Chapter twelve
Emma was sure that her heart was going to break her sternum if it kept hammering her chest like that.
Getting out of the shaft had been great, but seeing Regina… that felt like breathing for the first time.
Three seconds.
That was the time she took to notice Regina's hair was shorter, her mouth had red lipstick on, and her beautiful brown eyes had tears.
After three seconds, the brunette faltered before Emma's eyes and then reacted to that stupid smile.
It felt like that first kiss back in '83. Her face was inches from Emma's, and her breathing was irregular, and her scent was all around. Emma's eyes fell upon the scar on her upper lip for a second that lasted an eternity…
But their lips never got to meet again, because Regina started to yell at Emma.
"What is wrong with you?"
She sounded outraged, stepping back to keep a safe distance from the blonde.
Emma watched the woman in front of her, frowning in confusion, not sure why she was being yelled at.
The air went still. There was silence, disturbing silence, and the uncomfortable awareness of too many eyes and ears around. It was a long-overdue match. The fight of the century.
"You could have died, and you could have killed my son!" the brunette growled, coming closer again. Dangerously closer.
"Your son fell!" Emma shouted, pouncing on her like a wounded animal, finally recovering her ability to speak after a momentary loss.
"He wouldn't have fallen if you had isolated and signaled this area properly!" Regina hissed, training her eyes on the blonde, struggling to remain furious, restraining the urge to fall into her dirty arms. They once saved Regina, and now they saved her son. "Still an irresponsible," she added in undertone.
"Fine," Emma let out a deep breath. "Blame it on me. It's becoming tradition with your family, huh? Welcome back to Storybrooke," she spat with arrogance, turning around and walking away.
She was fuming when she collapsed behind the steering wheel of the bug.
Emma closed her eyes, trying to remember why she fell in love with that… travel bag.
It was funny how it sounded like Granny's voice referring to Cora Mills, but still…
And Emma laughed, because it was funny, and because she was pathetic. It was like going back in time and starting the story all over again – she always needed an excuse to hate Regina, because she simply couldn't just do it on her own accord.
XXX
After the fire fighters and curious were gone, David passed one arm around Mary Margaret's waist as they watched Regina climb into her car with the little boy, Henry, and then drive away.
"Wow," David muttered.
"Yeah," Mary nodded.
"Felt like old times, didn't it?"
"We should put them inside a dome," she said pensively. "The sexual tension would serve the electricity demand for centuries-"
David laughed, but his face fell when Ruby walked away. "Oh shit."
"Why couldn't you tell me she was standing there?" Mary hissed.
XXX
Ruby stomped away, dry leaves cracking and branches snapping under her boots as she marched towards Emma's car. She had half expected the blonde to be in a bad temper, but Emma was smirking with a cigarette between her lips as she shuffled the dial on the car panel.
"Remember when we used to camp here when we were kids and we dared MM to touch that crooked tree for three seconds or she'd have to sleep outside the tent?"
Ruby took the cigarette from her and dragged it in her sweet time before she answered.
"Remember you made her beg and make up a song of how great you were, even after she did it?"
"I'm a very disturbed person," Emma sighed. "I should've known there was something wrong with me since then-"
"There's nothing wrong with you-"
"Your opinion doesn't count-"
"Thank you for that-"
"You know what I mean, Rubes… You're too biased."
Ruby sighed. "I wish I wasn't."
Emma was a second away from asking her on a date, but for once, she decided not to be irresponsible with Ruby's feelings.
It would be one date, and she would mess with the expectations. If she kept being an asshole, at least Ruby knew what was coming.
"Are you hungry?" she asked the blonde, staring out of the window.
Emma knew that tone. She ignited the bug and drove to Ruby's apartment.
XXX
"How's he doing?"
Regina felt the lump in her throat constrict as her father bore his old and tired eyes on her. She held his hand, her thumb playing distractedly with his plastic bracelet.
"A little angry."
"I would be too, if I was ten and forced to live with Cora," Henry said laughing.
Regina chuckled as she wiped a tear away. She had missed him.
"I'm not sure why, but… I have this feeling that he hates me, no matter what I do."
"I'm sure that is not true, but seriously, honey… You don't need to leave your life behind for your old man. I'll be fine and back on my feet soon."
"I'm not going back to New York, dad."
"And why is that?"
Regina thought of Emma Swan, and she thought about everything she had to face without her for thirteen years.
"I missed it here," she said.
He offered her his best knowing look, because he was like that.
"Took you long enough."
"I had to focus on him first," she shook her head. "I couldn't just… leave him there and come back to fix what happened."
"I think it would've been fun to watch Emma dealing with you and a baby when she was younger," Henry chuckled.
"You still like her, don't you?" Regina asked with a sad smile.
"I heard she jumped in that mine when she found out he was your son. She's still the same, honey."
Regina sighed.
"Does she know he's not -?"
"No. But you could always use that as an ice breaker for conversation, huh?"
She rolled her eyes. "I rest my case. You're healthy," Regina picked her purse and planted a kiss on his forehead. "But I'm staying anyway."
As she walked through the cold hallways of the hospital, Regina tuned the soft knocking of her heels to the background of her mind. She remembered Emma dragging her around that very same corner, her t-shirt ripped and her wrist bleeding after they were attacked by the dog.
On Halloween, she remembered running and searching for Emma on the left wing after she fell from the roof of her parents' house. She remembered that Emma removed the cast earlier. She remembered prom, the fish tank light, Emma's breath against her neck as she –
Regina gasped when she noticed Cora and Henry staring at her. She was on the front hall of the hospital, almost leaving without him.
"I forgot how affected you get," her mother said with a smooth, disapproving voice. "It's been what, half a day?"
"Don't," Regina hissed, grabbing Henry's hand and leading him to their car outside.
"You said you hated that house," Henry muttered after a few minutes' drive.
"We'll have it all to ourselves tonight. It's a great house, just-"
"Grandma Cora?"
"Yes," Regina sighed, massaging the throbbing vein on her temple. "She's a bit… too much to handle right now."
"I'm sorry I ran away. I know you're worried about Grandpa, and that I should've stayed-"
"I should have consulted you first before deciding to move back to Storybrooke," she said unexpectedly. "I know what it feels like to have your life taken away, to be… forced to go and… live your life in a different place…"
"Why are you crying, mom?" Henry asked startled. It didn't even sound like the kid that had a tantrum over a trip to his mother's hometown. "I'm okay, it's not that bad… The woods are kinda nice, and Emma is really cool-"
Her face darkened. "You liked her?"
Henry shrugged. "She saved me," he muttered.
"You wouldn't need saving if you had…" Regina sighed after noticing the rise on her voice. "Okay. Let's not mention it again. Everything went out well."
"What's your deal with her?"
Regina rolled her eyes as she parked on the driveway of her old house.
"I don't have a deal with her."
"Then why don't you like her?"
Oh, kids and their accuracy to pick up bullshit in the air.
"I don't dislike her, I just-"
"Wow!"
Regina leaned on the doorframe to the TV room with a smile as her son literally ran towards the small collection of VHS tapes. She imagined most of them were war documentaries that her dad ordered, but it would keep him distracted.
"I'll make some dinner, okay?" Regina said, heading to the kitchen. "Do you want to go wash up?"
"In a minute," he said distractedly, running his fingers over the tapes' spines. Henry saw one in the end of the shelf, a little dusty. It was out of the box and had a label that read
REGINA '83
"Henry!"
"Coming, mom!" he called back, running to the washroom and forgetting about it.
XXX
"You owe me a new bedframe."
Emma didn't look back at Ruby, but she knew she wasn't really angry. She dragged her cigarette as she watched the dark street outside. It was raining and it had been a long day.
She flicked the cigarette butt outside and turned to Ruby.
"I'll stop by Monday morning and fix it," she said with a smirk.
"That's what you said when you snapped my shower curtain."
Ruby watched her prance around her small apartment. Barefoot, loose jeans and usually a sinfully cropped t-shirt or an unbuttoned flannel shirt – today it was the latter - and her hair a thick mess of blonde curls.
"I gotta go."
Ruby sat up on her bed, wearing her blanket like a cape around her shoulders, hiding most of the angry marks – Emma had animalistic tendencies, but sex had never been that great.
It could not be a coincidence. The Queen was back in town and suddenly Emma was providing the best sex she ever had.
"You're not hungry?" Ruby asked, trying to deflect her thoughts. "I have one slice of pizza from yesterday-"
"I ate it already," Emma winked, leaning forward to kiss her. "I'll come on Monday-"
"Fine," Ruby rolled her eyes and got under the blankets again. "See yourself out, Sheriff."
Emma sighed, putting on her boots and buttoning her shirt. She grabbed her keys on the kitchen counter and walked out the door, watching Ruby for a second. It looked like she had fallen asleep again.
"Sorry about the bed," Emma said, and closed the door behind her.
Running to the car only made it worse, and now she was wet and shivering behind the steering wheel of the bug. Emma drove on autopilot, and suddenly she was making a different turn that led to a familiar road.
She was tired to fight against the urge, and she was angry enough to dare.
Mifflin Street had changed nothing over the past ten years. The tall trees and big houses adorned each side of the pavement, and only a few lights were still on. As she approached the number 108, Emma pulled over across the street and took a deep breath.
Through the rain-sprinkled window of her car, she saw the house. For a second, it stopped raining and Regina came through the front door dressed for prom; the next second, it was dark and thundering, and no one was there.
Emma lit up a cigarette and sighed.
XXX
Regina tucked Henry in and came downstairs for some tea.
Usually she wouldn't allow him to stay up so late, but with her father recovering in the hospital and the near fatal accident that morning, she decided to indulge to hot chocolate and a movie before bed.
With a blanket around her shoulders and wearing pajamas, she never felt this free inside that house. She lit one lampshade and took her father's armchair, closing her eyes to enjoy the sound of the rain.
Then a peculiar noise caught her attention.
Regina stood up and walked towards the window. She pulled the curtains sideways and spotted a yellow Volkswagen across the street. She felt her heart drop to her stomach.
Emma was smoking inside the car, unaware that she had been noticed.
She was the reason why Regina loved and hated Storybrooke. However, she was also the reason why Henry was alive and breathing, sleeping safely upstairs.
Mustering all the courage that she was sure she didn't have, Regina placed her cup of tea on the nearest piece of furniture and opened the front door. It was pouring outside.
Regina narrowed her eyes. Emma had that arrogant face even when she didn't know she was being watched, and Regina wanted to blame her for everything, to hate her like she did when she was younger, but that was just not possible.
She took a deep breath and lit up the porch.
XXX
Emma rolled down the window to flick the cigarette when she saw Regina.
They kept staring at each other from across the street for about twenty minutes, when Emma finally decided it was an absurd and ignited the car.
"I wrote to you!" Regina exclaimed.
Emma turned off the keys and rolled her eyes.
"I wrote to you every week. For three years!" she went on, taking a step out in the rain. "It's not possible that you didn't get any of my letters!"
"You know me," Emma scoffed. "I don't like reading."
Regina sighed, dropping her shoulders. "Thank you for saving my son."
"Where's his dad?"
"There's no… I don't have a…"
Emma glared at Regina and stepped out of the car as well. She was relieved there wasn't a father and a husband, but she was still mad.
"Well, get one," the blonde hissed. "You see what happens when kids grow up without one parent. They turn out like me!"
"Emma-"
"Don't Emma me!" she yelled.
They were both soaking wet. Emma kept her eyes on the ground.
"What are you doing here?" Regina asked softly.
"I don't know."
"If you want to talk-"
"I don't want to talk!" she barked. "I want to yell at you, and be angry with you!"
Regina nodded.
"Stop acting like a fucking fence sitter!"
"Fine!" the brunette raised her voice and took a step closer. "Do you want to yell at me in the middle of the street? Fine! Let's yell!"
"Why?" Emma yelled.
"Because I hate myself for what happened to you that day! Because I still can't swallow that my mother forced me to leave without saying goodbye to you! Because I regret…" she sobbed, and then she looked up at Emma, her voice low and shaky now. "I regret that I didn't run away with you when I had the chance."
Emma swallowed hard.
Her heart was definitively going to break her ribs now.
She felt sorrow, and anger, and raw passion…
For thirteen years, she wondered how this moment would be. She had imagined it many times, and they all involved her humiliating Regina and then walking away with her pride intact.
But her heart was a little shit when it came to that woman.
"If you'd stayed…" she muttered, feeling her throat ache with all the yelling. "If you'd stayed, you wouldn't have a son. He seems like a great kid."
Regina smiled as she felt more tears coming, just like the downpour. She didn't know what to say; she loved Henry and the choice she made, but she never stopped wondering what could have been if she stayed.
"He is a great kid."
"You did a great job raising him by yourself," Emma added, a little embarrassed with what she said before.
"I don't know about that," Regina chuckled. "We think we're ready but we never really are."
"Yeah. Like being in love."
Regina held her breath. "You… were?"
There was a long pause.
"Yeah," Emma nodded, laughing awkwardly as she pulled the door of the car open. "But then you broke my heart, Mills. I wasn't ready for that."
Before Regina could say anything – not that she would be able to, anyway – Emma got inside the Bug and drove away.
Regina stood rooted on her spot as she watched the yellow car disappear.
"You still have awful taste in cars!" she cried, walking slowly towards the house. "Idiot-"
XXX
Emma got rid of her boots and her shirt when she got home. She picked a towel from the basket and wiped her hair and torso, getting rid of her drenched socks as well. She opened her fridge and stared at the contents.
Chinese food. Two beers. One egg.
It was a great thing that she didn't have a family; that wasn't a family's fridge.
She wondered what Regina's fridge looked like. She pictured her organizing everything in tupperware and Pyrex, and she pictured her and the chatty boy, Henry, eating dinner. And she imagined what would be like to get home and find their faces waiting for her every day.
Giving up on late dinner, she grabbed the flask with fish food and put some on the fish tank on her way to her bedroom. She sighed in front of her wardrobe, and then removed a stash of letters that she kept inside a shoe box, in the same order that they arrived.
After thirteen years, she was going to read the first one.
By six in the morning, Emma was finishing the last.
Regina tried to apologize, she really did. Regina said she loved her and missed her every day. Regina went through a rough time when her roommate started to hang out with drug addicts. Regina had no idea what to do when her nearly overdosing roommate gave birth to a little boy in the bathtub of their minuscule apartment.
The last letter was wrapping a Polaroid. In the picture, Regina's hair was shorter than now, and she was holding a dark haired baby in her arms, smiling. On the back it said:
REGINA AND HENRY
OXFORD - 1.986
Emma's heart was in pieces, and so was her mind, but she could not help grinning when she looked back at the pair. The way Regina smiled, like the picture was taken and meant to be for Emma… It felt like she was part of the family.
