Chapter 210

Back in Philadelphia, Matt was having what the youths would call a week. He had been handling a great deal in Jess' absence, though admittedly, the division of labor between the Truncheon men had never been better. Chris was still at the helm of the physical storefront, charming customers and anyone else who happened to come in with a charismatic smile and grand tour. Matt, meanwhile, had spent most of the week holed up in the office, trying to handle the business end of all of Jess' author contracts, and doing his best to ensure that all loose ends in terms of the publishing side of things got tied up. It was frantic, hectic and nonstop. And to be entirely honest, Matt loved it.

He hadn't had a shred of personal time this week, not in the traditional sense. He'd blown off tentative plans with Jane twice already, secretly relieved for the excuse. If he didn't see her until the wedding, well, that'd suit him just fine. He was getting to work by 9 at the latest every morning, waking up late after staying at the office until about 8 every night, getting home and heating up a frozen Trader Joe's dinner, and decompressing with a little television before he fell asleep. Honestly, it would be stressful for a lot of people. And in moments, it was for Matt. But most of the time, he relished his intense schedule and busy days, and had generally no complaints. Plus, it kept him busy focusing on work rather than other things…to the extent he had the capacity to do so. His thoughts were, however, often straying to the texts lighting up his phone every couple of hours and the woman who was sending them.

Paris Geller was clouding his mind, his judgment, every sense of reason he had. He could not for the life of himself get her out of his head. And if he were being honest with himself, he'd admit that he'd stopped trying. There was no longer any machinated, planned, strategic delay in between his receipt of her messages and his own responses. There was much less tamping down of what he wanted to say- insofar as he could without being directly disrespectful of her current situation. He felt bolder, more assured, more fearless, and frankly- decisive.

It had taken Matt a little time, but he was coming to terms about how he felt about Paris. How he felt about Paris. For Matt, that was a phrase he had really never anticipated saying or thinking. But he could not get her out of his head, and he was starting to realize that the thought wasn't going anywhere. She haunted him, in a manner of speaking. She continued to intrigue him more and more even as time passed, him getting the sense that there was always more to learn and discover with Paris, always more challenge she would offer, and more he would find to admire.

There was no universe in which he felt any of that about Jane. At first, he'd felt some regret about his lack of feeling or intensity for her once he'd realized he was capable of such intensity of feeling in the first place. But after a time, that guilt had dissipated. He would have ended the whole thing weeks, if not months ago, but he didn't want to arouse any suspicion or speculation on Paris' end. Not from her, per se, but from anyone who might notice their budding friendship and get the wrong idea. And besides that, Jane had become more and more interwoven into Jess' friend group. Matt was hoping that might naturally cool itself down a little before he handled the situation with her. Matt felt optimistic that it might, given Jane's cool reports of her time in New York with the other girls, and Hannah's awkwardness around Jane and her own wedding.

It was almost painful for him to think about the interactions he'd seen between Paris and Jane. Matt cringed to even think about those painful moments, where Paris' brilliance always seemed to radiate through whatever situation they were in, and Jane's obtuseness dully echoed in response. Matt had to admit- one of his favorite things about Paris Geller so far was her total lack of a poker face. He was shocked to hear from Jess that it had once been even worse, because whenever Jane said or did something particularly insipid or ignorant, Matt could see literally every ounce of derision, condescension, and secondhand embarrassment on Paris' face. If he were being his most honest self, he'd also probably admit that Paris' directness, bluntness, fearlessness- those were some of her most attractive qualities to him. She was who she was- boldly, unabashedly. He hadn't met many women like that, and certainly none who were as awe-inspiring as Paris herself was.

Her marriage was, of course, a complicating factor. So was her daughter, he supposed, though he certainly didn't think of it that way. When it came to Paris' marriage, Matt knew he should care, that he should feel guilty, that no matter how bad her marriage was, he had no right to express any of his attraction to her, to pursue her, to even think about her in the context he was doing so. But there were a couple things weighing on him in the opposite direction. First, Paris' total, obvious, blunt disinterest and unhappiness in her marriage. He couldn't imagine even thinking of someone in this way if they were happily married. But in the little time he'd known Paris, her marriage could never have been mistaken for a happy one. Beyond that, his dispassion for feeling any sort of guilt around the situation had dissipated when he met Doyle at the baby shower. Not that Matt could really imagine a human who was a true match for Paris Geller, totally worthy of her- but if such a being existed, it was immediately clear to Matt (and hopefully everyone else within a five mile radius) that Doyle was absolutely, without a doubt not it. He was pathetic. Boring, pedantic, petty, self-important, and clearly totally aware of how dull he was in comparison to his wife's shine. That part alone blew Matt's mind. If you were lucky enough to be with someone as brilliant, as inimitable as Paris, why would you try to outshine her? She was the sun. Anyone with her should know that, and let her be the center, and consider themselves lucky to be by her side, basking in the glow, rather than feeling intimidated by her light.

Simone, Matt supposed, could also be considered a complicating factor. But he didn't think of her that way. Matt had been very careful in how he approached the topic of Simone. He imagined that if others in the group had been aware of his effusiveness and excitement about Paris' baby, they may have suspected it to be less than genuine. It couldn't be further from the truth. Matt thought back to the couple of days when Paris' messages had suddenly been delayed out of nowhere. He'd been so nervous, anxious- worried that he'd overstepped, done something that had gone over a line, and that, after he'd started to feel everything he was feeling, and had made the decision to dive in headfirst, trust the feelings and see where it took him, that he'd made a misstep and was now going to lose his ability to handle that type of a loss. And then, out of the blue, he'd gotten Paris' message. Just the picture, and Simone's name. And his first thought had been - thank god she's not gone. Thank god she's still here. I'm so glad I didn't lose her. And his second thought had been- that's Paris' daughter. He'd been taken in by her immediately, totally enamored and enraptured by this being that had not only been a part of Paris since he'd met her months before, but who he knew was about to be Paris' whole world. And in spite of the fact that Matt had for years and years not been a "baby person", he responded with the most honest, authentic, meaningful sentiment that came to him: Perfect.

And perfect Simone was. From her cheeks to her nose to her miniature toes, Matt could already see Paris in her, and just knew, on some level, how much she meant to Paris, how her life was changed, and that, like her mom, Simone would be special, amazing, intimidating and unstoppable. Matt knew all of this to be true on a level he couldn't totally explain. What he did know is that he needed to meet her. He needed to meet Simone, and be privy to this huge part of Paris' life. As Matt felt more and more taken with Paris, he had a stronger and stronger need to connect to everything that was important to her. And, for the time being, and likely forever, Simone was going to be at the very top of that list.