Pimpin' Ride

Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl.


Morning was half gone by the time Caroline woke up in her bed. At home.

After several moments of confusion, Caroline decided that she didn't really care how she'd gotten home. In fact, she didn't remember when she'd fallen asleep.

Whatever.

She lugged herself into her bathroom and showered, scrubbing every inch of her body free of no dirt at all. She sung a little ditty with her cracked singing voice. The voice that bounced from the walls didn't sound like her voice at all and she stopped in embarrassment.

Caroline turned off the water and looked down at herself. The water dripped from her hair and onto her bulging ribs. She felt her stomach lurch.

She ran out of the shower, almost tripping on the slick tiles. She wrapped herself in a towel and ran to the kitchen.

She ripped open the refrigerator and her eyes scanned its contents. She picked up a pear and bit deep into it. The fruit's juices dripped down her chin as she wolfed down the pear. She ate two more pears for breakfast, but they didn't stay in her stomach for long.


It took her half an hour to realize that she was alone in the vast expanse of her grandparent's home. She tried to call them, but their phones were off. She wandered back to the kitchen, where she found a note on one of the counters. It was written in a messy, hurried version of her grandmother's script; Call Fowls when you wake up. Very cryptic.

She did so, dialing the number that had been thrown on the little paper.

It rung once.

In the second before anyone said anything, something inside her desperately longed for them to answer with, 'I've been expecting you."

"Hello?" It was definitively Artemis' voice.

"Um…" she paused, "hi."

There was an awkward silence.

"D'you know why my grandparents wanted me to call you?"

"Yes, you're supposed to get over here."

"How?" She couldn't drive (she'd never had to), and even though they were neighbors, their houses were over a mile apart. She'd never been one for running.

"I'll pick you up."

"Don't you have a driver or a butler or something?" She wasn't all that partial to the idea of being alone in a confined space with the genius at the moment.

"Apparently he left to go back to his own devices; it is summer vacation after all." Caroline thought she detected something slightly bitter in his voice. She let it pass.

"Okay."

Artemis came to pick her up fifteen minutes later, and Caroline almost laughed when he pulled up in a cute silver sports car. She got in and felt the soft leather cradle her bottom. This time her grin turned to several giggles. She could tell that it left Artemis disconcerted.

"Sweet ride." Caroline saw him glance at her from the corner of his eye.

"I got it for my birthday." She rubbed the leather.

"Great for picking up chicks."

Artemis tightened his grip on the steering wheel. Caroline laughed. Hard.

Life was always better when she was making someone uncomfortable. She liked the power to bend people's feelings at her will. And even if she couldn't really fathom Artemis', she still knew how to make socially awkward boys as uncomfortable as possible.

They had pulled into the Fowl's garage by the time Caroline had stopped laughing.

He got out of the car and waited for Caroline to follow him. She did so, but her movements were slower than his.

"So where're Elyse and Karl?"

"Off somewhere with my mother."

"Somewhere? They left me by myself?"

"Hardly; I'm here."

"So you're babysitting me?"

"In essence."

"That's hardly responsible."

Caroline got the feeling that Artemis was not pleased with the arrangement, so after following him up to their kitchen, she told him that she was going to explore the house. He didn't respond, but she knew he had the whole place under surveillance (the cameras could hardly be for decoration) and she was sure the Fowl's had an intercom system installed.


It took her a couple hours to get bored of exploring and she found herself in the Fowl's kitchen at around half past four.

She took some leftovers from the fridge and ate them cold. She washed the plate and the silverware and set them on the counter. She went off to find Artemis. If Caroline spent too much time by herself, she would start to remember things she didn't want to for lack of occupation. As she opened doors and came up empty every time, a horrible stench started filling her senses.

She knew that it wasn't real, but how could it not be? The smell was overpowering and a mixture of piss and sweat and blood. There was also a slightly rotten smell in there as well. Ran down the hallway as if her life was on the line and ripped the last door open. The lights of monitors lit up the room, but she was too frightened to notice. All she saw was another door on the other end of the room, presumably leading to the bathroom.

She wrenched the handle open and tumbled in, a mass of quivering nerves. She locked the door and turned on the lights. While quaking, she felt her stomach wring and churn.

Caroline threw up until the stench was vanished and all that was left was the bitter taste of bile.

She fell asleep.


Holly had called and Artemis lost focus on everything else. She was using a forcedly causal tone that she only used when something bad had happened. Before she could get to anything of importance, however, Caroline had burst into the room, crying, not only that, but she apparently didn't notice the fact that he was in the room and had headed straight for the adjoining bathroom.

"Please excuse me Holly, but could you hold on for a second?"

"Artemis, now is really not the-"

"Caroline? What's wrong?"

"Artemis? Who's Caroline?"

"Holly, can you wait? The silly girl's gone and locked herself in the bathroom."

"What? Who is Caroline?"

"Thank you." He disconnected the line.


"Can you believe the mudboy?" Foaly looked up.

"What'd he do?"

"Well he's got a girl in the house," she fumed.

"A girl?" Foaly was aghast.

"And, he hung up on me because Caroline locked herself in the bathroom."

"Did you tell him?"

"No, that's the problem, he doesn't know that Mulch is coming."

"Oh."


It was a good thing that people in panic usually overlook things, or Artemis would've had to resort to breaking the door down. There were two doors leading into the bathroom; one from the study, and one from the library. Artemis found her asleep on the cold tiles. At least she'd had the courtesy of vomiting into the toilet before passing out.

He would have to start worrying about her or else she might hurt herself. He'd have to call Minerva for some advice as well, seeing as girls weren't really his forte.

He wished that Butler hadn't gone home, seeing as he'd have to get Caroline into a bed, or at least something more comfortable than tiles.

It took him nearly three quarter of an hour to lug her through the vast expanse of the library and to one of the guest rooms. He told her off under his breath almost the entire time, as well.

By the time the ordeal was over with, Artemis was in no mood to work, and therefore shut his computers down and prepared himself some dinner. After eating he went back up to the study and picked up one of the psychology textbooks so he could figure out what was the best way to deal with Caroline. He didn't notice the ring on his desk pulsing colors.


It was early morning by the time that Caroline woke up. To her surprise, she was warm and comfortable instead of cold and achy. She made a mental note to not mess with Artemis all that much. She looked around the room and was pleased to find an adjoining bathroom, but was disappointed in the lack of bathrobes.

She didn't care all that much and took a shower anyways, wrapping herself in a towel instead.

Caroline knew the way to the kitchen, and made her way there. She discovered that it was a lot earlier than she'd thought. She looked inside the refrigerator and found some more leftovers. At five fifteen in the morning, Caroline was eating a breakfast that consisted of gourmet leftovers from a couple days ago in a towel. She hoped that Artemis had more important things to do than eat at the moment. By the time she finished the meal, she was feeling a lot better, and she stood up to wash her plate and dropped her fork by accident. She put the plate in the sink and bent down to pick up the fork. While straightening up, her eyes caught sight of something by the doorway. Caroline screamed with all her might, the shrill sounds filling the house and snapping Artemis to attention immediately. He ran down the flights of stairs and through the corridors to the kitchen.

Caroline was clutching the fork so tightly that her knuckles where white. In the doorway there was a muddy, hairy thing, and it looked hungry.


I'M SO SORRY, GUYS! I know I promised an update ages ago, but I've been having really epic writer's block foreverrrrr.

I'm sorry this isn't really that long and full of suckage. And I'm sorry Caroline... kinda... yeah.

She won't be the damsel in distress for the most part, she just got freaked out by being by herself in the giant, empty house, with Artemis. And little Arty is hardly company.

I really hate how this chapter turned out, but I can't keep you guys waiting any longer.

Please review, it makes me real happy (: