Chapter 17

He felt so warm… so safe… the fear that had been plaguing him the last few days had dwindled away leaving Castiel with a sense of peace that he had been so desperately longing for. He knew Dean was close by. He couldn't see him, but he could sense the young hunter's presence surrounding him. He could feel the love and comfort Dean had for him and he savored the peace it brought him.

He wanted to stay in this place… this place where there was no pain… no fear… a place of safety…

"Ego animadverto vos , Castiel."

Castiel froze. Terror began to fill him at the sound of his voice…

"Ego animadverto quam nostrum brethren have causa vos permitto."

It was him.

"Audite meus vox vocis, meus Frater."

His fallen brother… Lucifer was calling to him.

"Permissum mihi servo vos ex vestri patientia. Permissum mihi solvo vos ex vestri poena."

Lucifer's voice was enticing… sweet in its offerings…

"Ego have requiro vos, meus Frater. Permissum mihi succurro vos."

Castiel remembered the beauty of his brother… the awe that Lucifer held over all the angels in Heaven…

"Suo mihi ,Castiel."

******************************************************************************

Castiel woke up with a gasp, sweat pouring down his face. His healing ribs throbbed with pain and Castiel doubled over, holding his ribs in an effort to lessen his agony. His heart thundered in his ears and he trembled with fear as the memory of his dream plagued him.

Lucifer had spoken to him. Called to him. Promising him peace… asking for him to join him.

He was terrified. He was all too aware of what often happened to fallen angels. Their souls became twisted… blacken… destroyed beyond all recognition. The beauty and grace they once had becomes sullied in their descent. Their anger and grief as a result of their falling caused them to turn into monsters, lashing out at the humans that God had claimed as his chosen race. They turned to Lucifer, seeing him as a source of power that they could follow and use in order to seek revenge. As they were corrupted all hope of redemption was lost.

Castiel was terrified of suffering this fate. He had suspected Lucifer would eventually find out about his falling and would seek him out, especially now that Lucifer had been freed. He hadn't expected it so soon, however, and had not expected Lucifer to go after him directly. He wasn't sure what to do or whether or not to tell Dean.

Dean…

He saw that Dean had gotten up already and wasn't in the room. This realization caused Castiel to begin to fall into a panic that was only worsened by the pain he was suffering and the remnants of fear from his dream. Where was Dean? Why hadn't he said anything about leaving? Did something happen to him? Was he gone forever? Was he ever coming back? What if Zachariah had captured him? What if Lucifer had captured him? What if he was dead? What if everyone was dead and he was left alone to fend for himself? What if the angels were coming back to finish what they had started? The questions raced through his minding causing him to feel the need to do something.

With a sob Castiel moved himself and managed to swing his legs over the edge of the bed despite the searing pain the action caused. He put his feet on the floor and was able to stand on wobbling legs. He was only able to take a couple shaky steps, however, before his knees buckled and he collapsed to the floor with a dull crash. The pain of the fall mixed with the pain he was already enduring allowed him to only let out a pitiful moan as he laid his head on the shaggy brown bedroom carpet.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming running up the stairs and down the hallway to his room. The door flew opened and he saw Dean in the doorframe, his eyes wide with panic. When he saw Castiel on the floor he rushed to his side.

"Son of a bitch! Castiel, what the hell are you doing?!" Dean yelled his voice filled with genuine fear. He rushed over to Castiel's side and knelt down.

Tears flowed down Castiel's cheeks as he looked at Dean fearfully.

"I… I woke up… you were gone… I thought you left me…"

Dean groaned and shook his head, carefully helping Castiel into a sitting position.

"I went to get something to eat and you were still sleeping. I wasn't going to wake you up for that!" He looked into Castiel's frightened blue eyes and sighed. "Hey… it's OK. Come on, we need to get you back into bed and make sure you didn't break anything else."

"I'm sorry, Dean," Castiel said feebly as Dean helped him to his feet and got him back to bed. Dean smiled ruefully at him.

"It's OK, Cas," Dean replied warmly. "Did you hit your head?"

Castiel shook his head. "No. I landed on my knees… I caught myself with my hand."

Dean took Castiel's hand and gently began checking it over.

"Does this hurt?" Dean asked as he began manipulating his wrist and digits carefully.

Castiel flinched. "It… it's sore," he admitted.

Dean sighed. "You probably sprained it a little. You'll be fine… just don't be getting up on your own for awhile, OK?"

Castiel nodded, his eyes filled with guilt. "I won't, Dean. I'm sorry."

Dean shot him a look. "Cas?"

"Yes, Dean?"

"Quit apologizing!"

"Oh… I'm s-" He caught himself before finishing.

Dean shook his head and chuckled. "Seriously, Cas, you need to relax a little. You're safe here with me and I'm not going anywhere. So stop worrying so much! Just don't fall again!"

Castiel couldn't help but smile weakly at Dean's words and Dean's smile broadened once he saw Castiel felt a little better. Castiel winced, however, as his aching ribs throbbed mercilessly. Dean's face changed to a look of concern.

"Having pain again?"

Castiel nodded.

"Alright. Well, let's get you to the bathroom and get you cleaned up. The medicine is down there anyways so you can take it at the same time."

Dean reached out to help Castiel stand, but Castiel nervously pulled away.

"Do I have to bathe again?" He asked anxiously.

Dean frowned. "Uh… yeah. Well, you should anyways. You're all sweaty and you'll start smelling like a biker bar if you don't!"

He was hoping the joke would help Castiel relax a little. Then he remembered who he was talking to. He sighed when he saw Castiel's anxious expression unchanged.

"Come on, Cas," Dean said kneeling down in front of him. He saw the angel was avoiding his gaze and he frowned with concern. "What's going on? Why don't you want to take a shower? It's not that big of a deal."

Castiel flinched at the directness of Dean's question. He swallowed nervously as he looked up and Dean and quickly averted his gaze again.

"I… I don't like to get undressed…" He confessed softly.

Dean nodded slowly. "Why? Is it because of the scars on your back?"

Castiel went rigid at Dean's question. He lowered his head further and didn't say anything. Dean sighed and nodded knowingly.

"Cas… it's OK… I've already seen them… you don't have to be embarrassed by them." He put his hand on Castiel's shoulder, causing him to slowly look up at him. "Is that what's been bothering you?"

A million thoughts fluttered around Castiel's head, all demanding his attention. He fidgeted nervously on the bed and shrugged, too afraid to speak. Dean frowned at Castiel's silence.

"Hey… talk to me, Castiel," Dean said quietly, but firmly. "You can tell me, OK? Tell me what's wrong."

Castiel could feel the tears prick his eyes. He looked at Dean from under his lashes, unable to hide his shame.

"I… I haven't told you… some things…" Castiel said softly. "Some things that happened to me."

Dean nodded quietly. Castiel felt the tears begin to roll down his cheeks again, the guilt overwhelming him.

"Did someone hurt you?" Dean asked quietly. "I mean… besides the beatings…?"

Castiel squeezed his eyes shut. He should have known Dean would have figured it out eventually, one way or another, but it didn't make things easier. He had honestly believed that he had moved passed what had happened with Anna and that he didn't feel the hurt from that experience anymore. He wasn't sure if it was because of the loss of his grace or the other events that had transpired, but the fear and guilt that the rape caused him had bubbled to the surface, nearly consuming him in their intensity.

"I… I don't want to talk about it…" Castiel said meekly.

"Cas…" The pain was clearly written on Dean's face. "I know it's hard… but… I just don't want you to be scared around me… or Ellen or Bobby or even Sam… I want you to know you can trust them and trust me…"

"I trust you, Dean," Castiel replied earnestly. "I… I know you would never do anything to hurt me."

Dean smiled weakly. "Good. Then you know you don't need to be afraid to do things like take a shower…"

Castiel shook his head. "No… it… it reminds me… of things… things I've done that were wrong…"

Dean frowned. "Castiel, I don't understand. What are you talking about?"

Castiel fidgeted anxiously under Dean's gaze. He was digging himself into a hole with his words, one that he didn't know how he was going to get out of.

"Anna," He suddenly blurted out before he could stop himself.

"Anna?" Dean frowned. Then the realization dawned on him. "Wait… it was Anna who… who hurt you?"

Castiel nodded. "It… it was several months ago… and she has been dealt with because of it… but… Zachariah viewed it as I had fornicated with her and had fallen into sin… the beatings I received were my punishment…"

He was well aware that he was leaving out major details about what had happened, but knew the information he had given Dean would be enough to satisfy the hunter's need to knowledge. He saw the rage fill Dean's face.

"Wait… so that… that son of a bitch… he punished you for what Anna did to you?!"

"Dean, I committed a sin by having… relations with her. I… I deserved my punishment."

He almost wished he could take back the words as soon as they left his mouth. If Dean had been angry before it was absolutely nothing compared to the sheer rage that filled his expression. Dean reached over and grabbed Castiel by both arms and brought his face merely inches from Castiel's own.

"Now you listen to me and you listen damn good, Castiel!" Dean growled. "Don't you ever say that you deserved any of this shit that they've done to you! That is the biggest bunch of horse shit I have ever heard and I don't get a rat's ass who says anything else! You did ever you could in your power to help me and to help Sam and those fucking angels up there right now are the biggest bunch of soulless dicks I have ever met and if that piece of shit Zachariah were to show his face here right now I'd tell him so!"

Castiel's eyes widened. "Dean, you don't mean that."

"Damn right I mean that! I-"

Castiel could see that Dean caught himself before finishing his thought. Dean glanced down quickly before continuing.

"You're my friend, Castiel… and I don't want to see you be hurt anymore… and I'm not going to let anyone hurt you anymore… got it?"

The room fell silent for a moment as both men looked at each other, both stunned by what was just said. Finally, Castiel nodded.

"I… I understand, Dean."

Dean nodded, taking a deep breath as he pulled away, although Castiel couldn't help but notice how his hands lingered slightly before letting go.

"Good," Dean said, his voice suddenly gruff. "Alright, so let's get you moving before it gets and later."

******************************************************************************

Latin Translation:

I see you, Castiel. I see how our brethren have caused you to suffer. Hear my voice, my Brother. Let me save you from your suffering. Let me free you from your pain. I have missed you, my Brother. Let me help you. Join me, Castiel.

OK! So I know that chapter was a bit more angsty protective-Dean/ hurt-Castiel. But now I know where the story is headed so I can now dive into the meat of the story! Thanks for all your feedback as it's help get the creative juices flowing again! : )