I had never seen Nesta love anyone that much, even me.
Her face filled with tears again as he pushed an ornate ring up the length of her finger with a garnet inlaid the precise color of his siphons.
Apparently they didn't believe in birth control either, because here we all were.
Azriel didn't look at me, but his happiness couldn't be denied as he clapped a hand on Cassian's shoulder and the two of them along with Rhys let themselves out onto the rooftop for cigars.
Feyre took out a parcel from the hall and gave it to Nesta. "Lucien sent it. Apparently the Autumn court is famous for these quilts. Keeps the baby nice and warm. I suppose its good advice to take considering how many siblings he has compared to the other high lord families."
Nesta removed the blanket from the packaging and ran a hand over the soft deep orange knit.
"I'll send him a 'thank you' letter in the morning," She mused.
I bristled.
"Lucien is so thoughtful. What are the chances he signed the card from the both of us?"
Feyre looked away but Nesta shot me a warning glare. "It was thoughtful, Elain. We're lucky. We're lucky to be able to share our news with friends at all, after that stunt you pulled running between them."
"What would you know about it?" I snapped.
"Not nearly as much as you do. About Grayson. And Azriel. And Lucien. And cauldron knows who else. " I tried to hide it but the words stung.
"The cauldron had to force a bond into place because no one wanted you without it! Even with our father's money and your squeaky clean reputation, BOTH of your younger sisters were engaged before you." I hoped the words hit their mark, but Nesta didn't falter.
"And where did that engagement get you, Elain?" she asked.
Mor decided to change the subject by giving Nesta her gift. Two giant shopping bags filled with elegant pregnancy attire.
I stamped off into the hall, pulled my coat down from it's pegs and left the townhouse entirely.
Ten minutes into my walk and the great sweep of wings followed by the clatter of thick boots on the cobblestone told me Az had landed.
"Are you alright?"
"What do you care?"
"Mor told me that Nesta had been...accusatory about...I wasn't staying away because of anything you did Elain. You deserve Lucien, if that's who you want. It's just hard seeing everyone so happy, when I never get to be." Azriel said.
"I didn't understand how all of this worked. I didn't know it could get so complicated. Even my visions are...unclear." I told him.
He seemed even taller standing in the street than he did inside the house. I had forgotten how tall he was. How massive, when you considered the wings. He smelled like brandy and fine cigars. They had been celebrating Cassian's news properly.
"I figured I'd let you try and sort it out." He told me. "I have expected you to be writing Grayson."
That hurt.
"The only thing you did was leave me to take the fall for what we did together. No one is mad at you only me. I spend every meal with them while you're... Where have you been staying, if not the townhouse?" I asked.
"I'd offer to show you, but I think we're in enough trouble." He admitted shyly.
"That's not what I meant. You honestly think I'd do that?" I demanded
I sped off in the opposite direction before he could give an answer. I had had enough of what they were all insinuating. Feyre had left Tamlin for Rhys. She had been with Isaac with no expectations or backlash at all. I wasn't trying anything with Azriel, I only wanted to mend what I had broken.
Azriel was good for one thing. He kept his distance and didn't follow me. I walked until I grew tired, remembering that I didn't know where I could go, and couldn't do anything once I got there. I slammed myself down into a simple black chair outside of a coffee shop and nearly screamed in frustration as I noticed one of the shops patrons exiting with a croissant in one hand and a coffee in the other, originally intending to to settle down into the seat I now occupied.
"I'm sorry. Sorry. Take my seat. I don't need it anyway." I sighed.
I nearly gasped. The man was wearing a tunic with the Spring Court seal emblazoned on it. He had been dropping off Lucien's present to my sister, I guessed.
"Why don't we share it?" He offered. I remembered him vaguely from the war though I couldn't place him. He came and went from the manor often, and we hadn't spoken before now.
"I wondered why you had left the Spring Court so soon." He mused as he pulled apart the pastry to give me some. "It makes sense now of course, children are rare and a birth announcement is always exciting."
I nodded. No need to correct him.
"The spring court had been anticipating similar news, but that was before we knew you were leaving before Calanmai."
"Everyone keeps saying that. What is it?" I asked.
"Calanmai? Celebration of Spring. High fae – particularly high lords – they take a lover on fire night and send power back into the earth. Tradition as old as the cauldron."
"Tamlin is the high lord. What does that have to do with me?"
"Tamlin hasn't performed the rite in two years. It fell to his emissary last year..."He coughed and mumbled something unintelligible. I could tell he was uncomfortable telling me such things about Lucien.
The caves. That vision.
I thought I was calm, but I could now feel my blood boiling underneath the surface.
"And this year? Has he?" I tried to ask casually but I knew the hitch in my breath betrayed me.
The guard looked uncomfortable. "I suppose he selects tonight. Tamlin did say that Lucien would be participating in his stead."
"I need a favor." I asked at once.
