CHAPTER THIRTEEN- "Come On Get Higher," by Matt Nathanson

My hands were clenched in the sheets when I awoke, my eyes tightly squeezed shut. I breathed laboriously into the pillow, coughing out sobs and convincing myself that it was all just a dream. Well, as much as a dream could be a dream for me. The only memory I hadn't revisited in ten years echoed hauntingly through my head. "You don't want me?" I could hear myself saying. Edward's velvet voice played a role too: "Bella, I don't want you to come with me."

The cold burning in my chest was unbearable, devouring me from the inside out. I attempted to curl in on myself, but something stopped me. When I opened my eyes, my vision was filled with Edward's bare chest, leading to his throat, and then to his face. His eyes were closed, his expression peaceful, and suddenly, the fire was quenched. "Edward?" I whispered, but he didn't open his eyes. Strange. "Edward," I repeated louder.

His eyelids fluttered open, and I stared into pools of gold. "Good morning," he whispered, smiling crookedly at me.

He was so beautiful that I swear my heart started beating for a minute. Was it truly possible that our reconciliation wasn't merely a preface to my nightmare? It seemed too good to be true, but there was no other way to explain the gloriously content Greek god I was currently using as a pillow. "Do I have to get up?" I muttered, hiding my face in the crook of his neck.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to," he assured me. "We can stay here all day if you wish."

Shaking my head, I sighed. "No. I really need to apologize to your family." Guilt smothered me as I remembered how I'd ruined the Cullens' Christmas.

"They've decided to go hunting for a few days," Edward informed me smugly, brushing a messy curl away from my face. "Alice had a sudden urge to get out of the house."

I tried to hide my pleased smile. "They didn't have to do that." My body fitted to his nonetheless, my legs wrapping around his denim-donned leg. Despite the remorse I felt for kicking the Cullens out of their home, it was a very nice way to begin the day. I wasn't quite ready to share Edward with anybody else, and besides that, I was still a bit of a coward. The thought of vindicating Rosalie's words made me apprehensive.

"Oh, trust me, none of them put up a fight." He chuckled, reaching his arm back to use it as a pillow. "Before Alice could even explain why she wanted to leave us alone, Esme already had her key in the ignition."

The things I'd said to her the night before echoed back to me, and I cringed. "I was so rude to her."

"You were upset." His free hand was drawing abstract patterns on my back.

"That's no excuse. I feel like a jerk." I sighed and put my forehead to his smooth skin.

"So do I, love," he murmured, staring at something far away. Lines were etched into his forehead, his lips pursed. When his gaze returned to me, though, his expression lightened. "But just think- we have the rest of forever to make it up to them."

I smiled against him. An eternity with Edward and the rest of the Cullens seemed to be everything I always wanted. It was almost too good to be true. A tiny part of me was trying to convince me that this was all just a facade, but I immediately gave that mentality a pair of cement shoes. After last night, I'd decided that whether Edward wanted me or not, I was no longer going to push him away. Having him in my arms and hearing his sweet words was just too addictive. "My own personal brand of heroin," he'd once called me. Now that metaphor seemed to have reversed.

"How long will they be gone?" I wondered aloud, brushing my lips against his collar bone.

"Two, three days," he estimated, twisting a lock of my uncombed hair around his finger. "Just enough time for us to have some personal space."

An errant thought struck me, and I almost pushed it away, but curiosity devoured me. "Can I ask a question?"

"Never," he deadpanned, and I rolled my eyes.

"I was just wondering... Do you remember when you asked me if I'd been with anybody, and I told you I had?" His eyes smoldered, and he opened his mouth to reply, but I cut him off. "Of course you do. Well, I'm curious... Were you? With anybody else, I mean."

"My own family could hardly bear to be around me," he told me. "And there's never been anyone but you."

I frowned. As much as I hated the thought of someone else touching Edward, it would have made me feel the tiniest bit less guilty. It would be a lie to say that I was perfectly content with Jacob, but the entire relationship seemed like adultery. "I wish I could say the same," I sighed.

"You regret him?" he asked, honestly sounding surprised.

"I don't regret him, per say." My mind tried to organize my thoughts; it was a confusing subject. "I had some very good times with Jacob. But a lot of rough times, too. Some were so bad, I wonder if the good can validate the relationship."

"That makes sense," he said, his expression thoughtful.

We were quiet then, obviously sensing that no more would be said on the subject. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, though. I was very content just laying against him, his hand tangled in my hair. After thirteen years of being separated, it appeared that we hadn't been apart for more than a day. The ease at which this came was surprising. I'd never expected to feel this comfortable around him again.

His presence was almost blissful as we watched the sky lighten- it was still dark when I awoke. The way the sun was pouring through the window, it seemed that all the snow-filled clouds had moved out, at least for the day. When a few stray beams stretched out far enough to graze Edward's forearm, his skin lit up with rainbows. I shifted my hand so that it caught the rays, too. The crystals embedded in our skin reflected patterns onto his face, and he blinked against the light.

The sun must have reached me by now, because Edward grinned crookedly and said, "You look like an angel, Bella." I opened my mouth to thank him, but he shook his head and cut me off. "You always have, of course, but now you have the halo to match."

"Don't worry," I told him offhandedly. "I've still got a bit of devil in me."

He chuckled. "That's what I'm counting on."

Our banter continued like this- off and on, no long, drawn out conversations. Neither Edward or I felt like reliving the past thirteen years, and the future seemed too far away to be concerned with. We made comments and asked questions, but we mostly just basked in the feeling of being together. There was no need- nor want- for time to pass. This moment, for right now, was all we had, so we held onto it.

When the sunshine spotlight had made its way through the room, and the sky began to darken again, I sighed. It was unlike me to waste away an entire day. "That's it," I announced, sitting up. "I have to get up. I need to do something."

Edward grinned, pushing himself up as well. "And what is it you plan on doing?" His amusement was smug. "There's nobody to cook for, and Esme keeps the house spotless."

"I'm not sure," I admitted, kicking away the covers. "But if I stay in this bed one more minute, I'm going to go crazy."

"Well, then, by all means..." He was up and across the room before I could take another breath, picking up his discarded shirt and slipping it on.

That gave me an idea. "No, wait a minute," I said, pulling off my hoodie.

Edward raised a brow.

"Laundry!" I shouted, throwing the jacket at him. "You're turning into Emmett."

He chuckled and brought both his shirt and my hoodie over to me. "I'm sorry, love." His lips brushed against my forehead, and he buried his nose in my hair. "Can you blame me for being in a good mood?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I muttered, trying very hard not to be fazed. "Find me some clothes to wash."

"Please?" he teased, brushing his thumb over my bottom lip.

I folded my arms over my chest like a child and looked up at him. "Please."

The feeling of his mouth on mine was indescribable. When he tried to pull away, I made an objection that sounded very much like, "Mmmphglmn." His lips formed a grin against mine, and his palms pressed against my cheeks. A shudder of pleasure trickled down my spine as he traced the shape of my lips with his tongue. When I thought that becoming a vampire would err the effect Edward had on me and his ambrosial taste, I was dead wrong. His touch electrified me just as it did so long ago.

"Laundry?" he mumbled against my kiss, putting his knee on the bed to reach my face better.

"Mmm. Never mind." I pulled him back down to my level. "The bed's not so bad."

His laughter was warm against my mouth. "I've missed you, Bella."

"I missed you, too."