CHAPTER NINE- "Sober," by Kelly Clarkson
It was already snowing when I woke up on Christmas Eve. Looking out the window, I could see that everything had been covered in a thin layer of the white powder. The corners of my mouth tilted upwards. In the ten years I'd been a vampire, I'd come to appreciate the snow. Sure, it wasn't the perfect snowflake display I'd heard about since I was a kid, but it was still nice. It seemed to silence the world and all of the chaotic problems that came along with it.
By noon, I already had half of my closet spilled out onto my bed. I would just be staying two days, but I was freaking out over what I was supposed to pack. It was ridiculous to be worrying over something so silly, I knew, but the Cullens always looked so nice. I didn't want to look like a complete idiot while I was probably doing something that made me seem like a complete idiot.
I tugged my closet doors open, meticulously criticizing every piece of clothing. I only needed to pack two outfits, but they had to be perfect. Packing an extra shirt and pair of slacks just in case I changed my mind, I stuffed two pairs of jeans into my bag and followed them with two blouses. I wondered if I should pack pajamas and then decided on a long-sleeve shirt and shorts, shoving them in the bag as well. Before I could change my mind about my choices, I zipped up the bag and set it by the door.
When I went to close the closet door, I noticed a large, cardboard box that had been pushed in the back, hidden under a dress that I bought and never wore. My lips twitched downwards, and I knelt and pulled it out. Something glass rattled as I picked it up and set it on the bed, and a tiny part of me panicked that it was something important from my other life.
Pushing back the cardboard flaps that held it closed, I reached my hand into the box and pulled out something- a paperback version of Pride and Prejudice. It was falling apart, pages loose and the spine ruined. My quiet heart throbbed. I sifted through the memories of a person I had left long ago, chose a few select items, and hid the box again, pressing a hand against the pain that echoed through my chest.
--
Edward picked me up that afternoon. Edward. Of all the vampires in the Cullen house, they decided to let him be responsible for my transportation. My stomach twisted in knots, but an emotion I didn't want to name swelled in my throat.
He was sitting on a shiny, black car, one of the newer Mercedes models. I wondered where his Volvo had gone as I stood in the front doorway and stared at him. Both his door and the passenger's door were open, and he was leaning back, sitting on the hood. His arms were folded over his chest, covered by a deep brown leather jacket, and his face revealed no emotion.
His agonizingly beautiful face.
"Are you ready, Bella?" He murmured. I tried to ignore the way I imagined him saying my name. Like a mother touching her child, a painter appraising his masterpiece.
I just stared, my bag slung over my shoulder. It was hard not to run to him, to whisper how much I missed him, to take my rightful place in the passenger's seat. Every atom in my body was magnetized, pulling toward him with an inescapable force. If I took one step forward, opened my mouth for one word, I might crash into him. The gravity was that of what held me to the ground.
When I didn't answer, he jerked his jaw towards the car. "C'mon," he whispered, maybe to himself.
I forced my legs to move, pursing my lips to keep from blurting something I shouldn't. A tenseness in his face that I hadn't noticed relaxed slightly, and he held the door open for me until I slid into the car. The place felt too right. My body relaxed instantly, taking up the throne it was meant to occupy. But my mind whirled and whizzed, taking in each detail:
His hand came perilously close to my knee when he ducked in front of the wheel and closed his door. As if noticing how close it was, he put down the armrest to separate us. He was a statue as he drove, his eyes not even deviating from the horizon. The speedometer read one hundred and ten miles and hour, but he didn't make a move to slow down. Not for me.
But, still. Despite the antagonism I felt in the way he held himself, I couldn't help but feel like I belonged in the passenger's seat, with him at the wheel. It revived aches and pains and memories that I couldn't make myself hate. It felt good, and at the same time, I could see the parallelism distinctly. This was another life. A lonelier and incomplete one.
Esme was waiting on the porch when we arrived. She ducked inside as Edward swerved into the garage, where Rosalie was leaning over the popped hood of a shiny blue sports car. Her blond head bobbed up and down as she checked gages and measured levels, tinkering with parts I didn't understand. When Edward parked a few feet away, she glanced up once before moving back to her work. Her hand flew up once in a brief wave, pale and smeared with grease, and I wondered who the greeting was for.
"Bella!" Alice was standing outside, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet. Her smile was bright and wide, and I tried to match it. "We have your room all fixed up- I spent all yesterday looking for the perfect comforter for your bed."
I could see my face darken, feel the scowl return to its rightful place. "You bought me a bed?"
She beamed, not regretful or unsure in the slightest. "You have to sleep somewhere."
I hadn't noticed Edward getting out- which was strange, since my entire existence seemed to revolve around him- but he gently nudged Alice out of the way and opened my door for me, and held out his hand. I nodded my thanks, but did not take the proffered help. Touching him might send me into a trillion pieces.
"I'll do as I please, Alice." I heard him suddenly hiss to his sister.
Before I could ask, the dark haired pixie pulled me out of the garage and into the house. I hadn't payed any attention to it the last time I'd been, and now I looked up. The three-story building was much like the one they owned back in Forks in its stature and shape, but it was a faded yellow, and there was a large balcony protruding from a pair of doors on the east wall.
An overwhelming urge to call this house my home possessed me.
"Bella!" I heard Emmett before I saw him, his voice slightly muffled. As Alice escorted me inside, I could see Jasper holding him on the ground, his arms twisted behind him. Half of his face was pressed into the plush carpet, and Esme stood nearby, wringing her hands worriedly.
"Emmett," I murmured, folding my arms over my chest. "Nice to know you haven't changed."
He grinned up at me, made another effort to push his legs up off the floor, and collapsed. "Fine. You win."
Jasper released him with a quiet, smug smile. He had the sleeves of his olive green sweater pushed up, and I could see the numerous scars on his arms. I wanted to ask about them, tracing the scar on my neck absently, but I kept my mouth shut. Not now.
"Hello, dear," Esme said, her face wary, but still soft and loving. I watched her hands twitch, as if she wanted to reach out to me, but her arms stayed planted by her side. The urge to run to her was nearly unbearable, but I fisted my hand in the hair and the base of my neck to keep it from moving. This was not my homecoming. This was just Christmas with friends.
Is that what this was?
"Where's Carlisle?" Alice asked, looking over at Esme and releasing my arm, as if she knew what the touch did to her pseudo-mother. She blinked, and then said, "Oh."
Esme smiled gently at me, brushing a curl away from her face before crossing her arms. "Since we haven't been here long and Carlisle's been working a lot of the night shifts, the hospital asked him to cover until morning. I hope you don't mind."
"Of course not," I murmured. "That's fine."
"He should be in around five," she said, nodding.
"Do you want to put your stuff in your room? Explore?" Alice asked. "You're welcome to do whatever you want. TV, radio, computer, library- any of it."
"Thanks," I mumbled, but kept my bag close. For all she knew, her present was in here. She was known to peek.
She glanced at my duffel, confirming my suspicions. "Bella, do you want me to-"
She abruptly stopped, as if a puppeteer was pulling her erect. Her eyes went wide, and her lips parted. The vision only lasted a few long moments, but when she blinked again, her delicate face was full with fury.
"I don't think so, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!" Alice shouted, even though she well knew he could hear her if she whispered. "You entertain one more thought, and I'll have Rosalie tear that car apart so bad you won't know your catalytic converter from your gudgeon pin!"
I couldn't help it. I didn't know why she was yelling, or why she was threatening the car, or what the heck a gudgeon pin was, but a loud, unladylike guffaw exploded from my mouth. The laughter warmed me, starting in the pit of my belly and expanding, pulsing through my veins like a drug. I slapped a hand to my lips to try and stifle the noise, but it was impossible. The thought of tiny little Alice looming over her brother kept the hysteric giggles coming, rolling my entire body with their spasmodic motions.
Esme beamed. I could see her face every time I gasped for breath, and she was hugging herself tightly, the smile on her face so bright that it was practically the sun.
I could feel other vampires watching me too. Alice, definitely. Emmett and Jasper, probably. And Edward, maybe. This thought almost sobered me, until Emmett's booming laughter crashed over me like a wave of jubilee. I doubled over, my bag falling to the ground, and Esme's tittering joined in.
When was the last time I felt this good? I thought as I heard Alice's attempt to hide her giggles. Months? Years? The exuberance coursed through my body, making my fingertips feel electrified. For the first time since Edward kissed me that day in the closet, I felt alive.
"Damn!" Emmett exclaimed once I could catch my breath again. "It's days like these when we need a digital recorder!"
"It's a miracle when we get her to smile," Alice agreed. "Much less laugh uncontrollably."
"A wonderful sound," Esme murmured, tugging at the collar of her sweater.
I looked at the floor, not knowing what to say. I had to admit: I was feeling more comfortable than I ever thought I could be near this family again. They accepted me. They cared about me.
But they still left me to begin with.
I noticed the change in Jasper's posture from where he stood across the room. He must have felt the drop in my mood, and I shifted my duffel on my shoulder uncomfortably.
"Please," Edward whispered behind me. "Please give us a second chance. Or at least... give them a second chance."
I looked up, and caught Alice's gaze. Her eyes were wide and dark, pleading with me.
"I won't leave," I promised. "I'll stay if you'll stay."
Alice beamed and clapped her hands.
"But that doesn't mean I'll stay here." I qualified, not about to let her wrap me in something I wasn't ready for yet. "But I'll won't leave the general area."
"That's more than we can ever ask," Esme nodded, looking again like she was physically restraining her arms. It nearly killed me to hurt her so, but if I fell into her embrace, I might never want back out.
"Um, Esme?" Jasper said. "Do you think Carlisle would mind if we set up the tree before he got home?"
Her eyes suddenly brightened several shades. "That's a marvelous idea, Jasper!" She unfolded her arms and clasped them in front of her. "Why don't you kids go get the tree? I'll go dig up the old ornaments and find some scrap metal."
"Scrap metal?" I asked, arching my brows.
"You'll see," Alice chirped, grabbing my hand once more and turning around to head for the door.
Edward stood in her way. "Esme, Bella just got here," he said, his tone reasonable, but his voice strained. "Don't you think she'd like to get settled before we drag her into the woods?"
Alice hissed at him, upset that he was ruining her fun.
"I don't mind," I said loudly. Something about him obsessing about my happiness and comfort drove me up the wall. It was so incredibly hypocritical.
"He's right, Bella," Esme said. I turned around and looked at her, and she smiled at me. "Why don't you stay here with me, and we'll decorate the house? The boys can get the tree and Alice and Rose can go find a junk yard."
I didn't want to stay just because Edward wanted me to, but the thought of some alone time with Esme was too tempting to give up. "Okay," I told her, and Alice released my hand with a sneer towards her brother.
He shrugged and gave my face one last glance before disappearing out the door. Jasper gave Alice a quick kiss on the top of her head before following, giving me a brief wave over his shoulder. "Don't do anything funny while we're gone," Emmett said as he moved to follow his brothers. He gave me a light punch on the arm. "Heck, we might even pick up a digital recorder while we're out."
"Bye, Emmett," I murmured, pushing my hair out of my face.
"Well, I guess since you're kicking us out, I'll be going too." Alice sighed as her bear of a sibling ambled out the front door. She gave me a wide-eyed pout. "Bella, are you sure you don't want to come handle dirty, trashed scraps with Rose and me?"
I bit my lip feeling guilty, but she rolled her eyes. "I'm kidding. Stay here and relax. Esme probably won't let you lift a finger."
"You don't want the boys to beat you back, do you?" the vampire in question teased. She came up behind me, finally giving in, and put her arm around my waist.
"Very true," Alice sang, and danced out the front door. "See you soon, Bella!"
Esme squeezed me to her. "We'll have fun here," she murmured. "Would you like me to take your bag? Or would you rather put it in your room while I get the decorations out of the attic? You could explore without the others watching you..."
I nodded, trying to give her my best smile. We waited until we heard the girls' car squeal down the driveway, and I pulled away. She didn't object, just went about her business. She disappeared behind a cream-colored wall, and I followed at a slower pace, taking in my surroundings for the next two days. Instead of the large open space their house in Forks had been, this floor was filled with walls, standing out to be decorative. It was practically a maze.
The wall that Esme vanished behind hid a flight of stairs. I looked down at my wet, muddy boots and slipped them off. The carpet was impeccably clean, and I didn't want to be the one to ruin that.
I put my hand on the banister and climbed to the second floor. Always surprising me, the house was a geometric beauty. The second floor was round. There were two doors on the left semicircle, and two on the right. Another door was positioned directly across from me. I closed the distance in a few long strides and pulled it open. More stairs.
This flight took me up and then turned me around. Unlike the first or second floor, the third was diamond shaped. There were only three rooms: one to my right, one to my left, and one oddly shaped door in the center. Stairs were pulled down from an opening in the ceiling, and I could hear Esme humming to herself.
The center door was almost a trapezoid. The left side raised to about five feet and then suddenly slanted to the right for another foot and a half.
It was noticing this oddity that I realized that each of the doors I'd passed were different. They were all much more subtle than this one, but one had been painted a slight gray. Another had a glass doorknob- most likely not one of the boys' room, or it'd be broken too easily. The one now to my right had a different framing.
Had it been like this back in Forks?
I made my feet move to the strangely shaped door and twisted the generic doorknob. A spacious room swallowed me. It smelled like Alice and Rosalie. The walls were painted a dark gray, practically silver, and strips of dark blue slithered across the back wall, which hosted the backboard of a queen sized bed. The carpet was also dark blue, lush and thick and expensive. A cherry-wood rocking chair was positioned by the window, a patterned afghan folded over the back. New paint burned my nose.
My mind suddenly reeled back to the bed. It smelled brand new, the navy comforter reeking of plastic and cleaning chemicals. If this was Alice or Rosalie's room, why couldn't I detect their scents?
I dropped my bag by the rocking chair, my body accepting that this was my room before my mind did. I should have been angry. Furious. I should have stormed out and demanded that I sleep on the living room couch. But I just staggered to the bed, pushed off the numerous silver pillows, and buried into the covers. It was faint, but the smell of violets wafted from the sheets. I rubbed my cheek across the fabric, practically marking my territory.
I could have fallen asleep right there- whoever had picked out the mattress had chosen well. I didn't want to close my eyes, though. I gathered the blankets around me and curled into a ball, staring out the window.
They'd set up a room for me. How long did they think I'd be staying? Had Alice somehow convinced Carlisle that she'd seen me living with them? How disappointed would they be when I didn't?
"Do you like it?" Esme asked hesitantly from the door. I made a vigorous nodding, hoping she'd see it but not get her hopes up. There was a shuffling as she crossed the room. The bed dipped as she climbed onto the bed with me, grabbing a pillow and tucking it under her head.
I rolled over and faced her. Her expression was conflicted, understandably, her golden eyes searching mine. With a deep inhale of her sweet pea scent, I shifted forward and hid my face in the crook of her neck.
It was an extraordinary homecoming.
