Chapter 15

Castiel froze his heart in his throat. He heard Dean walk across the bathroom to the tub.

"Cas? Are you OK?" Dean repeated, obviously concerned.

"I'm fine," Castiel managed to choke out. He quickly rinsed away the evidence of his actions and tried to make himself relax. "I… I'm just in some pain… I…moved wrong…"

"OK," Dean answered, not sounding completely convinced. "Ellen sent me up to check on you and see if you needed any help. Are you almost done?"

"Yes. I… I just need to make the water stop so I can dry off," He said as he studied the faucet in an attempt to figure out how to turn it off.

Suddenly, he saw Dean sneak a hand in and turn the water off.

"There you go. I didn't want you turning it the wrong way and burning yourself."

"Thank you," Castiel replied weakly.

He felt his face grow hotter as he knew the towel was out there and the only way he could reach it would be to open the curtain and lean out of the tub. He didn't want Dean to see him fully exposed, but he couldn't think of any other way. But then, suddenly his towel was slung over the shower curtain.

"There you go, Cas. So you don't fall over trying to reach for it."

Castiel couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief. He pulled down the towel and began drying himself off. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad. Maybe Dean would go away long enough for him to get out of the bathroom and get dressed before seeing him. Certainly it would make things less awkward, not to mention he wouldn't feel quite so vulnerable. Any hope of being able to fend for himself, however, quickly disappeared when he tried to stand up. He hadn't realized how tired he really was and that his "activities" during his shower only compounded the problem. He stood up only to fall back down into his seat when his legs began to tremble like jell-o. He heard Dean quickly run over to the tub.

"What happened? Are you OK?" Dean demanded quickly.

Castiel cringed. "Yes… I'm OK… I just can't stand up very well… I didn't realize how weak I am…"

Before he could react Dean pushed open the shower curtain. Castiel quickly covered his lap with the towel, his face flushing with embarrassment. Dean looked at him carefully before giving him a gentle smile.

"Don't worry about it, Cas. I'll help you out of there and help you get dressed. God knows how many times I've had to help Sam out when he got hurt. Broken ribs and blood loss are a bitch!"

Castiel hesitated before reluctantly reaching out and letting Dean steady him as he rose to his feet and wrapped the towel more securely around his waist. He then allowed Dean to help him out of the tub and support his weight while walking him over to the toilet where he could sit again. He was amazed out how much effort it took him to do such simple things. Dean simply smiled at him while grabbing the clothes Ellen had gotten for him and kneeling down in front of him.

"Let's get you dressed and in bed," Dean said holding out the t-shirt to him. "You'll be able to rest and get better a hell of a lot faster here now that we don't have you hopping in and out of the Impala."

Castiel carefully pulled the shirt over his head, but couldn't help the whimper of pain the action caused. Dean shot him a look of concern, but didn't say anything. He simply busied himself with helping Castiel put on his boxers and pajama pants. Castiel felt himself relax more despite his fears. He felt safe with Dean and knew deep down that Dean would do everything he could to keep him safe. And as Dean helped him to bed Castiel couldn't help but savor Dean's warm strong hands around his waist and his hard lean body pressed up against his own. He breathed in Dean's musky aroma, a scent that was intoxicating to him. He was secretly thankful he had allowed himself his moment of pleasure during his shower because he was quite sure he wouldn't have been able to hide it now.

They eventually made it into the bedroom and over to the bed. Once the bedding was pulled back Dean carefully helped Castiel into the bed and covered him up. Castiel felt his body relax into the soft mattress he was now laying on. A content sigh escaped his lips causing Dean to grin.

"Alright, Cas. Try to get some sleep. I'm gonna go take my shower and I'll check on you before I go to bed. But holler if you need anything, OK?"

Castiel nodded, his eyes already drifting closed. He heard Dean move away and close the door partially. He then could hear Dean go down the hallway, back to the bathroom. Sleep was almost ready to over take him…

And then he realized something.

It was quiet.

Very quiet.

Castiel could hear his heart begin to pound faster in his chest. He had never experienced such silence before. He had always been able to hear something; his brethren talking amongst each other… the voices of the humans on Earth… the sounds of demons… the sounds of the Earth itself…

But now… nothing. The only sounds in the house were the faint sounds of the shower down the hallway, the wind blowing outside… and the sound of his own heart beat and shallow breaths. The silence was almost deafening… like a blanket threatening to smother him.

It was at that moment the full reality of what had happened to him began to sink in. He realized that he had truly lost his grace. That all the powers and abilities he had once had were now gone forever. His brethren had abandoned him, wanted nothing more to do with him. They had cast him aside and left him to die. He would never hear the sweet voices of his brothers and sisters again. He would never see his home, Heaven, ever again. He was alone.

Tears filled his eyes and a sob escaped his lips. Pain shot through him as he began to cry harder so he tried to stifle his sobs with little success. He shivered as he realized just how cold and empty he really felt and tried to wrap his blankets around him tighter. He couldn't stop the tears and his jumbled thoughts continued to overwhelm him, filling him full of fear and grief. He didn't know what he was going to do.

He desperately wanted to believe Dean would be there for him forever, but he knew, deep down, what Dean's destiny was. He knew that when Dean finally fulfilled it that he would be forgotten. Dean would receive his Heavenly rewards and Castiel would be forced to remain on Earth. Alone.

He cried harder at the thought. He clutched the pillow under his head with both hands and he buried his face into its softness, his tears dampening the pillowcase. He didn't hear the shower shut off or the sound of Dean making his way back down the hallway over his sobs. He didn't realize Dean was there until he felt the bed move next to him. He opened his eyes and saw Dean sitting next to him, his face filled with concern.

"Hey," Dean said softly. He reached over and began gently rubbing Castiel lower back. "What's wrong, Castiel?"

Castiel shook his head and tried to look away, but Dean reached over and forced his face to turn back.

"Come on, Cas. What's wrong? Are you in a lot of pain?"

Castiel shook his head and tried to force himself to stop crying. He met Dean's gaze and could see the worry in his green eyes. Castiel swallowed hard and wiped his face with his hand.

"I… I'm afraid…" He whispered meekly.

"Of what?" Dean pressed gently. "You don't need to be. You're safe here. Bobby has this place guarded like Fort Knox against any demons that might try to get in. And the other angels… well… if they know what's good for them they'll back off."

Castiel shook his head again.

"It's… not that… It's… me."

Dean frowned in confusion. He didn't stop rubbing Castiel's back, though.

"What are you afraid of about you?"

Castiel could feel fresh tears forming despite his best efforts to fight them. He dropped his gaze.

"I… I feel so… alone… it's so… quiet… I can't hear the other angels anymore… and I… I know it's my own fault… I know I can never go home…"

He turned his head away again as the tears began to stream down his cheeks. It had hurt badly to confess his fears to Dean and it also reminded him of his shame. He felt Dean move his arm up his back and wrap around his shoulders and pull his closer. He then felt Dean lean closer to him.

"Listen to me, Castiel," Dean whispered firmly. "You are not alone here, OK? You have Bobby and Ellen now. And Sam, even with what he's dealing with. And you will always have me. I will never let you be alone. I swear it."

Castiel slowly looked up and met Dean's firm gaze, too stunned to speak.

"And I don't know how… but I swear that somehow I'm gonna fix this. I'm gonna figure out how to get rid of Lucifer and get your grace back. I don't care if it's the last thing I do."

"But my grace was destroyed," Castiel said softly, shaking his head. "You can't promise me that, Dean."

Dean shook his head. "I'll find you a new grace then. I don't care. You'll get a new grace and then you can go home. I'm not gonna let you suffer because I dragged you into my mess."

Castiel felt his throat tighten. "You didn't drag me into anything, Dean."

"Yes, I did. They hurt you and punished you because of me and I can't live with myself if I don't do something about it. I…"

Dean's voice trailed off. Castiel could see Dean wanted to say something, but was holding back. Finally, Dean smirked.

"Besides, it'll give me extra motivation to kick Zachariah's ass when I get the chance."

Castiel's eyes widened. "Dean, you wouldn't!"

Dean chuckled. "Nah, I'd probably get my ass kicked! But, we're not going to worry about that tonight. Tonight you're gonna get some sleep."

Dean began to move and a bolt of fear shot through Castiel when he realized that Dean was leaving.

"Where are you going?" Castiel asked, unable to hide the fear in his voice.

Dean looked at him quizzically.

"I'm going to bed."

"Where?"

"Downstairs on the couch. Ellen's just down the hall if you need anything."

Castiel couldn't help himself from quickly grabbing Dean's hand, his eyes wide with fear.

"Don't go," He pleaded desperately. "Please stay here with me."

He saw Dean hesitate for a moment, thinking. Finally, Dean sighed and shrugged.

"Alright. If that's what you really want."

"It is," Castiel said quickly. Dean smirked.

"Fine, then move over."

Castiel cocked his head in confusion.

"What?"

"Move over. This bed's big enough and I'm not going to sleep in a chair all night. I'll sleep in bed with you and then you don't have to worry, OK?"

Castiel hesitated for only a moment before sliding over to make room for Dean. Dean quickly crawled in next to him and covered up with the blankets. Castiel felt his heart thunder in his chest as he felt how close Dean was, but he forced himself to calm down and be thankful that he had even agreed to stay.

"Alright, Cas. Get some sleep."

Castiel couldn't help the small smile that touched his lips. He let his eyes drift closed and soon he was fast asleep.

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Hope you enjoyed! Couldn't resist the Castiel-angst and one of my loyal readers had requested more Dean-comfort, so I had to oblige!

Thanks for reading and please give feedback! It makes my day better to know you guys are still reading and enjoying or have suggestions! : )