Chapter 22
"Semoveo vestri patientia , meus frater."
His voice ever calm. Ever soothing…
"Ego sum hic iuvo vos."
It was so hard to ignore him. It was so hard to say no…
"Ego mos exsequor vos , Castiel. Permissum mihi vindico qui no vos sino."
Castiel wanted to say yes. He yearned to say yes. The desire to stop fighting ached within him…
"Adeo mihi , meus frater. Ego mos tribuo vos totus vestri pectus pectoris votum…"
******************************************************************************
Castiel woke up with a gasp. He was bathed in sweat again and his heart pounded loudly in his ears. He looked around frantically before he remembered where he was. The motel. Ten miles outside of Eureka Springs, Arkansas. He tried to calm down when he heard the key in the lock and looked up to see Dean come in carrying a cup holder with two coffees and a bag of McDonald's food. Dean looked over and saw the anxious look on Castiel's face and immediately was concerned.
"Hey," Dean said as he set the food down quickly and went over to Castiel's bed. "What's wrong? Are you OK?"
"Yes," Castiel said quickly, embarrassed about Dean's concern.
"Are you sure? Are you in pain or something?" Dean asked insistently.
Castiel shook his head. "No. No, I'm not in pain. It… it was just a… bad dream."
Dean looked at him carefully, his face still full of worry.
"What was the dream about?"
Castiel's stomach tightened. He still hadn't told Dean about his dreams of Lucifer. Mainly because of how much the dreams still terrified him. He was afraid that they were a sign of Lucifer's corruption upon him that he was beginning to change despite all his efforts not to. And he was terrified of what Dean would do if he found out.
"Just…" Castiel moistened his lips nervously. "That night… with the archangel…"
Dean seemed satisfied with that answer. He nodded thoughtfully.
"Well, you don't have to worry about that now. Come on, I got us breakfast. Why don't you go get cleaned up first, alright?"
Castiel nodded and got out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. He splashed some cold water on his face and then looked at his reflection in the small mirror over the sink. He looked… tired. And afraid. Always afraid.
He sighed and lowered his head. How long had it been since he had been able to exist without the constant fear that now always plagued him? He knew there had been a time when he had been confident. He had no doubts about what he could do and that the outcome would be favorable.
But now… now he just felt like a coward. He was always running. Always hiding behind Dean. He had been a soldier of the Lord for thousands of years. Now, in just less than a year, just a few events had managed to turn him into something not fit for his Father to have to see.
Castiel dragged himself out of the bathroom and went out into the main room where Dean was eating and watching the TV.
"Here. I got those hash browns you love so much," Dean said taking more food out of the bag. "Eat up. Got a busy day ahead of us."
Castiel looked at the food in front of him. He wasn't hungry. He was too depressed to feel hungry. He fingered the greasy wrapper on his food before he finally spoke.
"I don't want to live this way anymore, Dean," Castiel said quietly.
Dean looked up at him startled. "What? Wait… what are you talking about? The motels and the fast food?"
Castiel shook his head. "I do not like the… person I am. I am always afraid, Dean. I am afraid the other angels will find us. I am afraid of what Lucifer is doing. I am afraid when we go out and are among other humans. I…" Castiel swallowed hard. "I'm afraid of losing you and being left alone."
Dean stared at him silently for a moment.
"Cas… you don't need to be afraid all the time. I mean, I understand about the angels and Lucifer and that stuff. I have to admit… that shit scares me too sometimes. Cuz I don't know how all this is going to wind up. But you don't need to be scared when we go out. No one's gonna hurt you while I'm with you."
Dean gave him a small smile. "And, trust me; I'm not going to leave you alone. I mean, come on! Who the hell else can I go to the Jesus theme park with who can give me a first-hand version of what went down?"
"But if something happened to you-"
"Nothing is going to happen to me. And even if something did, I know you could take care of yourself and get yourself back to Bobby's."
"No, Dean-"
Dean let out and exasperated sigh. He pushed himself away from the table and stood up.
"Alright. That's it."
Castiel froze, unsure of what to think of Dean's sudden action. "That's what?"
"I'm gonna teach you how to take care of yourself. And we're going to start off with self-defense. So get up."
Castiel hesitantly rose to his feet and followed Dean into the center of the room. "Dean, I don't understand."
"If you want to survive out there the first thing you need to be able to do is defend yourself in a fight," Dean said staring firmly at Castiel. "So that's what we're going to do. I'm going to teach you how to fight."
Castiel frowned. "But I already know how to fight."
"Have you fought since you lost your angel mojo?"
"Well… no."
"OK, then. So, now you're going to learn." Dean took a fighting stance and motioned for Castiel with both hands. "Go ahead and hit me."
Castiel stared at Dean as if he had grown two heads. "What?"
"Take a swing at me."
"But I might hurt you."
"Just hit me, Cas. Trust me."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Hit me."
Castiel hesitated a moment before finally swinging to punch Dean in the face. Before he made contact, however, Dean neatly blocked the punch and shoved Castiel aside.
"See? All about defense," Dean said with a confident smirk. Which was quickly wiped off his face when Castiel snagged him behind the knee with his foot and knocked him to the floor.
Now Castiel had a smug smirk on his face.
"Is that better, Dean?" Castiel asked innocently.
Dean looked at him with surprise, but slowly a pleased smile touched his lips.
"Oh, it's on now, Angel Boy!"
Dean dove and grabbed Castiel around the waist and hauled him down to the floor. Castiel quickly worked to try and squirm his way out of Dean's grasp with no success. So then Castiel moved to try to pin Dean beneath him. Dean kept Castiel's arms firmly pinned to his sides and tried to capture his legs with his own.
"Give up!" Dean grunted with effort.
"You give up!"
"Winchesters never give up!"
"Neither do angels!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
They continued to struggle against each other on the floor. Then Dean discovered by accident that Castiel sides were rather ticklish and quickly used that attack to render the fallen angel helpless against his assault. Castiel was howling with laughter when Dean flipped him on his back and triumphantly pinned his hands over his head with one hand while still tickling him.
"Surrender!" Dean demanded.
"N-n-no!" Castiel gasped as he struggled.
"I'll tickle you more!"
"Fine!" Castiel finally relented.
Dean let go of his hands and propped himself up above Castiel, a pleased grin on his face.
"See? You need more work!"
"You cheated!" Castiel protested as he wiped away the tears of laughter from his face.
"Hey, all's fair in love and war! Doesn't matter how I won. I won!"
Both men chuckled for a moment. Then Castiel became acutely aware of Dean's closeness to him. His body was still pinning Castiel's to the floor and his face was mere inches away. Castiel felt his face grow warm and desperately tried to wish away the stirring sensations in his groin. Dean didn't move. He eyes seemed fixed on Castiel's.
"You OK?" Dean asked his voice suddenly quiet and husky.
Castiel managed to nod, not trusting his voice to speak. He wanted to raise himself up just a little further and kiss those soft, full lips that were there just teasing him. He wanted to thrust against Dean's strong body, desperate for the sensations the welcome friction would cause…
Suddenly, Dean's cell phone cut through the silence in the room. Dean quickly got up to answer it and Castiel had to stifle the groan that the loss of Dean's warmth caused.
"Hello? Hey, Bobby… no, we're good… find anything new yet?... damn… yeah, nothing new here… we're almost there, just trying to get ourselves ready… yeah, Cas is fine…"
Castiel quickly managed to stand on his trembling legs. He sat back down at the table and took a sip of the cooling coffee, trying not to think about what had just happened.
"Alright, Bobby. Keep me posted."
Dean hung up and sat down with Castiel.
"So nothing new yet," Dean sighed. "Sam's good. He seems to be over the worst of the detox now."
"That's good, Dean," Castiel replied quickly.
Dean nodded. He then looked at Castiel and grinned.
"So… now that you've proved you do have some fight in you, how about we go to the next phase? Ever shoot a gun?"
* * *
The rest of the day seemed to fly by. By the time the sun was setting Castiel felt a new wave of confidence that he hadn't felt in a long time. Dean had taught him how to load and shoot all of the guns stored in the Impala which Castiel had to admit was a rather exhilarating experience. He was also happy to realize that he still retained all of his knowledge regarding warding spells and drawing protective symbols. Suddenly, he didn't feel quite so weak and helpless as he had that morning.
They had each finished their respective showers and Castiel was laying on one of the beds. Dean stood in the bathroom doorway when suddenly he smiled broadly.
"Get dressed, Cas," Dean announced.
Castiel sat up, frowning. "Going out?"
Dean nodded, smiling mischievously. "There's still one more thing you need to work out."
Castiel cocked his head in confusion. "What?"
"Girls."
******************************************************************************
Oh yeah! Our boys are going out on the town! *evil evil grin* Our sweet little angel is going to get corrupted just a little bit more cuz, well, I'm the author and I can! : )
Translation of Latin:
Set aside your suffering, my brother. I am here to help you. I will avenge you, Castiel. Let me punish those who made you suffer. Come to me, my brother. I will give you all your heart's desires.
