Please Review and send in letters!


Author's note: this list is always here

Note #2: I do not own any characters or book series this is a fan fiction

Note#3 : character personalities and traits may slightly differ from their respective books this is a fan fiction. Cluny and Kraar are completely changed for comedic purposes.

Note#4 : any comedy or jokes is not meant to put down any racial or ethnic human group.

Note #5 :

disregard some things from the previous one I changed some stuff

Note#6 Kar is not related to Fell. Jayfeather is jaypaw if you haven't read the later novels. I am calling Ezylryb by his original name Lyze.

Note#7: I put in Morgra's and Fell's personalties from the 2nd book as they had a major personality change.

To look at other similar fanfictions go to project S.L.A.G.A.R or snowfurs fanfictions at sullivanet or b

Note#8: I am sorry if you thought the previous one had a bad ending, I'll try harder.

Today's characters are: Guardians: the full band and Nyra , and Coryn.

Sight and Fire Bringer: Sgorr , Kraar , Fell , Morgra, Slavka

Warriors: Bluestar , Jayfeather, Brightheart , Tigerstar

Author insertions: Mosshadow, Leopardpool , Bramblepath, Brightclaw

Note: they are on the radio instead of on stage.

Announcer: due to technical and insurance problems Jayfeather's Talk will be on the radio today after these short announcements.

Jayfeather: you guys ready?

Bluestar: aren't we on air?

Jayfeather: not yet.

Mosshadow: today I decided to write about the warrior , guardians, and sight characters, Redwall is getting too complicated. No more Scourge and Morgra today! Brightheart is here along with Sgorr and the band !

Jayfeather: no Morgra! PARTY!!

Bramblepath: I'll get the decorations!

Mosshadow: er right.......

a few minutes later….....................................................................................................

there is the sound of a door opening

Morgra: hi, am I missing a party?

Jayfeather: UM NO! Were just laying stuff from storage out to see if we can find some more mikes. Um good thing you , Slavka and Fell are here we were worried that you weren't coming........

Sgorr: AHHHHHHHHHHH!SHE'S GONNA EAT ME !!

Mosshadow: wow a Lion King quote!

Brightheart: DOGS AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

The sound of crashing and various expensive equipment being broken drowns out anything else.

Jayfeather: they won't eat you Brightheart.

Slavka: what is this insubordination ! What weakness ! How dare you- (Mosshadow slaps her)

Slavka: what did you do that for !

Fell: I am hungry (notices Sgorr) Who is this ugly deer?

Sgorr: I am the ruler of the Herla , my soldiers will pathetic creatures like you! Mu ha ha ah ha ha hahah ah ha ….....(slowly stops).

Mosshadow: I regret having you in this fanfiction. Anyone want to try venison?

Everyone: SURE!

Sgorr: um what is this venison you speak of?

All the predators look at him

Sgorr: OH NO!

A few minutes later.....

Morgra: yuck this is the worst deer I've ever had.

Coryn: it tastes like a pile of racdrops!

Brightheart: or crow food!

Leopardpool: at least we didn't try it!

Jayfeather: I wonder if Sgorr has bipolar disorder?

The rest of the cast joins them.

Tigerstar: does any one want to join me in world domination?

Fell: that was random, aren't you going to say hi? Or do you want me to kill you first?

Tigerstar(submissively): hi …..

Bluestar: hi Tigerclaws, still out trying those crazy goals of yours? Sucks that you're dead!

Tigerstar: they'll all be dead when I'm finished with them!(glares at Brightheart and Jayfeather, who shiver)

Soren : are we going to start yet?

Kraar: Twilight, you wanna sing with me?

Everyone else: NOOOOOOOOOO!

Twilight: sure ! Just not yet.

Everyone else: whew!

Jayfeather: it's time to start. Everyone get in your positions.

The show comes on air.

Jayfeather: hello it is 5:45 on a Sunday and this is Jayfeather's talk and I'm Jayfeather.

He goes on to talk about everyone else.

Jayfeather: today we are broadcasting live as a radio show because our studio took some slight damage due to some security problems.

Coryn: SLIGHT! Are you kidding! A crazy fox blew up the roof with a missile and puts bullet holes in the windows just to feed her son lunch, he wasn't even supposed to bring food into the theater. And then a crazy demon vampire from a competing series comes in and breaks the doors , kills the security guards, blows up the control room and our extraordinarily expensive TV and then destroys or burns the rest of the stage and seating area.

Bluestar: don't forget the Huge crater after you stabbed him.

Coryn: and worst of all the author makes a stupid Sparta joke with Matthias and they were off buying donuts , the author also lets Fell and Morgra talk to much! I barely got to say any thing. Morgra's just a stupid old wolf who looks young and Fell is a devil. By the way Morgra, how old are you?

There is a loud crack as Morgra slaps Coryn and a thock as Fell canes him with Jayfeather's stick. Then the sound of someone being beaten up by the ticked off author. That someone is most likely Coryn.

Coryn: argh, I'm still bruised from that explosion in the first episode, why is this author so cruel to me? Why?! Oh why!

Jayfeather: please don't go delirious and start singing.

Coryn: argh.... "twinkle twinkle , little star"......

Nyra: my stupid son , why is the author calling him Coryn he's Nyroc!

Gylfie:it's Coryn's choice over what he wants to be called!

Nyra: how dare you speak to the purest one! A little filthy---Bang!

there is the sound of a shotgun, Nyra is no longer able to talk!

Brightheart: Nyra's down! Let's celebrate! I was sick of that little Nazi!

Jayfeather: how bout we just sing a little song, Twilight!

Twilight and Kraar:("Celebrate good times" by kool and the gang)

Yahoo! This is your celebration
Yahoo! This is your celebration

Celebrate good times,come on! (Let's celebrate)
Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)

There's a party goin' on right here
A celebration to last throughout the years
So bring your good times, and your laughter too
We gonna celebrate your party with you

Come on now

Celebration
Let's all celebrate and have a good time
Celebration
We gonna celebrate and have a good time

It's time to come together
It's up to you, what's your pleasure

Everyone around the world
Come on!

Yahoo! It's a celebration
Yahoo!

Celebrate good times, come on!
It's a celebration
Celebrate good times, come on!
Let's celebrate

We're gonna have a good time tonight
Let's celebrate, it's all right
We're gonna have a good time tonight
Let's celebrate, it's all right

Baby...

We're gonna have a good time tonight (Ce-le-bra-tion)
Let's celebrate, it's all right
We're gonna have a good time tonight (Ce-le-bra-tion)
Let's celebrate, it's all right

Yahoo!
Yahoo!

Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)
Celebrate good times, come on!
It's a celebration!
Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)

(ad lib)

Come on and celebrate, good times, tonight (Celebrate good times, come on!)
'Cause everything's gonna be all right
Let's celebrate (Celebrate good times, come on)
(Let's celebrate)..

Jayfeather: good job though a little off key. Now we shall go to our fan letters.

Digger: I'll read the first. Here goes

dear jayfeather,

why are you blind?

from,

anonymous

Jayfeather: I don't know.. how should I know. It's not much of a problem until SOMEONE makes a fuss. (Brightheart gets a guilty look)

Twilight; I call reading next!! …....

hi jayfeather,

Are you a slave. If you are i will buy you for $1.99. You are probably on sale.

by, fox in red and blue mask

Jayfeather: what ! That must be that moron Slagar, why send such useless mousedung!

Bluestar: and the next is addressed directly to Morgra and Fell.... hmmmm …..

there is the sound of a letter being passed.

Fell: by the way can you tell the medics to clean up Coryn and Nyra's blood after they send the to the hospital? This room is rather cramped.( there is the sond of an ambulance in the background). Let's see what this letter is about, I hope it's not a bomb.

Morgra : why would it be? Terrorists haven't started attacking works of fiction yet.

Fell: 'Dear, everyone I would you all to know that Morgra is a stalker and child abuser-'

Jayfeather(sarcastically): er right.

Fell:- 'she obviously did various thing to Fell after kidnapping him, no one likes her cause she is barren so she wanted to do various things with Fell-'

Morgra : what sicko wrote this!!!!?

Bluestar: this is getting suspicious , however I think I'll avoid dark alley ways near Morgra....

Fell: let's see what is next, WOW, er... I think I'll skip this rather long and explicit list of things you supposedly did to me and then ' during the second book Morgra stalked Fell for significant amounts of time.....' let's see who wrote this piece of bleep.

Soren: did you just curse on live radio!

Fell (ignores Soren): it is labeled 'you know me and I know you'. By the way Morgra did not do anything like that to me.

Slavka: you sure? Or is it because you don't want to admit it!

Everyone else: just shut up!

Tigerstar: next letter, I hope this is actually family friendly: ' dear stupid' and I'll skip the next word' I hate you all! You fiends murdered Edward! The hottest dude I ever met in my life, because of what you horrible animals and the author did to him I have become emo and I do Marijuana, I also have learned to use a rifle and I shoot animals a lot now , especially cats, wolf and owls.

Signed Bella'

Digger: aren't these people going to give us things that make us feel good about ourselves?

Jayfeather: hmmmm a lot of these letters are labled Twilight fan and down with Warriors, I'll skip those. Hey look one says your most enlightened fan ! Lets read that one ! ' dear Jayfeather and friends, I love you all even Morgra , Fell , Cluny , Scourge , and Kraar I love your show so much. Signed Brassa. '

Fell and Morgra:............................WHAAAAAAAAAAATTTT.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????????????????????

they simultaneously faint with a thunk!

Kraar: wow she's nice, I wonder who she is? Not like she's related to them or something.

Bluestar: where is your memory Kraar?

Kraar: what you mean ? I don't know any Brassa?

Mosshadow: bu—u-u-ut?

Jayfeather: stop stuttering and shut up you're not supposed to talk. Maybe it's just too much singing.

Kraar: I don't get it ! What are you talking about!?

Gylfie: I wonder who sent the letter early about Morgra being a stalker, maybe Michael Jackson sent that?

??????: hello little children.

Gylfie: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It's him.

Michael Jackson: hey little girl.

Everyone : AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

----------------------------commercial break---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jayfeather: we're back . Good thing we have a shotgun.

Slavka: he tastes goooood!mmmmmmmmmmmm

Twilight: ahhhh ! Don't eat him!!

Slavka: this is my revenge for my children!

Mosshadow: why are all these weird things coming up on the second episode?

Jayfeather: shut up author! You are writing this!

Tigerstar(chanting): come on eat it , eat it …..

Everyone else slaps Tigerstar and Slavka loudly.

Brightheart: Hey look the next one's from Cloudtail!

Jayfeather: awwwww! Your boyfriend sent you a letter!OW!( He gets slapped)

Brightheart: it reads ' dear cast and crew , I heard you are having Tigerstar as a guest host . I think he needs a good nick name , how bout Tiggy?

Bluestar: I love it!

Kraar: and that was a quote from a purple dragon from a children's television show!

Tiggy: what no way!

Morgra( wakes up):hey look the author changed Tigerstar's caption to Tiggy!

Tiggy: NOOOOOOOOOO! The author is against me. I'll get you Mosshadow!

There is the sound of fighting.

Leopardpool: Don't fight!

--------------------commercial break---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kraar and Twilight:

"U can't touch this
U can't touch this
U can't touch this
U can't touch this

My-my-my-my (U can't touch this) music hits me so hard
Makes me say,"oh my lord thank you for blessing me
With a mind to rhyme and two hyped feet"
It feels good
When you know you're sown
A superdope homeboy from the Oaktown
And I'm known as such
And this is a beat-uh!
U can't touch this

I told you homeboy
U can't touch this
Yeah, that's how we livin' and you know
U can't touch this
Look in my eyes,man
U can't touch this
Yo, let me bust the funky lyrics
U can't touch this

Fresh new kicks and pants
You got it like that now you know you wanna dance
So move out of your seat
And get a fly girl and catch this beat
While it's rolling
Hold on
Pump a little bit and let 'em know it's going on
Like that
Like that
Cold on a mission so fall on back
Let 'em know that you're too much
And this is a beat
They can't touch

Yo! I told you
U can't touch this......."(you can't touch this by MC hammer)

Soren: okay boys, the commercials are over , now we return to Jayfeather talk radio as we continue to review fan letters, and then at the end we shall show you how to do acupuncture by yourself on a friend or family member, Tiggy, mean Tigerstar has kindly volunteered under the goodness of his heart to be our guinea pig- I mean victim!----- I mean happy test subject ! Yeah that's right.

Tiggy: wait, thats why Morgra and Fell took control of me and made me let you guys tie me to a metal table labeled chainsaw autopsy unit 1 ?! AHHHHHHHHHHHH SAVE ME !!!

Slavka : don't worry Bubo(GGH) gave us this special device called a nail gun to make it faster and less pain full.

Bluestar: however it says do not use on people or animals, I am quite sure they put it there to hide the trade secrets.

Tiggy: NOOOO NOO! You can't do this to me !

Jayfeather: you volunteered.

Tiggy: Fell was controlling me ! He's a demon or a witch or something horrible!

Fell: That hurt!

Gylfie: chillax great leader, just feel the extraordinarily intense- I mean insignificant pain and relax besides were not done with callers and letters yet !

Jayfeather: you just ripped a quote off a PSP game.

Tiggy: I hate you all!

Morgra: hatred justs breeds more hatred.

Fell: you should know that very well, and you just got a quote from another Playstation video game.

Mosshadow(has a large bandage from Tiggy): that was one of my favs.

Twilight: now we have a caller from Iraq.

Bluestar: um Iraq?

Fell: you sure about this.

Twilight: come on I'll put him on.....

Caller: hello is this Jayfeather talk.

Twilight: yes who this?

Caller: this is Achmed the dead terrorist! You want to join my suicide bombing summer camp?

Fell: um no thanks.

Achmed: I KILL YOU AMERICAN!

Fell: I'm not American.

He presses the disengage button.

Slavka: and now we have someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Caller: hello I am here to give you all some advice!

Slavka: go on fool.

Caller: number one: Coryn, GET A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY! Number 2: Morgra: GET A BOYFRIEND ALREADY!

Morgra: hi Tsinga(sight)

Caller: er wrong person. Number 3 ,Mosshadow , GET A NEW BIKE!

Mosshadow: how did you know I broke my gears and brake pads!

Morgra: damn ! You're Tsinga, admit it already!

Caller(ignores Morgra): number 4 since you're the author Mosshadow if you decided to blow up the studio in the first episode why not just have your characters host the show at your house! Thats what people do when they blow up their character's studios. Number 5- (line goes dead)

Digger: oh well next call.

Caller: hello mu ha ha ha ha h haa.... I am inviting you all to my mansion for dinner! Oh and by the way this is Nyra and Kludd! (line goes dead)

Soren: oh no! Not my evil brother!

Twilight: what! Why does she want us over!

Bluestar: hmmmm, another attempt to destroy the show?

Jayfeather; let's finish up and start on acupuncture.

Tiggy: NOOOOOOOOOO-(Fell knocks him unconscious)

Jayfeather: and here is the final caller....

Caller: why hello, I have come to seek revenge for my brother Edward!

Brightheart: he's scaring me!

Jayfeather: who this?

Caller: muaha ha ha...! I am Eduardo, Edward's long lost brother from Spain!

Fell: mind if I go out for a few minutes?

Bluestar: um okay.

Eduardo: I shall destroy you all with my nuclear missiles that I bought from Wal-mart in North Korea!

Morgra: they sell nukes in Wal-mart?!

Eduardo: si ! North Korea and Russia only! Did you know right now they are selling limited addition nukes ten Euros each with communist pictures! They have Joseph Stalin and Kim Jong-

Soren: we get it !

Eduardo: now I going to push the button , adios amigos! (there is a silence and then) AHHHHHHHHHHH! What the hell is this huge black wolf doing hiding behind the nuke silo! AHHHHH---------- (there is the sound of him being ripped up, the line goes dead)

Fell: I'm back !

Digger: why are you covered in blood!

Gylfie: you should have figured it out by now!

Fell: Spanish people taste weird!

Morgra: hey you got your insignificant little wish from the first book!

Fell: wow I did !

Twilight: you make weird wishes.

Fell: it was more of a conversational joke.

Morgra: did he taste like Tortillas. Usually they taste sugary and -

Bramblepath: we are really off topic!

Gylfie: um how did you.....(trails off)

Morgra: long story, but they taste good! Not too--

Brightheart: sob, sob ahh help me Bluestar, she's so scary! Sob sob , I hate dogs sob (continues sobbing)

Morgra: sorry...

Fell: sorry for bringing up the topic....

Mosshadow: sorry for existing to make this fanfiction where I scare and make fun of you....

Bluestar: sorry for doing stuff that got your face damaged.....

Brightheart: sorry I just overreacting , it just seems so vivid , I just have to let it out sometimes...

Kraar:( what hurts the most by rascal flatts)

I Can Take The Rain On The Roof Of This Empty House
That Dont Bother Me
I Can Take A Few Tears Now And Then And Just Let Them Out
Im Not Afraid To Cry Every Once In A While
Even Though Going On With You Gone Still Upsets Me
There Are Days Every Now And Again I Pretend Im Ok
But Thats Not What Gets Me
(twilight joins in)
What Hurts The Most
Was Being So Close
And Having So Much To Say
And Watching You Walk Away
And Never Knowing
What Could Have Been
And Not Seeing That Loving You
Is What I Was Tryin To Do

Its Hard To Deal With The Pain Of Losing You Everywhere I Go
But Im Doin It

Brightheart: thanks guys.

Soren: a little to much singing already.

Bluestar: lets crucify- I mean give Tiggy acupuncture.

Tiggy: please save me star clan!

Jayfeather: like they'll save you !

Tiggy: ah fine! SAVE ME JESUS, SITA , GOD, GLAUX!! AHHHHH SOMEONE SAVE ME FROME THIS HALF CLAN BRATS AND CRAZY WOLVES AND BIRDS AND MOST OF ALL THE IDIOTIC FANFICTION WRITER WHO IS DOING THIS TO ME!!!!!!!

Sita appears out of nowhere

Fell , Slavka and Morgra: AHHH ! She's real!

Fell: hey wait Morgra, if you're dead shouldn't you know this?

Morgra: what are you talking about?

Fell: oh right, ghosts deny anything you ask them about the Red Meadow, so annoying!

Sita(sight): hi

Tiggy: save me you ---------------- !

Bluestar: wow he used a word so explicit that instead of bleeping it the author refused to write it!

Sita: can I do the acupuncture?

Everyone: sure!

Tiggy: NOOOOOO! I hate you all. I hope you guys burn in bleep.

Jayfeather: enough cursing or the author will remove you from this story!

Sita: cool nail gun! Can I set it to high powered instead of low?

Fell: sure! And you can use these extra long nails, they're serrated! I'll comment on the procedure to listeners while you shoot- I mean acupuncture, Tiggy!

Tiggy: sob.....

-------------------------------------a few bloody , gory , violent minutes that the author skipped later--------

Tiggy: AHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHH!

Brightheart: I don't think we know what we're doing.

Bluestar: MY TURN

there is the sound of nail gun firing.

Bluestar: oops , I think I missed his leg !

Tiggy: ARGHHHHHHHH! You shot me in the -

Gylfie: let's not go there......

---A few more explicitly violent and wrong minutes that the author skipped---------------------------------

Brightheart: he looks pretty relaxed, I think it's working!

Morgra: that's cause he's dead!

Jayfeather: okay , so there you have it people, er …............. don't use nail guns for acupuncture.

Slavka: just use real guns instead of cheap modified gimmicks!

Soren: that's not how you say it!

Slavka: um it's not?

Sita: bye.

Fell: bye.

Sita leaves.

Gylfie: you were supposed to tell them that anything that ends with gun doesn't work for acupuncture!

Slavka: oops

Morgra: everything to do with you is oops, you're so incompetent.

Slavka: do you want to go with me!

Morgra: it's on!

Fell: aww come on don't start this on live radio!

Jayfeather: let's have a commercial break and then end with a few final comments.

-------------------- commercial break---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jayfeather: and now we're back!

Leopardpool: and Slavka isn't.

Digger: I hope she likes hospital food.

Morgra: actually she's somewhere called the 'morgue'......

Brightheart: that doesn't sound very good.

Mosshadow: continue please.

Twilight: and now one final caller.

Caller: hello can I have Lionblaze here too?

Mosshadow: umm okay.

Lionblaze appears.

Lionblaze: this is a fanfiction isn't it?

Caller: hi Jayfeather, hi Lionblaze, do you remember me

Brightclaw:wait, could it be?

Jayfeather: no ! It can't be!

Caller : I suppose you don't where I am or what I am doing, if you were wondering Ashfur deserved to die he was nothing but fresh kill, one day you'll thank me.

Jayfeather: Hollyleaf , please where are you sister?

Hollyleaf: you don't need to know, I have plans....(line clicks off)

Jayfeather: sob sob....

Bramblepath: er Fell? Wrap it up.

Fell: um and that wraps it up for today, and I guess we will see you next time in Nyra's mansion.... Maybe.

They go off the air

Mosshadow: did you know that Brightclaw: only spoke once during this fanfiction and her name really is Brighth- ack don't bite me !

Brightclaw: grrrrr!

Soren: you okay Jayfeather?

Morgra: it's okay, at least she talks to you.

Digger: did something happen between you guys?

Lionblaze: you don't need to know....

Jayfeather: we might as well go home.....

The end.......